Grave Consequences: The End of 100 Bullets

This week, a much-beloved, oft-delayed series came to its highly anticipated conclusion. I’m talking, of course, about Halo: Uprising…nah, just kidding. Instead of wasting time talking about a four-issue miniseries that took about two years to come out, I’m going to celebrate and eulogize a 100-issue miniseries that came out more or less regularly over the last ten years, with a few production holdups along the way (around the middle and at the end, mostly). Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso, take a much-deserved bow—you guys finally reached the end of 100 Bullets.

    This is somewhat surprising, since it looked as though the Vertigo revenge drama wouldn’t survive its first year. I gave the first issue a glance when it came out—liked the art, dug the cover, appreciated the pacing and street-smart dialogue—but there wasn’t enough there to bring me back for issue two. The concept, a semi-anthology where the mysterious Agent Graves offers consequence-free revenge to a series of hard luck cases, had promise, but…I don’t know. There just wasn’t enough meat on its metaphorical bones, so to speak. However, by the time the first collection, First Shot Last Call, arrived, with its dirt-cheap price tag—ten bucks US for five issues and a short story, not bad!—I had heard the growing buzz and decided to give 100 Bullets another try. This formula succeeded in spades, as the low price point and critical acclaim made it an irresistible draw. The title continued, racking up awards, acclaim, and increased sales, and a Vertigo sales strategy that continues to this day was born. As for me, I was in for the long haul.
    The second 100 Bullets collection, Split Second Chance, is where lots of readers who weren’t entirely swayed by the first book toppled altogether. It’s in this much longer trade that we get our first glimpses of the bigger conspiracy behind Agent Graves’ “game”--that he is not only doling out sweet, sweet revenge, but that he is recruiting new players into an older, much more dangerous game. It’s where we see that Azzarello is not only a pro at crafting multi-part stories, but killer one-shots as well (such as “Heartbreak, Sunny Side Up”, still one of the all time greats). It’s where we begin to chart the evolution of Chicago gang-banger Dizzy Cordova, heroine of the series’ introductory arc, as she is crafted into Graves’ greatest weapon, and where we meet the first of the mysterious and deadly Minutemen, like savage Lono and slick Cole Burns. Finally, it’s where we hear the first whispers about the Trust, the sinister cabal of families who control everything that’s worth controlling in America.
    I should pause here and talk about Eduardo Risso’s art. It would be impressive enough to note that the Argentinean illustrator didn’t even meet his collaborator until well into the series’ run, and in fact, had to have the scripts translated for him because he didn’t understand English—furthermore, he wasn’t even on the same continent as the writer! All of that is beside the point, when you see how brilliantly Risso brings the stories to life. Not only does he capture all the raw emotion, all of the gun-blazing action, all of the oh-so-important character subtleties, but he populates every panel with the most bizarre-looking, eye-catching background characters this side of a Dick Tracy strip to boot. It’s hard to say which angles or details are in the script and which ones Risso concocts himself, but come on—this guy gives you shots from inside a pinball game, from a canvas about to be painted on, and from behind a man’s skull as his brains are being blown out! You gotta stand up and salute that kind of vision. And he only gets better as the series goes along.

    I also have to mention Dave Johnson’s artistic contribution, providing the striking cover imagery of all 100 issues and all 13 (eventual) collected editions. Even in the early days of his more traditional painted covers, Johnson’s work had the eye-catching quality of some of the cooler movie posters from the 60s and 70s, but over time his arrangements became more daring and unconventional, all the while looking completely effortless. This is, I think, a case where the use of PhotoShop has made a great artist even better, opening up new possibilities and firing his imagination rather than simply making him lazy. Strange Adventures bossman Calum Johnston scored an amazing Agent Graves sketch for me from the man himself in Toronto a few years back, and it’s scowling down at me as I type this.

