High-Tech Tomorrow: Review of the Concentrator, Part 3, By Johnathan

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Wa-ha-ha! I didn't forget about this, nope nope. Wasn't it cute back when I thought I'd get around to doing it all over the Labour Day weekend? Oh, One-Month-Younger John. Such an innocent. 
Oh! This seems to be the appropriate place to report that I picked up Jimmy Olsen No. 72, "The World of Doomed Olsens" last week. In terms of Legion chronology, this is probably as close to owning Adventure Comics No. 247 as I'm ever going to get, so I'm savouring it for all it's worth.
On to the merriment and interrogation!
We open with Saturn Girl, who as you may recall (strain those memories, folks, it was a while ago) had Superboy pretty worried, due to the fact that she had a whole 'nother way to screw up and give away the Legion's secrets... with her mind!

Okay, okay. I guess that the thought-sensing headband validates some of Superboy's kind-of-chauvinistic-seeming fears (though I don't quite see why the Commish didn't just slap that thing on and question Ultra Boy, say. He'd just have to wait for nature to take its course). 
But, surprisingly, Saturn Girl is ready for this particular tactic, and so starts thinking about the fantastic feats of the Legion to keep the oh-so-tantalizing secret of the Concentrator to herself.
(note: the Commissioner has placed Saturn Girl under a Joan Crawford beam)
Let's watch:
Not a bad trick (and look! My favourite gloves!) but I'm tormented by thoughts of where exactly he got that giant net. If this were a Batman comic of the same era I'd guess that it was from a billboard or something - maybe this particular distant world caters to off-planet fishing enthusiasts?
Also, that looks like a really awkward way to stand, particularly whilst straddling a city.
By Jove, is that G'nort?

So is Invisible Kid juggling too, or is he just moving a couple of extra balls in circles in the air? Either way, I guess that it would be a pretty good show, especially if he was trying to make the leap from 'busker' to 'soothsayer' - it's possible that someone flubbed the briefing on that mission, as far as explaining the fact that there are a few different kinds of magician out there.
Note the brilliant, Batman-esque use of disguise, as Element Lad puts on a suit coat over his uniform.
I would bet a hundred dollars that this "feat" was just a ploy to keep these two lunkheads out of trouble. I dare someone to claim that the Legion doesn't have a closet packed full of Meteor Simulation Guns or cages full of Andorran Fireball Hornets or something like that, for just such an occasion. 
The bit with Matter-Eater Lad and the Giant Mouth Creature happens here too, by the way.
Again: Superboy is proven to be a big tool.
Okay, Mon-El! Step up to the torture-plate!
I like Mon-El, but this sort of thing is why I don't think we could be close friends. 
"Hey Mon-El, could you turn up the heat? It's freezing in here!"
"Whoops, sorry. I'm invulnerable to everything - I didn't notice the cold."
"Mon-El, man, your couch is really uncomfortable. I think that every single spring is poking through."
"Damn, John, I'm sorry. When you're invulnerable to everything, so is your ass."
"Ag! Watch your cigarette, Mon-El! You almost set my shirt on fire!"
"Yeah, that happens a lot when you're invulnerable to everything. Shirt-fires are just another part of your day."
Speaking of friends:
I'm guessing that either Planet Zirr is some sort of haven for particularly dull-witted aliens or that Garl and Englen are super high in this panel, because they are way too happy about the situation that they are in. "Mon-El! Word up, brah! I see you're hangin' out in some poison gas - still enjoying being invulnerable to everything, huh? Man, Garl and me, we were just talking about you yesterday, just before we got kidnapped by this orange guy here, and now here you are, in some orange gas! It's like, kismet or something!"
Actually, maybe only Englen is high. Garl looks more scornful than anything else, like he's been kidnapped and used as a pawn to try to get his invulnerable friends to spill the beans about super-weapons dozens of times and they've all been more impressive than this.
I'm choosing to ignore the fact that the Legion has the technology necessary to take photos of the past and am instead picturing Superboy doing a brief photo-essay on his dying friend before sticking him in the Phantom Zone. 
That's just terrible, Superboy.
Good lord! this picture is worse than that one of Shrinking Violet! Mon-El looks like he just saw his puppy get run over by a clone of his puppy, who then got sent to prison, leaving him puppyless. He looks real upset, man.
The fact that he didn't point out their abnormal happiness is proof of everything I said up there. I feel so validated!
Last one for today. Phantom Girl!:
Given the emotional state of most Legionnaires (about as prone to melodrama as any three Dawson's Creek characters, combined), this is a pretty good tactic. Those kids'll turn on each other more readily than they'll make out at the behest of the big computer. It's worse than turning your back on a rooster, I swear.
Et tu, Saturn Girl? 
On the strange note of Superboy being the level-headed voice of trust and solidarity, I leave you. No promises, but I'll try to wrap this interminable review up soon (projected completion date: June 2012).

