Oh, Aaron, Let's Make a Film...

So we have our Harvey Dent for the upcoming Batman movie, and it's Aaron Eckhart.

I basically have no opinion of this man, other than the fact that his name sounds a lot like Aaron Echolls creeps me out due to the amount of Veronica Mars I've been watching lately. And he looks a lot like Harry Hamlin to boot. So I'll probably never be able to think that he's not a psychopath. Which is good...what with him becoming Two-Face and all.

I do have this to say about him: he's about 40. Which is probably too old for a young DA starting up in Gotham. I like the idea of a 20-something year old actor getting the role a lot better.

There has also been some bizarre Dark Knight casting: the Rachel Dawes character will be returning, but this time played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. That's an improvement, but it's also...why bother? Just cut the character. He really doesn't need a love interest that badly.

But these are minor quibbles. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

This Week's Haul

Alright, I'm gonna try something new here. I'm going to do what the blog title implies and start writing about my new comic book purchases each week. Unfortunately for me, this week happens to be a rather large haul.

Anyway, here they are in the order that I read them:

Captain America #25

Would you believe I made it through eight hours of a ten hour shift at a comic shop on a Wednesday before I learned the big spoiler for this issue? Then someone came in, grabbed the issue, and said "Is this the one where he dies?" I was like "What?" And he turns to the last page and says "Yep. It is." Noooooooooooo!!! I just started to like Captain America! We were going to be together forever, Steve! This was going to be the week where I start buying your book on a regular basis! And you go and die on me?! Bad manners, Steve.
I guess I'll have to focus on that dreamy Winter Soldier. Mmmm...younger, darker...more bionic.
I give this comic a thumbs up. It was definitely a good read and had more than one big surprise in it.

Detective Comics #829

Ok, first of all: ewwwwwww!!! That cover is so wrong for so many reasons! I love how Batman is skipping into the room.
Beyond the cover, I couldn't decide if I liked Andy Clarke's art or not. I still don't know. I do know that I like it more than Don Kramer's art in the previous Detective run, but that's not saying much. Little things can really bother me, like...I refuse to believe that Bruce Wayne wouldn't be wearing a more fitted suit:

And since the whole story is about how he can't change into his Batman costume, we can assume that he's not wearing it underneath, and thus there is no reason for him to be wearing that ill-fitting off-the-rack affair.
The story is alright. Batman and Robin (in a red-breasted tuxedo...cute) have to save everyone inside the Wayne Tower from a terrorist without being too obvious about their secret identity. Oh, and the terrorist shoots plastic explosives out of a gun, so THAT'S what Robin is covered in on the cover. Still, though, did it have to be dripping off his chin?!

52: Week 44

No word on poor Ralph Dibny's status in this issue. Please don't be dead, Ralph. This issue is Black Adam family-centric, and that's cool. The end seems to be in sight for his character's storyline. Ditto with Montoya.
Probably the most exciting thing for me in this issue was the inside back cover ad for Countdown promising a search for Ray Palmer. Yay!

Superman/Batman #32

Oh dear. Can't these two just get along?
Again, I don't know what I think of the art in this book, this time by Matthew Clark and Ron Randall. Sometimes it looked kinda good. Sometimes it looked all messy. I don't know how I feel about this storyline, either. I was kinda into the idea in general, of all the aliens being turned against Earth, but I think the fact that Superman was "cured" by remembering that he's in love with Lois was pretty damn lame. I actually threw up a little. And why the hell was Lobo in the book? Seriously, it was the most pointless and random cameo ever. Was it just to add an action figure to the next Superman/Batman toy series?
I don't know if you've picked up on this now from reading this blog, but my love for both Batman and Superman is infinite. So this should be my favourite book, right? It really isn't, and that bothers me. From the beginning it's been letting me down on a weekly basis. It's not terrible, it's just not great. Why can't it be great?!

