Review of Showcase Presents, By Johnathan

Showcase Presents has lately been presenting some pretty awesome stuff, in the form of 500+ page reprints featuring comics of the 60s and 70s and I've been doing my part by buying a whole lot of them. It's time, I think, to pony up some reviews.

Showcase Presents: The Elongated Man

This was the first of these black-and-white beauties to cross my path and I was pretty glad that it had. It featured Ralph Dibny's start as a rival/partner to the Flash, followed by his marriage to Sue Dearborn and their subsequent travels around the world. Ralph's a very atypical 60s DC hero in that his identity is known to the world (and in that he's married instead of being in an extended engagement or flirtation). He and Sue encounter all manner of mysteries while being socialites, some of which are quite charming. Ralph also hits people with a disturbing array of pliable body parts. These early stories are a great illustration of the fact that even though the Elongated Man may have the same power as Mr. Fantastic or Plastic Man, the way that he uses it is all his own.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Superman Volumes 1 and 2

This is some pretty great Silver age ridiculousness right here. You've got Superman obsessing over his secret identity, kryptonite simply everywhere, more mermaids than you can shake a stick at, Lex Luthor, Jimmy Olsen, Lois Lane, Clark Kent looking like Steven Colbert and plenty of aliens. Plus Volume 1 was one of the first of these bad boys out and so only cost $9.99.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Superman Family

This reads pretty similarly to just plain Superman, only with more Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy: a) has lots of different jobs. b) foils lots of gangsters. c) occasionally betrays/ is betrayed by Superman for dramatic effect. d) frequently develops superpowers - in one of the coolest stories he uses some of Superman's trophies to put together a super-powered crime fighting suit, then develops a 'best-buddies' relationship with a paper boy (who collects souvenirs of his exploits and summons him via a signal-pen).

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Green Lantern

Another $9.99 wonder. With this one I got an interesting look at just how different comic book series used to be from one another. The Elongated Man dealt with really intimate little mysteries, while Superman lived in a world that hovered between soft sci-fi and fantasy, genre-wise. Green Lantern was by no means hard sci-fi but it drew from some of its conventions (and of those of the classic space opera) to create a comic that took itself a bit more seriously. Some good, solid, fun comic yarns here.

Showcase Presents: The Brave and the Bold

Bob Haney writes Batman and guest. This was a terrific read, with lots of Haney lunacy. The guests included Metamorpho (good), Plastic Man (dismal), The Metal Men (terrific - everyone goes to a robot convention) and Deadman (two times!). The best issue involved Batman having Wonder Woman and Batgirl pretend to fall in love with him as part of a plat to catch Copperhead, then when the time came to nab him they really had, such is the power of the Bat-charisma. Copperhead escaped in the kerfuffle, but was nabbed later on. Duh.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Justice League of America, Volumes 1 and 2

Good solid Silver Age fun. The JLA whomp some aliens, Starro the Conquerer, more aliens, Dr. Light, and some aliens. Snapper Carr is surprisingly endearing, J'onn J'onzz is surprisingly pudgy. He also tends to use his "Martian Breath" almost to the exclusion of all of his many other powers, possibly to distinguish him from Superman.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Teen Titans

Another Bob Haney masterwork, featuring the sidekicks of various Justice League members. The Titans answer calls for help from teenagers across the world and so end up dealing with giant monsters, inter-dimensional invasions and submarine pirates. Also notable is Haney's mastery of contemporary slang (assuming that sixties-teens used 'fab', 'ginchy' and 'gear' in every other sentence) and creative use of nicknames (Kid Flash = 'Twinkletoes', Aqualad = 'Gill Head', Wonder Girl = 'Wonder Chick'). All this and the Mad Mod!

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Legion of Super-Heroes

My thoughts on this topic are already known.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: Metamorpho the Element Man

Bob Haney strikes again! This time out he's penning the adventures of Rex Mason, whose brush with an ancient meteor/artifact gives him a hideous appearance and the ability to change into any element found in the human body. This one's got great art, as well as my favourite Silver Age supporting cast: Simon Stagg, Rex's boss, famous scientist and so close to being a super-villain that his private security forces dress like Cobra Commander; his daughter Sapphire Stagg, Rex's fiance; Java, a formerly-frozen Neanderthal given a modern brain by Stagg - Java's in love with Sapphire and occasionally tries to bump Metamorpho off but is a colossal coward and so never succeeds; and Urania Blackwell, the Element Girl, Metamorpho's female counterpart. One sad thing: Metamorpho, like Aztek, had his comic canceled before its time and so you'll never learn just who it was that was plotting against the Element Man toward the end of his series.

