Review of Juvenile Humour, By Johnathan

My own juvenile humour, that is. I'm unloading all of the comic book panels that I set aside specifically because they made me snicker like a 13-year-old in Health class. They've always seemed a bit out of place when put in a review with more innocent panels, so I figured that I'd get them all over with at once. So ignore the cultured, mature portions of your brain, settle back and enjoy these bits of puerile wonderment.

Okay, so first up is some bathroom humour:

"Thanks for saving us from being ridiculed because our fire station burned down, Superboy! Now all we have to live down is the fact that you peed all over us!" I know it only works if you don't look at the picture too hard, but I like this one. I am entirely certain that a superpowered teenage boy would take any opportunity to pee out fires. It's just a given.

JOHN APPROVED


Lord knows I love Matter-Eater Lad, but this is an instance of him believing the anti-Bismollian propaganda that his powers aren't good enough to qualify him for Legion membership. Even as he makes a pretty good case for his inclusion in the group he's convinced that the only way he'll be able to keep his membership is to pander to Sun Boy's sick sense of humour. Don't do it, Matter-Eater Lad! With every iron bar you pretend to fellate you'll lose more and more of your self-respect! Take the moral high ground! Take smaller bites!

NOT APPROVED

You're gonna have to click on this one. Go ahead, I'll wait.


You heard the man, he can take it from both sides. In fact, Silver Age Superman was so invulnerable that a threesome involving a helicopter and a gorilla was the minimum that he required to achieve satisfaction - why else do you think that he avoided shacking up with Lois or Lana for so long?

JOHN APPROVED


Booster Gold gets flashed by an android. This was from the start of the 'wacky' Justice League days, so I'm not too sure whether it was intentional or not. Whether it was or it wasn't is immaterial. What matters is that Booster's got a great look on his face. More villains should run around naked, if only for the added element of surprise. Plus, Superman would look super-uncomfortable if he had to fly a naked Lex Luthor to the police station.

JOHN APPROVED


Uh, Supergirl? You should look just a bit less pleased with yourself while you explain that sort of thing.

I've got a theory that Saturn Girl's telepathic powers let her know exactly what Supergirl was about to tell her and that she interrupted so that she wouldn't have to hear it spoken aloud. And then she put Proty II in a safehouse until the Legion could work out some way to get through to Supergirl about the concept of 'dating within your species.'

NOT APPROVED

These guys are from an Atom backup story in Action Comics from the early eighties:


The Atom interferes with Plan A, so the muscle-bound bad guys charge off to the bedroom for Plan B. "Okay," you say, "this is kind of amusing when taken out of context. But why have you included it here, among so many scintillating examples of humour at its highest?" As usual when I put words in your mouth, I'm glad you asked. This panel belongs here because when they come charging back out of the bedroom they're dressed like pirates.


See? Now that's funny.

JOHN APPROVED

Last one, this time from an issue of The Brave and the Bold featuring Karate Kid, who's come back in time to clear up all of the dangling plotlines from his canceled series, and Batman, who's just doing his thing.

I'd just like to draw your attention to the fact that the cover page for this issue, seen here:


could and should be the poster for a softcore porno movie.

Batman! Karate Kid! Their forbidden love threatened to destroy society as we know it! But they refused to be stopped, refused to dampen the white hot passion of their hearts, choosing instead to dampen the white silk sheets of their beds!

Together, they are Terrorists of the Heart!

JOHN APPROVED

If these aren't the two greatest panels of all time...

...then I don't know what are.

Well, she's taking it very well.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. As I've mentioned before, I am leaving later this week for a tour of Canada with my band, so I am very busy. This blog is probably going to be pretty neglected for the rest of the summer, sadly. But please follow along with the band tour blog:

Bowling + Cupcakes + Rock Star = Perfect Birthday Party

I went bowling last night to celebrate my friend Paul's birthday, and Jack White was there! Check it out:

Yeah. At the Fairlanes Bowling Alley at the Halifax frigging Shopping Centre. That was unexpected.

Matt missed the whole thing because he was trying to buy socks in the mall.

I should make this about comics somehow...

Oh! If you aren't already, check out my favourite thing in the universe! Over at Every Day Is Like a Wednesday, Caleb is drawing a different JLA member eating ice cream every day in July! And they are amazingly awesome and cute:

I want these all made into a book. No! I want them all framed and on my wall so I can look at them all the time and never be sad again.

This Week's Haul: Long Live Sean McKeever!

I read a lot of really good comics this week! Here's what I thought of some of them:

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #20

The squeeing hit inaudible decibels this week as I read this. I mean, look!:

They're gonna maybe hold hands!!! Eeeeeeee!!!

Firestar, I love ya, but get out the way! Harry, you suck and go die somewhere. Now all the excess baggage has been removed and MJ and Peter are totally gonna hook up! It's gonna happen! Any issue now!