    100 Bullets is one of those series that, while obviously successful enough to continue all the way to its planned conclusion, never sold lots of copies of the single issues. That’s why that first trade was such an important component in its early success—the long-range planning Azzarello put into the book was much more evident when you read it that way. This is the kind of title, after all, where someone appears for a few panels in the background of an issue, only to become a central figure two or three trade paperbacks down the line. This is a series that rewards patience and attention to detail, which could often make the monthly comics confusing and occasionally tedious. I re-read all twelve existing trades before the final arc began, then began reading the monthlies to see it though to the end, but by about four or five issues into it, I realized I was already getting lost in the wait between issues.
    Which brings me, finally, to 100 Bullets #100. This super-sized issue features Graves’ final showdown with the remaining members of the Trust, while the remaining members of the Minutemen cause grievous bodily harm to countless bodyguards and each other. If that synopsis sounds a bit pedestrian, it’s because, as predicted…I mostly had no idea what the hell was going on. There were definitely some memorable moments, like Jack Daw vs. hulking bodyguard Crete vs. a bunch of alligators, and Cole Burns’, er, heated exchange with ice queen Megan Dietrich, but I couldn’t wrap my head around what exactly all of Graves’ Byzantine maneuvering had actually accomplished, and what it meant for the final scene (which, appropriately enough, came down to Graves and Dizzy). It sure did look great, though, but I think I’ll appreciate it a lot more when I revisit it in the final trade (due out this summer).
    Still, sometimes the ride is the point, not the destination, and 100 Bullets was a ride like no other. One of the sexiest, goriest, most intricately plotted and beautifully drawn comics I’ve ever read, populated with some of the most memorable psychopaths, femmes fatales, smooth operators, and sad sacks ever found between two covers, has come and gone, and I can’t imagine what could replace it or even want to try.

Have one on me, Graves, you've earned it. Now who the hell’s gonna sweep up all these shell casings?

Wednesday Interview: Jeff Parker

Jeff Parker is one of my favourite comic writers because you can tell that he really enjoys his job. He has written (and drawn!) an impressive pile of comics that are all full of action, fun, humour and are often appropriate for all ages. He is best known for his awesome work at Marvel, including Agents of Atlas, X-Men First Class, Marvel Adventures Avengers, Exiles, The Age of The Sentry, and Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four. One of his newest projects, however, is and original creation for DC's Wildstorm imprint. Mysterius the Unfathomable is a great new six-issue series that falls into the "supernatural detective" genre, and has amazing art by Tom Fowler. Issue #4 hits stores today, and I highly recommend checking out the whole series if you haven't yet.

Now let's hear what Jeff has to say about Mysterius, Tom Fowler, upcoming projects, and what DC characters he'd like to touch!

I'd like to start with you describing the concept of Mysterius the Unfathomable in your own words and where the inspiration came from.

The book uses the conceit that most stage magicians are in truth actual practicing magicians of the occult. Mysterius is one of the more notorious of these people, and he has always had assistants using the stage name "Delfi." He plays different roles in different time periods, and is a jerk in all of them, but he has an undying curiousness and need to know all things magic.

The inspiration is largely that I wanted to create an amoral protagonist and do something supernatural. Also I wanted something that evoked the works of Douglas Adams, particularly the Dirk Gently books.
 

Tom Fowler's art is absolutely amazing on this title. Were you paired up with him by Wildstorm, or did you develop this series with him? Do you think that his awesomeness can be attributed to the fact that he is Canadian? 

I was trying to get Tom on a Marvel project when Wildstorm approved this concept. And then that fell through and I immediately bugged Ben Abernathy to ask Tom, who I knew would be perfect. His awesomeness may indeed be inherently Canadian- you seem to have a ridiculous amount of drawing talent. Now of course it's unthinkable that Tom might not have been part of this, so much of the characters is him and his sensibilities.

 

Comic fans are mostly familiar with your work for Marvel. What attracted you to Wildstorm as a home for Mysterius? Has the experience been significantly different than writing for Marvel? 