JOHN APPROVED

Showcase Presents: The Phantom Stranger

I'm still reading this one, but so far it's great. The basic format involves a supernatural setup, followed by the appearance of both the Phantom Stranger and Dr. Thirteen, the Ghost-Breaker to lend a hand. The two squabble over the existence of the supernatural, then tell stories to illustrate their points. Then they solve the mystery. At the end of the story the Phantom Stranger disappears, which really ticks off Dr. Thirteen, and it seems to be cumulative, because in the last story I read he pretty much just punched the Phantom Stranger in the face as soon as he showed up. Also notable: four teenagers keep showing up and their names are Spartacus, Attila, Wild Rose and Mister Square.

JOHN APPROVED

Well, that's it for now. I'll almost certainly be getting more of these things and when I do I'll write about it on the Internet. I'm so cool.

DC Also Sucks

So...is this part of DC's campaign to attract women to the Supergirl character?

Because...there are some problems here.

Let's take a look at that torso:

What the hell is that thing?! It's like she has the entire torso of a full-grown male wedged between her chest and her thighs.

This isn't even sexy. Her hips are grossing me out. Plus, it doesn't even look like Supergirl. It looks like they dressed a stripper in Supergirl's costume.

Well, there you go boys. Your very own teenage girl you can take home and turn upside-down so you can peek up her skirt. Easily worth $80.

Mary-Jane Loves Laundry

I've been thinking about it, and I am pretty sure that this is the most offensive thing I have ever seen:

Yep. Pretty much.

It could only be improved if she were also pregnant.

I would like a statue of Spider-Man doing his own goddamn laundry. That would actually be kind of cute. But this is the worst thing I have ever seen. Why is Mary-Jane standing like that?! Even with all the other crappy elements of this statue, it would be significantly less offensive if she were standing up straight. It's like there's a giant fire that she has to lean over to reach the wash bucket.

The thong is also a nice touch. She obviously sucks at laundry because all of her own clothes are shrunk.

Argh!! It's so shitty!!!

Actually, I might buy one of these so I can haul it out and beat anyone with it who suggests that sexism in comics doesn't exist.

All-Star Batman and Robin: the Cliffs Notes Version

Next Wednesday is an exciting and monumental occasion. It is the day that All-Star Batman and Robin #5 finally drops. It's the comic that you love to hate. It will be a great day for comic bloggers everywhere.

Now, the last issue of the jaw-droppingly terrible series came out almost a year ago. Well before I started this blog. I don't want anyone's enjoyment of the upcoming issue to be diminished by the fact that they can't remember what the series is about in the first place, so I am doing everyone a favour. I am going to outline the key plot points of the first four issues, just so we're all up to speed. It's a very intricate and challenging plot to follow, so pay attention:

Issue 1

- Vicky Vale walks around in her underwear and eventually puts on a dress that is somehow more revealing than her underwear for her date with Bruce Wayne. (She is having a date with Bruce Wayne...this is repeated several times in case we can't follow).

- She has a date with Bruce Wayne. They go to the circus where Bruce reveals that he has had his eye on a young boy for some time (young Dick Grayson of the flying Graysons. SPOILER - he's going to be Robin).

- Dick's parents get shot in the head in the middle of the ring. Bruce changes into Batman and grows about an inch of stubble.

- Dick gets escorted out of the circus tent by some comically evil police officers. Vicky tries to stop them and gets her mouth smacked. She then pushes Alfred out of the way and highjacks the Wayne Rolls Royce to hunt chase down the police/Dick. She ends up getting shot, or hit with the Batmobile, or something.

- The cops are about to rough up Robin...because they are evil...when Batman shows up. He grabs poor Dick by the collar and tells him he's just been drafted into a war. Because Batman is also evil. He gasses Dick and literally throws the poor boy into the Batmobile and drives off.

Issue 2

- Vicky Vale has been wounded, and Alfred has torn off his shirt to use as bandages. Vicky regains consciousness and remembers everything, including the fact that the Graysons were murdered "Brutally. Brutally. It was brutal." Weird, overly-sexual Vicky/Alfred posturing ensues.

- While driving back to Wayne Manor, Batman calls Dick "retarded" and refers to himself as "the Goddamn Batman" (Goddamn Batman action figure comes with everything you see here...dead police officers sold separately). He then kills a bunch of cops who are following them, and turns the car into a Batplane. Robin wants to throw up, Batman does not allow it. Robin starts to cry, because his parents were just killed and everything, and Batman smacks him across the face. Batman has a quiet moment of reflection, wondering if maybe what he's doing is wrong. He decides that it isn't. Robin questions the killing of cops, and Batman calls him a little snot.

Issue 3

- Someone who looks and dresses like Black Canary, but who I really hope isn't Black Canary, works in a bar. Then she beats up and/or kills everyone in the bar and jumps on a motorcycle.

- Batman and Dick are still heading for Wayne Manor, now flying. This should really get them there faster. He turns the plane into a submarine, and Robin calls the word Batmobile "queer."

