Items from the 2007 Sears Wish Book that would have BLOWN MY MIND as a kid in the 80s

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As with many kids, I loved the annual Sears Wish Book's massive toy section. Because this is the beginning of the Holiday shopping season, I thought I'd take a look at the latest Sears Wish Book (now online, of course). There are items in the toy section that my six-year-old self would never believe. At the time I was trying to wrap my brain around the impossible technology that was the Flintstone Phone (How does Barney know I am talking to him?! It's magic!).

Let's take a look at the 2007 Toys available to kids who don't know how good they've got it.

The 6 ft. Mega Giga Ball
It's mega! It's...giga?! It's a ball that can crush you! And you can CLIMB INSIDE IT! This is a terrifying toy. And fantastic. Mom and Dad will love inflating all 6 ft of this wonderful ball. Your friends will be jealous as you roll right on by the school bus. You won't need public transportation anymore! You've got your own ride!

Robopanda

This ain't your grandmother's talking robot bear (that would be Teddy Ruxpin). This panda will play games, wear you out, and tuck you in. Storytime? You know it! This panda will tell you stories that you won't believe! Because Robopanda can see the future. YOUR future! Robopanda will not only be your best friend, he will replace your parents in every way. Robopanda comes with his own panda. That is how awesome Robopanda is. Also: "Robopanda can be happy, shy or feisty. So treat him nicely." No one wants a feisty Robopanda.

Transformers Electronic Arcade Jet

Are you effing kidding me?

Why am I even considering any of the major video game consoles when, for a mere $129.99, I can have a video game JET that I can RIDE while I PLAY? It runs on only three D batteries! "Accompanied by real roaring engines and vibrating action, navigate your jet fighter through the battle zone." I would love to do that! There much be a catch!

"Holds up to 59 lbs."

Ah.

iPod Docking Station with CD/CD+G Karaoke System

This. Is not. A toy.

My First Kenmore Peek-Inside Washer and Dryer

Kids love laundy! It's a fact! And they love stylish, trendy appliances! Especially ones that are made out of wood and don't do anything!

Parents - please do not buy your daughters a fake washer and dryer set for Christmas. If you do, you are the devil.

Roboquad

Roboquad will kill you in your sleep!

Note - you can set Roboquad's aggression level to 'high.' I am not kidding.

President Ronald W. Reagan Hosts State Reception 17" Doll

I think I'm going to let an excerpt from the catalogue description speak for me:

The Reagan presidency brought a sense of confidence, pride and prosperity to the nation and the beginning of a new world order.

Celebrate the accomplishments of the United States of America's fortieth president with this limited, numbered replica doll of Ronald Reagan. Reagan is dressed to the tee as he prepares to host a State Reception. Life-like and realistic, Reagan wears a tuxedo and stands approximately 17 inches tall.

Clearly this makes fun of itself.

Remote Control Mighty MegaSaurs - Dragon

Not only does this toy look awesome, but it impressively showed up when I did a search of 'girls' items in the catalogue. Nice!

Hasbro FurReal Friends Pony - Butterscotch

I guess that's cool.

Giant Plush T-Rex

Now we're talking!

Snugglers For Boys - Spider-Man

Did someone get the license plate of the truck that just ran over Spidey?

Mattel Barbie Girls - Bright Pink and Green Outfits

This is just an awesome labeling error.

Alright, I'm done. I guess I got a little distracted by crappy toys, and strayed from the topic which was supposed to be crazy toys of the future. Oh well.

The point is that the Sears Wish Book is still awesome.

Who Needs an MBA?

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I can learn everything I need to know about business from World's Finest #99.

Financial Planning:

Strategic Investment:

Management:

IT Investment:

Basic Accounting:

Competition:

Executive Decisions:

Finance:

Conducting Meetings:

Asset Protection:

Middle Management:

And, finally, how to be a complete asshole to your subordinates:

PS - This comic can be found in its entirity in the fabulous Showcase Presents World's Finest, which, surely to God, you own by now.

Here I Am

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So by the time Noel hit us, it wasn't a hurricane. But it was like a hurricane.

It probably would have been worse if it were Hurricane Liam. (ba-dum ching!)

So I have full power again, and full internet privileges. I know this blog has been neglected lately, and I am pledging, right here and now, to post something every day this week. New content...daily. For at least one week!

I'm going to start by posting some random Lois Lane panels that I've been sitting on for awhile. Because those never get old.

What Lois wants, Lois takes:

Superman gets weird when Lois gets forward:

He's hungry for love...and it's feeding time!

This is my favourite:

It's rare that you see Superman just lose it like that.

Review of Interlac, By Johnathan

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Interlac: it's one of those things that you have to put up with if you're a Legion of Super-Heroes fan, just like how you have to put up with Jason if you're a fan of the Argonauts. Interlac is the language of the future, but also kind of the language of today. That is, it's what everyone on Earth speaks a thousand years from now but also apparently what basically everyone else in the galaxy speaks in the present-day DC Universe, which is how, say, Aquaman can have a meaningful conversation with, say, Kanjar Ro.

