Review of Braniac 5, By Johnathan

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Not really. As with all of the core Legion members, Braniac 5 would be wicked hard to review, just because there have been so many versions of all of them. This is a review of a specific iteration of Braniac 5, circa 1982 (or 2982), Legion of Super-Heroes #284, just about when Paul Levitz started writing the series. It's a pretty good yarn, featuring plenty of fight scenes, more than a few meetings of the Legion council or whatever and a bit of plastic surgery. All of this is immaterial, however. The really important part of the issue happens about halfway through. Let's watch:
Hey, Dungeons and Dragons! The Legion is composed of nerds! Now I'm pretty sure that TSR was doing one of its rounds of advertising in DC comics at the time, so this might just be some blatant product placement. I'm also pretty sure that I don't care: there's only so much character development that can be done with troubled romances and familial turmoil - after a while it all just runs together in the memory. This, though, this did more to humanize these guys in one panel than, like, the previous twelve issues. Check it out, they're doing basically what my friends and I used to do! Plus, character classes have gotten cooler over the course of a thousand years - that Four-Armed Cyclopean Barbarian would kick the ass off of my Half-Elven Bard. Wonder who's playing the Wee-Legged Lizard Man?

The reason that this post is focusing on Braniac 5 is that he's clearly more into it that everyone else, which makes sense. He's right about them not finishing, too. They get called away to fight this guy:
Who doesn't look so much like a giant teddy bear in the rest of the comic, more's the pity. Then, after they're done:

Haw! That's all he wants to do! I love it so. Braniac 5 as the Legion Nerdboy is to me far preferable to all the times that he was a Spock- or Data-clone. Or that time that he went insane. Hell, I like it better than I do the version on the cartoon, and he's the best Brainy there's been in years. From now on my mental image of Braniac 5 in his off hours is going to be him in a wizard hat, rolling up NPCs.

JOHN APPROVED

Attention Music-Lovers!

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This post has nothing to do with comics. I am hoping some of you music-lovers might be able to help me out.

This summer my band, The Stolen Minks, is going on tour across Canada. The whole country. Canada, as you may know, is, like, really big. Really, really big. So it's a whole lot of driving. We need mix CDs. Good ones. All kinds of different ones. If I am the only one making them, there will just be Loverboy on every single one.

So, here's what I propose: if you are one of those types who enjoys making mix CDs, you can make me one and mail it to me, and I will mail you one back. And I'll try not to put Loverboy on it.

If you'd like to help, just send me an email at rachellegoguen at gmail dot com. Our musical interests are varied. We love everything from the most misogynistic and profane hip-hop to the whiniest of indie nerds. From way old music to music that hasn't even been invented yet.

I'll be posting a full list of tour dates as soon as they are all confirmed, in case any of you want to see me do the other thing I am famous for. If you happen to be in a Canadian city, that is. We'll be leaving on July 18.

Our route (starting in the East):

Review of a Reviewer, By Johnathan

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Specifically myself. I had planned a review based on the cover of last weeks Countdown, seen here:

Which had reminded me a lot of Showcase '94 #1, shown here:

It was going to be about how I thought maybe the artist of the former had cribbed off of the latter, but once I looked at it: no dice. I do prefer the Showcase '94 Joker though, in that he has actual human facial features that have been composed into what I like to call an 'expression' rather than having a deformed perma-grin. I'm never impressed when an artist on a joker-containing comic goes the route of simply carving his face into a maniacal shape and leaving it at that - it robs him of some of his charm/versatility.

But this is about me. For not actually looking at both covers together before planning my review:

NOT APPROVED

Superman's Sexy Jungle Adventures

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If ever you are trapped in the jungle with someone, make sure it's Superman. Even without his powers. And you should try not being a total bitch.

No, Superman. She doesn't.

I'm not saying that Superman doesn't deserve Lois's crap. I mean, he's dealt out more than his fair share. And I do appreciate that Lois has no problem talking smack to Superman. At one point in this comic I thought that Superman wasn't going to take it anymore:

It turned out to not be as dark a moment as it seemed. Superman merely wanted to build a nice shelter for her.

Dude, that is pretty impressive. And how much do I love that he stripped half naked so he could give Lois his cape and shirt?

A lot.

This is where things get sexy:

Seriously, folks. It does not get hotter than that. That's steamy stuff for 1964. And did you know that Kryptonians don't have nipples?

But wait! There's more! Watch and marvel as our shirtless and freshly-shaved hero battles a poisonous snake!

What a man, indeed!

Take that, snake! You thought you were gonna take a bite out of Superman, but instead...KRRUNCH! I hope you like milkshakes, snake!*

So there you go. Sexiest comic ever. Except maybe this one:


* I hope Superman takes that poor snake back to the Fortress of Solitude zoo and feeds it milkshakes.

This Week's Haul: Long Live Captain America

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I scanned the list of new titles this week and was a little let down. Nothing beginning with 'Super,' 'Bat,' 'Justice,' or 'Green.' But that doesn't mean there weren't any good comics this week. Far from it. Let's have a look see...

The Spirit #6

You have to look at that cover for a long time to fully appreciate how incredibly awesome it is.

I love it when my interests overlap. So obviously an issue of The Spirit that involves an all-girl rock band is going to make me very happy.

It's like looking into a mirror!

Anyway, this comic rules and everybody knows it.