- 15 hours ago in Metropolis(??!!)...Clark Kent crushes a milk carton with Dick's face on it and gets a newspaper slid under his door. The cover story is about Batman kidnapping Dick. Clark burns the paper with his eyes and says "Damn!"

Issue 4

- Vicky Vale dies or something.

- Still en route to Wayne Manor, Dick wonders when they are going to get there, and remarks that it feels like he's been in the vehicle for days. I guess that's a joke. They finally arrive at a Batcave so spectacular, it can only be contained in a six-page fold-out. Batman wants Dick to acknowledge how "cool" the cave is. Dick thinks it's alright. He also tells us that Batman pipes classical music into the cave.

- Batman takes a moment to reflect on how much smarter than Superman he is.

- Dick asks if he can get some new clothes because he's "all sweaty and dirty and I've still got Mom and Dad's blood and stuff all over me." Batman thinks about it, and agrees to get him some clothes. But then he doesn't, and instead leaves Dick alone in the cave for the night. Dick is hungry, and Batman more or less tells him to eat a rat.

- Meanwhile, Superman is bringing a doctor over from France at Batman's request to help save Vicky's life. He's actually running on water, carrying a car. Saying "Damn."

- Alfred serves Dick a cheeseburger and fries. Batman is angry with Alfred, saying that the boy should be forced to eat rats or something. In his head, he calls Dick a brat for the hundredth time in this series.

So, there you go. You're all up-to-date on this masterpiece. I can't frigging wait for Wednesday.

This Week's Haul: I'm Already Confused.

It was a very light week for me, which is good after the mountain of comics I had to get through last week. Plus it gave me time and money to pick up the new Y: The Last Man trade. Next week looks like it's going to be another big week.

I tried to get caught up with Green Lantern Corps and Iron Fist before this week, but I wasn't able to. Next time.

Countdown #51

Flip cover! Whee! Look at all those characters!

So, this is confusing. I am glad this is weekly because I need this thing to unravel very slowly so I can follow it. Basically, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think all we are supposed to know so far is that there is a megaverse with 52 parallel universes. There are some characters that are anomalies and are jumping from one Earth to the next, and the Monitor bros. want to kill those characters. Or, at least, one Monitor brother does.

Anyway, the Joker's Daughter is one of those anomalies, so she is killed.

And that's the death that kicks off the Countdown, I guess. Not very significant, but I think that's the point. Now we're going to see how the death of one seemingly insignificant character ripples across the megaverse and affects every character in it. Am I right so far?

Also, Jason Todd is a decent guy now. But...is this all on our Earth? This is where the Multiverse stuff starts to lose me. I guess that she is from another Earth, and is on Earth One illegally. Or whatever. I was five when Crisis on Infinite Earths came out so forgive me for being unfamiliar with this whole multiple Earths thing. I would recommend Andrew Hickey's Countdown Blog.

One non-confusing scene that I enjoyed was this one, where the Flash rogues gallery was getting together for a little party:

And the ending of this issue was pretty awesome:

It's going to be interesting...

Green Arrow #74

Only one more issue of this to go! Awww.

I hope you guys like Green Arrow and Black Canary doing it, because that's all this issue was.

It was weird.

Also, they apparently stayed in GA's bedroom for over 40 hours. Only breaking so that Oliver could ask his adopted daughter to bring him some chili.

Ok, eating chili while having sex? That's gross. I will remember this when I rate you as a super-hunk, Oliver.

Dinah finds out more about Oliver's supposed year of celibacy:

Y'know, I really wanted these two to get back together, but now that they are...I'm kinda grossed out.

There are some fun fight scenes in this issue, too:

Boxing glove arrow!

Plus, it was nice to see the gang all together.

Aw, they're like the Ninja Turtles.

The Amazing Spider-Man #540

Well, the cover is nice.

I wanted to give Spidey another shot, because it is pretty much the most popular series going, and I get a lot of questions about it in the shop. I feel like I should make an effort to follow it. So I gave this a quick read and, well...wake me when Straczynski is done writing.

Like, I already read Batman. I don't need Spider-Man to be Batman. Even Batman isn't being that Batmanish these days. Plus, who is that guy?! It doesn't look like Peter Parker. At all.

Thank God a fun Spider-Man comic also came out this week.

Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four #2

This book is so funny. I love it. Basically, these alien things are taking over the bodies of various humans on Earth, but seemingly only those who have normal DNA. Thus, Spidey and the FF are spared. A lot of heroes are now hosts to the alien parasites, though, and the leeching is making them sub-par heroes. Check out Doctor Strange:
Yeah. He does card tricks now.

Spidey and Johnny poke around to find out how various Super-Heroes are doing and report back to Reed:

"Daredevil's all bumping into things" is a hilarious line.