Now, I don't exactly know what Interlac sounds like and I don't know the fake history of this fake language (Okay, I just looked it up and there really doesn't seem to be one. Wikipedia claims that it's just a future language, but I don't believe it) so I'm going to be dealing with it on a purely aesthetic/utilitarian level.

First off, here's the Interlac alphabet and number system:

This character map is a bit more comprehensive than the one I used to use, which had only one symbol per letter. Until I saw the vertical-line-as-capitalization innovation I had assumed that the future was a place where everyone wrote all in caps, all the time, i.e., a place where I would be angry all the time. Instead, looking at some nearby Legion comics, it seems that most of humanity never ever capitalizes, which is both more tolerable and more understandable, as that looks like a pain in the ass.

Speaking of ass-pain, take a look at those letters. I figure that there has to be a simplified written version of this alphabet, because otherwise, these already-too-complex characters would take for-freakin'-ever to write, what with all of the little notches and cutouts and so forth. Until I remembered that Interlac wasn't just an Earthian future-language I had figured that it was the result of font-design gone berserk. I mean, look at that 'o' - what's the point of the little notch? I'll tell you the point: to look all futuristic. Can't you just picture some dude in California circa 2345 putting all this together in an attempt to make the place look more like the future? Now I'm forced to believe instead that the race that originally came up with these letters had some sort of collective physical or psychological tic that left them unable to draw a proper circle.

I really can't get over the unnecessary complexity of these letters. Let's try an experiment: I'll write my name in a few different alphabets. ready?

Ignore the slantiness, please. I gotta say: it was a hell of a lot easier to write my name in ancient runes than in Interlac. It doesn't look quite as pretty as usual there, does it? Maybe all the people of the future write with fat markers or giant calligraphy pens or something.

In any case, Interlac is completely

NOT APPROVED

This Week's Haul: Before The Storm

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Just a quick announcement before I get started. You might not hear from me for a few days (which isn't too unusual these days). The reason is because we are scheduled to get slammed by Hurricane Noel tomorrow. Last time we got hit with a storm this size, we lost power for quite a while. So that's what I'm prepared for.

Now I am thinking that this tree-top level apartment with a glass front, while nice, might not be the best location for this storm.

But enough of this unpleasantness. At least I have plenty of comics to read.

And here's what I thought of some of the ones that came out this week!

Action Comics #858

I was really looking forward to this, and I was not disappointed. Gary Frank's artwork is beautiful and Geoff Johns' writing is, as always, stellar.

It's a little confusing, in that it is a story set in current continuity, but borrows a lot from the past. It feels like a Year One story, mostly due to the emphasis on Clark Kent's loner status, and inability to relate to humanity. Of course, this has to ignore the fact that he is happily married, which this comic does.

But I'm not complaining. Especially not if we get delightful pages like this one, with classic grouchy Perry, awkward Clark and enthusiastic Jimmy:

That panel of Clark examining his tie kills me.

We also get some great flashback scenes of Clark as a lonely kid, when he meets the Legion for the first time. This was pretty adorable and heartbreaking, as a friendless young Clark thinks he's found someone who understands lonliness:

Awww.

I really liked this remark, as Superman faces who he believes is Brainiac, but is actually Brainiac 5 in an elaborate plot to get Superman's attention:

Hee!

It's nice to see Superboy and the legion. Especially with art this nice.

Superman ends up traveling to the future, just like the good ol' days, and finds out the hard way that Earth has a red sun in the 31st century:

Ouch!

Looking forward to more of this!

Batman #670

Ra's Al Ghul is back and he's effing terrifying!

Yargh!

This, along with this week's Robin Annual, more or less begins the big Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul crossover, which will be continued in Batman and in Robin. I'm not super pumped about it, just because I've been enjoying the non-event issues of both Batman and Robin. But Grant Morrison is still writing, so it's not going to suck.

I am also liking Damien more and more:

You tell him, kiddo!

On a similar note, the Batman and Son action figures were released this week, and they look great! There's a very awesome Tim Drake, and a sweet-looking Batman. If you want a Man-Bat figure, there's a nice one of those, and the Joker one is fun to pose. I'm surprised they didn't make a Talia figure. It would have made more sense than the Joker.

52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #3

This entertaining Big Three story continues to roll along, with Giffen's inter-hero banter getting increasingly silly:

I have a hard time believing that Batman would ever say 'Hello' in that manner. He may as well have said "Ex-squeeze me?"

One thing this issue is really good for is Snapper Carr burns. Batman really hates that guy.

And no wonder. He really is an annoying twerp.

Superman still has that bite on his arm, and it's bothering him. It's like Harry Potter's scar. It burns when evil is near:

Still fun, still exciting. I recommend. If you read only one 52/Countdown tie-in, make it this one. Or Black Adam.

