Superman's Sexy Jungle Adventures

If ever you are trapped in the jungle with someone, make sure it's Superman. Even without his powers. And you should try not being a total bitch.

No, Superman. She doesn't.

I'm not saying that Superman doesn't deserve Lois's crap. I mean, he's dealt out more than his fair share. And I do appreciate that Lois has no problem talking smack to Superman. At one point in this comic I thought that Superman wasn't going to take it anymore:

It turned out to not be as dark a moment as it seemed. Superman merely wanted to build a nice shelter for her.

Dude, that is pretty impressive. And how much do I love that he stripped half naked so he could give Lois his cape and shirt?

A lot.

This is where things get sexy:

Seriously, folks. It does not get hotter than that. That's steamy stuff for 1964. And did you know that Kryptonians don't have nipples?

But wait! There's more! Watch and marvel as our shirtless and freshly-shaved hero battles a poisonous snake!

What a man, indeed!

Take that, snake! You thought you were gonna take a bite out of Superman, but instead...KRRUNCH! I hope you like milkshakes, snake!*

So there you go. Sexiest comic ever. Except maybe this one:

* I hope Superman takes that poor snake back to the Fortress of Solitude zoo and feeds it milkshakes.

This Week's Haul: Long Live Captain America

I scanned the list of new titles this week and was a little let down. Nothing beginning with 'Super,' 'Bat,' 'Justice,' or 'Green.' But that doesn't mean there weren't any good comics this week. Far from it. Let's have a look see...

The Spirit #6

You have to look at that cover for a long time to fully appreciate how incredibly awesome it is.

I love it when my interests overlap. So obviously an issue of The Spirit that involves an all-girl rock band is going to make me very happy.

It's like looking into a mirror!

Anyway, this comic rules and everybody knows it.

Oh, Denny. You're lucky you have women around you all the time.

I liked watching him easily beat up an entire club full of punk fans:

Ha! Take that, punks!

I really can't wait for next month's Summer Special. The cover makes it look like sexy good times.

Wonder Woman #9

This was a really nice-looking issue, thanks to the Dodsons and Alex Sinclair. I liked the washed-out colouring.

The humour is often kind of awkward in this series, but there were a couple of little jokes in this one that made me laugh. There's a cute little Batman/Superman scene here:

And a fun exchange between Wonder Woman and Circe:

But Nemesis seriously needs to shut up. I know that Picoult is probably aiming for a Han Solo-style cocky-yet-charming-and-sexy character with him, but he really is awful. I mean, really:

He's, like, 13 years old. The sexual tension between he and Wonder Woman is making me sad. It's like watching your best friend fall for a complete jackass. Don't do it, Diana! You can do so much better! Seriously! You're Wonder Woman! God, Booster Gold would be better. Plastic Man would be better!

Anyway, yeah. The Amazons are still attacking.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Annual #1

I love annuals. I can't say no to one. I also like stories from the villain's POV. Sandman is all the rage these days, so Marvel decided to cash in with a brand new origin story written by Peter David and drawn by Ronan Cliquet.

This story gets into Sandman's childhood, which is a pretty depressing story. His abusive dad walked out, leaving him with his alcoholic mom. He gets beat up in school, until he stands up for himself and eventually becomes a big tough guy/football star. Then he turns to a life of crime, starting with the throwing of a couple of football games to help his friend make some quick money. I thought this was pretty funny:

He ends up in jail with...his old man! And we get a twist on why he named himself Flint Marko:

Oh, um. 'Flint' was the last name of his favourite grade school teacher.

It's a good read with nice art. And, like I said, I'm a sucker for villain stories. There's also a very touching back-up about a homeless little girl who loves Spider-Man. Her unconscious body is found by her hero and he takes her to the hospital, where she dies. Actually, this comic is a total downer. But she has some really beautiful dreams while she's unconscious, drawn by Colleen Doran:
Annuals!

Countdown Week 49

Elastic Lad Jimmy!

Well, that's exciting.

