We all know and love Shadow Thief, the shadow-based DC villain who used to annoy Hawkman and Hawkgirl on a regular basis.
But did you know that Shadow Thief's origin is completely stupid and hilarious?
Grab some popcorn and take a seat.
Shadow Thief, or Carl Sands, first appeared in The Brave and the Bold #36, which was among the many awesome comics collected in Showcase Presents Hawkman vol.1. Like all good villains, Shadow Thief likes to pass the time by remembering his own origin story.
"If only I were a shadow..." For most people this would be a fleeting, whimsical thought that one would be sort of embarassed about. But not this guy. He turns it into a mission.
He read up on shadow facts and legends. And then built something that he could have seen at (or, hell, stolen from) any children's science museum. But wait for this:
"I've got to do more research!" That is so crazy. That's like "Dammit! This quarter didn't really materialize in my ear! I must work harder! I must find a way!"
His relentless practice of children's science experiments and magic tricks is interrupted by one of the countless aliens who visited America during the 1960s.
My favourite thing about those panels is that somewhere in the short time that Carl met and rescued the alien, he managed to talk about how much he loves shadows.
Dude, you can have, presumably, any wish granted by this alien, and you still are sticking with the shadow thing? Aren't there better abilities than being able to control shadows?
Alright, actually, that is pretty cool.
You know who were probably really surprised are all the sensible people who were like "Seriously, Carl, enough with the shadows! It's never going to happen! Get a job!" Or his mom. "What would you like for your birthday this year, Carl? And DON'T say another flashlight!"
Once again a human triumphs over science and possibility and uses it to rob museums and banks. I salute you, Shadow Thief.
Now that the role has been cast in the upcoming movie, I would like to put forward an argument that Thor's villainous brother Loki, the God of Mischief, isn't all that bad.
Take this early apperance in Journey Into Mystery #88, for example. Loki comes down to Earth and starts "terrorizing" humanity by...
...turning everything into candy and ice cream.
...diffusing Soviet nuclear bombs.
In fact, the only remotely frightening thing that he does is turn a bunch of people into blank white versions of themselves:
But even that isn't so bad because he has no intention of leaving them that way:
I ask you, wouldn't you rather have this guy around than the one who hurls a giant hammer around and makes lightning strike everything?