Wa-ha-ha! I didn't forget about this, nope nope. Wasn't it cute back when I thought I'd get around to doing it all over the Labour Day weekend? Oh, One-Month-Younger John. Such an innocent.
Oh! This seems to be the appropriate place to report that I picked up Jimmy Olsen No. 72, "The World of Doomed Olsens" last week. In terms of Legion chronology, this is probably as close to owning Adventure Comics No. 247 as I'm ever going to get, so I'm savouring it for all it's worth.
On to the merriment and interrogation!
We open with Saturn Girl, who as you may recall (strain those memories, folks, it was a while ago) had Superboy pretty worried, due to the fact that she had a whole 'nother way to screw up and give away the Legion's secrets... with her mind!
Okay, okay. I guess that the thought-sensing headband validates some of Superboy's kind-of-chauvinistic-seeming fears (though I don't quite see why the Commish didn't just slap that thing on and question Ultra Boy, say. He'd just have to wait for nature to take its course).
But, surprisingly, Saturn Girl is ready for this particular tactic, and so starts thinking about the fantastic feats of the Legion to keep the oh-so-tantalizing secret of the Concentrator to herself.
(note: the Commissioner has placed Saturn Girl under a Joan Crawford beam)
Let's watch:
Not a bad trick (and look! My favourite gloves!) but I'm tormented by thoughts of where exactly he got that giant net. If this were a Batman comic of the same era I'd guess that it was from a billboard or something - maybe this particular distant world caters to off-planet fishing enthusiasts?
Also, that looks like a really awkward way to stand, particularly whilst straddling a city.
By Jove, is that G'nort?
So is Invisible Kid juggling too, or is he just moving a couple of extra balls in circles in the air? Either way, I guess that it would be a pretty good show, especially if he was trying to make the leap from 'busker' to 'soothsayer' - it's possible that someone flubbed the briefing on that mission, as far as explaining the fact that there are a few different kinds of magician out there.
Note the brilliant, Batman-esque use of disguise, as Element Lad puts on a suit coat over his uniform.
I would bet a hundred dollars that this "feat" was just a ploy to keep these two lunkheads out of trouble. I dare someone to claim that the Legion doesn't have a closet packed full of Meteor Simulation Guns or cages full of Andorran Fireball Hornets or something like that, for just such an occasion.
Again: Superboy is proven to be a big tool.
Okay, Mon-El! Step up to the torture-plate!
I like Mon-El, but this sort of thing is why I don't think we could be close friends.
"Hey Mon-El, could you turn up the heat? It's freezing in here!"
"Whoops, sorry. I'm invulnerable to everything - I didn't notice the cold."
"Mon-El, man, your couch is really uncomfortable. I think that every single spring is poking through."
"Damn, John, I'm sorry. When you're invulnerable to everything, so is your ass."
"Ag! Watch your cigarette, Mon-El! You almost set my shirt on fire!"
"Yeah, that happens a lot when you're invulnerable to everything. Shirt-fires are just another part of your day."
Speaking of friends:
I'm guessing that either Planet Zirr is some sort of haven for particularly dull-witted aliens or that Garl and Englen are super high in this panel, because they are way too happy about the situation that they are in. "Mon-El! Word up, brah! I see you're hangin' out in some poison gas - still enjoying being invulnerable to everything, huh? Man, Garl and me, we were just talking about you yesterday, just before we got kidnapped by this orange guy here, and now here you are, in some orange gas! It's like, kismet or something!"
Actually, maybe only Englen is high. Garl looks more scornful than anything else, like he's been kidnapped and used as a pawn to try to get his invulnerable friends to spill the beans about super-weapons dozens of times and they've all been more impressive than this.
I'm choosing to ignore the fact that the Legion has the technology necessary to take photos of the past and am instead picturing Superboy doing a brief photo-essay on his dying friend before sticking him in the Phantom Zone.
That's just terrible, Superboy.
Good lord! this picture is worse than that one of Shrinking Violet! Mon-El looks like he just saw his puppy get run over by a clone of his puppy, who then got sent to prison, leaving him puppyless. He looks real upset, man.
The fact that he didn't point out their abnormal happiness is proof of everything I said up there. I feel so validated!
Last one for today. Phantom Girl!:
Given the emotional state of most Legionnaires (about as prone to melodrama as any three Dawson's Creek characters, combined), this is a pretty good tactic. Those kids'll turn on each other more readily than they'll make out at the behest of the big computer. It's worse than turning your back on a rooster, I swear.
Et tu, Saturn Girl?
On the strange note of Superboy being the level-headed voice of trust and solidarity, I leave you. No promises, but I'll try to wrap this interminable review up soon (projected completion date: June 2012).
Here's a little story about a time where Supergirl gets tired of living in an orphanage and resorts to drastic measures in hopes that she can get the hell out of there. It's from Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #14 (1960).
Oh, calm down Lois. It's Superman. What's he going to do? Take all those waterskiiers back to his tour bus after the show?
How often does Supergirl spy on Lois?
Aaahh!! Those eyes! They will haunt me forever!
Alright! Way to beat Superman at his own game! This is the sort of crap he would normally be pulling on Lois, because Superman loves nothing more than making Lois think she's crazy. Here's my favourite one:
Ahahahaha! A coffee pot! Nice one, Supergirl!
"Perry said I could borrow his pleasure schooner any time I want."
Those are some unorthodox cooking classes they are teaching at the Midvale Orphanage.
Holy crap, Lois! Do you want to date Superman or not? Because sometimes Superman has to go save lives, alright?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
What?! No! Ok, look Superman. It's one thing to suddenly decide not to propose to a lady, but you should NOT tell her that you were just about to propose but decided not to because she fell in the water. That's just cold. As is flying away suddenly, leaving Lois alone on a boat.
What?! That TRAMP!
I have to say, this is bold for Supergirl. Especially since she hasn't actually met Batman yet. At least not that we've seen.
No! If anyone is going to be his Bat-Queen it's going to be me!!!
Ohhhhh dear. Now you've done it, Supergirl.
Oh, you Super-heel!
"I'll never interfere with Cousin Superman's romantic life again!"