Except! Ack! It's Sean McKeever's last issue! The letter at the back almost made me cry (it was really nice that he was able to mention his upcoming run on Teen Titans, though). Oh, Sean McKeever, thank-you so much for creating this series. Just yesterday a young girl in the comic shop shyly picked up the first Mary-Jane book, and I was like, "Ohmygod, that's my favourite comic. You should buy it. You'll love it. If you don't, I'll eat it." Because, although I don't normally eat comics, I have a feeling that this one would taste like ice-cream. I await Terry Moore's run with interest and, like most MJ fans, some amount of uncertainty. But I'm sure it will be great. The foundation is so solid, with such a great cast of characters, I think it will be awesome to the end. Everyone was sad when Miyazawa stopped doing the art, but David Hahn has been doing a great job.

Oh, and PS: I love having the Mini Marvels back-ups. Such a great idea.

Countdown Week 42

This was the surprise of the week. As you may recall, last week I said I wasn't going to buy this anymore because I just haven't really enjoyed more than a couple of pages of any issue. Plus, the overall arc is a confusing mess (someone in the store yesterday asked us what Countdown was about and we could not answer that question, except with laughter).

The point I am getting to in a roundabout way is that I enjoyed pretty much every page of this issue. From Trickster and Piper's cuffed-together Midnight Run-style adventures:

to Holly's conversation with Harley to Jimmy's decision to be a super hero to whatever Mary Marvel and the Riddler were doing. Plus, bonus Ryan Choi content, and an odd little scene between Batman and Karate Kid which TOTALLY sounds like a lover's spat:

"Sure. Go. Whatever. I don't know why you think I'll care."
"Fine. I just thought I'd say good-bye, but I don't know why I bothered wasting my time."
"Good then. Go."
"I will."
"Fine. Bye."
"See if I care."

So I was wondering why I was enjoying this issue so much, and then I check the writer and AH! Of course! It's Sean McKeever!

And also...no Forerunner!

(Note: I can't even imagine how challenging it would be to be given Countdown as your first writing assignment at DC. Soooo confusing).

The New Avengers #32

And now Bendis Theatre presents: The Avengers as a Marvel Comics Message Board

Spider-Man: As a re-cap, Elektra is a Skrull. Let's talk about that.
Wolverine: Any one of us could be a Skrull, and I will now give detailed reasons as to why, based on recent events.
Dr Strange: Maybe you're a Skrull, Wolverine.
Wolverine: I certainly could be. And here's an amusing and surreal list of reasons why, including the fact that I am in every single comic on the stands right now.
Spider-Man: So what does this all mean?
Everyone: Shrug. War, maybe?
Spider-Woman: We should take this dead Skrull to Tony Stark.
Luke Cage: Tony Stark is totally a Skrull.
Hawkeye: Backed. Who else is a Skrull?
Spider-Woman: The president?
Everyone: Skrull, Skrull, Skrull
KRAKABOOM!
Everyone: Mercifully distracted by plane going down.
Iron Fist: Dr Strange, can you do some magic or something to save us?
Dr Strange: Nope!

And the plane crashed and they are probably all fine. Or Skrulls.

Sub-Mariner #2

I don't have much to say about this. I do want to mention that it falls into one of my favourite sub-categories of comics: Iron Man getting his ass handed to him.

I also want to say that I was totally following and enjoying this series until this moment:

Well...when I heard about this Sub-Mariner mini-series, I certainly never thought I'd see that guy in it.

Ehn. They're probably all Skrulls.

Justice Penis Society of America #7

Well, clearly some quick photo-shopping was done here to reduce Citizen Steel's controversial package. Here's the original:

So I guess I can also expect that Mary-Jane statue to be wearing a comfy sweat suit when it comes out and she'll be studying for the LSAT exam.

They can smudge out Citizen Steel's junk all they want and it still won't distract from the fact that the dude is HOT.

Power Girl knows what I'm talkin' about.

Yeaaaah. (I love how Eaglesham draws Powergirl. I really do).

I also love how Eaglesham drew the alternate cover for this issue, which is the one that I bought:

Hilarious! And even better is the subplot that it refers to: Superman and Starman chatting it up while scarfing sloppy joes and milk at the mental hospital cafeteria.

Oh man I love this comic.

Green Arrow Year One #1

I thought this was great. I'm a big Green Arrow fan and Andy Diggle and Jock do a nice job of updating his origin. It starts with Oliver as a cocky, thrill-seeking billionaire with a Robin Hood complex. By the end of this issue he's been double-crossed and thrown off a yacht in the Pacific, so we can expect to see him learning to survive on a deserted island in the next issue, honing his archery skills in the process.

I liked this little fun piece of foreshadowing:

As can be expected from these guys, it's a very macho comic and I expect we'll be seeing a lot of violence and action in the next three issues. And beautiful covers.