They nicely invited me to create something new, and by They I mean Ben Abernathy. And even though they are known for the Wildcats, Stormwatch type stuff, they've done quite a bit of offbeat books so it seemed like it could work. It's different from Marvel mostly because it's creator originated rather than work for hire, so the difference of WS being more hands off isn't really a company one. I didn't really answer that did I? Maybe Marvel does tend to tell people they're putting out these books.

 

You have now basically conquered the comic writing trifecta: writing comics starring established popular superhero characters like the Avengers and the X-Men, writing comics starring virtually unknown characters that you pulled out of obscurity like Agents of Atlas, and writing comics starring your own original characters. Which of these challenges has been your favourite experience so far? 

Nothing really beats creating your own characters. Really, if your aspirations are ultimately to service other people's trademarks, that's kind of sad. You should always want to contribute something new. Atlas, though I don't own it, does touch that a bit too because I had so much say so in how the characters were reimagined.

Not to say I don't enjoy the heck out of the other stuff. I get a lot of pride out of being able to make the All Ages books actually appeal to readers of all ages, for example. And it's nice to be trusted with the keys to the House of Ideas.

You're a very busy guy when it comes to writing comics, and we fans are grateful! How many comics are you working on now and what projects do you have coming up?

I'm now writing Agents of Atlas, Exiles, The Hood mini and the final 1602 series- I just finished the last issue of Mysterius. There will undoubtedly be surprise one-shots I don't know about yet, too.

Of the dwindling list of characters that you haven't written yet, which do you hope to write someday? 

Dr. Strange and Thor at Marvel. And there are tons of DC characters I've not even touched!

Let Doom turn that frown upside-down!

Panels taken from Fantastic Four #6, with apologies to Jack Kirby, Stan Lee and Mariah Carey.

"He Is Brave And Gentle And Wise..."

I don’t remember the old Astro Boy cartoon nearly as well as some of my friends do; like them, I first saw it when I was in elementary school, but all I’ve managed to retain is the super-lame theme song (“Strong-er than all the reeeest/This mighty ro-bot will pass the teeeest...” etc.), and the game at the end where Astro Boy summed up the plot but fibbed about an important detail to see if the viewers at home were paying attention. However, I know a lot of folks who swear by the show about the little boy ‘bot with the pointy hair, and who are devoted to the show’s emotionally wrenching storylines—like the one about the little girl robot who’s actually a bomb sent to destroy the show’s hero, but when she eventually falls in love with him, she runs off into the snow to explode alone. Thinking about it, that actually does sound kind of cool, but not as cool as the legendary two-parter The Greatest Robot On Earth, where an evil robot named Pluton begins tracking down and destroying the seven most advanced robots on the planet. When Astro Boy comes up in conversation, which is more often than you’d imagine, this is the storyline that is usually touted as his greatest adventure.

    Apparently, legendary manga creator Naoki Urasawa (Monster) thought so too, even if his memories of Astro Boy were formed more by Osamu Tezuka’s original Tetsuwan Atom comics. Urasawa, overseen by Tezuka’s son, has taken it upon himself to create a retelling of The Greatest Robot On Earth with his manga series Pluto. Originally published in Japan in 2003, Pluto is now being imported to North America by Viz in a seven (I think) volume series. The first two volumes are available now, with more being released bi-monthly. As specific an homage as this series is, you don’t need to be a manga fan or an Astro Boy fan to appreciate what Urasawa’s done here. Pluto will appeal to fans of thoughtful science fiction in the vein of Asimov or Blade Runner, and is an early candidate for my favourite new series of the year.
    Reformatting The Greatest Robot On Earth as a sort of police procedural thriller, Pluto follows a detective named Gesicht as he attempts to solve two possibly intertwined murder mysteries—the destruction of a series of highly advanced robots all over the world, and the gruesome slaying of various humans who are staunch advocates of human rights. The robots are all veterans of the 39th Central Asian War, and the human victims all belonged to a controversial survey group who were tasked with finding robotic weapons of mass destruction in a fictional country some years ago. Gesicht is aided by the Hannibal Lecter-like advice of Brau 1589, an incarcerated robot who is the only artificial being to ever murder a human (until now, possibly?), and a small robotic boy named Atom (he’s the one with the annoying theme song).

