Part two of that last thing! A long time later! By Johnathan!

I may seem to be in the grip of some sort of late-Winter/early-Spring frenzy of procrastination  but I am totally working on really cool things! With Paul! Also, I'm procrastinating a lot. But with a girl! Which isn't as bad, I think?

Anyway:

Mr Terrific - Would there even be a Mr Terrific in the Thirtieth Century? Terry Sloane started crime-fighting because he was the very best at everything and was super-duper suicidally bored by it all. But was he smarter than Brainiac 5? A better fighter than Karate Kid? More roly-poly than Bouncing Boy? No, no and no. I figure that a Mr Terrific somehow thrust into a Legion audition would find himself feeling suicidally inferior. He'd probably end up living in the sewers underneath the Clubhouse, eating future-vermin (astro-snakes! cosmic sand fleas! plasma eels!) and writing bad poetry about rejection. And everyone would forget about him until Five Years Later, when he shows up in two panels before getting shot by the Dominion. Poor guy.

Sandman - In contrast, Golden Age Wesley Dodds is just too damn hard to stop for him *not* to get into the Legion. Seriously, I don't know about his solo adventures but in the old All-Star Comics days he was easily the most bad-assed of the normal JSAers. As far as I can figure it, Lightning Lad or someone would have a scary dream about Sandman (and possibly also Sandy, the Golden Boy) punching him in the head and then he'd wake up and go to get a cup of coffee to steady his nerves and then Sandman would bust through the door and punch him in the head. He wouldn't even have a vote - no one would. they'd all wake up one day and Sandman would be just finishing screwing his name-plate onto that big horseshoe-shaped mass podium they have and that would be that.

Spectre - Well, he's got the power, but I don't know if his methods are in line with standard Legion non-homicidal practice. Also - and I know I made a very similar joke about Dr Fate - I think that "as old as time" is a bit too far past the age of eighteen to be ignored.

Starman - Let's ignore the fact that he wouldn't get in in a million years because he gains his power from a Cosmic Rod (and that thing really never did work too well, to tell the truth. It seemed like he lost it or found that it was completely useless about every other adventure) and think about how much more interestingly confusing the Legion would be if he got in. Star Boy! Starman! Together at last! Oh no, here comes Starfinger and Pulsar Stargrave! Aiee!

Wildcat - If his "nine lives" power was in effect, Wildcat would totally get in, but even if it wasn't I think that he would be a valuable addition to the Legion lineup for one simple reason: costume diversity. Essentially, most of the Legion (and a decent percentage of the JSA, actually) are wearing spaceman clothes with some sort of fancy-pants logo on the front. Whither the themed costumes of yore, super-teens? Wildcat, with his right-down-to-the-jowls attention to detail (okay, I haven't actually seen a jowled cat, but there must be some reason for those little flaps) could show those young punks a thing or two about looking good while cracking skulls. Picture Brainiac 5 wearing a hat shaped like a brain. Are you delighted? The answer is yes.

Wonder Woman - The Justice Society's secretary, which is kind of heinous, yes. It's not quite as bad in the context of the stories ("We can only have eight members for some dumb reason, but we think that you're cool! Want to be our secretary?") but yeah: stupid. Despite (because of?) all of the bondage, Golden Age Wonder Woman actually kicked a fair amount of ass, and her own comic was delightfully weird. I can't really think of any powers that she has that aren't duplicated by half of the legion membership, though. Maybe having Etta Candy around could count (Etta Candy is the most delightful Golden Age sidekick since Slam Bradley's pal Shorty. So I have decreed). If not, I'm sure that she could get into the Wanderers, no problem.

Cylon cookies!

There are many copies!

To celebrate (or mourn) the last episode of Battlestar Galactica tonight, I made Cylon cookies. And you can too!

First you just have to fashion a custom cookie cutter out of a heavy duty foil lasagna pan like so:

Then you make your favourite sugar cookie dough. Like all things in life, I turn to a fictional character for advice here. Betty Crocker has never steered me wrong.

Alright, now roll out that dough and get ready to cut some cylon heads!

Now, remember, when designing your cutter, and when placing the cookies on the pan, these cookies are going to lose their shape quite a bit when they bake and spread out all over the place. Leave a lot of room.

