Catwoman is my Homegirl

I'm off for the next couple of days, touring around the Maritimes with my band this long weekend. (If you're in Charlottetown tonight, or Fredericton tomorrow night, come check us out!).

I leave you with just a few of the reasons why Catwoman rules:

She can kick two guys in the face at the same time!

She knows how to handle a Batman booty call.

She has reduced Batman to attempting sweet talk!

She has two of the coolest men ever fighting over her.
She can kick a tire into someone's face!

She can make Bruce Wayne enjoy going to the movies again.

Fun With Hal Jordan

Alright. Too much negativity has gathered at this blog once again. Time to cleanse with some fun. This time I'm going to amuse myself by slightly altering some classic Green Lantern panels.

(The original panel, of course, had the scientist saying "Green Lantern" instead of Hal Jordan).

Of course, some panels don't need to be altered in any way.

Idiot. I'll tell you who never foiled a plan by tripping over a wastebasket: Batman.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this man is a pilot. And yet he can't navigate a winding road. And his first thought while plummeting to his death "What's happened to the road?" Yeah, Hal. Like it's the road's fault you're dumb.

This Week's Haul: Better Batman and Other Good Stuff

Comics other than All-Star Batman and Robin came out this week, and many of them were very good. Let's take a look:

Batman #665

I love that this came out the same week as All-Star Batman. Everything about this comic is so right.

When we left Batman last time, he had just been stomped on by a large Bane-looking guy in an ally. This issue opens with this fantastic page:

So funny. And then Roxy the prostitute gives the injured Batman a lift, which gives us another great scene:

Aw. The look on Batman's face!

Batman drags his battered ass up to the penthouse (which looks awesome) and calls Alfred. Alfred and Tim get over there and Alfred pumps Bruce full of drugs. Bruce wakes up later and is all freaked out. We get an incredible facial expression:

God that's awesome. He looks like he was left Home Alone.

Batman's all scared because he's pretty sure he is being visited again by the "three ghosts of Batman": a killer Batman, a bestial Batman, and a Batman who sold his soul to the devil. We already saw the killer Batman shoot the joker in the first Morrison issue, now we've seen the bestial one stomp on Batman's spine, and the third one will no doubt be showing up in #666.

I really liked Bruce talking about the "Black Casebook" of supernatural files:

Batman's got X-Files!

He doesn't let it get him down for long, though. He goes to the laudry basket and takes a whiff of the dress shirt he wore the day before during a board meeting at Waynetech to get himself psyched for battle. It's weird, but entertaining.

I love this series.

Action Comics #849

I liked this better than the first issue in this two-part story, but it's still kind of meh. Religion.

I like it when Superman fights guys that are about equal to him:

I like his "Hmph."

I like Superman enjoying this pretzel:

And I like the way his boots are all slumped over against the wall in this panel:

And that's about all I have to say about that.

Supergirl #17

I was actually really looking forward to this issue because I liked the last one, but I was kind of disappointed. I can't even say for sure why. What happened to Mark Sable? He was credited as co-writing this issue on the website, but not in the comic itself.

I still think Supergirl looks a lot better. With her new normal-length torso she is also a lot shorter:

Her skirt looks really good in that panel, but that was a fluke. It's still a curtain tie for most of the book. And she still has those heavy Turner-style eyelashes that I hate because they look like spiders.

I'll admit, I'm a little confused about what's happening in this series and how it fits in with DCU continuity. Does that mean it's on another Earth? An Earth where Robin looks fantastic?:

This last page was pretty exciting:

Now THERE'S a Supergirl everyone can enjoy!

Countdown Week 50

Team Jonah Hex writes this one, which is rad. This issue gives us a much better idea of what Countdown actually is than the first one did. This time we got a series of vignettes filling in a few holes we've seen in other DC titles, along with snippets of a larger Countdown story-arc involving Jimmy Olsen, and another with Mary Marvel. Interestingly, a lot of the scenes take place in New York, rather than one of the many fictional DC cities.

