This Week's Haul: I'm Already Confused.

It was a very light week for me, which is good after the mountain of comics I had to get through last week. Plus it gave me time and money to pick up the new Y: The Last Man trade. Next week looks like it's going to be another big week.

I tried to get caught up with Green Lantern Corps and Iron Fist before this week, but I wasn't able to. Next time.

Countdown #51

Flip cover! Whee! Look at all those characters!

So, this is confusing. I am glad this is weekly because I need this thing to unravel very slowly so I can follow it. Basically, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think all we are supposed to know so far is that there is a megaverse with 52 parallel universes. There are some characters that are anomalies and are jumping from one Earth to the next, and the Monitor bros. want to kill those characters. Or, at least, one Monitor brother does.

Anyway, the Joker's Daughter is one of those anomalies, so she is killed.

And that's the death that kicks off the Countdown, I guess. Not very significant, but I think that's the point. Now we're going to see how the death of one seemingly insignificant character ripples across the megaverse and affects every character in it. Am I right so far?

Also, Jason Todd is a decent guy now. But...is this all on our Earth? This is where the Multiverse stuff starts to lose me. I guess that she is from another Earth, and is on Earth One illegally. Or whatever. I was five when Crisis on Infinite Earths came out so forgive me for being unfamiliar with this whole multiple Earths thing. I would recommend Andrew Hickey's Countdown Blog.

One non-confusing scene that I enjoyed was this one, where the Flash rogues gallery was getting together for a little party:

And the ending of this issue was pretty awesome:

It's going to be interesting...

Green Arrow #74

Only one more issue of this to go! Awww.

I hope you guys like Green Arrow and Black Canary doing it, because that's all this issue was.

It was weird.

Also, they apparently stayed in GA's bedroom for over 40 hours. Only breaking so that Oliver could ask his adopted daughter to bring him some chili.

Ok, eating chili while having sex? That's gross. I will remember this when I rate you as a super-hunk, Oliver.

Dinah finds out more about Oliver's supposed year of celibacy:

Y'know, I really wanted these two to get back together, but now that they are...I'm kinda grossed out.

There are some fun fight scenes in this issue, too:

Boxing glove arrow!

Plus, it was nice to see the gang all together.

Aw, they're like the Ninja Turtles.

The Amazing Spider-Man #540

Well, the cover is nice.

I wanted to give Spidey another shot, because it is pretty much the most popular series going, and I get a lot of questions about it in the shop. I feel like I should make an effort to follow it. So I gave this a quick read and, well...wake me when Straczynski is done writing.

Like, I already read Batman. I don't need Spider-Man to be Batman. Even Batman isn't being that Batmanish these days. Plus, who is that guy?! It doesn't look like Peter Parker. At all.

Thank God a fun Spider-Man comic also came out this week.

Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four #2

This book is so funny. I love it. Basically, these alien things are taking over the bodies of various humans on Earth, but seemingly only those who have normal DNA. Thus, Spidey and the FF are spared. A lot of heroes are now hosts to the alien parasites, though, and the leeching is making them sub-par heroes. Check out Doctor Strange:
Yeah. He does card tricks now.

Spidey and Johnny poke around to find out how various Super-Heroes are doing and report back to Reed:

"Daredevil's all bumping into things" is a hilarious line.

Reed's got to take off to fix stuff, so he makes Spider-Man the honorary fourth member of the team in his absence:

Hee! Lockjaw.

Betty & Veronica Double Digest #151

A historic moment, people. The day Archie comics got really creepy-looking.

This is part one of a four-part story that will be continued over the next three digests. It only takes up the first 25 pages or so of the book, and the rest is classic-looking Archie stuff. I hope we'll see more of the gang drawn in this realistic style over the next few issues. I really want to see Jughead.

So, they are trying two new things here: a new art style and a continued story. I say go for it. They aren't doing away with the old style, and I think they could make a spin-off comic using this new design. Although, the art is pretty bad. Not just because it's a creepy new look, but because it's not very good art. The girls do look like teenagers, though. Probably more so than in the old comics. But they are totally anorexic (with giant boobs). You can read the first few pages of the comic here. And while you're there, might I suggest the Jughead's Fashions virtual paper doll? He's surprisingly ripped with no clothes on.