But Black Adam doesn't give you this:

Justice Society of America #10

I re-read Kingdom Come this week in preparation for this issue. Every time I read that thing I notice something new.

So Kingdom Come Superman shows up, and he's all "When Kingdom Come, you ready? Not only NYC, I'm hip-hop's saviour, so after this flow you might owe me a favour."

This was great. I loved Starman's interaction with Kingdom Come Superman:

Ha! All out of the colour yellow! Man, I love that guy.

This Superman likes to talk a lot about regret and failure and mistakes and tragedy. And he does, for a really long time. Then he decides to up and leave, which results in a JSA dogpile:

Superman impresses me by overcoming Starman's gravitational powers:

There's tough, and then there's that. Well done, sad Superman.

Daredevil Annual #1


Man, this was so fantastic. I love annuals, and I love Daredevil, so I was expecting greatness. This went above and beyond. Totally my pick of the week.

The thing about Annuals is that it usually involves a guest artist, and sometimes a guest writer. Or it's several short stories. This was a Brubaker story, with an Ande Parks script and Leandro Fernandez doing pencils. My only worry going into this was "Well, after all the Brubaker/Lark issues, this might be disappointing." NOPE.

This comic was amazing. It opens with Daredevil struggling to fight off some Yakuza boys. He's struggling because he has the flu, which he continues to have for the remainder of the issue.

Now the cool thing about giving Daredevil the flu is that it messes with his heightened senses. He can't smell anything, and his congested head and his high fever are making things very difficult. So he's making lots of mistakes. Painful mistakes:

The art is beautiful, as you can see. No need to miss Lark on this book.

I liked how Matt slinks off after the fight to go pass out:

That's not what that's for, Matt.

So yeah, sick Daredevil. Very interesting, and kind of cute:

Aw, who needs soup?

Mainly, though, this is a story about Carlos LaMuerto, aka Black Tarantula. He has just been released from prison on parole. He got along well with Matt in jail, and he looks him up on the outside. Matt gives him a job at the firm, helping Dakota. Dakota is not into working with a violent ex-con. Carlos is not into her attitude:

LaMuerta gets frustrated by the uselessness of the legal process when it comes to actually helping people in the neighborhood. He takes things into his own hands, but with good intentions. Even so, Matt doesn't want to see Carlos go back to his old ways. He offers him a chance to suit up as Black Tarantula and help him fight the Yakuza. It works well, because Matt still isn't at 100%:

I love that scene.

Unfortunately, Carlos can't restrain himself from using extreme violence, except now he wants to clean up Hell's Kitchen, rather than run it. He feels responsible for a lot of the damage done to the neighborhood, and sets about making things right. Which involves killing a lot of bad people.

Matt is, needless to say, disappointed.

Like I said, this is a great comic, and it's extra-long. Do read it.

Countdown to Adventure #3

This issue opens with Buddy's son, Cliff, going nuts and attacking Kory with a knife. It's pretty intense:

Cliff is just one of many people all over the place to be infected with something that makes them worship Lady Styx. People are trying to kill each other everywhere.

In the middle of all this, Ellen is concerned about her marriage. She asks Buddy the question that's been on her mind ever since the scantily-clad space princess arrived at their door:

Sadly, this is all Buddy has to say for himself:

Ouch.

The Adam Strange Pages are all really great. I like his narration. He's tough.

I can't read the Forerunner back-ups at all. They make me sleepy.

Death of the New Gods #2

I finally got to read #1 this week. The store sold out of it pretty quickly. It's a pretty good series so far, even if poor Barda has been killed off.

Here's the JLA at the murder scene:

Here's what I like about this page:

1. Red Arrow isn't doing anything. He's just chilling, and looking as cool as possible.
2. Superman is like "Uh, what's Vixen doing exactly? Looking for cookies?"
3. Barda's outline, while not supposed to be funny, kind of is.

In the next panel Red Arrow has apparently removed his shirt. I approve:

I like it when colouring errors work in my favour.

I also like that Hal is talking like Batman. And Black Lightning is being a little inappropriate. "Are you sure she's in here? It's kinda light. I mean, she is Big Barda, right?"

Mr Miracle changes his clothes:

Poor guy. Sniff.

Superman accompanies him back to New Genesis with Barda's body. Orion takes one look at Superman and loses it. Man, that guy is just angry all the time.

Ooooo...you did NOT go there, Superman.

Unfortunately, he did. And this means a pointless fight between the two of them for the next few pages:

Yikes!

It lasts until Metron shows up. Then Orion wants to fight him.

Orion, you have got to chill, bro. You can't just beat up everyone who stops by. In three successive panels Orion is like "I'm gonna kill you, Superman! No, I'm going to kill YOU, Metron! No! I'm going to kill Darkseid!" It's exhausting being Orion. "Milkman! I'll kill you!"

I'm going to wrap it up there. And other comics can be discussed in the comments. Like the giant heaps of comics that count down to various things. But not that X-Men Messiah stuff. I don't read that.