I also enjoyed this exchange between Red Arrow and Karate Kid:

Oh, Roy. As if a guy from the 31st century is going to get your stupid reference. Kids from this century don't even get that. KK definitely came out the victor in that battle of wits with his "the other five were actually in the history books" burn.

Hey, some sort of Black Adam is back!

Sklutch!

I dunno...is this some sort of alternate Earth Black Adam, or did he figure out his new magic word.

We get another piece of the Pied Piper mystery, and it's a very cute one:

Man, I just think that's adorable.

And finally we get some more Monitor chat:

Yeah. That's how I feel about the Toronto Maple Leafs. (zing!)

Hey look! It's Kyle! He's gonna get killed!

I'm glad they are doing a history of the multiverse back-up, because I can really use it. I am a real multiverse flunky. I need, like, puppets to explain it to me.

Birds of Prey #106

Rad cover. This issue had a big ol' sexy fight between the BoP and the Secret Six.

It was every bit as much fun as that sounds.

I like a little sexual tension between heroes and villains:

Oh, those two.

This was actually a really fantastic comic. Every tough lady ever in one big royal rumble. I love Barda and Manhunter being in this book. Fun times!

Marvel Adventures Iron Man #1

Yay! Another fun all-ages Marvel series!

I like that Stark Industries = Apple:

This was a lot of fun to read. It's just nice to have a comic where Tony Stark isn't a complete douche. Plus, the art is fantastic:

Yay! Iron Man is cool again!

Robin #162

A big A+ on this month's cover. That looks great!

This issue wrapped up a storyline that I wasn't too excited about. I just love Tim Drake so much, though. Batman wishes he was Tim Drake when he was Tim's age. The kid is awesome.

The highlight of this issue for me was Alfred rumpling Tim's hair:

Captain America #26

Oh man, this comic was so goooooooooooooood.

So, this is our first issue of Captain America, sans Captain America. You would think that wouldn't work, but you just have to trust in Brubaker. He makes everything all right.

I mean, look at this awesomeness:

Man, I really like seeing Tony Stark get slapped across the face.

Yeah, so at the top there we get the very interesting revelation that the Super Soldier Serum left Steve's body after he was killed, reducing him to that skinny weakling he was when he first joined the army. It also makes him look very much like Christ on the cross, which I am sure is no accident (Tony...Captain America died for your sins). I loved Sharon blurting out "What did I do?"

I loved the wake. I loved Rick Jones saying that he was going to be playing a set at the wake. I loved the secret wake with Team Cap members afterwards. And I loved that my new boyfriend, Winter Soldier, is back and ready to kick the ass of anyone who so much as looks at him. Dude is pissed, and he's found a new target:

I really love how we get that clip of Tony's attempted speech at the funeral. It's really very moving. But I can see why Bucky's angry. I do feel for Tony, though. As messed as his methods were, he had good intentions, and he's probably more broken up about Cap's death than anyone. Because he was totally in love with him. And who could blame him?

I also want to say that Bucky's new leather jacket is a brilliant costuming decision:

That looks so dope. It brings back the best element of Bucky's old costume.

I LOVE YOU WINTER SOLDIER! You should grow your hair out again!

M.J. Bone

I lied. Again.

I said I wasn't going to post anything further about the MJ statue, and then J. Bone drew this for me!!!!!!

Clearly it needed to be posted because it is the most amazing thing. Ever. (Note the tiny top and ripped jeans on the clothesline).

EEEEEEE!!!

Random Thoughts

I didn't get any new comics today because stupid Victoria Day slowed them up. I'll be getting them tomorrow. The wait is agonizing. I do have the new Spirit, though, because Darwyn Cooke is nice and gave us all one. I'm going to read it in a second, but first some random thoughts on things.

1. The Dark Knight Marketing Campaign

It seems that The Dark Knight marketing team has unleashed a teaser promotional campaign so clever that I thought for sure it was a fan-made hoax. It's simply too interesting. You can get a good run-down of it by clicking on this link.