I love seeing Jimmy back in action, with his pal Superman helping him from space:

I loved getting to see that fight between Batman and Karate Kid that we never saw in the last issue of Justice League, along with an extended aftermath scene:

I love that tube of Bat-costume. Especially the placement of the gloves, making it look like it's trapped in there. The art, by the way, was really excellent on this book.

I like it. It's like a bonus feature disc full of deleted scenes. This could be a very fun series.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #3: Captain America

I am just never going to like this series.

Guess what Hawkeye wants to talk about (after he introduces himself unnecessarily to Iron Man and the readers at great length):

Iron Man knocks him out and Hawkeye wakes up in a prison cell. This is where things get weird.

What? Ew! Keep colonoscopies and polyps out of my comic books! Gross! Iron Man has a new hobby!

Anyway, then they get to talking about The Death of Captain America.

It's a very big coffin.

I kinda enjoyed the Hawkeye talking to the Young Avengers part, but it was still sort of clunky.

For some reason this panel cracked me up. Maybe I'm a jerk, but a sad Iron Man is always funny-looking to me:

And, Jeph, repeat after me:

"I. Will never. Use the word 'diddling.' Ever again."

Diddling is like what pedophiles do. It's just below "porking" on the list of gross euphemisms for sex. Man, I'm so grossed out right now. What's the next comic?

The Flash #12

I checked this out because it was one of those issues with an ending that will change the Flash forever. It was a pretty good issue.

I liked Mirror Master coming out of Flash's shiny earpiece:

Pretty clever.

I liked the Rogues chatting about what they were going to do now that time had stopped (though it hadn't, really):

And the shocker ending? Yup...it looks bad for Bart. Almost as if he's going to be replaced...by someone who has been dead for quite some time...

Justice League of America #9

I like the teams being split into little groups, each going to a totally different place. We've seen Arkham, we've seen the Fortress, and now we see Gorilla City and Thanagar. Fun times.

But I think that Meltzer may be grossly overestimating the top speed of a cheetah:

But I don't want to nitpick. I want to talk about this double-page spread of awesomeness:

Power Girl and Hawkman sitting in a tree! That's hot! I love the personality that PG finally has in the new JSA series. I'm so pleased with this development that I'm not even going to complain about her stupid-looking shorts. Aw, she had her heart broken. Hook up with Batman, Power Girl! Doooo it!

Heh: "I appreciate the size you think your testicles are." Power Girl is awesome.

Aquaman #52

I'm glad that, right in the first panel, we get an explanation as to why our heroes are in Sub Diego when we learned in WWIII that Sub Diego was lifted back above sea level. Well, it turns out not all of it was. So that answers that mystery.

I'll keep saying it: this comic is ridiculously fun. There's a word that I am searching for when I am trying to describe the writing, but all I can come up with is "informative, interesting and easy to follow." This is why I am not a professional writer. Maybe the word I am looking for is "good." Actually, do you know what I think makes this comic extra awesome? There very little narration. And when there is, it's a third-person perspective and it's very clear and informative and usually pretty funny. The story mostly depends on dialogue, which is delightfully snappy.

Funny!

This really cracked me up:

The Babe Squad! I love it! That lobster girl! Holy God!

Did I mention that the art rules on this series?

X-Men First Class Special

Well, this was awesome.

Three very funny and enjoyable short stories, and three even funnier mini-comics, involving the original X-Men line-up. Jeff Parker writes them all, and is joined by a kick-ass team of artists (including Colleen Coover! Woot!). The book has a sort of Bizzaro Comics feel to it, which means it's nothing but fun. Magento using his powers to grab the key for the bathroom at a coffee shop? Check. The X-Men battling a mutant beatnik's powers of persuasion? Check. Angel in a sailor cap?
Check.