Justice League of America #6

I chose the Adam Hughes cover over the Michael Turner cover because it's the lesser of two evils. Plus I like to support any decision to put a speech bubble on a cover. And, I'll say this for Hughes, this cover really isn't as gross as it could have been. And I've certainly seen worse Black Canary covers:

Like all previous issues of JLA, I liked this comic a lot. It had two big ass battles in it and both were awesome. Plus I always enjoy how Meltzer peppers his narration with fun facts about science and nature. You can really learn a lot from Brad Meltzer. This week I learned about tornadoes, falcons, organ failure, and how to defeat a robot who has the combined powers of the entire Justice League.
My only real complaint is Wonder Woman's shorts, which, once again, are lacking:

Sigh.

Midnighter #5

Ah, Midnighter. I saved you because I love you so much. Midnighter has consistently been my favourite series since it started. It's a lot of fun, and it's totally possible to enjoy it even if you never read a single page of Authority comics. Midnighter is oft called a Batman rip-off, but it's really more of a tribute. Plus, he's Batman + Wolverine + Punisher multiplied by awesome plus gay. This book looks great, is completely entertaining, and has lead me to say "holy crap!" outloud while reading more often than most books. (This week I said it at least three times). I also laugh out loud pretty frequently while reading it. Midnighter, I know you don't like girls, but if you ever change your mind about that...or about being fictional...I am totally waiting for you.

The Authority #2

And onto Authority, for this week I get a double shot of my baby's love (my baby being Midnighter. Keep up).
Yes, it's been, what, two years since the last issue of this came out? I don't even remember what happened last time. But who cares? Grant Morrison + Gene Ha = quality. I can tell this is going to get awesome. It's already pretty damn fun.
Can someone answer me this because I'm too lazy to check: have they always bleeped out the swearing in the Authority comics? I was sure that they were leaving it in. But it's all bleeped in this one. Boooo. But yay for putting all the ads in the back so Ha's amazing art isn't interrupted by that damn Final Fantasy quiz ad (although, I also noticed that there are only two ads in the whole book that aren't for DC. Aw. No one wants to advertise in Authority? Sounds like Wildstorm needs a plucky young advertising sales rep. I just so happen to have my resume handy...).

Shazam! The Monster Society of Evil #2

Aw, man. Is this really only going to last 4 issues? I am so in love with this book. It should be at least as long as, say, Omac. Oh well.
Yep, I don't even know what to say. Looks great. Seriously fun. Seriously funny. And totally adorable. And the aligator monsters yelling "We've lost! Quick! Eat the children!" is definitely one of my favourite comic book quotes in recent memory. This comic is doing everything right. Well done, Mr Smith.

Scalped #3

And we go from totally adorable to totally...not.

I figured it was about time that I get on on the ground floor with a Vertigo title, so I've been picking up Scalped since the first issue. Despite an over-reliance on creative profanity, this is a really good read. I don't really have much to say about it, other than I feel that it's going to keep getting better as it goes on. And, seriously, the apparent need of writer Jason Aaron to come up with cool new R-rated insults only distracts from the high quality of the story. Like, yeah. I had a Scarface poster in my dorm room too, Aaron.

So that about does it for this week. I didn't pick up Jonah Hex because I buy that in trade format. I'm sure it's great, though.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of 300

Seriously. Go see this movie. There is no way you won't have a good time. Don't overthink it. It's like watching a really great sporting event. 300 buff dudes fight off wave after crazy wave of Persians. And it looks great...

...really, really great...

Damn. Those are some buff dudes.

Anyway, it's a good time at the movies. It's not too long, which I appreciate, and it more or less looks like and follows the book. There's some kinda lame added subplots, but I don't want to spoil anything. I would be happy to discuss the movie more in depth in the comments thread. Until then, just go see it, then walk out of there ripping your shirt off and killing something in the name of Sparta.

Yeah, that's right, Frank. I liked it. Shut up and stop looking so smug.