Time to toast those toasters! Bake for about 10 minutes until they start to get a little golden. Be careful taking them off the sheet after because they are delicate. We had a couple of casualties.

When the cookies are nice and cool, you can decorate them! I split a batch of vanilla frosting in half and coloured one half red and one half silver. Matt drew a Cylon head that we could use as a guide:

Mmmmm...delicious Cylons!

Enjoy the last episode everyone!

Is Atlanta Thrashers Goalie Kari Lehtonen a Big Nerd?

I love it when my worlds collide.

Here we have Atlanta Thrashers goaltender/Finn/nerd sporting his latest mask. It has the Dark Knight Joker on it.

Not convinced? Of course not. You don't have to be a nerd to like The Dark Knight. So let's go to Exhibit B: the Kill Bill mask from the previous season:

And sure, you don't have to be a nerd to like Kill Bill either, but the two things together are starting to paint a pretty nerdy picture.

Now let's go to Exhibit C, or as I like to call it, the clincher:

Yes, that is a Final Fantasy themed goalie mask.

Still not convinced? How about this Optimus Prime (movie version) mask he had made but never wore in a game?

And, just for fun but not really relevant to my argument, here's a picture of Lehtonen with Lil' Jon (who has also been featured on a Lehtonen mask). Actually, I think this picture is relevant to my argument because Lehts looks really nerdy:

Is he a geek, or is he just lazy about his pop culture references? You decide. I choose to award him the first Living Between Wednesdays Award for Public Geekery by an Outsider.

Keep letting that geek flag fly, Lehts!

Thinking Hypothetically: The JSA, by Johnathan:

I went to see The Watchmen last night (for the nerd-record: I liked it and think it was a good adaptation but of course have a small voice inside of me crying about how my favourite scene was messed up. All in all, though: JOHN APPROVED) and it got me thinking: which members of the classic Justice Society of America would have gotten into the Legion of Superheroes?

Uh, I said that it got me thinking, not that it got me thinking in a particularly linear fashion. Still, good idea for a not-really-a-review, hey?

So, to set the stage, it's Legion Tryout day, some time after the "one boy and one girl per year" thing was phased out, and this motley crew shows up on the rocket doorstep:

For the purposes of this little thought-experiment we will be considering members of the JSA during their original run, but ignoring Batman and Superman because they were hardly ever in the comic and have had plenty of legion face-time anyway. Just for fun, if someone seems doomed for rejection of a shoo-in for acceptance we might try to think up a situation wherein the obvious might not occur. In roughly alphabetical order:

The Atom: Poor old Al Pratt got to be a super-hero by working out and practicing and never saying die. Despite his short stature he was one of the most effective members of the JSA in a fight. The Legion would've turfed him out on his ear in no time flat. Best Case Scenario: The Atom saves the world while the Legion is busy fighting Doctor Mayavale again and ends up palling around with Pete Ross in the Legion Reserve.

Black Canary: I haven't actually read any of the Black Canary's Golden Age adventures but I'm pretty sure that she was another in the "regular person with a solid right hook" school of crimefighting and that the Canary Cry came later. Still, let's say that she has it for the sake of this not turning into a series of identical paragraphs. Man, sh'd be in there like no one's business. As risque as the bustier-and-fishnets look might have been at some point in the past, it's practically a hoop skirt and bustle by the standards of the 70s Legion. The unbridled lust of Sun Boy alone would propel a flight ring onto her finger.

Dr Fate: Now, I've read maybe the first twenty issues of All-Star Comics, where the JSA made their home in the 40s and, as far as I can tell, the Dr Fate that appeared in those comics was less the magic-wielding champion of Order that we all know and love and more... something else? He seems to talk about being composed of "pure energy" a lot. He still uses magic, though, so whether he could get in is basically a matter of whether the White Witch is already a member, I suppose. Worst Case Scenario: the Legion find out that Kent Nelson is just a regular dude without the Helmet of Fate and have Triplicate Girl toss him out on his ear for gaining his powers from a device. Also, technically, Nelson and Dr Fate are two different guys, and isn't Fate thousands of years old? Not that most of the JSA aren't breaking the "nobody over the age of eighteen" rule, but still.