    Set in a future world where humans and robots co-exist more or less peacefully, Pluto asks questions about life and emotions, artificial or otherwise. The robot victims are long past the search for humanity or emotion—they are more concerned with finding meaning and beauty in the world after surviving a terrible war where they were forced to do battle with their own kind. The doomed robots make for an intriguing cast of protagonists. There’s Mont Blanc, the mascot of the Swiss Forestry Service who is beloved across the globe; North No. 2, a serene would-be musician whose cloak conceals an array of deadly weaponry; and Brando, a literal rock ‘em-sock ‘em robot who, when not fighting in title bouts against other robots, is a family man with five rambunctious kids.

    You’d have to be a robot yourself not to be caught up in the emotional component of Pluto. The global heartbreak and mourning that follows Mont Blanc’s destruction is weirdly affecting, as is Gesicht’s visit to the robotic widow of a police robot who is destroyed by a drug-addicted fugitive (and whose memory chip might provide a vital clue in the larger mystery). The centerpiece of the first volume is the three chapters devoted to North No. 2 and his new job as servant to a reclusive, sightless musical genius. The tumultuous relationship between the two is eventually healed as North No. 2 helps his master remember a song from his childhood that reveals a long-buried truth about his mother. The musician’s eventual acceptance of North No. 2 as a friend and collaborator makes the appearance of the mystery assailant pretty devastating, as do the scenes with Brando and his loving family.
    That’s not to say that Pluto is simply a sci-fi hanky fest, though. There are plenty of other elements in the first two volumes to hold one’s interest—the intricate mystery behind both the robot and human murders is plenty involving, and the action scenes (like Gesicht’s foot pursuit of the drug-addled suspect in Volume 1, or Brando’s furious brawl with the killer in Volume 2) are fast-paced and exciting, and the interrogation scenes with Brau 1589 are ominously creepy. Urasawa’s art balances detail, action, and emotion nicely, finding depths of feeling even in North No. 2’s ever-unchanging expression and the blank face of the robot widow. Part sci-fi whodunit, part modern recontextualization of a classic adventure, Pluto is an exciting and essential new series. Just pay close attention to the details—there may be an untrustworthy recap at the end.
 

Archie Sunday: Betty of Suburbia

Whoa, a totally punk Betty comic! The Green Day concert in Riverdale was canceled, so she's protesting by throwing a Molotov cocktail at the Starbucks!

Sure, Green Day is a bit of a dated reference, but Archie comics are always about ten years behind in their pop culture references.

No wait. Hold on. Let's do a little CSI zoom in.

Sigh. Oh, Betty. You've really given up and just accepted that you're a total square.

As you can probably guess, she basically spends the whole story recycling.

Let's talk Legion: Adventure Comics No. 315

I have returned, ladies and gentlemen and all who are neither, and how surprised are you that I have a Legion of Super-Heroes tale from the 60s to discuss with you? Not very? Full points!

Now, originally I had planned to take a look at some far out Sixties future-tech or maybe an unusual alien creature or two but once I started reading this particular issue again I got all delighted and felt compelled to talk about the whole damn story. It's like trying to eat only one item at a buffet, I swear.

We find the Legionnaires checking yet another collection of monitor screens...

I maybe have a problem with the universality of this Universal Monitor, hinging on whether those labels are permanent or not. I mean, i can see some borders on this thing, so it's not fantastically huge... is the implication that the 30th Century DCU contains six or seven inhabited planets? I think that I might have seen more than that in the last issue of Green Lantern, so maybe there's a chance that the Legion hasn't been doing as good a job as they've been leading us to believe. Also, Tree World?

"Legionnaires, our planet is named Arboriax. My people are proud and call for war at the slightest insult... please stop calling us Tree World."

