Review of Old Comic Book Mail-Order Stuff, Part One, By Johnathan

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Part one in a series of close looks at the sort of things that people used to try to sell kids who read comics. Our first guest:

There's only the faintest of attempts to disguise the fact that this device was only ever going to be use for one thing: voyeurism. Watching sports? Counter-spying? Pshaw. This thing, for the low, low price of $1.75, enabled early-60s nerds (possibly the dorkiest nerds of all time, studies indicate) to gorge their pasty, lustful eyes on beehive-ed maidens en boudoir. Until I learned of this, I was troubled and confused by the insistence of the authors of the era on describing undergrowth as 'sticky.' Now, however, I am troubled and proud, knowing that as I read I am witnessing the legacy of my nerdish forebears - and the indomitable POCKET SPY SCOPE!

JOHN APPROVED

Review of bezoars, by johnathan

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Bezoars are formed when undigestable material accretes ith the stomach of a human or animal. there are several different kinds, classified by the type of material that forms the bulk of the mass. Bezoars can be formed of hair, plant fibres, and even the gel capsules that medication is delivered in. Trichobezoars, pictured here:
are the hair-based type. They often build up in the stomachs of young girls who chew on the ends of their hair. Trichobezoars are packed with partially-digested food, and therefore smell terrible. As you can see, the bezoar conforms precisely to the shape of the stomach, and usually must be surgically removed.
Bezoars have a long mythic history - they were traditionally believed to be proof against poison, and European royalty frequently had them set in gold, like gemstones.

...

Bezoars are incredibly gross.

NOT APPROVED

Review of kid sidekicks, by Johnathan

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I'm not totally opposed to the notion of youthful sidekicks for superheros - the Robin series has turned out okay (except for the *ahem* unpleasantness with Jason Todd), and I'm sure that I could think up another if I spent a few seconds... Speedy. He's okay. Except for the smack.
Anyway, if you do happen to begin adventuring with a coyly elfen boy-child, and your collective weakness just happens to be a phisiological need for regular moistening, and you are required to avail youself of the milky bounty of a mountain goat or die... try not to make it lok like you're grimly shooting hircine ejaculate into the gleeful face of your hot pants-clad boy toy. Because that's gross.
NOT APPROVED

Review of Lex Luthor, by Johnathan.

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Ok, so he doesn't have anything to do with the ray, but still: it's a ray! From space! An unexpected one! Luthor is friggin' cool as a cucumber here, in what might be classified as 'incredibly bizzarre circumstances'. Even the ape-faced murderer in the background is kind of weirded out, and he's ray-free. But Lex... dude would be smoking a pipe if he had one.

JOHN APPROVED.

Review of this tiny version of Photoshop that I got, by Johnathan

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So I had some picture that I needed to edit, but I've rapidly been filling up my computer with comic books - space is at a premium, yo. The solution, an incredibly small version of Photoshop. Seriously, you can run it off of a usb storage device. It's really wee, is what I'm saying, which leaves more room for comics, and more room for comics means that I'm going to find more stuff like this:

Superman doing a Flavor Flav bit in the 60s. This guy has always been ahead of the game.

Tiny Photoshop: JOHN APPROVED.

Super Flav: JOHN APPROVED.