Oh, Denny. You're lucky you have women around you all the time.

I liked watching him easily beat up an entire club full of punk fans:

Ha! Take that, punks!

I really can't wait for next month's Summer Special. The cover makes it look like sexy good times.

Wonder Woman #9

This was a really nice-looking issue, thanks to the Dodsons and Alex Sinclair. I liked the washed-out colouring.

The humour is often kind of awkward in this series, but there were a couple of little jokes in this one that made me laugh. There's a cute little Batman/Superman scene here:

And a fun exchange between Wonder Woman and Circe:

But Nemesis seriously needs to shut up. I know that Picoult is probably aiming for a Han Solo-style cocky-yet-charming-and-sexy character with him, but he really is awful. I mean, really:

He's, like, 13 years old. The sexual tension between he and Wonder Woman is making me sad. It's like watching your best friend fall for a complete jackass. Don't do it, Diana! You can do so much better! Seriously! You're Wonder Woman! God, Booster Gold would be better. Plastic Man would be better!

Anyway, yeah. The Amazons are still attacking.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Annual #1

I love annuals. I can't say no to one. I also like stories from the villain's POV. Sandman is all the rage these days, so Marvel decided to cash in with a brand new origin story written by Peter David and drawn by Ronan Cliquet.

This story gets into Sandman's childhood, which is a pretty depressing story. His abusive dad walked out, leaving him with his alcoholic mom. He gets beat up in school, until he stands up for himself and eventually becomes a big tough guy/football star. Then he turns to a life of crime, starting with the throwing of a couple of football games to help his friend make some quick money. I thought this was pretty funny:

He ends up in jail with...his old man! And we get a twist on why he named himself Flint Marko:

Oh, um. 'Flint' was the last name of his favourite grade school teacher.

It's a good read with nice art. And, like I said, I'm a sucker for villain stories. There's also a very touching back-up about a homeless little girl who loves Spider-Man. Her unconscious body is found by her hero and he takes her to the hospital, where she dies. Actually, this comic is a total downer. But she has some really beautiful dreams while she's unconscious, drawn by Colleen Doran:
Annuals!

Countdown Week 49

Elastic Lad Jimmy!

Well, that's exciting.

I also enjoyed this exchange between Red Arrow and Karate Kid:

Oh, Roy. As if a guy from the 31st century is going to get your stupid reference. Kids from this century don't even get that. KK definitely came out the victor in that battle of wits with his "the other five were actually in the history books" burn.

Hey, some sort of Black Adam is back!

Sklutch!

I dunno...is this some sort of alternate Earth Black Adam, or did he figure out his new magic word.

We get another piece of the Pied Piper mystery, and it's a very cute one:

Man, I just think that's adorable.

And finally we get some more Monitor chat:

Yeah. That's how I feel about the Toronto Maple Leafs. (zing!)

Hey look! It's Kyle! He's gonna get killed!

I'm glad they are doing a history of the multiverse back-up, because I can really use it. I am a real multiverse flunky. I need, like, puppets to explain it to me.

Birds of Prey #106

Rad cover. This issue had a big ol' sexy fight between the BoP and the Secret Six.

It was every bit as much fun as that sounds.

I like a little sexual tension between heroes and villains:

Oh, those two.

This was actually a really fantastic comic. Every tough lady ever in one big royal rumble. I love Barda and Manhunter being in this book. Fun times!

Marvel Adventures Iron Man #1

Yay! Another fun all-ages Marvel series!

I like that Stark Industries = Apple:

This was a lot of fun to read. It's just nice to have a comic where Tony Stark isn't a complete douche. Plus, the art is fantastic:

Yay! Iron Man is cool again!

Robin #162

A big A+ on this month's cover. That looks great!

This issue wrapped up a storyline that I wasn't too excited about. I just love Tim Drake so much, though. Batman wishes he was Tim Drake when he was Tim's age. The kid is awesome.

The highlight of this issue for me was Alfred rumpling Tim's hair:

Captain America #26

Oh man, this comic was so goooooooooooooood.

So, this is our first issue of Captain America, sans Captain America. You would think that wouldn't work, but you just have to trust in Brubaker. He makes everything all right.

I mean, look at this awesomeness:

Man, I really like seeing Tony Stark get slapped across the face.

Yeah, so at the top there we get the very interesting revelation that the Super Soldier Serum left Steve's body after he was killed, reducing him to that skinny weakling he was when he first joined the army. It also makes him look very much like Christ on the cross, which I am sure is no accident (Tony...Captain America died for your sins). I loved Sharon blurting out "What did I do?"

I loved the wake. I loved Rick Jones saying that he was going to be playing a set at the wake. I loved the secret wake with Team Cap members afterwards. And I loved that my new boyfriend, Winter Soldier, is back and ready to kick the ass of anyone who so much as looks at him. Dude is pissed, and he's found a new target:

I really love how we get that clip of Tony's attempted speech at the funeral. It's really very moving. But I can see why Bucky's angry. I do feel for Tony, though. As messed as his methods were, he had good intentions, and he's probably more broken up about Cap's death than anyone. Because he was totally in love with him. And who could blame him?

I also want to say that Bucky's new leather jacket is a brilliant costuming decision:

That looks so dope. It brings back the best element of Bucky's old costume.

I LOVE YOU WINTER SOLDIER! You should grow your hair out again!