At first I thought that maybe Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl were bored or late for a date or something, but it turns out that those watches connect them to the kinda-Universal Monitor so that they can all sneak off to a conference, probably on Planet Ventura (Dice World). I figure that most of 'em will be knee-deep in human depravity by lunch time. What happens on Ventura, after all.

Of course, as soon as the Legionnaires turn their backs, some asshole aliens show up - these ones seem to have evolved from replilian beavers. Maybe they're from Tree World!

An aside about the reason for this invasion: the "aliens coming to Earth to steal something - often gold or twinkies - that does not exist on their planet" plot is basically as old as superheroes themselves, or at least would be if the Forties weren't all about the Nazis. Once the Fifties rolled around, though, this kind of thing was happening about once a week. Batman and the Flash probably have weekly get-togethers where the one who dealt with the fewest armoured-car-robbing extraterrestrials has to buy the beer. HOWEVER: glass? These guys come from a planet that doesn't have glass? Maybe... maybe they think that something else is called glass, like einsteinium or something. After all, glass must be hard to make poison out of, and I reckon that any race bright enough to figure out space travel must have the capacity to put together the old "sand + heat" equation. Right?

Well, at least they had the forethought necessary to keep the Legion from swooping in as soon as they cleared the ionosphere and... HEY! That is clearly a piece of glass on the side of that thing! And (scroll, scroll) they have glass cockpits on their space ships! I am so damn confused by these guys.

Well, maybe that's a good sign. Maybe they do have their words mixed up and they're going to start stealing poodles or Hostess Fruit Pies in a minute.

No, no. No, they're stealing glass. They're  putting a lot of effort into stealing glass.

They built special ships with special weapons to steal glass with. Those special ships have glass in them. Argh!

It's just as well that we're done with them, because another few minutes of thinking about this might have a detrimental effect on my well-being. In a few panels that I'm not putting up for space reasons the Legion of Substitute Heroes trounces these orange-clad bozos and that's the last that's ever been seen of them, as far as I know and barring a surprise appearance of three of them in a cloak as the real identity of the Time Trapper at the end of Legion of Three Worlds.

Superboy shows up just after the Subs finish mopping up, and the two Legions finally meet! The Substitute Heroes, despite having just stopped a fleet of technologically-advanced-if dumb aliens with the super-powers equivalent of a bag of firecrackers, are riddled with low self-esteem and all worried that the Legion will make them stop hanging around in a cave and picking up after them. Instead, the Legionnaires are so impressed that they offer to make one member of the Substitute Legion a super-duper official Legion member.

A contest is organized! Each Sub gets a Legion sponsor and has to complete aan assignment all by themselves! Scores will be awarded!

But of course, the sponsors have to be selected. How do you figure they do that, folks? Pick a number? Names from a hat, Planetary Chance Machine? Nah.

It's time for a brand-new selector machine! There have been variants on this sort of device throughout the Legion's history that making new ones has to be someone's hobby. My theory about this particular device is that is was designed as a backup in case the big computer ever broke down and nobody could think up another way to randomly assign kissing partners. I was going to put in the next panel, featuring the results, but it doesn't really matter for the purpose of this. Just note that poor Night Girl didn't get teamed up with Cosmic Boy, who she loves, in a way that probably would be treated as dismayingly stalkerish today but was reasonably endearing in the 60s.

Polar Boy gets the first assignment and it's a bit of a doozy. The Legion sure isn't slacking on the "challenging" aspect of these tests.

Meanwhile, "the Human Guinea Pigs" is a great name both for a scientific group and for a band. It doesn''t really come up later on in the comic but I bet that they're young mavericks, flouting the established conventions of Thirtieth Century scientific research and testing strange formulas on each other because they can't get the funding to purchase convicts and wearing their hair in unconventional

ways. Accidently freezing themselves is probably just a normal Saturday afternoon thing for the Human Guinea Pigs - they probably freeze themselves instead of sleeping.