Thunder = Stolen

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Further proof has emerged that Chris Sims and I are actually twins separated at birth (he is sent to temperate South Carolina while I am left to suffer the harsh tundra of Canada). For the past couple of weeks, my pal Dave Howlett and I have been collaborating on some Marvel variant covers (and by collaborate, I mean he draws them and I do nothing).

The aim here is to poke fun at the seemingly endless variant cover themes Marvel comes up with (Zombies!...Skrulls!...Apes!). These are our ideas for what might come next.

Meanwhile, over at the ISB, Chris has posted this. How did we have the same thought in the same week?! Damn you, Sims!

Anyway, here's what Dave and I came up with.

Lois Lane: Girl Chef

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If there is one thing I love as much as comic books, it's food. Logically, I then also love this classic story from Lois Lane #1.

It begins when Lois overhears some sound advice on how to get a man to propose to you. Naturally, this interests her due to her unhealthy obsession with Superman. Check out the Daily Planet's love advice columnist:

You know that dude is getting it regular.

So Lois is thinking about making Superman a home-cooked meal. But then she's like "But why stop there when I can do something totally insane?!"

Perry White is so drunk in that panel.

Right, so Lois gets a job as a chef, and also gets a week off her job as a reporter (besides that gripping article she's expected to turn in about her life as a short-order cook).

The bait is set...let's see if Superman bites...

"Doo-de-doo...flying around and...WHA?! Steak?! Whoosh!"

Oh, Lois. That is not how you cook a steak. Salamander ovens are for nachos and other things that need melting. You are being crazy.

So everything seems to be coming up Lois, until...

Oh no! Superman's heat vision has ruined what would have been a perfectly mediocre steak!

So I guess Lois is putting in 12-hour days at the diner.

Oh how I wish there was a pancake that made you a Man of Steel rather than a Man of Tummy Aches.

So Lois's false promises about the pancakes draw in a pretty big crowd. So big that she can't handle it and has to take on an adorable sous chef:

Superman works hard. So hard, in fact, that when he is done there is no pancake batter left for him!
Lois once again resorts to false advertising, and then goes about making a big-ass sundae. Which, I'm just going to say this, has really nothing to do with cooking.

Giant sundae...seems foolproof right? WRONG! Look at how horribly and absurdly wrong this goes:
Ok, before I even get into Superman's crazy plan to stop an icicle from falling, let's talk about those ice cream flavours: Red, Yellow and Blueberry. Red and Yellow are not flavours.

And Superman...it just seems like you easily could have flown there and caught that icicle in the time it took you to warm up that plate using superfriction, and throw it across the city. That implies that objects you throw move faster than you can, and I just don't buy that.

Also, your solution just means that all of those people are going to get wet.

Superman has a complicated solution to every problem:

Clark Kent shows up at the diner the next day, but Lois is unimpressed. Jimmy has to stand while he eats:
Ok, are you ready for the reason why Superman needs to return to the diner? It isn't because he wants Lois to see him enjoying her food. That would be far too kind. It's because of this:

WHAT?! Wouldn't Clark Kent's fingerprints be on lots of things that Lois has access too? Like, things around the office? So here's Superman's crazy solution to a simple problem:

Would she notice, Superman? Would she? What about super speed? Can't you fly to the moon and back without people noticing?

