Random Bits of Awesomeness

Guess what I ate today?

Cookies baked by Steve Rude!

And yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.

Now for something important: I don't know what we, as a fandom, need to do to get DC to make this happen, but this comic, pitched by J. Bone, needs to happen. The name? DCU, as in DC University. You have to check it out at his blog. It would seriously be the greatest thing ever. I mean, look at this:

And now go look at his blog:

DCU!

Alright. You guys check that out. I'm going to go back to reading a big pile of Jim Starlin Batman comics. Because nobody rocks a Friday night like me. I might turn it into a private drinking game. Every time Batman does anything AWESOME, drink! Man, I would be so drunk so fast. I mean...look at this:

Batman totally stuffed that guy into a wall...backwards! Look at him! And then Batman's all "So, anyway..."

God damn, I love Batman.

Review of an Old Saying, By Johnathan

The saying in question is "Adding insult to injury", which actually is almost always used as part of a larger statement, so maybe this should be entitled 'Review of an Old Sentence Fragment'. Nah, it just doesn't have the same zazz that way.

In any case:

So I know that I've touched on the subject of Saturn Girl's horrible/ridiculous costume change, right? Quick recap - she went from this:

Which is if nothing else a respectable costume that certainly doesn't look at all skanky, to this:

Which is, uh... terribly terrible and oh-so-very Designed By A Dude. But fine, okay, I can deal. I can conjure up the suspension of disbelief necessary to reimagine a highly-trained telepathic futurewoman as the sort of person who would willingly wear a bating suit while fighting sentient planetoids and guys with robotic fish-men and goo-based space tyrants. Heck, every once in a while someone will do an okay job of drawing it -

- and I'll almost think that it looks good (Note however that whoever drew this - James Sherman and Jack Abel - managed to make even Cosmic Boy's horrid costume look good).
Sadly, this doesn't happen all that often. Usually her costume just makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me so sad that I have to write about it on the internet. This is one of those times.

Specifically, I'm sad about two trends that I've noticed regarding Saturn Girl's Atrocious Pink Costume. See if you can spot the first one in this picture:

If you guessed "Is it that Saturn Girl has no neck, you giant nerd?" you were correct! Hurtful, but correct. Yes, it seems that this costume brings out a profound neck-hatred in artists, causing them to portray her as having a head that is mounted directly on her shoulders. It's really creepy and definitely ruins the 'really really sexy' look that they were going for. (Note that Lightning Lad doesn't have one either but that he's obscenely musclebound in this issue so it doesn't look as bad). Honestly, I can't look at this picture for very long without getting uneasy and yet I keep looking at it. I fear the power that it holds over me.

The second trend isn't as eerie but it's there nonetheless. No guessing this time: it's a tendency to render her as if she were an R. Crumb character:

Seriously now. I can almost force myself to believe that she'd wear hot pants, but I know that she'd have gotten the right size hot pants.

The costume (again), the no-neck and the short-shorts are all:

NOT APPROVED.

This is totally the third post about this costume, isn't it? I promise not to do this any more. Really.

This Week's Haul: Amazons Go 300 on Your Ass!

First of all, an announcement: I have officially removed Superman/Batman from my pull list. Think about that. Me. I will no longer be buying a comic called Superman/Batman. That is so wrong I don't even know where to start. I've been buying it since the beginning. 34 issues of mediocrity. PLEASE fix this series, DC. I know I am not the only one dropping it. (One shots, one shots, one shots, one shots...)

And now on to this week's comics, which, sadly, were mostly a little...meh.

Catwoman #66

I'm always happy when there's a new Catwoman book, but this one was kinda dull. It's a bridge issue, ending the last story line and starting a new one. It mostly centered around a ridiculous new villain named Blitzkrieg, who, admittedly, was supposed to be ridiculous. It was pretty satisfying seeing that jerk-off cop get his head chopped off, though. And I am looking forward to more Hammer and Sickle. And Calculator.