Anyway, if you don't like the fancy new story, you can always skip to the old-style stuff, where you get lots of awesome panels like these:

Hot Mr Lodge Shower scene!

Grifter/Midnighter #3

I know I'm the only person on Earth reading this series, but it really is pretty good. I'm going to keep saying that until it proves me wrong. It looks great, the writing is decent, the story is fun, it comes out on time...no complaints at all. Of course, when you aren't expecting anything out of a series, any amount of quality comes as a pleasant surprise. But, seriously. It's good. Midnighter gets his ass kicked in this issue, and that's not something you see everyday. Grifter has to re-set Midnighter's jaw! And then Midnighter punches him!

Again, I still don't know anything about Grifter, but he's easy on the eyes and shoots people. That's all I need to know, really.

Rating the Super Hunks #5: Ted Kord

Due to popular demand, I have decided to make Ted Kord the celebrated hunk of the week. We'll see how he stacks up next to his pal, Booster Gold.

So, let's check out another fallen super hunk,

Ted Kord, aka The Blue Beetle

Costume/Appearance: This is a great costume. There are two things I really like about it: the blue-on-blue colour combination, and the goggles. The suit is very clean, very simple, and has great design. Unlike the current Blue Beetle, Ted's suit did not resemble a giant beetle, and I appreciate that. Because beetles are gross.

The dark bands at the ends of the gloves, the bottoms of the shorts and the tops of the boots are fabulous-looking. The belt is great. The wrap-around beetle logo is very well-executed, and shows creativity in logo-placement. The shorts also have more of a boxer-brief cut than a Speedo cut, which I always like. The boots have a slight heel. Very stylish. Ted looks like a billionaire, even in costume. And it's very flattering.

Like I said, I love the goggles, but it's hard to consider them sexy. They distract a little from the awesome design work on the rest of the suit. Plus, we can't see his wavy hair. I'll subtract one point. Other than that, a very hot costume.

9/10

Alter-Ego: Ted Kord is a billionaire and a genius. We're already off to a good start here. He is also a nice guy with a good attitude and a great sense of humour. It's no wonder female readers love Ted. Hal Jordan represents the guy that you fall for that you know is bad for you. Ted represents the nerd who asked you to the prom that you turned down, then you realize ten years later that he's the guy should should have gone for. Smart, successful, imaginative, brave, and a total sweetheart.

Ted doesn't get sexy too often in the comics. He was, however, nailing one of his employees.

Yowza! Plus, his flirting with Oracle was always cute. Especially online. Oh, I love that nerd.

As much as I hate to speak ill of the dead, it is possible to find fault with poor Ted. He's reasonably attractive, but he's not a smoking babe. Still, those big baby blues and messy auburn hair aren't bad. He has had his share of health problems. He doesn't always do the best job running that company of his and has frequent money troubles. And...he's a terrible dresser. Really. The costume is the least garish article of clothing he owns.

I'll forgive the clothes a little because it was the eighties, but...seriously. He dresses like a children's performer.

Still, though...

8/10

Day Job: Billionaire inventor.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers: Ted doesn't have powers. But he does have a whole lot of cool gadgets and weapons, all of which he invented. He's a genius and a great athlete. He provided the primary mode of transportation for the Giffen-era Justice League. He's got a gun that blinds people.

Having no powers and still being a member of the Justice League is sexy.

9/10

Cons: Like I mentioned before, Ted has had his share of health and money problems. It should be noted that he has always bounced back.

Er, at least, he probably would have bounced back from his latest money troubles if he hadn't been shot in the head. His death was heroic, and he proved to be the only one able to figure out what was going on when the shit started hitting the fan, OMAC-wise. And his last words were excellent:

You tell him, Teddy!

I'll knock a couple of points off for his tendency to let things slide. Like his business or his weight.

-2

Final Score: 34/40

Nice one, Ted! Rest in Peace. You were taken from us too soon.

Fun With Batman

Phew. I'm done with photo posts for awhile. Let's get back to what really matters: hilarious Batman panels.

This panel just gets funnier and funnier the more I look at it:

Batman takes time to do the little things:

Wait. That's the clock in the Batmobile?! It's a dial clock!

