Batman and Hawkman: Batman Wins

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In an attempt to become better acquainted with sexy, sexy Hawkman, I turned to The Brave and The Bold no.164.

Unfortunately for the Thanagarian superhunk, this comic has only strengthened my undying love for Batman.

Why?

Exhibit A:

Batman has enough of a sense of fun to call his helicopter a Whirly-Bat.

Exhibit B:

Batman remains cool-headed and optimistic in the most challenging and confusing situations.

Exhibit C:

His self-confidence.


Batman knows he's got a body worthy of the gods.

Exhibit D:

Batman can really rock wings and an oxygen mask.



You can tell he loves those wings. Look at those poses he's striking! I'm surprised he doesn't just ask Hawkman to give him an anti-gravity belt permanently. It would really help Batman out.

I think Batman pulls off the wings better than Superman, but I'll let you be the judge:

That panel's from DC Comics Presents no. 74. I guess Hawkman can't team up with anyone without lending them some wings. I like that Batman had his own little Bat-symbol embellishment on the wing straps. Because Batman takes the time to do things right.

And, finally...

Exhibit E:

Batman is open to trying new things.


Damn! Is there no end to Hawkman and his sexy adventures?

In closing, I would like to say that this is one of the weirdest final panels I have ever seen:

So...many...immature...sexual jokes to be made...

LOOK AT HAWKMAN'S FACE!

Confidential

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After two issues of Superman Confidential, I can safely say that it is totally awesome. I knew there was no chance that a Darwyn Cooke/Tim Sale team-up would suck. My stance on re-visiting the early years of super heroes is that they are good for both new readers and hardcore fans. Especially at a time where DC's biggest heroes are returning to the screen, it's good to welcome potential fans who may feel intimidated by comic books. Because, let's face it, getting into comics is daunting. Superman: Birthright was a smart thing for DC to release at a time where Smallville, a fantastic marketing tool for reaching a new generation of potential comic book readers (in particular, female comic book readers), was one of the most popular teen shows on television. And the Confidential series are smart things to start up after the popularity of Batman Begins and Superman Returns.

So anyway. Superman Confidential is great. Cooke's retro story telling compliments Sale's retro artwork nicely. Superman is just plain adorable in this series. I think the below page illustrates that better than any (just after Superman finishes a potentially life-threatening battle with a volcano that leaves him a little shaken):

Awwwww. Man, that's the cutest Superman I've ever seen.

Moving on. Batman Confidential is looking pretty terrible so far. It's supposed to replace Legends of the Dark Knight, which is kind of too bad because that series was a lot of fun. A real mouthful, but a lot of fun.

And why is it that we can't get a decent Batman series off the ground? All-Star Superman totally rules. All-Star Batman and Robin...well. You know. Kind of the worst thing in comic book history. And I am counting that comic where Superman teamed up with the Quik Bunny.

Let's have a look at Batman Confidential:

Aaaaaaahhhhh!!! That's not Bruce Wayne! THAT'S NOT BRUCE WAYNE!!! That's Steve Buscemi. If he were kept in a jar of vinegar for seven months. Jesus lord...

Now I have to look at some panels from Dave Gibbons' Worlds Finest book to get that image out of my mind.
Ahhh. Now there's some cute Batman. Look at the way he kneels on that chair! And the way he buckles his belt! Adorable!

In Batman: Confidential Bruce is also shown handling the gun that killed his parents. He explains to Alfred (and to me, since I wondered about it while reading stupid, stupid Batman: Year Two) that he got if from the police after they were done using as evidence. Right.

The other thing that separates the Superman and Batman Confidentials, besides good writing and good art, is that the Superman story is about something interesting. It's going to be Superman's first encounter with Kryptonite. I like it. Batman's story is...wait for it...how he got all his gadgets. My guess: WayneTech. I mean, really, however did a billionaire scientist end up with all those cool toys? I can't imagine.

I also like that Superman is set in what looks something like the past. Whereas Batman seems to be set in the future. And that's just confusing. If one of the goals of these series is to attract new readers, and I think it should be, then maybe you should make the story make as much sense as possible. And maybe make it not suck.

Batman on Film: Ranked

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Because it was brought up the other night while watching the Richard Donner cut of Superman II (totally watch this...it's worth it), here are how I would rank the Batman movies from best to worst.

1. Batman Begins
2. Batman Returns
3. Batman: The Movie (1966)
4. Mask of the Phantasm
5. Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt
6. Batman (1989)
7. The Batman/Superman Movie
8. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

9. Batman Forever
10. Batman and Robin

Notice the long break before those last two. No accident. Although, I might actually prefer Batman and Robin to Forever because it is one of the most hilarious things you can watch.

And, yeah. I think Batman Begins is the best Batman movie. Which one is better...really? We'd all love to stay stuck in the 90s and preach the virtues of Tim Burton to today's troubled youth, but...seriously. I can barely watch the first Batman movie because of Kim Basinger's CONSTANT SCREAMING. And I love that movie, I really do. But it's flawed. Very flawed. I greatly prefer Returns, but even that isn't so much a great Batman movie. It's just great for what it is.

Hopefully this will spark some debate. Because I know you nerds out there love to go on about what the best superhero movies are.

In the meantime...POW!

Back to Basics

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Ok, the token Marvel post is out of the way, and now I can get back to yammering on about Superman and Batman.

Here are some random panels that have amused me this week:

Batman demonstrates that, sometimes, the simplest solution is the best solution.


I love this. Batman's just like "Aw, screw it."

Here's an example of Superman doing that thing I hate where he throws an irrelevant reference to Krypton into a simple statement:

Really? A Kryptonian mule? Do those kick harder than Earth mules? Or do you mean if a Kryptonian mule was brought to Earth? Do they even have mules on your frozen planet? Oooo...sorry. I meant, did they have mules on your frozen planet? Before it blew up.

(Spell check wonders if by Kryptonian, I actually meant Estonian).

And, finally, a panel that once again makes me wonder if I should pay more attention to Hawkman. He seems to get up to all sorts of sexy adventures:

What could possibly be right about that, Hawkman? Nice ass, by the way.

"Tell him I'm not in."

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I told myself that I was going to lay off posting about Batman and Superman for a bit. But then I came across these panels in World's Finest #294:

This is the most emo thing I have ever read. It's unsettling to know that the World's Finest heroes have the emotional maturity of myself at age 15.

I love the phone sex lighting in the first panel. I love that Batman has a gallery of framed photos of himself and Superman and they're not even in the Batcave. They are just, like, in his den or something. (I can't believe Bruce Wayne would ever go for wood paneling, but anyway). I also love that he's just gazing at them and stroking them longingly (In the dark? With a flashlight?).

But those last few panels? Unbelievable. I am being crushed by the angst. Batman's silhouette with the clenched fist! Clark fiddling with the phone cord! Clark's single tear!!!

As an aside, I love that Superman keeps the glasses on even when he's home alone. In the dark. Crying.

So basically what I am saying is that Superman/Batman Annual #1 wasn't really over-the-top. This sort of puts everything in perspective.

Ok...next post totally won't be about Superman or Batman.