This story does have a pretty adorable ending though:

Superman's little wink at the reader "I said 'I love you' because she helped a man in the hospital, not because I actually love her. That would be gross!"

This Stinx

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So by now we all know that DC/Vertigo canceled the Minx line of comics this week. I for one am very disappointed. I'm not surprised that they weren't selling well, and I'm not surprised that they weren't hitting the target demographic (teen girls). But it certainly wasn't the product's fault.

The Minx books are not good sellers, but they are good books. A few of them are great books, especially when compared to the bulk of comics, or even literature, aimed at young girls. They are smart, funny, and have strong female characters that readers can relate to. They have talented writers, great art, and they offered an exciting new platform for indie comic creators. The books are well-packaged and eye-catching. They look great on a shelf. They are a nice size. They are very affordable.

Since the announcement of the cancellation, I have seen a lot of Minx-bashing on message boards and blogs. Seriously, everyone, these were not bad books. There were a few duds for sure, and I'm not going to name them, but the fact stands that over half of the books were good, and that's a far better track record than most publishers can boast.

When the Minx line was first announced, I was skeptical. Mostly because I was concerned by what DC would consider "comics for girls" to be. But I was pleasantly surprised by the first line of books, and was 100% pro-Minx from that point on.

I am very glad that the upcoming Emiko Superstar will still be released because I have already read it and it is fantastic. I am sad that the Minx line will no longer be a publishing option for similar projects in the future. It really sucks.

And I'll tell you the worst part: Minx was not given a fair chance. One year is what DC/Vertigo decided was a fair trial for something this radical and new. It was a whole new market, and a whole new product, and DC honestly did not even try.

As a nearly-certified Businessologist, allow me to throw down some Marketing 101:

A new product line aimed at a new audience needs to experiment with new channels. You cannot put these books in comic shops and in the graphic novel section of Barnes & Noble and expect teen girls to find them. You need to get creative. You need to AT LEAST make and distribute display units. To promote something this different, you need to go balls out on it.

Now, I noticed that Minx is (was?) a sponsor of the upcoming Seventeen Magazine fashion show tour. I doubt that's still going to happen, but my understanding is that there would be some sort of Minx promotion at these shows. Good idea! Too bad it probably won't happen now.

The thing is, it's not like young girls didn't want to read these. If you put them in their hands, they will read them, and probably like them a lot. DC just needed to put them in their hands. The books should have been in clothing stores, and given away for free at events. There was a big media blitz right before the first book was released, and then nothing besides the occasional print ad. I don't know a single person who was aware of the Minx books besides the people who read Previews every month. In other words: not your target market.

The slogan for Minx when it was first announced was "Evocative and Fearless." The books were often evocative, but the marketing of them was entirely gutless. And the shutting down of the line is a real slight to potential young female comic readers everywhere. It says "See? We told you girls don't like comics."

Young girls do like comics. Young boys like comics. I see it everyday. I spent all day at a book fair here in Halifax where I saw nothing but kids getting excited about comics. And these weren't kids who came into the shop regularly. These weren't kids whose parents are big comic fans. These were kids who were basically picking up their first comic or graphic novel and getting excited just from looking at it. Many of them honestly had no idea there were so many different types of comics.

I am fully aware that Minx as a concept is not an easy sell, but it certainly isn't an impossible sell. The product was good and it had endless potential for the future. I was looking forward to years of great books aimed at a market that had never before been properly targeted. Generating mass awareness and profits is not something that takes 12 months, and the infuriating part is that DC definitely knows this.

The bottom line: despite all their hype and apparent interest in teen girls, when it comes to down to it, they just don't care.

Simmer Down, Lois!

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As I have said before on this blog, I could read letters to the editor in Lois Lane comics all day. Like this one:

What really amazes me about these letters...this was before email, y'know? This dude had to write out this letter, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, go to a post office, and send it off. And yet, it was important enough to him to get this message to the editors.