Eyes of White

I was checking out the novelization of Infinite Crisis, which is I guess for people who like superheroes but hate looking at them. I would like to offer this passage, which has Superman meeting up with Batman:

A solitary figure waited for him on an elevated walkway at the centre of the ravaged nerve centre. A stark black cloak and cowl were draped over the man's equally black body armour, so that he blended in with the shadows thrown by the faint blue light. Opaque white lenses concealed his eyes.

So, the stand out line here is opaque white lenses concealed his eyes. My thought when reading it was really? Has that been decided, then? The eyes of Batman have always been a subject of debate. There are basically two schools of thought:

1. He wears a mask with white, opaque lenses to conceal and protect his eyes.

2. He wears a mask that does not have lenses, because that would obstruct his vision. His eyes are just whited out in comics for aesthetic reasons.

For the most part, Batman's eyes are white when he wears the cowl. But the same goes for, like, a million billion other superheroes. I doubt Green Arrow has lenses in that little mask. It just looks cool when the eyes are whited out, and it's easier to draw.

In all Batman movies, and in some comics, the eyes are visible (Lee Bermejo and Alex Ross both show the eyes in their art, for example). Batman Begins had some grease paint around the eyes, which I think would be a lot of effort for our hero. They were careful in that movie to never show Batman with the cowl pulled off because the paint around the eyes would look silly.

I have no problem believing that Batman would have the lenses, but the problem is that the cowl never has white eyes when he isn't wearing it.

There is another possibility: retractable lenses. Batman The Animated Series had him changing his lenses to red sometimes so he wouldn't be blinded by his own flash bombs. So maybe the white lenses are also retractable.

So...any thoughts? I think Batman's eyes have always been one of the great mysteries of comic books. I don't like a novelization (of a book) casually removing the ambiguity.

R.I.P. - Legends of the Dark Knight

I feel like something should be said about the final issue of Legends of the Dark Knight hitting stores today. I celebrated this monumental occasion by forgetting to buy it, as usual.

LotDK was always hit-or-miss. When it was good, it was very good (Matt Wagner's Faces, Grant Morrison's Gothic, the recent Bruce Jones run). Usually it was just weird, but it was at least imaginative and reasonably fun to read. And if nothing else, it was extra Batman reading, which I certainly don't have a problem with. The series, which was supposed to be stories from Batman's early years but often strayed from that theme, is being replaced by the currently horrid Batman Confidential. As far as I'm concerned it's been replaced by Matt Wagner's awesome Monster Men/Mad Monk series. I hope they continue forever. That's some fun early years adventure reading.

I was going to post a bunch of my favourite LotDK moments, but I keep thinking about last month's issue (#213) and how I really wanted to post something about it as soon as I read it.

Did y'all read this thing? It's bizarre. Basically it involves Batman having to track down a criminal who is a total foaming-at-the-mouth superhero nerd/collector. I'm always amused when a comic book makes a villain out of its readers. Not that I am as nerdy as this guy. No way.

Batman has to follow this guy, who has stolen one of Batman's cape and cowl combos from a black market dealer, to Japan. This dude is into cosplay, which, according to Batman, is "Costume play. Dressup as a hobby or kink." (Did I ever want Batman to explain cosplay to me? No I did not).

Here's what I don't like: when a writer forces their own interests on an established character, no matter how ridiculous. I would even call that lazy when we're talking about fanfiction, nevermind an actual canon comicbook. It's like if I got to write a Batman comic and I had him lead the Montreal Canadiens to the Stanley Cup. Fun for me, confusing for everyone else.

So Bruce Wayne goes to Tokyo to hunt this geek down, and in the process we get to learn all about manga and cosplay subculture. Because Bruce knows all about it.

Gross.

To me, the best part of the book is that Bruce has to go undercover at a cosplay party, and chooses to dress as Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner specifically, it looks like). But look at the geekiness he has to put up with (remember, Bruce is the guy in the Lantern costume):

*shudder* I know Batman doesn't get scared very often, but I would not blame him for being effing terrified.

Anyway, the whole thing is just weird. And it ends with this conversation between Alfred and Bruce which is kinda funny, but also really wrong.