Wonder Woman #8
Team Dodson was back on the art, so the book was looking good. The issue set up Amazons Attack, so it was more interesting than usual. I haven't been hating on this series as much as most people, but I am confused about how it fits into the larger DCU. Like...I don't understand how this Wonder Woman can be the same Wonder Woman who is in the JLA. That doesn't really make sense. The way I see it, WW shouldn't be a member of the JLA...yet. It makes sense that she would be doing some soul-searching and taking a break from being a part of a team. I mean, it's nice that the other heroes got over themselves and let her into the league, but I wouldn't have minded her saying no.

Getting back to WW #8, like I said, it's more interesting than the past few issues have been because it ties into Amazons Attack. For one thing, we got to see WW kick some serious ass:

And dig a tunnel!! Rad!

And we saw some kinda forced sexual tension between our girl and Nemesis. I mean, it's Wonder Woman. This guy is clearly not awesome enough for her:

I have a hard time believing that anyone who was molded from clay would have a birthmark. Maybe an artist's signature...

More sexual tension:

Hockey joke! I always appreciate that. It's clear that Nemesis does not follow hockey because...well, the Capitals are not winning the Stanley Cup anytime soon. And if they did, no one would care.

But I digress.

Let's see what happens when those Amazons attack!

Amazons Attack #1

Oh man. These ladies are HARDCORE. It starts with some Amazon soldiers randomly killing a father and son:

Daaaaaaamn.

Is it wrong that I kinda enjoy watching these women destroy Washington? I mean, in a fictional sense. Obviously I don't want a bunch of Amazons to really fly in on winged horses and slaughter all the men, but on paper...pretty cool.

I don't think you really have to be reading Wonder Woman to follow Amazons Attack. Especially since this attack is pretty damn sudden in WW. Plus, a lot of stuff gets repeated. But overall, Amazons Attack is a better read than Wonder Woman. Will Pfeifer is the man.

I like this scene:

I like to think that Batman completely misunderstands Steel. "I know exactly who you mean...Animal Man, right?"

Amazons are cool.

Action Comics #848
Sigh. Fill-ins. I mean...it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't very interesting. Especially since I would REALLY like to know what happens next in the Johns/Donner story. I feel for the fill-in writer because they have a tough job to do. It's like...Bruce Springsteen can't make it tonight, but here's Bryan Adams. Nobody is happy.

The art was alright, but, like, I dunno. I mean...this guy in the sweater is clearly Superman, y'know what I'm sayin'?

That's a very tight sweater.

So Superman goes to a small town to investigate this religion-based superpowered guy who has been killing lots of people (by accident, it seems). You can kind of tell who the superpowered dudes are in this little town. They kinda stand out, like in this church scene:

Soooo much bigger than anyone else in the church. That's gotta hurt the ol' secret identity.

And then scenes like this one just make me uncomfortable:

That's not usually how I stand when I fluff pillows. And, seriously, Superman looks like he's on the body building circuit. It's a little crazy-looking.

How long is this storyline?

52: Week 51

Well, this was pretty good. Animal Man is back! Yay!

Hilarious.

And Adam Strange got his sight back. Hooray! And Lobo killed that evil dolphin! And Skeets isn't evil, he's just been taken over...by the GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I will not even post a picture of it here. I seriously couldn't look at it.

Here's a little fact about me: I hate Starfire. HATE her. She is so gross-looking, and so boring, and so over-used because she is basically naked. I really hope she's the one that dies (y'know, that whole thing where a character's death kicks off Countdown supposedly? Please be Starfire). So I really enjoyed this:

Ellen rules. Also: "Double DD's"?? Is that, like, double-double-Ds?

Is she dead?! Is she dead?! Is she dead?!

This was interesting:

Awwwwwww. It would have been better if Robin's new costume was half denim too.

One final thing about 52 this week: is Ralph Dibny dead for real? If he is, I am going to be very, very sad/angry. I assumed he wasn't really dead, but now I worry that he is. And if so, how dead is he? Green Arrow dead, or Bruce Wayne's parents dead? Please don't be dead, Ralph! I can't handle losing Ted and the Question and you!

Blue Beetle #14

A new addition to the Living Between Wednesdays weekly haul! I finally got caught up on this series, and just in time for this delightful Gardner-centric romp!

Unfortunately, I couldn't scan any of it because I borrowed it, but I would like to say that I loved Gardner's casual clothes. Especially the chain.