Basically it combined the release of this image:

...with this secret website that saavy net-surfing comic nerds discovered:

And finally this hidden image, giving us our first official photo of the new Joker:

I don't know how I feel about the look of the new Joker. I think, and have said all along, that Heath Ledger is a great casting choice and will do a good job. [EDIT - this is a total lie...I went on record voicing my concern about the casting choice last year, but I can't remember ever actually feeling that way]. I also know that The Dark Knight is a movie and not a cartoon or a comic book, and the character of The Joker needs to blend in with all that. So the make-up artists are faced with the challenge of creating a Joker for the screen that doesn't look like a cartoon character in the middle of a bunch of gritty realism. (For the record, I really loved Batman Begins, and appreciate and understand that a movie cannot possibly give comic fans everything they would want to see on screen. There will never be a definitive Batman movie, but there already is one high quality one and I am looking forward to seeing two more).

So keeping all that in mind...I still don't think I like this Joker, based on first appearances. But that's possibly more the fault of the photo itself, which looks like a Tool poster. The marketing campaign was brilliant, and damn near perfect, but the problem is...this Joker does not look like the same Joker that would deface Harvey Dent's campaign poster, litter a comic book shop with playing cards, and set up a creepy website. It would have been a little more fun to have the camera angle coming from above, and having him look up at the camera with a creepy expression. It would have been a lot more familiar as a Joker image.

Aw, listen to me. Nitpicking like some sort of comic nerd. I'm just happy these movies are getting made. And I really do appreciate the fun promotional stuff. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

2. The Smallville Season Six Finale

I know you all really watch and care about Smallville. Sometimes I feel like they are making new episodes only for me. I watched the finale the other night and, well, I'm just going to lay down some mad spoilers because nobody on Earth cares.

- Smallville, you do it to me every year. You throw episode after episode of mediocrity at me, making me swear I'm going to stop watching, and then you hit me with a Superman-related finale/cliffhanger that guarantees my loyalty for another year. Because sometimes I need to be reminded that the show is about Superman. This year's Superman reference? Bizarro! I was very excited by the final shot of Bizarro Clark flying at the camera.
I was less excited by this very clunky exchange:

Clark: Who are you?
Bizarro Clark: I'm you, only a little more bizarre.

Ouch. There has to be a better way to get that information across. He could have at least talked like Bizarro. Then it would have been cute instead of embarrassing.

- Is Lana really and truly dead? That would be so fantastic. But even more fantastic would have been if Lois had died. Everyone knows Chloe is a better Lois Lane than Lois Lane will ever be. The character suuuuuuuucks and makes no sense! She lives and works in Smallville, yet still calls Clark "Smallville." The sexual tension between Clark and Chloe is the most compelling thing on the entire show, and yet it is almost totally ignored. If Lois were killed off, the viewers could be rewarded by the revelation that Chloe is going to be the real and future Lois Lane (she could take her cousin's name...or whatever. Just make it happen, writers! Know your audience! We deserve a happy ending!).
Chloe had better not be dead. I will seriously stop watching the show. You hear that, Smallville? 50% of your audience will be gone, just like that! And it looks like Lionel will make it back for another season, which is dope. Lex is just boring now, which is too bad. But there will be some awesome hatred between he and Clark over this whole Lana thing. Unless she's still alive. Which she probably is. *sigh*

- I think season 6 was the best season yet, overall. Definitely some terrible episodes (Clark battles flawed immigration policy, anyone?), but I loved Green Arrow and Martian Manhunter and Jimmy Olsen and the Phantom Zone and Zod and the whole Justice League episode. It was fun.
Plus, Allison Mack completely rocked the house as Chloe all season, and had the best wardrobe I've seen on a character since the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

So yeah, I'll be back next season. As long as Chloe is there. And after next season ends there should be a spin-off called Chloe and Lionel where they are roommates and solve mysteries. It would fill the void that comes from Veronica Mars being canceled (boooooooo!!!).

Smallville doesn't really ever give me what I want out of a young Superman show, but I love them for trying.

