Rachelle Goguen Bonus Material

I wrote a thing for Newsarama and it's on Newsarama right now! I'm a big shot!

I wrote about why I love superhero friendships for their I Heart Comics blog feature. Check it out!

And here's a panel that didn't make the cut:

In other I-am-totally-famous news, the latest issue of Mother Jones features a really good article by Charlie Anders about Supergirl and other women in comics. People quoted in the article are Gail Simone, Kurt Busiek, Brian K Vaughan...and me. They don't mention the name of my blog, but clearly it's because I am a household name.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Transformers

Much like Hal Jordan, this movie was good-looking and stupid.

Basically, anything that wasn't giant transforming robots was terrible, and that was kind of a lot. Because this movie is looooooong and has WAY too many characters. There were so many characters that got, like, one scene and their stories never got resolved.

But it's pointless to complain about the lazy plot development of a Transformers movie. When you sit in a theatre, and the lights dim, and the first two things on the screen are A Michael Bay Film, Produced by Hasbro Toys...you know you are not going to be seeing some quality cinema.

I did find myself getting way more excited than I expected when the Autobots and Deceptacons were doing their roll calls. And just in general every time they talked or moved or transformed, it was very dope. I thought the robots looked great, and they were very big.

But crazy jerky camera work left me wondering what the hell was going on most of the time, particularly in the battle scenes. It was just really hard to watch, sometimes.

It is a good summer time at the movies, though. It ain't summer until Michael Bay blows something up.

There is one specific point I want to make about the movie, but I'll post it in the comment thread.

Rating the Super Hunks #12: Superman

Time to raise the super hunk bar again. This week I'm bringing out the big guns...the really big guns.

Superman, aka Clark Kent

"Please stop that."

Costume/Appearance: There is absolutely no reason why Superman's costume would be sexy, other than the fact that it's tight. Cape, primary colours, shorts outside of pants...these are not things that should go together. Maybe it's the perfect physique of the man wearing the tights, or maybe it's just the respect that the uniform commands, but Superman is totally dreamy.

He'll never forget that summer.

Uh, even when his boots are the wrong colour.

First of all, there's the fact that Superman's biggest identity problem is that he is so good-looking, he needs to go out of his way to make himself unattractive when he's Clark Kent. And, truthfully, he often fails because even as Clark, he is rarely able to conceal the hotness. Hot with glasses is still hot.

I'm waiting in that supply closet.

Even on film the costume looks hot. That, I think, is the real test.

Just like Wonder Woman is supposed to be the perfect woman, Superman sets the standard for male beauty. You can argue that he's too wholesome or good, but in a way, doesn't that just make him sexier? Or am I just dirty?

CK Fragrance for Men.

You notice how, when people meet him for the first time, they turn into idiots and stumble over their words? It's because he's so good-looking.

10/10

Personality: Silver Age dickery aside, Superman is a total sweetheart. He's been portrayed as pompous, self-righteous, and ill-tempered, but this is by writers who are jealous. I do kind of enjoy when he has a bit of an attitude, because it makes him a more rounded character, but overall Superman is best when he is written as the selfless guy who will put everyone else's safety before his own. He's the guy who takes the time to sit and talk with new, young heroes. He leads by example, and everyone respects him, but he also wants them to like him.

Batman, on the other hand, looks a little dirty.

For a very long time, Superman wouldn't get too involved with Lois Lane because he feared for her safety. Plus, as long as he was single, he could still score some hot mermaid action on the side:

She's one of those mermaids that wears a blouse.

Lois is a tough-talking career gal, but she absolutely melts when it comes to Superman. And who can blame her?

That's a pretty sexy Lois.

Perhaps even more charming is how bad Superman has it for Lois. The guy is romantic and old fashioned, falling hard for the smart, courageous city girl who isn't afraid to give Superman a piece of her mind. He knows he doesn't have a lot of time to spare for her, but he does his best. And Superman's best is pretty damn awesome.

Not bad, Superman. Not bad.

Everyone wants a piece of Superman. The guy is in control of every situation, and he makes everyone feel more confident. It isn't just because of all the super powers, it's because he's a great guy and a great leader. Despite everything he's seen and been through, and it's a lot, he is still scandalized by common, everyday human hatred.

Lois hit the jackpot with this guy.

He calls their relationship a team-up!

10/10

Day Job: Mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet. Although it doesn't get mentioned a lot, I get the impression that Clark Kent is an outstanding reporter, and has done very well for himself. He married an even bigger star reporter, making him one half of a Metropolis power couple...and this is the boring half of his life.

"All right, Clarkie, time to knock 'em dead!"

9/10

Sexiness of Powers:Dude, are you kidding?

Hot.

Superman has all the powers. He's just a big bunch of powers, nicely packaged.

I'll take your word for it.

Yeah. Superman's powers are definitely sexy.

10/10

What's he holding that guy by?

Cons: Superman has weird hobbies:

Something tells me that, whatever this is, there was a simpler solution.

Superman makes really bad jokes:

And sometimes he comes on a little strong:

Personal space, Superman.

But overall, you can't say a lot that's bad about him. At least, not since the Silver Age.

- 3

Final Score: 36/40

The Man of Steel takes his rightful place near the top of the Super Hunk ratings. I'll leave you with some Super Bondage.

You're welcome.

AAAAAHHH!! LOOK OUT, WALLY!!!

It's Dr Light!!!

For the love of God, get out of that position!!!

Did Dr Light Just Say What I Think He Said?

Yes. Yes he did.

Superman Gives Batman His Heart

Oh summer Saturday. The perfect day to dip into the Silver Age and pull out another gem.

In this fun adventure, Superman dies! Everyone is sad...except Batman, who is super pumped about finally getting to crack open Superman's will:

I love how Batman just storms into the room "Shut up everyone, I have something to read you."

Right. So it's unanimous. Batman gets Superman's heart. And no one cares that:

a) Batman does not want a new heart, or the complicated and dangerous transplant surgery required, or

b) Batman does not need a new heart.

But who cares what Batman thinks? It's unnecessary surgery time!

Wow. These are some well-prepared surgeons. Batman needs to get the hell out of there. You do not want to be lying on the operating table and hearing "How do we operate?"

Before Batman can make his escape, Supergirl shows up with some special surgical instruments that Superman had built himself (?!). This next panel is fantastic:

That off-panel, desperate 'No!' is my favourite thing ever.

He hastily makes his self-deprecating (and sensible) excuses and leaves the operating room in tact. Not even the surgeon's persuasive "But Batman!..." argument can change his mind.

The surgeons don't want to waste an opportunity to slice open Superman. They remove all his super parts.

Nice.

So guess who steals them: Lex frigging Luthor. And he sells them to the highest bidders (I really can't believe he didn't just get them all transplanted to his own body).

Whoever gets his hands gets super strength? That's just preposterous. Everything else about this comic makes total sense.

The super-powered body parts get sold to four assholes:

Just like Superman would have wanted.

Y'know, this comic is really gross.

Barf!