In case what you're wondering what Rule Number One is for Batman:

1. Don't daydream while driving the Batmobile, causing yourself to be nearly wrapped around a pole.

2. Don't talk about being Batman.

3. Avenge parents.

Alright, get ready to cry:

Doctor?! Doctor of what?! That does not look like proper medical treatment.

Man, I like to think that, even if he saw his parents again, Batman wouldn't call them Mommy and Daddy. His parents look a little horrified by it.

Ooo! Heroes is on in an hour! I hope this is one where those Petrelli brothers finally just give in and make out with each other.

Review of Shout-outs, By Johnathan

The above panel is from the very last issue of Aztek, by Grant Morrison, Ol' Idea-Man hisself. Now, Super-Groupie herself is a great idea, but Aztek was full of those: Aztek, Vanity City, that one technician guy, the Quizler probably. All of that got tossed out the window when the series got canceled and Aztek got bumped off in JLA. Patty Celeste, the Super-Groupie is only ever seen as a pair of legs and half a hand. Maybe she'll come back some day, maybe not. What really made me pay attention to this panel (and near bust a gut) was the shout-out to Jeff Rovin and his Encyclopedia of Superheroes (or its DC Universe equivalent). That, my friends, is just great. More folk should give Rovin props for his Herculean efforts in the field of cataloging things in very readable ways (and for helping me to Win at Nintendo Games, too). Here's to you, Jeff Rovin!

JOHN APPROVED

Review of Subtraction, By Johnathan

Not the mathematical activity (although all math that I can do in my head is automatically JOHN APPROVED) but the editorial activity. Confused? You should be, because I'm not making any sense. Read on, and (hopefully) be enlightened!

A while back (say, January, 1964) The Legion of Superheroes had gotten big enough that somebody felt the need to give people a scorecard and so produced "The Origin and Powers of the Legion of Superheroes" and stuck it into Adventure Comics No. 316. Now, I would love to Take each of the little images in this thing and deconstruct them in a humourous manner, but my fellow Haligonian and nerdboy Ben has done that job first (and so well!) over at Good Book Readin'.

Instead (Curse you, Ben!), I'll present you with an interesting bit of editorial decision-making, as well as my theories on how it came about.

Okay, first let's look at the original "Powers and Origins" page 1:

And now here's the same page from Adventure Comics No. 365, republished (and recoloured) after the Legion had been growing for a few years and people had begun to get confused again:

This second printing featured all kinds of new Legionnaires like Karate Kid and Ferro Lad, but what really stood out for me was the little change that was made to page 1. See, things had changed a bit since No. 316 Triplicate Girl -

- seen here surprising some suitor who obviously had no idea who he was asking out - got into a bit of a scrape with a murderous, box-shaped Computo and ended up one-third dead. So now:

Duo Damsel! Duo Damsel, who had the amazing power to... be two people! I know that it's a better superpower than I'll ever have, but if she hadn't been the very first person to join the Legion after it'd been founded she wouldn't have stood a chance.

My theory about why Duo Damsel's picture is the same as Triplicate Girl's: Though it could've been deliberate on the part of the DC editorial staff, part of an attempt to show how losing a whole third of her being wasn't affecting her sunny outlook on life and tendency to pull the same joke on all of her dates (or maybe just on guys who suffer from short-term memory loss, if that's the same nebbish), I'm betting that nobody noticed that they had one purple-suited Carggite too many and sent the 1960s intern-equivalent scrambling to daub carcinogenic correction fluid onto one of them. Or someone just did a really half-assed job.

Either way, the whole business is

NOT APPROVED

Geek Museum!

Alright, here we go with the promised Geek Museum post. Thanks to everyone who sent me pictures and I hope I didn't miss anyone. You are all spectacularly geeky. I love it.

We'll start off with a couple of out-takes from my own collection. First, here is a truly terrifying rendition of the Simpson family, made out of pistachio shells. I bought them at a market in Greenwich, England a couple of years ago. How could I resist?

Even more confusing is that piece of tree that came with them as a display base.

God that Homer cracks me up.

And here's the cake that Matt had the good and confused people at Dairy Queen make for my birthday last year. He provided the sketch, and their icing artists re-created it...with some pretty screwy eyes on Batman:

I like Superman's gut oozing over his belt.