Plus, there's this:
X-Men + Ducklings = Perfection.

Colleen Coover rules.

Legion of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century #2

It's weird to see Timber Wolf in two comics in one week, being drastically different. And by weird, I mean great.

Timber Wolf, Robot Fighter!

SKREEEEE!!

Catwoman #67

If you aren't reading this series, you are cheating yourself out of one of the most consistently action-packed comics going. There is very little in the way of hanging around and chatting in this series. Even now that Selina is a mom, the violence never stops.

Team Lopez rocked the art this week. I love everything about this page:

I like that Selina has her own little Bat-family now. She has Holly as Robin, Calculator as Oracle, Slam as Gordon, and...Karon as Alfred. Sorta. Anyway, it's good stuff.

Catwoman is rad.

The Plain Janes

This was really, really good. I loved it. The writing, by Canadian punk rocker Cecil Castellucci, was very funny and very smart. I loved the little gang of high school girls being secret performance art guerillas. I loved how layered each of the characters in the book were, despite still having clearly-defined interests that shaped them. I loved the sports-obsessed tomboy who refused to shape her eyebrows but still had a girly crush on the captain of the basketball team. It's little details that change a character from being a one-dimensional stereotype to being real. It was just a really interesting and entertaining read, and it's fantastic to have another great book to recommend to younger readers. There are so many indie comics out there that would almost be perfect for younger teenagers, but have some element in them that elevates them to mature reader status. I know the Minx line is intended for teen girls, but I think DC would do well to just continue to publish well-written, well-drawn, all-ages books for both boys and girls. This line fills a definite hole that existed for those who aren't interested in superheroes, and also aren't old enough for, or interested in, Vertigo or most Manga.

Teen-appropriate indie comics. We need more of them.

DC Also Sucks

So...is this part of DC's campaign to attract women to the Supergirl character?

Because...there are some problems here.

Let's take a look at that torso:

What the hell is that thing?! It's like she has the entire torso of a full-grown male wedged between her chest and her thighs.

This isn't even sexy. Her hips are grossing me out. Plus, it doesn't even look like Supergirl. It looks like they dressed a stripper in Supergirl's costume.

Well, there you go boys. Your very own teenage girl you can take home and turn upside-down so you can peek up her skirt. Easily worth $80.

All-Star Batman and Robin: the Cliffs Notes Version

Next Wednesday is an exciting and monumental occasion. It is the day that All-Star Batman and Robin #5 finally drops. It's the comic that you love to hate. It will be a great day for comic bloggers everywhere.

Now, the last issue of the jaw-droppingly terrible series came out almost a year ago. Well before I started this blog. I don't want anyone's enjoyment of the upcoming issue to be diminished by the fact that they can't remember what the series is about in the first place, so I am doing everyone a favour. I am going to outline the key plot points of the first four issues, just so we're all up to speed. It's a very intricate and challenging plot to follow, so pay attention:

Issue 1

- Vicky Vale walks around in her underwear and eventually puts on a dress that is somehow more revealing than her underwear for her date with Bruce Wayne. (She is having a date with Bruce Wayne...this is repeated several times in case we can't follow).

- She has a date with Bruce Wayne. They go to the circus where Bruce reveals that he has had his eye on a young boy for some time (young Dick Grayson of the flying Graysons. SPOILER - he's going to be Robin).

- Dick's parents get shot in the head in the middle of the ring. Bruce changes into Batman and grows about an inch of stubble.

- Dick gets escorted out of the circus tent by some comically evil police officers. Vicky tries to stop them and gets her mouth smacked. She then pushes Alfred out of the way and highjacks the Wayne Rolls Royce to hunt chase down the police/Dick. She ends up getting shot, or hit with the Batmobile, or something.

- The cops are about to rough up Robin...because they are evil...when Batman shows up. He grabs poor Dick by the collar and tells him he's just been drafted into a war. Because Batman is also evil. He gasses Dick and literally throws the poor boy into the Batmobile and drives off.

