I Love You, Mary Jane

I'm just going to come out and say it: I frigging love Marvel's Mary Jane comics. I don't care what age group they're targeting. This series is entertaining and I can't wait for the next installment.
Between this series and Runaways, Marvel is offering up some really excellent and believable teenage characters. I mean, these are comics that I would actually be ok with my future daughter reading.

This series is sort of like Degrassi, except the main character has a giant crush on the local superhero, who makes an appearance from time to time. It's always delightful when he does, full of hilarious Spider-Man quips.

Mary Jane Watson is an excellent role model for young girls. She's nice, she's smart, she's honest. She doesn't dress all slutty. She also isn't flawless, and she makes mistakes. Her fangirl crush on Spider-Man is just as embarrassing and real as the crush on ER's Dr Carter that I had at her age. Except sometimes she actually gets to talk to Spider-Man.

The crush starts when she's rescued by Spider-Man. It's pretty clear that Spider-Man has a pretty big crush on her, too. It's all just so damn cute.

In a later issue we get this excellent mirror scene:

Mary Jane goes to high school with Peter Parker, and she's sort of friends with him. He's just a geeky guy that she thinks is nice. Peter, of course, harbours undying love for her, although that's something the reader can only assume because we really don't hear from Peter very much. He likes to keep a low profile. MJ's best friend, Liz, is Flash's girlfriend. Flash likes to bully Peter. Meanwhile, Flash has a crush on Mary Jane, and Mary Jane is dating Harry Osborn, who is pretty much Peter's only friend.

I really like Mary Jane's relationship with Liz. Liz is a girl that, I think, everyone knew in high school. Over-dramatic, jealous, in a ridiculous relationship, but generally good-hearted. The kind of girl that needs a balanced friend like MJ. Liz also doesn't dress like a total slut, and she and MJ do normal, non-girly things when they're hanging out. Like shooting hoops. With their mid-riffs covered.
Awesome! Look at those girls! Hanging out. Talking intelligently! Playing basketball! Without giant breasts! So much better than, oh, I don't know...THIS:

I'd like to say that even when there is opportunity for slutty clothing in this series, Marvel doesn't take it. When the girls go to the homecoming dance, their dresses actually look like dresses that teen girls would wear to a dance. And when Liz is in her cheerleading uniform, it covers her whole body. After the dance, MJ even takes off her high heels when she walks home because they're uncomfortable! Realism!

The scenes with Mary Jane and Spider-Man are the best. Maybe because she's living the fangirl dream of actually interacting with her seemingly impossible crush. I like that MJ is actually pretty cool around him, and it's usually Spider-Man that gets all nervous:

In closing, look at how adorable Peter Parker is:
Ohmygod. If they don't get together I will just die. They are waytoocute. OTP 4eva!

A Much Better Review of Advertising, By Johnathan

Oh, heavens. I was wrong. When I wrote the advertising review (see below) this is the only ad that I needed. Take a second and read it:

There. See what I mean? It's a much better ad for my purposes - the i Patrol gets called in by the Mayor of their presumably very small town to lead the Hero Parade (which appears to be celebrating the Mayor and his brothers, if those sashes are hereditary), which is ludicrous. The kids get top hats and canes and ride into history in the best parade ever. This is all great stuff, but I just can't concentrate on it, and all because of one man:

Parade Hater Horace.

I love Parade Hater Horace. I love him so much. I love that he tried really hard to have the Hero Parade cancelled, and that he had the conviction to wear that sweater while doing it. I definitely love any villain that shouts 'Foiled again!" when foiled two or more times.

I wish that Parade Hater Horace was part of DC continuity - he could have tangled with the Flash or been a part of Superman's ridiculous Silver Age mythos. He could have gone nuts and joined up with the Luthor/ Brainiac Axis of Evil during Crisis on Infinite Earths and been killed by Oans or shadow monsters or something. Then he'd have been eased back into continuity by the cool writers - the ones who knew that it was a good idea to bring back Superdog but skip Ace the Bat Hound - and killed off and replaced by his nephew (who would have P4R4D3 down one arm and H8T3R down the other and a 'cool' haircut and 'rad' sunglasses) by the uncool writers - the ones who keep doing that kind of shit to every character ever. Then he could have been reimagined sans continuity by John Byrne and re-reimagined by Grant Morrison or someone. We'd have learned how he was abused by a parade when he was a kid or how a parade stole his woman or how the government programmed him to combat parades because of an ancient prophecy that predicted that a parade would someday put out the sun. In the big fight outside of the Gulag in Kingdom Come there'd be some dude in a yellow shirt beating the tar out of one of the Wonder Twins, as lovingly rendered by Alex Ross. And after he found out about the mind wipes he'd have come back deadlier than ever.

hmmm.