Now let's look at a good issue of LotDK, just to wash the taste of manga out of our mouths.

#125 was a No Man's Land tie-in written by Greg Rucka. So we're already off to a good start.

I really like this comic a lot. The entire thing is an awkward conversation between Batman and James Gordon in Gordon's backyard. They are trying to restore their friendship after a tough year, but they have some trust issues to work out first. Maybe it's just satisfying to see these two have a conversation that lasts so long. Especially one that is so fun to read. I especially love that pages of silence between them before Batman breaks the ice with a gardening compliment.

Gordon gets in some good digs during the argument.

Awesome! You tell him, Jim! And what does Batman have to say for himself?

Awww. Who needs a hug?

Batman is so moved by his friend's anger that he decides to show him the ultimate gesture of respect and trust by removing his mask. Only Gordon isn't interested.

I love it! This whole argument was just so manly and a great representation of their relationship.

So there it is. Legends of the Dark Knight: awesome conversations between Batman and Jim Gordon, or Batman dressing up like Green Lantern at a Japanese sex party. Something for everyone!

I'd love to hear some of your favourite or least-favourite Legends issues.

Shut Up, Jeph Loeb (#1)

For the record, I don't hate Jeph Loeb. He's written things that I've enjoyed quite a bit. Things that many comic readers did not enjoy. Say what you want about Hush, but it is hands-down the best superhero comic book to lend to someone who doesn't read superhero comic books. This is because of three key Loeb traits that are more than present in Hush, and pretty much everything else the guy writes:

1. Heavy-handed, repetitive, soul-searching in the form of interior monologues, usually serving as narration.
2. A veritable all-star game of every hero and villain he can think of, each with a clear introduction, regardless of how well the characters actually fit into the story.
3. Cuteness.

Loeb's stories often go nowhere, but at least there are lots of clear roadsigns along the way. And the artwork is always nice because he gets superstar artists. What I'm saying is, his comics are easy to read, and this might explain his popularity among the casual comic fan (read: people who read comics to feel closer to Brandon Routh).

Like I said, I don't hate the man's writing, and I can see that he has enormous love for the characters and so forth. But pretty much every time I read one of his stories I hit a moment where all I can think is...

I guess I should give an example. Hmmmm...so many to choose from...

Alright, here's a good one. From Superman/Batman #4. These are probably the only two pages of these books that don't explicitly indicate that Superman and Batman are totally in love with each other. Because that's another Loeb trait: all superheroes love each other as much as Loeb loves them.

Anyway, in these panels we have S & B fighting it up against a grab bag of DC superheroes. Here's a chunk of what they're thinking:

Did I mention that Loeb likes to have his characters over-explain things? He does.

"S. Castling."?! Why don't you just say "switch"? It's not like that's code for anything. Any idiot would know what you're planning. But just in case the readers are morons, Superman explains it to us. And adds something cute about Bruce loving chess. And then Batman makes a cute remark about it. No, wait...Batman thinks a cute remark about it.

So within these two pages we see examples of all three signs that you're reading a Loeb story: overly spelled-out narration in the form of interior monologues, loads of random characters, and unbearable cuteness.

Frankly I'd be ok with all of that if the story would just go somewhere satisfying for once. Always with the convoluted craziness! Like this story, for example, started by being about Metallo and the possibility that he murdered Thomas and Martha Wayne back when he was merely John Corben. But it ended by being about...Captain Atom zapping Superman with a Kryptonite ring so that he could be the one to pilot a giant composite Superman/Batman-shaped spacecraft and destroy a Kryptonite meteor headed for Earth while Batman and a recovered Superman battle Lex Luthor. And even to get into the larger story of Superman being framed by Luthor for wanting to destroy the Earth, we have to accept the fact that the entire world and all Justice League and Justice Soceity superheroes would agree that a Kryptonite meteor is evidence enough that Superman is out to destroy them all. *sigh*

Crazy In Love: The Saga of the Super-Sons

This may be hard to believe, but sometimes the comic book big shots have some really bad ideas for story lines. And sometimes they will even drag these bad stories out way too long. Something what should have been contained in a single issue, or perhaps even a single panel...or to a single piece of fanfiction...or not at all. Something like...The Saga of the Super-Sons. This is something that DC pulled out of their asses in the early 70s. These two losers showed up in several World's Finest comics, ruining them for everyone.