Issue 2

- Vicky Vale has been wounded, and Alfred has torn off his shirt to use as bandages. Vicky regains consciousness and remembers everything, including the fact that the Graysons were murdered "Brutally. Brutally. It was brutal." Weird, overly-sexual Vicky/Alfred posturing ensues.

- While driving back to Wayne Manor, Batman calls Dick "retarded" and refers to himself as "the Goddamn Batman" (Goddamn Batman action figure comes with everything you see here...dead police officers sold separately). He then kills a bunch of cops who are following them, and turns the car into a Batplane. Robin wants to throw up, Batman does not allow it. Robin starts to cry, because his parents were just killed and everything, and Batman smacks him across the face. Batman has a quiet moment of reflection, wondering if maybe what he's doing is wrong. He decides that it isn't. Robin questions the killing of cops, and Batman calls him a little snot.

Issue 3

- Someone who looks and dresses like Black Canary, but who I really hope isn't Black Canary, works in a bar. Then she beats up and/or kills everyone in the bar and jumps on a motorcycle.

- Batman and Dick are still heading for Wayne Manor, now flying. This should really get them there faster. He turns the plane into a submarine, and Robin calls the word Batmobile "queer."

- 15 hours ago in Metropolis(??!!)...Clark Kent crushes a milk carton with Dick's face on it and gets a newspaper slid under his door. The cover story is about Batman kidnapping Dick. Clark burns the paper with his eyes and says "Damn!"

Issue 4

- Vicky Vale dies or something.

- Still en route to Wayne Manor, Dick wonders when they are going to get there, and remarks that it feels like he's been in the vehicle for days. I guess that's a joke. They finally arrive at a Batcave so spectacular, it can only be contained in a six-page fold-out. Batman wants Dick to acknowledge how "cool" the cave is. Dick thinks it's alright. He also tells us that Batman pipes classical music into the cave.

- Batman takes a moment to reflect on how much smarter than Superman he is.

- Dick asks if he can get some new clothes because he's "all sweaty and dirty and I've still got Mom and Dad's blood and stuff all over me." Batman thinks about it, and agrees to get him some clothes. But then he doesn't, and instead leaves Dick alone in the cave for the night. Dick is hungry, and Batman more or less tells him to eat a rat.

- Meanwhile, Superman is bringing a doctor over from France at Batman's request to help save Vicky's life. He's actually running on water, carrying a car. Saying "Damn."

- Alfred serves Dick a cheeseburger and fries. Batman is angry with Alfred, saying that the boy should be forced to eat rats or something. In his head, he calls Dick a brat for the hundredth time in this series.

So, there you go. You're all up-to-date on this masterpiece. I can't frigging wait for Wednesday.

This Week's Haul: I'm Already Confused.

It was a very light week for me, which is good after the mountain of comics I had to get through last week. Plus it gave me time and money to pick up the new Y: The Last Man trade. Next week looks like it's going to be another big week.

I tried to get caught up with Green Lantern Corps and Iron Fist before this week, but I wasn't able to. Next time.

Countdown #51

Flip cover! Whee! Look at all those characters!

So, this is confusing. I am glad this is weekly because I need this thing to unravel very slowly so I can follow it. Basically, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think all we are supposed to know so far is that there is a megaverse with 52 parallel universes. There are some characters that are anomalies and are jumping from one Earth to the next, and the Monitor bros. want to kill those characters. Or, at least, one Monitor brother does.

Anyway, the Joker's Daughter is one of those anomalies, so she is killed.

And that's the death that kicks off the Countdown, I guess. Not very significant, but I think that's the point. Now we're going to see how the death of one seemingly insignificant character ripples across the megaverse and affects every character in it. Am I right so far?