Dr Mid-Nite: Okay, I guess the fact that Mid-Nite really is a medical doctor is a cue-off to the fact that he's likely at least in his late twenties. Ignoring that, though, I think that he's got a pretty decent shot. A few judiciously-placed blackout bombs in the Legion tryout chamber, then a demonstration of the ol' patented Charles McNider "seeing in the dark" trick and he would be on easy street. Imagine Dr Mid-Nite, Shadow Lass and Night Girl teaming up to form... the Legion Shadow Squad! Who would dare call that a bad idea?

The Flash: I can't see why the Flash wouldn't get in, given his super-cool super-speed. Time for a Worst Case Scenario: "We're sorry, Flash. While your amazing speed powers might prove useful in a combat situation, we feel that there is a very real chance that if you stopped suddenly your hat might fly off like a discus and decapitate somebody, probably Bouncing Boy. REJECTED!"

Green Lantern: On the face of it, this one's easy, since having to wear and recharge a ring to keep yourself all powered up kind of breaks that one rule about having to have your own powers. Golden Age Green Lantern wasn't so much about firing green boxing gloves or can-can dancers or whatever out of the ring, though, so he might have had a chance. He could fly and was immune to metal (but famously not to wood, which could trip him up if anyone was in a pissy mood). I'd say he has a fifty-fifty chance based on how observant everyone was that day and whether he got to test-fight Ferro Lad or Chlorophyll Kid as his initiation feat.

Hawkman: Not in a million years. Everyone in the Legion can fly and their flying devices are a lot smaller than his and they already have Dawnstar. Best Case Scenario: He manages to convince them that he's a Thanagarian ambassador and gets a tour of the building.

Hourman: One of my favourite super-heroes ever (seriously, I was so sad about him seemingly dying in New Frontier that it took Darwyn Cooke himself to console me and say it wasn't so), so it pains me to admit that he wouldn't have much of a chance of getting into the Legion. Popping a yellow-and-red-striped pill every hour is a bit of a giveaway that you weren't born with super-strength (though making your super-pill match your cape is a pretty classy move, by my estimation). Still, Rex Tyler would make a pretty snazzy addition to the Legion of Substitute Heroes, especially as he would automatically be its most competent (and stylish) member.

Johnny Thunder: If anyone on this list would royally screw up the tryout process it would be Johnny. He'd say "Say, you fellows are tops in my book." and the Thunderbolt would misinterpret that as an order to make everyone spin around until Brainiac 5 vomits Coluan nutrient paste and that would be the end of that. However, Johnny Thunder would have made a fantastic supporting character in the Silver Age Legion adventures. Unlike the competent-but-not-confident Substitute legion, he could follow the Legionnaires around in various attempts to impress them and then fail spectacularly. Big laffs!

Ag! It's been a long day! I'm exercising my right to finish this tomorrow!

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Watchmen

Do we need a review of Watchmen to be spoiler-free, actually?

I just got back from an advance screening, and I just wanted to share some quick thoughts.

I thought the movie was a really good, loyal adaptation of the book. For those of us who have read the book, and love the book, it was fun to see it come to life. The acting was great, I dare say that Nite Owl and Rorschach were perfect. The last time I read the book, I had a thought that there is no way that they could make Walter Kovacs (without the mask) as he looks in the book work on screen. I was wrong. He looked perfect.

The fact that it is based on one specific comic book that most fans have read numerous times makes it a weird movie-going experience. As I said, the movie was very loyal. There are no surprises if you've read it, right down to almost every line of dialogue. And, because it's based on a comic, almost every shot is also familiar. So it felt as if I had watched the movie before.

My only real problem with the movie is that it was too gory and that the major sex scene was just too...porny? It was over the top for sure. As for the gore, I think a lot of the most violent scenes would have been better without it. Off screen would have been classier and less distracting (and more like the book).

Oh...and the soundtrack is BATSHIT INSANE. But it kind of charmed me.

But overall the movie looked great, had great acting and had some neat ideas about how to tell this crazy story on screen. I don't know how people who haven't read the book will feel about it. I would imagine that to them it would seem sort of weird and rushed and lacking in a lot of areas. And it would certainly be depressing. But for those of us who have read it, it's just a nice treat to see the story come to life. That's all I expect out of these things. I think the challenge of making a Watchmen movie was met and adequately conquered. And some of the scenes were downright awesome to see on screen!