Review of the Green Hornet, By Johnathan

I've been listening to a lot of Old Time Radio (as it is now known) at work lately - mostly old radio plays: the Shadow, the Clock, Dimension X, etc. All are pretty delightful, especially when they have arrived on my computer with the ads intact - that's how I learned that Blue Coal was America's finest anthracite, after all. Most recently, I've been on a big Green Hornet kick and am loving it.

Here's the skinny on the Green Hornet for you poor saps who don't make a habit of listening to 1950s radio programs. Real name: Britt Reid, dashing young newspaper publisher. Britt's got a gas gun, a fancy car called the Black Beauty and a Filipino valet (pronounced vallit) named Kato. He brings crooks to justice as the Hornet and then has folks write about them in his paper, The Sentinel.

The first thing that I love about the Green Hornet is the fact that - despite the fancy car and the gas gun - his most useful superpower (equivalent) is that he's a wanted criminal, and not in a Spider-Man kind of way. The police legitimately think that he's killed a guy, as well as that he's involved in basically every major crime that pops up in the city. Britt's most effective tactics are either to show up somewhere as the Hornet to attract police attention to where it is needed or to rile up crooks into doing something stupid by pretending to muscle in on their rackets. I swear, he gets most of his crime-fighting done just by showing up places.

The second thing that I love is the cast. Specifically, I love the fact that most of them are Irish. There's always a couple of scenes that take place at the police station, where all of the cops are Irish. Lower-class women are almost always Irish. Axeworthy (possibly Axeford), one of Britt's top reporters, is a former cop and thus is Irish. And Gunnigan, one of the two other major newspaper characters, is also for some reason Irish. The total effect is pretty great, if occasionally confusing. Britt occasionally seems like a token American in an Irish radio program.

On top of all that, the villains are nice and evil, even though most of them are white-collar con menwho are trying to score fat civic contracts and such. Oh, and the theme music is 'Flight of the Bumble-Bee.' Whee!

JOHN APPROVED

Exactly How Much Free Time Does Batman Have?

If you answered 'a lot,' you are correct.

Local comic book kingpin, Cal Johnston, was kind enough to give me a copy of Superman Annual no. 9 because he knows I love nothing more than an elaborate Batman prank played on Superman.

This is a well-timed gift because I have been wanting to post about one of my favourite comics of all-time, Action Comics no. 241, anyway. Now I have a nice little theme going.

You may recognize this story from Showcase Presents Superman vol. 1. It's really the greatest. It opens with Superman writing in his giant, metal diary with his heat vision (even though later in the same comic he says that he scratches his diary entries into the metal pages with his fingernails, which...yiiii. I can't even think about that. It makes my teeth curl).

We get to see a whole lot of the fortress of solitude in this issue, which is excellent. We learn that Batman isn't the only superhero with plenty of time to waste on ridiculous shit. Granted, Superman's hobbies are a little nicer.

I love Clark's face in those panels. So grim. As if he's thinking "You'll get that car soon enough, Jimmy. When you die. Next week."

But what is he thinking about, really? Why the lovely and elaborate gifts he's making for his pals.

Wait. Roll back. Jimmy gets the sports car...when Superman dies?! Huh? Why can't he just have it when it's finished? And how would anyone be able to get Jimmy the car in the event of Superman's death? It's in the Fortress of Damn Solitude!
Also, I don't know if Batman necessarily needs that robot detective machine thing, but the thought is nice. And I like that Superman says that Batman is the one person he can trust with all his secrets. Too bad that's gonna bite him in the ass in a minute.

Because our hero finds this message!

Freaky! And there's more!

Yes, the mystery intruder is fiendishly finishing Superman's psychedelic crappy, crappy paintings. I should clarify that the only thing the mystery man added to the painting was the crystal structures. So the Grinch hands coming out of the ground and that hairy pile of soft serve against the yellow sky? Supe painted those. But it's the crystals that make the thing "weird--utterly weird!" Whatever, Superman. Anyway, he's so broken up about it that he immediately plays some chess against a robot. He beats the robot, and then...