Also, Jason Todd is a decent guy now. But...is this all on our Earth? This is where the Multiverse stuff starts to lose me. I guess that she is from another Earth, and is on Earth One illegally. Or whatever. I was five when Crisis on Infinite Earths came out so forgive me for being unfamiliar with this whole multiple Earths thing. I would recommend Andrew Hickey's Countdown Blog.

One non-confusing scene that I enjoyed was this one, where the Flash rogues gallery was getting together for a little party:

And the ending of this issue was pretty awesome:

It's going to be interesting...

Green Arrow #74

Only one more issue of this to go! Awww.

I hope you guys like Green Arrow and Black Canary doing it, because that's all this issue was.

It was weird.

Also, they apparently stayed in GA's bedroom for over 40 hours. Only breaking so that Oliver could ask his adopted daughter to bring him some chili.

Ok, eating chili while having sex? That's gross. I will remember this when I rate you as a super-hunk, Oliver.

Dinah finds out more about Oliver's supposed year of celibacy:

Y'know, I really wanted these two to get back together, but now that they are...I'm kinda grossed out.

There are some fun fight scenes in this issue, too:

Boxing glove arrow!

Plus, it was nice to see the gang all together.

Aw, they're like the Ninja Turtles.

The Amazing Spider-Man #540

Well, the cover is nice.

I wanted to give Spidey another shot, because it is pretty much the most popular series going, and I get a lot of questions about it in the shop. I feel like I should make an effort to follow it. So I gave this a quick read and, well...wake me when Straczynski is done writing.

Like, I already read Batman. I don't need Spider-Man to be Batman. Even Batman isn't being that Batmanish these days. Plus, who is that guy?! It doesn't look like Peter Parker. At all.

Thank God a fun Spider-Man comic also came out this week.

Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four #2

This book is so funny. I love it. Basically, these alien things are taking over the bodies of various humans on Earth, but seemingly only those who have normal DNA. Thus, Spidey and the FF are spared. A lot of heroes are now hosts to the alien parasites, though, and the leeching is making them sub-par heroes. Check out Doctor Strange:
Yeah. He does card tricks now.

Spidey and Johnny poke around to find out how various Super-Heroes are doing and report back to Reed:

"Daredevil's all bumping into things" is a hilarious line.

Reed's got to take off to fix stuff, so he makes Spider-Man the honorary fourth member of the team in his absence:

Hee! Lockjaw.

Betty & Veronica Double Digest #151

A historic moment, people. The day Archie comics got really creepy-looking.

This is part one of a four-part story that will be continued over the next three digests. It only takes up the first 25 pages or so of the book, and the rest is classic-looking Archie stuff. I hope we'll see more of the gang drawn in this realistic style over the next few issues. I really want to see Jughead.

So, they are trying two new things here: a new art style and a continued story. I say go for it. They aren't doing away with the old style, and I think they could make a spin-off comic using this new design. Although, the art is pretty bad. Not just because it's a creepy new look, but because it's not very good art. The girls do look like teenagers, though. Probably more so than in the old comics. But they are totally anorexic (with giant boobs). You can read the first few pages of the comic here. And while you're there, might I suggest the Jughead's Fashions virtual paper doll? He's surprisingly ripped with no clothes on.

Anyway, if you don't like the fancy new story, you can always skip to the old-style stuff, where you get lots of awesome panels like these:

Hot Mr Lodge Shower scene!

Grifter/Midnighter #3

I know I'm the only person on Earth reading this series, but it really is pretty good. I'm going to keep saying that until it proves me wrong. It looks great, the writing is decent, the story is fun, it comes out on time...no complaints at all. Of course, when you aren't expecting anything out of a series, any amount of quality comes as a pleasant surprise. But, seriously. It's good. Midnighter gets his ass kicked in this issue, and that's not something you see everyday. Grifter has to re-set Midnighter's jaw! And then Midnighter punches him!

Again, I still don't know anything about Grifter, but he's easy on the eyes and shoots people. That's all I need to know, really.