I mean, I said before I saw the movie that the problem with putting Watchmen on the big screen is that there is really nothing fun about the story. It's pretty joyless. But it is still entertaining, and I think the director made it as fun as it could possibly be without ruining it.

The movie is about three hours long, so good luck to everyone who is going to the midnight screening tomorrow night!

The comic-iest Oscars ever!

I'm using the fact that Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman hosted the Oscars as an excuse to write about them in this comic book blog.

Mr Jackman was delightful, I thought, and I especially loved his opening number with the big "I'm Wolverine!" finisher. He was very funny and charming, but I still don't think he's the sexiest anything, let alone man alive. I'm looking forward to a big musical number in Wolverine.

I loved the set, and having the orchestra out of the pit. And I really liked that Danny Boyle made a point of mentioning how great the set was, and thanking the people responsible. Classy! I don't know how "toned down" the whole works looked, especially with that giant crystal curtain, but who wants to see a low-budget Oscars?

Bill Maher really came off as a douche, eh? Awkward, awkward jokes and very predictable "MY documentary wasn't nominated!" remarks. And then he almost opened the envelope before reading the nominees because he was too busy thinking about how much smarter he is than everyone else. From now on, only delightful, charming people at the Oscars please.

Speaking of looking like a douche: Peter Gabriel. I mean, whatever, I know that cutting the songs off at one minute or whatever seems disrespectful, but when I was watching the performance of the medley of nominated songs, the slots for each one seemed long enough. And poor John Legend (who maybe had laryngitis or maybe was trying to sound more like Peter Gabriel?) had to step in at the last minute and sing those ridiculous lyrics while Gabriel sat a few rows away. What if that song had won? Awk-ward.

Also a douche: Zac Efron for leaving presenting partner Alicia Keyes in his dust when he strode out onto the stage.

And...that kid from Twilight for rocking that ridiculous vampire stare the whole time. Lift your head, son. Stand up straight.

I think the best dress was Marisa Tomei's.

And I think the worst dress was, sadly, the one that Queen Latifah was wearing during her song. Was the dress a tribute to something? It kinda looked like a crazy prom dress that I would have designed when I was seven, and only had one crayon left. Too bad because her red carpet dress was lovely.

I liked that little Pineapple Express bit with Janusz Kaminski, especially when they were watching Milk.

When the first acting award was given out using that five presenters format, I was worried that the show was going to be ten hours long. Cut to Robert Downey Jr in the audience, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing. But y'know what? I really liked it. I thought it was really nice for those past winners to be sharing such kind, and seemingly unscripted at times, words with the nominees. Plus it was exciting to see five amazing actors on the stage at a time (although...best lead actress was given out without much reaction from the audience, but when they brought out the five male actors to give out that award, there was a standing ovation. Women: booooooooo! Men: yaaaaaaaaaay!). I think that they should have used the same format for best director. And, as Matt and I were joking, for best movie. They could just have five things, like "Please welcome The Godfather, Citizen Kane, Ben-Hur, Lawrence of Arabia and the Titanic!"

I have always found it amusing that there is such a huge difference in speeches from when actors win, or when anyone else wins. Actors are always overwhelmed and crying and hyperventilating talking about fainting, but when a sound editor or someone wins they are just like "Thanks. This means a lot." They worked just as hard or harder on the exact same movie, and have also just won the highest honour that they can receive in their industry, but they manage to hold it together.

I was really surprised that Mickey Rourke didn't win, but happy that Sean Penn won. I really liked Milk a lot, and was hoping that it might win best picture. Oh well. Slumdog Millionaire was pretty good too.

And, of course, Heath Ledger's win was both sad and exciting. Exciting because it's the highest honour a comic-based movie has ever won at the Oscars. I still think Christopher Nolan deserved a nomination, but oh well. He'll just have to make the next Batman movie even better.

And finally, yay for the guy from Man on Wire for doing a coin trick at the podium, and then balancing the Oscar on his chin. We need more of that at the Oscars for sure.