Oh. Right. Intruder. Important.

This whole ordeal starts to wear down the Man of Steel's sanity, which is good for no one. He has comical nightmares:

And generally does some sloppy hero work because he is distracted. Boy, whoever is doing this to him is a cruel, cruel individual.

Finally all is revealed when Superman gets trapped by some kryptonite and an avalanche.

Oh, Batman! You jackass! Now look what you've done. You may as well fill us in as you both wait for death.

Eat it, Batman! Superman's been in the kitchen all day cookin' up a big batch of YOUR OWN MEDICINE with a side of DEM APPLES. How you like 'em, Batman?

As an aside, I think it was an extra kick in the nuts for Batman to melt down that statue of himself. Superman worked hard on that. Don't be surprised when the next one that Superman makes of you has ACNE, Batman, you big jerk.

Now these last few panels are comepletely adorable:

There is so much that rules about the above panels.

1. Batman goes shopping in full Batman costume for a gift for Superman.
2. "Thanks, Batman. You really scared the hell out of me." "You, too, buddy. Now let's go have some cake."
3. THAT CAKE! First of all...when did Batman bake it? It would have to be at least a week old because he's been hiding in the Fortress all that time. And since when did Batman bake? And how cute does Batman look, hands behind his back, all "I baked it myself!" And why is it so big?! Superman is a normal-sized person. He doesn't need a giant cake any more than he needs a giant diary. Where did Batman even bake it? And how did he move it into the Batcave? Where did he get that giant knife? Did he carve those candles himself? Does it concern anyone that if someone saw that cake they would know Superman's secret identity? I hate to break it to Batman, but Superman obviously would need super-strength to cut that cake because of the giant knife and all. Did Batman make that banner himself? Is Superman going to blow out those candles? Would that destroy the cake? Did they just hang out all night after this, eating several metric tons of cake and perhaps cracking a few beers? Could that be made into a movie?

Alright, enough about that. Let's fast forward a few decades and look at Annual no 9 from 1983. Here we see another elaborate Bat-prank, this time even weirder. It's only two pages long, so here's the whole thing:

Ok, so that was weird. Bruce Wayne bothered to get himself a convincing Italian hotdog vendor costume, and a hotdog cart. Then he bothered to set it all up in Metropolis in the hopes that Clark Kent would stop by for a dog. Then he decided to throw on a jarringly stereotypical Italian American accent. And what is the punchline of this prank? To make Superman think his hotdog costs $72.50. Well, that's...awesome. What a tremendous amount of effort to go through.

I know there is some debate as to whether or not Batman is mentally stable, but I offer both of these comics as pretty strong evidence that he is not.

Review of Either a Benevolent Conspiracy or Fever-Induced Hallucination, By Johnathan

So this is a theory that I came up with on the bus a couple of days ago, while staring at someone's hat. I did have a pretty wicked fever at the time, so bear that in mind.

The hat that I was staring at was a pretty bad fake leopard print. I eventually had to look out the window, which I did just in time to see someone drive by carrying a faux-leopard handbag. My over-heated brain began ticking over: 'There sure is a lot of leopard print in the world,' I thought, 'I wonder if anyone wears real leopard any more, since it looks so tacky.' That's when it hit me: that's why there's so much awful spotted merchandise in the world. It's a vast conspiracy by the manufacturers and consumers of such goods to save the noble leopard from the fur industry! Every pair of stretch pants or set of seat covers adorned with that distinctive pattern acts as another nail in the leopard-fur industry's coffin. What right-minded society maven would want to wear leopard after seeing it stretched across the generous buttocks of the woman who manages her cuticles down at the local Nail Abyss?

Watch out for some sort of faux wolf pelt to become the newest NASCAR enthusiast's accessory, thus vindicating my theories.

JOHN APPROVED