Superman #664

Continuing the very long Busiek story-arc about Arion' s bleak prophecy about Superman and the other aliens on Earth inadvertently destroying humanity while trying to save it. In this issue, which I really enjoyed, Arion magically takes control of Superman...but only for a second. Superman is able to overcome the spell using techniques learned from Zatanna. Unfortunately for Superman, no one else knows that, and he has to deal with wave after wave of emergency anti-Superman measures.

First comes the federal government's Squad-K, a tech-heavy bunch of soldiers and vehicles designed to take Superman down if necessary. Then comes Prankster with his own anti-Superman weapon:

A giant pie filled with lead and electric jolts. Well, that's something else!

Then the Justice League AND Justice Society show up:

(No one invited Geo-Force). Superman, awesomely, has to yell to get it through Hal's thick head that he isn't being magically controlled:

Hey, shouldn't Hal be kinda busy off in space with that whole...aw forget it.

Superman takes a moment to wonder what Batman is doing:

In the end, Superman talks it out with the leader of Squad-K, throws Prankster in
jail, and vows to hunt down Arion and stop...whatever it is that Arion is doing. I honestly kinda forget. But I did like this issue. A lot.

Nexus #99

Hells yeah! New Nexus!

Nexus is a comic that I've only gotten into in the last year, which turned out to be excellent timing what with the new series just starting up after a ten year hiatus. If you've never read Nexus, I can't recommend it enough. It's just a really well-written and beautifully drawn comic with awesome characters. In space. I think a lot of people are intimidated by it for one reason or another, but it's very easy to follow. I really find that, as far as outer-space stories go, this one is very straight-forward. Green Lantern Corps is more confusing than this by far.

This is issue #99, but it could work as a jumping-on point. I'm sure they are hoping new fans use it as a jumping on point. I would recommend reading the three original black and white comics, which is collected in a small out-of-print but easy-to-track-down book called Original Nexus, then reading the single issue Nexus: The Origin, and then the Alien Justice three-part series. Seriously, you read those seven comics and you will be all set to enjoy the new series. Then you'll be able to read amazing pages like this and fully appreciate them:

Seriously, not as confusing as it looks.

As an aside, I think that women are better represented in Nexus comics than in any other comics anywhere. Ever. Actually, people are just generally better represented. And Nexus himself is an amazingly well-developed character.

My goal is to get more people into Nexus. As I keep stressing, I just got on board myself and it was really easy. Great superheroes exist outside DC and Marvel.

Green Lantern #21

I think the good thing about this issue is that it more or less brings people up to speed who may have missed the sold-out Sinestro Corps one-shot. And it does it in a non-boring way for people who have read it.

I am trying to think of things to say about this and I got nothing. It's good. Read it. Parallax is gonna pound on the Green Lantern Corp. You don't want to miss that.

Alright, that about wraps it up. I read other stuff, but I have nothing really to say about it. Oh! Except Superman Confidential, which I wrote a review for that will be posted on Comic Addiction shortly. I also have a copy of the new Minx book, Clubbing, which I haven't read yet, but I'll let you know what I think of it.

Today is my friend Paul Hammond's birthday. He's a talented artist and one half of local screenprinting superstars, YoRodeo. You should check out their stuff at their website. If you like cool art and stuff.

New Stolen Minks Video!

Ben Jeddrie, talented animator, artist and writer about town, made my band an amazing new video! It just went up on YouTube last night. For whatever reason, YouTube isn't letting me post video directly to by blog today, so here's the link:

Totally Amazing Video!

Man, I love it so much.

There won't be a Super Hunk Rating post this week because I am driving up to Moncton to see the White Stripes today. Just watch the video over and over again in my absence.

Can't Sleep. Thing Will Eat Me.

I was doin' a little procrastinatin' today and found myself checking out the current line of Marvel heroes pre-school toys. Because, y'know, they are pretty cute, and...AAAAHHHHH!!! KILL IT!!!!

IT IS NOT CUDDLIN' TIME! IT IS NOT CUDDLIN' TIME!

Ok, well that took years off my life. Let's see what else they've got.

What would a Spider-Man kids toy designed by Frank Miller look like?

Those are some big ol' feet.

Do you want to see something adorable? Get ready:

Awwwwwww. I can barely stand looking at it, it's so cute!

Underwater Spider-Man:

Just like in the comics.

Actually, confusing Spider-Man figures is a bit of a running theme:


Except this one. This one is just awesome:

Battlin' Peter Parker!

Who's got a bumper car?

The Thing's got a bumper car! Weird!

This one makes a lot more sense, in that I could actually see The Thing purchasing one of these:

What if Captain America and RoboCop had a kid? I think he'd look a little something, a-like this:

And, finally, Hulk Boat:

Aw, who's the little captain? Or should I say "lil' captain."

Well, that ate up some time. I've got to get me one of those adorable Iron Mans.