Oh, Horace. What might have been.

Entirely,

JOHN APPROVED

"Tell him I'm not in."

I told myself that I was going to lay off posting about Batman and Superman for a bit. But then I came across these panels in World's Finest #294:

This is the most emo thing I have ever read. It's unsettling to know that the World's Finest heroes have the emotional maturity of myself at age 15.

I love the phone sex lighting in the first panel. I love that Batman has a gallery of framed photos of himself and Superman and they're not even in the Batcave. They are just, like, in his den or something. (I can't believe Bruce Wayne would ever go for wood paneling, but anyway). I also love that he's just gazing at them and stroking them longingly (In the dark? With a flashlight?).

But those last few panels? Unbelievable. I am being crushed by the angst. Batman's silhouette with the clenched fist! Clark fiddling with the phone cord! Clark's single tear!!!

As an aside, I love that Superman keeps the glasses on even when he's home alone. In the dark. Crying.

So basically what I am saying is that Superman/Batman Annual #1 wasn't really over-the-top. This sort of puts everything in perspective.

Ok...next post totally won't be about Superman or Batman.

Guy Gardner Caption Contest

This is for the Dave's Longbox Guy Gardner Caption Contest. Forgive my crappy photoshop skills.

"Brokeback Titanic"

I gotta address Superman/Batman Annual #1 because it's a comic that's ripping the DC fanbase clean in two. Love it or hate it, you have to admit it's odd.

I am of the camp that totally loved it. It was completely silly and over-the-top but...it was also completely silly and over-the-top. More than anything, I am just surprised that they took the joke so far with the big two characters.

The Superman/Batman series has been a bit of a joke since it started. It's not bad by any means. It is certainly a little mushy (who am I kidding? It's practically one long romance novel), and a bit of a playground for the writers (mainly Jeph Loeb) to play around with the biggest icons in comics. For the most part, what happens in Superman/Batman stays in Superman/Batman, and doesn't affect the larger DC universe. DC has referred to Superman/Batman as their "big summer blockbuster." I see it as more of an experimental indie film.

Anway, let's look at Annual #1. Basically, it's a tongue-in-cheek re-telling of the classic comic, Superman #76, the first Superman and Batman team-up, and where they first learned each other's secret identities. Both Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne end up on the same cruise ship. For whatever reason, there is a booking error and they have to share a room (sure...a billionaire can't secure a private room...whatever). Then trouble pops up and they both want to change into their hero suits...secretly. Let's roll the clip:

I have to say, that's pretty anti-climatic. I very much like this new version of the same moment (after a couple of panels of both men waiting for the other to leave):

Hilarious!

The updated version is what they are calling a "re-imaginary story." It's pretty much a Bizarro comic, in that it's a comedy piece that breaks the fourth wall repeatedly. It also serves as something of an official response to the endless jokes, or endless devout beliefs depending on who you ask, that Batman and Superman are totally in love with each other. This is DC reclaiming its characters and saying "Hey, if they're gonna be hitting on each other, they're doing it on our terms." Actually, to be more correct "If people are going to be implying that they're gay, then we're going to make our own characters do the implying."

I give you these pages, which pretty much sum up the feel of the whole comic. They are also really, really funny.
Yeah...there was no bed-sharing in ol' Superman #76. Nice touch.

I could scan the whole thing and give a 100 item list of things that delighted me about this comic, but I'm trying to stay focussed. What I would really like to get into is how this comic, however ridiculous, is basically spoofing its own series. I could show countless examples of panels that go way over-the-top with the intensity of Superman and Batman's relationship just in the first six issues of Superman/Batman alone. That might have to wait for a later post. And I really do have to think about making some posts related to other heroes.