It took me awhile to pick up these comics because I was so pissed about Ted Kord being killed. I love that guy. Kind of the same reason why I wouldn't read the New Atom. But they are both really good series. Goes to show what you miss out on when you're a stubborn jerk.

Connor Hawke: Dragon's Blood #6

Mud wrestling! In dragon's blood!

Cue the porn music aaaaand...roll the clips!

And that's the end of that story! Wait...what was it about again? Connor not being gay or something?

Justice #11
Hal Jordan fans rejoice, because there was a whole lotta him in this issue. Lookin' fine.

My favourite thing about this issue is that Ralph Dibny survived being eaten by Clayface. Man, it was just really good to see him again...totally sane.

Sometimes I get confused about what's happening in Justice vs what's happening in DC continuity. And sometimes it's the same. Like...Captain Marvel defeating Black Adam and forcing him to become mortal again. It all looked very awesome:

Have we seen an Alex Ross rendition of John Stewart before this series? Because he looks awesome:

Here's some of that Hal Jordan radness I was talking about. I love how crazy he makes Sinestro:

"Shut the hell up!" Aw, he's just saying what we're all thinking.

This cracked me up:

Ha! Quote of the week.

And here's a page that I stared at for quite a long time:

I especially like Ralph Dibny in this picture. And the little Bat Family reunion.

Like most issues of this series, there were some totally confusing things, and way too much going on. But it all looked fantastic.

Justice Society of America #5

Ok, when I said my comics this week left me feeling kinda meh...I was not including JSA. This comic rocked. You got your dark, crazy Batman first half in Arkham, and you got your bright, cheerful Superman/very brief history of the Legion of Superheroes half in the Fortress.

Lots of great moments, like this one:

Is that a Meltzer dig? Probably not, but it should make all the fans who cry foul when the heroes call each other by their first names happy.

But, seriously. I love Starman and his craziness. And I loved this:

"I make things heavy!" Awww.

Also, there are a whole lot of Batmans in this issue. So there's some sweet Batman-on-Batman action:
Batmans!

I also just want to quickly mention that this gets my vote for creepiest panel of the week:

Ewww! Get away from Dream Girl, Skeletor Dr Destiny!

I am loving this cross-over. LOVING IT!

Outsiders Annual #1

I checked this out because I love annuals. As I read this I suddenly remembered that I don't care about The Outsiders. I love me some Roy and some Nightwing, but damn. This is pretty boring. Annuals should be funner than this. I haven't read Outsiders since Infinite Crisis, so there are probably people out there who will get more out of this than I did.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #2 featuring The Avengers

I feel that this is a good idea for a series, and could potentially be very good, but the whole thing is very summer blockbuster. The all-star line-up of artists is great, and the cute way of making each issue a different stage of grief is neat, but overall...meh. I do want to say, because I don't think I mentioned it last time, that the lack of first-person narrative in Loeb's writing is refreshing and surprising. However...I dunno. I think I would have liked to see Bendis on this mini-series. It's just that...Loeb kinda came out of nowhere to do this. He wasn't working on any major Marvel titles leading up to, or during Civil War. He's on there because it sells issues, and it's kind of too bad because this series could probably be a whole lot better. Like, I am a very casual Marvel reader, and this series is too spelled-out to even hold my interest, y'know what I'm saying? It's all a little "I am The Thing. I like beer and poker." "I am Wolverine. I am a jerk with a good heart under my gruff exterior." "I am Spider-Man. I am emo and annoying."

Thumbs up on the McGuinness art, though. Very nice. And, of course, I bought his cover and not the Turner variant.

I gave Wolverine #53 a quick read, but it was so terrible I'm not even gonna bother reviewing it. And the next issue...Wolverine fights Sabertooth. Ok. They must know how ridiculous that is. It must be a joke, right? That every issue ends with the same preview of the next issue, more or less?

Belated Review of the Legion of Super-Heroes Cartoon, By Johnathan

I must have been assuming that this wasn't going to be very good, because I just watched the first episode tonight. Turns out it was terrific - great jazzy theme song, cool character design, excellent use of Triplicate Girl, etc. I won't go on as I'm sure that every nerd and his nerd-dog have already done so, all over the internet. Just wanted to confirm it:

JOHN APPROVED

Rating the Super Hunks #3: Batman

I was going to hold off on this one, but I've decided that now was as good a time as any to rate Batman. Why not raise the bar a little? Hal could stand to be taken down a peg.