Let's see what you guys have...

arch_schatten's got Justice League dishes, an obscure little Robin figure, a cool blanket, a Batman alarm clock, and a genuine Bat Phone!

Chris McClaren has an Alan Moore shrine and Cthulhu poker chips:

Bob Fries has a pretty great little homemade wooden Spider-Man from Acapulco:

Elayne Riggs has some awesome art. I love the Alan Davis Hulk wedding portrait! That's a sweet wedding present.

April Steele also has some custom artwork to show off, these pictures are by Joel Priddy and Dean Tripp respectively:

I love that anti-Supergirl character! I'd totally hang out with her.

Eric DeSantis has an impressive Green Lantern collection. I love how they are displayed. I hope Hal Jordan never sees this because it would totally go to his head:

Jon's got a pretty sexy bed...and a big fluffy kitty!!!

And a Tumbler:

Jennifer and Dan have a pretty rocking collection, including some customized Lego figures, a Bat necktie, and sexily-posed movie figures:

And here are all the Lego figures playing in a rock band!!!

Awesome! Also...a Smallville t-shirt:

John Anderson has a large collection of Japenese Kubrick figures from The Story of Moominvalley. I don't know what that is, but these figures are pretty great-looking:

Jon Hex has a mighty army of action figures:

And if that isn't enough to scare burglars away, there's this Alex Ross Batman print:

Another attractive bed:

And look in his freezer!

Judging by the vast amount of frozen dinners, I'm going to guess that Jon Hex doesn't like to cook.

Martin Henley has my dream bathroom:

No shortage of reading material there!

And he has a whole lot of figures in cool little shelving units:

He also has a pretty cute kid:

Matt Morgan's got all sorts of stuff:

I am impressed by the amount of Mini-Mates, and by the heroes vs villains set-up. But where are the Booster Gold and Blue Beetle ones? Those ones are awesome!

Check out the Doom Room:

And the homemade Green Lantern rings:

Heather Fitzpatrick shows her commitment to loving Smallville with this Smallville High letterman jacket:

She also has a life-size Spider-Man:

That thing would scare me every single time I walked in the room if it were in my house.

Matthew Brown keeps all his friends at work, proudly letting his co-workers know that he is a nerd. And a Brett Favre fan:

Maxo also decorates his office. He's got a Monitor with an eraser for a head:

A break-dancing Spider-Man:

A fleet of pirate ships:

Plus some Cowboy Bebop figures and a bust of a Wampa:

Matthew Heslin sent a (tiny) picture of his Alex Robinson sketch...of the Box Office Poison cast as the Giffen-DeMatteis Justice League. That's pretty awesome:

Moriah Sellers has a very impressive (and shiny) crystal collection to rival the Fortress of Solitude:
I love the Smallville Kryptonite octagonal disc. Now THAT is a nerdy item! I want one!

Rachel has an large arsenal of Bat items, including a real live batarang:

It apparently only cost $4. And it's sharp! No girl should be without one. She also has a Batmobile toothbrush:

And a utility belt to keep them in:

Plus...a Mrs Welling t-shirt!

But...I thought I was Mrs Welling!

Tremble before Roy MacKenzie's Gundam collection:

He loves robots of all types:

He also has a whole lot of Batman Lego:

Argh! I want that Batcave set so bad! It seems to have been infiltrated by Marvel villains. And Sandman is punching Luke Cage in the face!

Here's an excellent use of Mini-Mates:

The Mutt has a really old, really awesome ceramic Chewie mug:

He also scored this William Shatner LP:

I'll bet that sounds as good as it looks. Really, really good.

He also dressed like Starbuck at a Jethro Tull concert in 1979. That's not technically an item, but it is very nerdy:
So, I know you are all wondering who wins the contest and the signed copy of Shenanigans. It was not an easy decision, but after much deliberation, I have to go with Paul Hylemon. He painted one whole wall of his house with the Booster Gold symbol. I think this wins not only because it's an entire wall, but because it's Booster Gold. And you know how I love fans of secondary characters.

Plus, this wall looks awesome:

I love it because it could almost fool someone into thinking he's just a Dallas Cowboys fan, but it's really something way nerdier (and way better).

So congrats to Paul, and thanks again to everyone else. Because, in a way, you're all winners. And that's one to grow on.