First of all, for the record, only one son is "super." The other is "bat." World's Finest Sons would make more sense, but would be a gross misstatement.

There are only two ways to enjoy these characters. One, because in costume they look exactly like their fathers, you can pretend that the ridiculous things they say are actually being said by Superman and Batman. Two, you can focus on how totally and completely in love these two boys are.

Oh, Bruce Junior. Such a hippy. Where did Bruce Sr. go wrong?

Not that Junior doesn't have the astounding detective skills of his dad, as demonstrated here:

Keen eye, kiddo!

Of course, being the egomaniacs that they are, Superman and Batman have named their sons after themselves. Because that's a really good way to cover the ol' secret identity. Especially since Bruce and Clark jrs are pretty open about complaining about their superhero fathers. And the dads aren't so good at keeping the secret either:

Heh. "Big Daddy."

I'd like to point out that they are in the vicinity of some criminals that Batman just beat up. And while beating up these criminals, Batman exclaimed upon seeing his son, and I quote "Bruce...? My boy...Bruce?"

Like I was saying, in costume the sons look just like their dads. So let's pretend that this is really Batman talking in these panels:

Man I wish Batman would say "bomberoo" more often.

Superman Jr is also an idiot. But you don't have to take my word for it:

I don't like the hint of smile on Supe Jr's face one bit. They just watched a man get mowed down with a machine gun and he's cracking wise. *shudder*

Oh, and here's what he decides to do rather and stop a train full of toxic gas:

Wow.

These boys also have a strange pre-occupation with paddling tail (which, if you ask me, is exactly what a certain couple of super dads need to do to their useless sons):

I can't really find any way to segue into this panel, but would you check out Superman Jr's bizarre caught-in-an-explosion pose here:

Oh, MY GOD is right, Bat-Son (also...you're in a garbage can).

Ok, things get really weird in the 1974 World's Finest 100 Page Super Spectacular. The sons are getting along so poorly with their dads that all four of them end up at some weird all-man hippy retreat to heal their relationships. Thus we get a bone-chilling panel that I will never be able to erase from my memory:

"Men...Dancing Together?" Oh, come on, Clark. Like you don't love that idea. Plus, it's your SON, doofus! No one is going to think you're gay. This might raise some eyebrows, though:

That...is not how Batman and Superman fly together...I'm pretty sure...usually...

Anyway, the sons decide to trade dads for a bit at this retreat. Then we get these hilarious panels:

"Straight, eh? That's what he called me, hmm? Well, we'll just see about that!"

Let's see what wholesome activity Clark Jr is engaging in with Bruce Wayne:

Yeah...ok. Willing pupil, eh? Wait! Switching dads permanently?! That's not how life works! This story is so bizarre.

These characters suck. Death would be too kind for these guys. But they were part of one of the best comic covers of all time:

Awesome.

In conclusion...PILLOW FIGHT!!!!

Bath-Man

I was re-reading the JLA: Crisis of Conscience trade because I like it, but sometimes little things can really get you down.

I mean, I don't want to nit-pick because I love a good Batman/Catwoman scene, and I can appreciate how awesome it is that Selina is bringing tea for two down to the Batcave wearing nothing but Bruce's monogrammed bathrobe. HOWEVER...

I dunno. Call me crazy, but I just think that Bruce Wayne's housecoat shouldn't be too small for Selina Kyle.

And Pipe Smoking In Teen Boys Dropped Dramatically...

Why can't I just sit and enjoy a comic without seeing an ad that makes me cry?

Jesus that's bleak. I like this line: "He was a tough cop, and proud of it. Eating right, exercise, vacations - those were for guys not so tough."

Exercise? Sure, eating right and vacations I'll accept. Those things are for pussies. But exercise is kinda macho, isn't it?

And who is there to mourn Gordon's passing? No one. Because no one wants to be anywhere near a filthy smoker.

Incidentally, who is manning the Bat Signal on this grim evening?

Anyway, I just hope Batman hunts down the asshole who got Gordon started on pipe smoking in the first place and beats the holy living...

...oh.