Reed's got to take off to fix stuff, so he makes Spider-Man the honorary fourth member of the team in his absence:

Hee! Lockjaw.

Betty & Veronica Double Digest #151

A historic moment, people. The day Archie comics got really creepy-looking.

This is part one of a four-part story that will be continued over the next three digests. It only takes up the first 25 pages or so of the book, and the rest is classic-looking Archie stuff. I hope we'll see more of the gang drawn in this realistic style over the next few issues. I really want to see Jughead.

So, they are trying two new things here: a new art style and a continued story. I say go for it. They aren't doing away with the old style, and I think they could make a spin-off comic using this new design. Although, the art is pretty bad. Not just because it's a creepy new look, but because it's not very good art. The girls do look like teenagers, though. Probably more so than in the old comics. But they are totally anorexic (with giant boobs). You can read the first few pages of the comic here. And while you're there, might I suggest the Jughead's Fashions virtual paper doll? He's surprisingly ripped with no clothes on.

Anyway, if you don't like the fancy new story, you can always skip to the old-style stuff, where you get lots of awesome panels like these:

Hot Mr Lodge Shower scene!

Grifter/Midnighter #3

I know I'm the only person on Earth reading this series, but it really is pretty good. I'm going to keep saying that until it proves me wrong. It looks great, the writing is decent, the story is fun, it comes out on time...no complaints at all. Of course, when you aren't expecting anything out of a series, any amount of quality comes as a pleasant surprise. But, seriously. It's good. Midnighter gets his ass kicked in this issue, and that's not something you see everyday. Grifter has to re-set Midnighter's jaw! And then Midnighter punches him!

Again, I still don't know anything about Grifter, but he's easy on the eyes and shoots people. That's all I need to know, really.

Rating the Super Hunks #5: Ted Kord

Due to popular demand, I have decided to make Ted Kord the celebrated hunk of the week. We'll see how he stacks up next to his pal, Booster Gold.

So, let's check out another fallen super hunk,

Ted Kord, aka The Blue Beetle

Costume/Appearance: This is a great costume. There are two things I really like about it: the blue-on-blue colour combination, and the goggles. The suit is very clean, very simple, and has great design. Unlike the current Blue Beetle, Ted's suit did not resemble a giant beetle, and I appreciate that. Because beetles are gross.

The dark bands at the ends of the gloves, the bottoms of the shorts and the tops of the boots are fabulous-looking. The belt is great. The wrap-around beetle logo is very well-executed, and shows creativity in logo-placement. The shorts also have more of a boxer-brief cut than a Speedo cut, which I always like. The boots have a slight heel. Very stylish. Ted looks like a billionaire, even in costume. And it's very flattering.

Like I said, I love the goggles, but it's hard to consider them sexy. They distract a little from the awesome design work on the rest of the suit. Plus, we can't see his wavy hair. I'll subtract one point. Other than that, a very hot costume.

9/10

Alter-Ego: Ted Kord is a billionaire and a genius. We're already off to a good start here. He is also a nice guy with a good attitude and a great sense of humour. It's no wonder female readers love Ted. Hal Jordan represents the guy that you fall for that you know is bad for you. Ted represents the nerd who asked you to the prom that you turned down, then you realize ten years later that he's the guy should should have gone for. Smart, successful, imaginative, brave, and a total sweetheart.

Ted doesn't get sexy too often in the comics. He was, however, nailing one of his employees.

Yowza! Plus, his flirting with Oracle was always cute. Especially online. Oh, I love that nerd.

As much as I hate to speak ill of the dead, it is possible to find fault with poor Ted. He's reasonably attractive, but he's not a smoking babe. Still, those big baby blues and messy auburn hair aren't bad. He has had his share of health problems. He doesn't always do the best job running that company of his and has frequent money troubles. And...he's a terrible dresser. Really. The costume is the least garish article of clothing he owns.

I'll forgive the clothes a little because it was the eighties, but...seriously. He dresses like a children's performer.

Still, though...

8/10

Day Job: Billionaire inventor.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers: Ted doesn't have powers. But he does have a whole lot of cool gadgets and weapons, all of which he invented. He's a genius and a great athlete. He provided the primary mode of transportation for the Giffen-era Justice League. He's got a gun that blinds people.

Having no powers and still being a member of the Justice League is sexy.

9/10

Cons: Like I mentioned before, Ted has had his share of health and money problems. It should be noted that he has always bounced back.

Er, at least, he probably would have bounced back from his latest money troubles if he hadn't been shot in the head. His death was heroic, and he proved to be the only one able to figure out what was going on when the shit started hitting the fan, OMAC-wise. And his last words were excellent:

You tell him, Teddy!

I'll knock a couple of points off for his tendency to let things slide. Like his business or his weight.

-2

Final Score: 34/40

Nice one, Ted! Rest in Peace. You were taken from us too soon.