Even if you took out all the camp and silliness, I just really enjoy a fresh look at the moment that they discovered each other's secret identities. I would like to see more classic comic moments re-visited. Comic book heroes have become so gritty and realistic that it's fun to throw them into a zany golden or silver age adventure.

In this comic, I really like that Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne basically hate each other. Then they find out that they are really Superman and Batman. Then they continue to sort of hate each other.
And, yes. "Brokeback Titanic" is something that is actually said in this comic about Bruce and Clark sharing a room. There's also this:

You know, it kind of takes the fun out of hunting for homoerotic subtext when they just serve it up on a flashing neon platter like that. And maybe that's the point. I'm sure that DC is sick to death of the slashers waiting impatiently for the ultimate hook-up. I sort of see this as a gift to slashers (because, hey, they're paying for comics too). Or perhaps it's the ultimate weapon against them (taking away their fun).

What we learn in the end, though, is that Mxyzptlk is a Superman/Batman slasher because the whole story was one that he made up in an attempt to "spice up" a classic. I always suspected as much.

Justice League Heroes

I beat Justice League Heroes on PS2 yesterday. It only took me about a week on the regular setting. If I had been more dedicated, I could have beaten it in a weekend. I had been looking forward to this game's release for a long time, but I know not to get my hopes up about comicbook-based games.

This game is reasonably fun, but way too easy. There are some hard parts, but they are more tedious and boring than hard. It's a birds-eye dungeon-style game. You get to enhance your team's abilities and make stronger heroes. The good thing is that there is a continuous play feature that allows you to start the game over again using the same team from your completed game. I like this. Now I can get my money's worth. So I am now about a third of the way through the game on difficult mode, and I get to try out some characters I didn't have time to use the first time around.

The characters are Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern (John Stewart), Flash, Martian Manhunter and Zatanna. Then there are some unlockable characters that you can buy: Aquaman, Green Arrow, Huntress(?!), Hawkgirl, Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner. I haven't unlocked the last two yet, but I've heard that there is no difference between them and John Stewart. Apparantly they even use the same voice. That's crap.

The voice acting is mostly good. Superman's voice is great. Batman's sounds a little sleepy and bored. Martian Manhunter's voice is ok, but he says things that make him sound like a robot. That's a Manhunter pet peeve of mine. ("I can't use my powers at this intensity indefinitely"). Like, he's a Martian. He isn't Data. Zatanna's voice is grating. It's very valley girl. And they all repeat annoying catch phrases a million times throughout the game. I had to hit mute a few times to keep myself sane (Although I could listen to Batman say "Just...give me a second to...catch my breath" all day).

You always play with two heroes on every level. Sometimes you get to choose which heroes to play with, but usually it's decided for you. If you get to choose, I recommend having Zatanna as one of them and letting the computer play as her. She has the ability to heal her teammates, and that's useful. She also has a pretty vicious fireball attack that she throws around.

For the most part, Wonder Woman is the best because she's very powerful and she has those awesome wristbands that deflect bullets. You can deflect bullets and lasers in any direction, and that's fun. Her lasso also gives you a lot of long-range attacks. Superman, as you can imagine, is pretty useful too. Basically you can't go wrong if you choose those two for any level. (Though it is annoying that everything hurts Superman. I guess it wouldn't be very challenging otherwise).

Superman says "ass" at one point in the game (as in, he's going to kick some), and I think that's awesome.

I really liked the Batman Begins game. It was both fun and stunning to look at. Considering that games based on movies usually suck, it's especially impressive. This game is not as fun as Batman Begins. There are way too many points in the game where you have to do something boring and repetitive for a really long time to beat an enemy. The whole game leads up to fighting Darkseid. You get to choose 8 team members for this, but use two at a time. As each member dies, they get replaced with another until you beat Darkseid, or kill all 8 heroes. I beat Darkseid with my first two heroes. I didn't even have to dip into the reserves. That just seems way too easy for a final boss.

But, overall, I can think of worse ways to spend an afternoon than controlling the Justice League. And this certainly isn't bad as far as superhero-based video games go. I do like that I can keep playing the game over and over again on more difficult settings while building up my team. I didn't even get to use Aquaman or Hawkgirl at all the first time around.

Thumbs up! If you need any advice on how to beat something in this game, lemme know. I got pretty frustrated at a couple of points.