Polar Boy's game to try, though, which is one reason that I like him so much. If you put me in a room with cold powers and orders to thaw some frozen guys the best I'd come up with would probably be something along the lines of "Well, they're frozen all right. I wonder what will happen if I cool them down even more? Maybe they'll loop around to being warm

again!" Granted, I've probably played more video games than Polar Boy and so have no concept of real-world logic, but still: hauling them off to the Earth's core is quite a bit more productive no matter how you look at it. I'm not so sure about those harnesses though - I have to believe that dropping one of these guys into a pool of molten cesium (or whatever - I was an English major. As far as I know the Earth's interior was accurately described by Milton) would result in some pretty serious negative scoring. Maybe one or two knots, or even a four-point harness?

Safety considerations aside, he does it and does it in style, using his power to protect himself from the blazing heat while baking the scientists to a crisp golden brown, if my youthful experiments with the noble frozen meat pie are applicable here.

A good first showing for  the Substitute Heroes, even if it set back cryogenic research by decades ("the freezing works okay, but we just can't get the thawing oven hot enough" "Try the self-cleaning setting!") and made that one scientist quite a bit tubbier somehow.

The question now is whether the Legion are panicking or not. Did they actually expect Polar Boy to finish this challenge? If they let him in, what are they going to talk about? Will he want to let more of his loser friends into the club? Or am I being cynical? Let's see what they whip up for the next challenger, Night Girl:

Consider this panel the intermission to this very long post. Isn't it pretty?

Hmm. Still no real indication of how the Legion feels about this process. Sure it's going to be rough on Night Girl to operate on a planet swathed in perpetual sunshine but she's proven herself to be a pretty canny customer on a number of occasions. Also, the selection committee looks to be composed entirely of male Legionnaires, not that I want to imply anything about their commitment to fairness being compromised by the presence of a hot babe in a bouffant hairdo. Okay, I kind of do.

 Sun Woman is basically the perfect enemy for Night Girl - she has the same super strength, only hers is solar powered, so that one of them will always be able to grind the other into powder depending on ambient lighting conditions. She also shares Night Girl's excellent costume sense - look at that thing! Shoulder antennae, sunburst on the stomach, good colour scheme and a sun-ray halo. Good heavens, that's a great costume element - why the heck it hasn't that been lifted for some other fire-themed villain in the decades since I'll never know. Some negative points for the stiletto heels, but big bonus for knowing how to dress a henchman properly (see intermission picture). I'm going to throw out a JOHN APPROVED for her.

HOWEVER, for someone who has such super-costume design savvy, Sun Woman fails to apply her skills properly here. When confronting an unknown champion of justice you have to look for telltale thematic signs, SW, and the black costume, star-shaped cape-pin and owl insignia simply scream "night-themed super-hero, try to keep in a brightly-lit area." Night Girl gets thrown into the decidedly non-brightly-lit dungeons and proceeds to use her restored super-strength to tunnel around the city and set up a resistance.

Night Girl's plan is to have the Vannar citizenry burn huge piles of coal around the city in order to block out the sun and thus deprive Sun Woman of the source of her powers.

Now, I'm going to ignore any question of environmental impact. I'm not going to question the fact that these people have seemingly never thought of burning coal, even though it apparantly lies around in giant heaps, free for the gathering (although I guess it's reasonable to assume that this is a largely solar-powered planet). No, I'd just like to point out that Vannar is one of the few 30th Century planets that I've ever seen get future-clothing right.

Not that those jumpsuits are exactly high fashion, mind, but look! They're all different colours! Take note, Lizard-Beavers! Look, Coluans! Not everyone looks good in mauve - remember that.

Anyway, that's that for Sun Woman, except for one more panel where she's looking super pissed-off as Night Girl flies  her off to jail. Note that Night Girl, in addition to being well-dressed, knows how to make an entrance. The only thing that would have made this whole thing better is if she had done it a few feet to the left and turned it into a double uppercut. Violence solves everything, kids!