3. Adam Hughes Weighs In

Hughes did an interview over at Newsarama about the whole MJ statue thing. He's surprised about how much attention this thing got. Frankly, so am I. Even when I did my post on the statue, I never expected to even get two comments, much less a quote in the New York Post, for chrissake. I wouldn't even say that I was outraged. More like...I have a comedy-based blog about comic books, and that thing was way too ridiculous to not post about. It's not like it was at all surprising. I mean...the thong is still a little surprising to me. It's just so...trashy.

Anyway, you can check out that link above and read the interview. I like Adam Hughes as an artist quite a bit. I will say this, however: Adam, dude, you may not want to bring racism into this argument. I understand what you're trying to say, but...you start trying to carry things in that direction, and you're just going to come off sounding crazy.

And that's the last I'm going to say about that thing.

Solicitations: JLA #12

Yeah, so for a second here, I totally thought Superman and Hal were holding hands in this picture:

Oh well.

Aw, look at Geo-Force. Still in the league. Good for him.

Rating the Super Hunks #7: Midnighter

I'm back and ready to rate another super hunk. I'm a little sleepy today, but nothing wakes me up like examining the finer points of attractive super heroes. This week we turn the spotlight on...

Midnighter

That tank bullet deserved it.

Costume/Appearance:

Midnighter's costume is dope. It's one of my very favourites. All black with a stylish trench coat, awesome boots, and a badass mask. Plus, the minimalist logo is very cool. The costume is full of attractive and cool details, too, like spiked knuckles on the gloves, buckled-on gauntlets on his sleeves, and a big ol' belt buckle.

He makes the trenchcoat work

You don't get to see Midnighter with the mask off very often. I thought that when they finally revealed his face for the first time, he'd be all scarred and stuff, because that's usually the way with characters that never take their masks off. Imagine how pleased I was to learn that he's quite the hottie under the mask, with rugged features and sandy hair.

Dude is ripped.

Hot costume. Hot guy.

10/10

He misses his mask.

Alter-Ego:

Who knows? He doesn't use one, and even he doesn't know much about his past. Midnighter is the only name he goes by, and, really, can you blame him? I would also insist that people call me that all the time.

Midnighter can talk with a bottle in his mouth.

Personality-wise, Midnighter is an intense guy. He's grouchy, but he's not usually brooding like, say, Batman. He has a quick, sardonic wit that always cracks me up.

Ha! I get it!

Basically Midnighter is scary as hell, but he's still a loving and devoted husband and father.

Awwwwwww.

He's very macho and very badass, but sometimes he just needs a little loving. On that note, he's not only one of the few openly homosexual super heroes, he is also generally one of the most openly sexual heroes. He has a sex life, and we know it. The fact that his relationship is with one of his teammates makes it all the hotter. In battle he's always looking at Apollo like he can't wait to get him home.

NOW we're talking!

9/10

Day Job:

Ass-kicking member of The Authority, devoting himself to the creation of a better world. By killing lots and lots of assholes.

It's true.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers:

Midnighter is the ultimate killing machine. Not only does he have super-strength, durability, and the ability to heal himself, but he also can calculate over a million possible outcomes for every situation in seconds. Plus, he loves using his powers, which is fun.

A million is a lot.

His powers are definitely sexy. Just look at how Apollo looks at him after a battle.

The man loves his work.

9/10

Cons:

Well, he's not interested in chicks, which ruins my chances, but he and Apollo are so hot together that I certainly can't complain. Midnighter's flaws lie in the fact that he's stubborn, and probably more than a little psychotic. He's very detached, and tends to keep his troubles to himself, which never leads to anything good. He also has a giant chip on his shoulder, and tends to mouth off when it isn't necessary. Apollo puts up with a lot of crap. Plus, Midnighter's a stone-cold killer, which may bother some people. I guess I'll take off a couple points for that.

- 2

SICK BURN!

Really?

Final Score: 36/40

I knew this guy would score high, because I am totally in love with him. Especially since his solo series rocks the house. Apollo is pretty sexy too. We'll have to see how he ranks, someday.

Lumpy!