So here we go with this week's super hunk:

Batman, aka Bruce Wayne

Slippery guys are hard to nail.

Costume/Appearance:

It's hard to say that Batman's costume is sexy, exactly. If he's going to lose points, it's going to be here. I mean...it's got pointy ears. But he makes it work somehow. It's all about confidence. He believes he looks awesome, and therefore we believe he looks awesome. And confidence is the sexiest thing a man can wear (I think I read that in GQ).

He knows he looks good.

There have been a whole lot of variations on the Batsuit over the years. Is there one that is sexiest? As much as I love the grey and blues, the black and grey really is the more attractive suit. But I'm not here to get into a whole debate about what Batman's best outfit is. I'm here to rate him on a scale of one to forty based on how hunky he is.

He's swinging from a star.

Batman is in excellent shape. There aren't a lot of men who can pull off that look, but he works it with his hot body. Shame the mask covers his ruggedly handsome face. I think extra points should be awarded for the fact that he makes his own costumes and accessories.

And I do like those gloves.

And by 'ridiculous' he means 'amazing.

8/10

Alter-ego:

The only thing hotter than Batman is Bruce Wayne. You want to argue with me on that, you will lose. First of all, he's a billionaire. Secondly, he's sad inside. Thirdly, he's, like, the smartest person on Earth. And fourthly, he's, like, the hottest guy on Earth (not mentioned nearly enough in JLA profiles).

Patron of the arts.

Dark hair and blue eyes: always a solid combination. Add a square jaw and a perfect body, and you've got yourself a damn good-looking man.

Bruce Wayne has proven himself to be good with children, and makes a good father figure to younger heroes as well. Sure, there's that whole Jason Todd fiasco, but at least Bruce took a chance on the kid that was stealing his hubcaps. He's nice like that.

Bruce is a good actor. He has an array of costumes and can fool anyone. I admire that.

Now, personality-wise, yeah. Bruce is kind of...withdrawn. A little cranky. He's got some guilt issues to work out. He may walk the thin line between sane and totally nuts (though I believe he's closer to the sane side). One could even argue that he's taken the whole Batman thing a little far, but you're not gonna hear that argument from me.

I mean, look at how Bruce Wayne asks ladies out on dates:

"You'll have to speak up. I'm doing handstand push-ups."

And speaking of which, Bruce Wayne is a hit with the ladies across the globe. I like a superhero who takes time to get a little sugar.

Oui, oui.

Also: he can kick your ass. While drinking a mug of coffee. And he will not spill a drop.

10/10

Sexiness of Superpowers:

According to my packet of Batman Hot Chocolate, Batman's super power is that he has trained himself to the peak of human physical and mental perfection. I have no choice but to award that a...

10/10

"Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting company."

Day Job:

Bruce Wayne is a jet-setting billionaire industrialist and philanthropist. Sure, sometimes he goes a little crazy and uses his limitless funds to build things like, say, scary satellites that can kill people from space. And maybe sometimes those satellites turn against him. But when he's not doing that, he's just a sexy man who dresses well and has a big pile of money.

10/10

He's got ten more just like it.

Cons:

What? There is nothing wrong with Batman or Bruce Wayne at all. Not one single flaw.

Alright, he doesn't have a great track record with relationships, and he tends to be attracted to sexy female career criminals.

The fire started when they kissed.

And he has been known to make...unfortunate mistakes...that sometimes lead to mass destruction. And he has a hard time admitting these mistakes.

And he has a bit of a temper.

And he...kinda...dresses like a giant bat and throws bat-shaped objects at people. And drives around in a bat-shaped car. And flies a bat-shaped plane. And pilots a bat-shaped boat. And has bat-shaped tracking devices. That doesn't mean he's...like, crazy or anything.

"Hmmm...you're not how the agency described you, but you'll do."

Did I mention he has nice hair?

Alright fine. I'll knock a point off.

- 1

Two more trophies for the Batcave!