Okay, so Night Girl is in the running! Who's up next? Why, it's the Chlorophyll Kid! Let's see what crazy task they think up for this little scamp!

What?

This is where I start to get suspicious, kids. Splitting a mountain is Superboy-level stuff - poor Chlorophyll Kid, I think, has just gotten a very unsubtle message to the effect that his leafy presence is not required in the Clubhouse. Still, the little guy is game and flies up the mountain to check things out.

HA HA HA! He does it! The Legionnaires are all doing that thing where they tug at their collars and go "Ai yi yi!" Plant power!

The Legion is getting desperate! They don't know what to do! Chlorophyll Kid split a damn mountain! They start to reach, and send Fire Lad to a world where it rains all the time, tasking him to give the tribes that live there a permenant source of fire. A fairly unremarkable event - he does it, of course, making use of a convenient oil well. There are only really two things to take note of: Fire Lad's sponsor is Bouncing Boy, who I normally don't mind but who is completely insufferable throughout this issue. Also, the tribesmen are really quite remarkable. I encourage you to enlarge yonder picture and take a good look at them.

Huge blond afros!

I think that this is the point tthat the Legion Task Selection Squad gives up. Despite all of their efforts, those damn Subbies just keep finishing their tasks. Besides, the next challenger is Stone Boy - no carefully tailored task for him, no sir, just some big generic monster with a huge ass.

Stone Boy, of course, doesn't give up. That's the defining feature of the Legion of Substitute heroes, after all, through all of their various incarnations. They may be a bit weak on the power front, and they might be somewhat incompetent but they persevere and ultimately triumph. Stone Boy's plan is actually fairly elegant: dig a pit and then lure the monster into it with his own damn body, turning to stone as necessary to avoid chomping.

A while back (I'd link to it but I can't find the damn post), Rachelle pointed out that various Green Lanterns occasionally use their rings to facilitate extreme laziness, to do something like picking up a piece of paper off of the floor. Saturn Girl seems to have fallen into that same habit here. Did she really need to read Stone Boy's mind to figure out what he was doing, or is there something else going on here? Did she lose sight of him and want to avoid using her neck and/or eye muscles to look around (overly-developed eyes are a real turn-off, ladies)? Or is it that she has only ever seen a hole being dug by a swarm of tiny DTCH-DGGR class robots and that the concept of manual labour was so alien to her that she had to violate someone's consciousness before she could reconcile what her eyes were telling her with reality? maybe there's a reason that the time-mirror showed her as so hippy.

As I said, Stone Boy has a pretty good plan. Sadly, some curious villagers spoil it all - I think that maybe there's a reason that the Rantak is so fat, if this is the average intelligence level on this planet. So according to the rules, Stone Boy is the only Substitute Legionnaire to fail the test. Now: back to the Clubhouse to tabulate the scores!

Stone Boy is the winner! He was all selfless and so forth! Yay! Somehow this is more impressive than flying to the core of the planet!

By the way, check out how surprised he is. Now look at the same scene, five seconds earlier:

That's right, the scores were plainly visible. Evidently, nobody was paying attention to the giant display in the centre of the room.

So Stone Boy wins, and everyone else is too polite to point out that they kind of completely refuted the Legion's original reasons for rejecting them (Polar Boy, for example, was rejected for his lack of control). I don't know if they let him in because he legitimately did the best job or because they figured that he would be the most unobtrusive. In any case, he chose to go off with the Substitute Legion, claiming that they were his Legion and making me go "Awwww..." but likely earning him a few smacks upside the head once everyone got back to the cave.

It's probably for the best, really. I will bet a hundred dollars that if you can dig up a comic from an alternate universe in which Stone Boy joined the Legion Ferro Lad will be alive and well and there will be a monument out front of Legion HQ depicting what appears to be a statue in an orange jumpsuit being fired into a Sun-Eater with a bomb strapped to it and a terrified expression.

Very long post.... done!