Final Score: 37/40

Ladies and gentlemen we have a new champion! (Was there really any doubt?)

Review of A Good Pal, By Johnathan

I can't quite bring myself to include this next character (and I do mean 'character') in the 'Superhuman Detritus of the 30th Century' series. See, way back in the day I loved me some comic books, even though I lived way out in the country and had no real way to get a regular fix. I had to content myself with reading the comics available through my local library as well as the few leftover scraps of my uncle's mid-seventies collection (Spider-Man and Nova vs. Some Guy! I loved it!). The real things that got me through until I had a job and a local comic bookshop were Jeff Rovin's Encyclopedia of Superheroes and Encyclopedia of Supervillains. And the Encyclopedia of Monsters, to a lesser extent. They were chock-full of entries on hundreds of super-folk, with exhaustive info on their costumes and equipment and great catty comments afterward.

Even as a youngster, the Legion of Super-Heroes brought out the super-nerd in me, so it was a pretty damn happy day in the McJohnathan household when I learned that Jeff Rovin apparently loved them too - basically every hero that had ever appeared in a legion tale made it into the Encyclopedia, if only as a three-line blurb in Appendix C. I grew up knowing, for example, that a lot of guys with interesting names showed up in "The Super-Stalag of Space" but had no idea of the circumstances behind their appearance, what they looked like or - at the time - what a Stalag was.

Then I grew up, got some cash flow goin' and started reading all of the comics that I'd previously only read *about*. And that, in an extraordinarily roundabout way, brings me to the subject of today's post:

Blockade Boy. Blockade Boy was the friggin' king of the three-liners. He had a great alliterative name, he had a great weird Silver Age power, and he appeared in the oh-so enigmatic "Super-Stalag of Space". Plus, Proty II felt the need to adopt the identity of Blockade Boy 2 in a later story, so that's saying... something. I was totally curious about Blockade Boy for upwards of fifteen years before I actually saw him, and I was not let down.

Blockade Boy was one of many Legionnaires and Weird Future Silver Age Heroes that were rounded up and imprisoned by the evil, red, three-eyed Nardo, presumably to keep them out of his (terrible) hair while he was being nefarious. A big chunk of the two-issue story arc was taken up with various super-heroic escape attempts and the horrible consequences thereof.

Par example:
Matter-Eater Lad chews his way to freedom! Presumably with many bathroom breaks along the way, as that is a damn roomy tunnel. I'd move away from that rear end if I were you, Blockade Boy.

Sadly, the writers weren't about to have Matter-Eater Lad and Blockade Boy succeed where Braniac 5 and Superboy had failed, so the two of them get caught basically as soon as they emerge from the tunnel. However, in ignoble defeat Blockade Boy attained his greatest success.

Obsoive:
In two panels we have:

a) The first full-length shot of Blockade Boy, showcasing his awesome belt and wristbands, questionable boots and adequate shirt/pants combo. Bonus points for the flattop!

b) Blockade Boy's crazy Silver Age power - he can totally turn into a steel wall! I really, really wish that he had gotten a chance to tell his origin story. I bet it involved falling in a vat of some sort of liquid wall sealant, or possibly being exposed to radiations from an experimental space wall.

c) Heroism! Blockade Boy sacrifices himself to save All Good Persons' Fave Legionnaire, Matter-Eater Lad. If I didn't love him before...
Here's Nardo, acting like a tool. Note the man-breasts and barely-contained gut. Don't worry, Nardo gets his eventually.

So Blockade Boy is JOHN APPROVED.

PS: If you were wondering about Blockade Boy II:

He came about as part of a fight that the Legion of Super-Pets were having with their parent Legion. Proty II and Comet the Super-Horse joined the Legion of Super-Heroes under the names Blockade Boy and Biron the Bowman. Comet pulls a Karate Kid and manages to get in without having any actual powers, while Proty:
Pulls an amazing save! His costume, by the way? I find it creepy - it's more thematic, with it's riveted steel and such, but does it really have to include a giant metal diaper? The answer is no.

The best thing is that after all of this effort, Comet and Proty stayed in the Legion for about two pages.

Blockade Boy II is NOT APPROVED.