My Spoiler-Free Mini Review of Wolverine

Sorry this is so late. Free Comic Book Day and all that.

Ok, this was not a great movie. For the first half I was pretty into it, and then it just got stupider and stupider. Hugh Jackman gave a great performance, and he was totally RIPPED. I don't find Jackman all that attractive except when he's Wolverine (and, oddly, I don't find Wolverine attractive unless he's Hugh Jackman). He was certainly looking good in this movie. Liev Screiber was also very good as Sabertooth, and looked great. He really gave it his all, I think. If you are a fan of Deadpool or Gambit, though, prepare for disappointment. The movie suffers from too many mutants. It's like they were just trying to round up everyone who didn't make it into the other three X-Men movies and cram them into one movie (plus Cyclops, who according to this timeline must have been in his fifties by the time of the first X-Men movie).

And, actually, I am going to drop some spoilers here. If you care about this movie, I guess, don't read past here because I have some bones to pick.

1. Adamatium bullets? ADAMANTIUM BULLETS?! What in hell? That makes no sense! 

2. This movie did the same thing that bothered me about the other X-Men movies. They threw in a bunch of background mutants, some of whom are really major characters in the comics, but they made no effort with them. In the second and third X-Men movie you had Colossus with no Russian accent. I mean, that's a small thing that makes a big difference when bringing a character to life. Why can't his two lines be delivered with a Russian accent? We saw the same thing in this movie with Emma Frost, who is Canadian (?!) and shows up very briefly.

3. When Gambit first showed up on the screen I was momentarily excited because I had been waiting about 15 years for this. But I was quickly bored because it was clear the character wasn't going to fit into the movie in any tidy way, and the actor, while very attractive, wasn't really going to go for it with the Cajun accent. And then he fought Wolverine for no reason.

So, in conclusion, the first half of this movie showed promise, which was quickly destroyed in the second half. But if you just want to see Hugh Jackman being sexy with his shirt off for an hour and 45, this is your movie.

Wolverine Week Special: The Hair Conundrum

Happy Free Comic Book Day, folks! And happy Wolverine Weekend! What a world we live in when such joyful occasions can overlap.

I have to say that I was caught a little flat-footed by Wolverine Week. I haven't read many Marvel comics recently (I was enjoying The Twelve but then my curse kicked in) and so wasn't really up to speed on what was going on with the crazy Canuck. Luckily, however, I remembered that I am one of the Internet's top Comic Book Hairstyles scholars1 and so have a surefire way to fascinate and delight you: with a brief illustration of Wolverine's status as a nexus point in the Great Comic Book Hair Continuum.

Now, I'm sure that I don't have to tell you about the Continuum, that vast chart that illustrates the wide variety of hairstyles that exist in the comics medium, their interrelations and influences. It's quite a fascinating field of study, really, and ever more complex as people create new and  distinct characters with ever more unusual haircuts. Why, the inclusion of manga characters in the Continuum after the Pan-Asian Inclusion Conference of 1991 caused the Master Continuum Map to start resembling something along the lines of the Snowflake from Planetary.

Back to Wolverine: Mr. Logan is an interesting figure as he occupies a nexus point between five hair families, while even the most complex hairstyles usually incorporate elements from two or three. Here, check it out (sorry, you're going to have to click and expand this):

This is of course a simplified version of the Continuum. The real thing is 3D and requires a  supercomputer to properly render. Still, you can see how exciting Wolverine's hair is to the Style Academy.

Speaking of simplification, I don't want to get about a thousand angry comments from Hair Continuum Reductionists, so here's Wolvie's position on the Approved Simplified Hair Continuum:

It just doesn't seem the same to me really, but notice that Wolverine still does very well!

I won't bore you with further technical discussion of the intricacies of the Continuum - if you're interested in learning more you can see my series of articles in Ink and Protein, including The Best He is at What He Grows: Wolverine and the Nexus Point2 and The Arms of Logan: The Case for Incorporating the Body Hair Spectrum into the Continuum3.

1I am actually no such thing.

2This paper does not exist.

3Neither does this one.

Later that Day:

As I was writing this it occurred to me that it might be excessively weird, so here's something a bit more... less weird.

So you know how Wolverine was part of an evil Canadian government conspiracy and had all kinds of conditioning and programming and implanted memories and such? While I was image hunting earlier this week I found the absolute best of those and the best evidence that this was not just an evil conspiracy but a dick of a conspiracy:

Here we have Wolverine beau and fellow conspiracy-victim Silver Fox recovering some memory.

Oh no! people are beating up her date!

Her date Wolverine. That's right: the evil conspiracy felt it necessary to simulate a memory of Wolverine getting beat up at his prom and then being a dick to his date.

Can you hope to compete with this level of dickishness, American conspiracies? X-Files conspiracy? Huh? What  do you got, kidnapping Mulder's sister? Go home, girly conspiracy.

Good night, folks.

This Week's Haul: Wolverine Day!

I only read one comic with Wolverine in it this week, and he wasn't in it very much.

I am going to check out the Wolverine movie in a few short hours. I'll let you know what I think. I'll tell you one thing right now: I think it's awesome that Marvel has a big release every year on the Friday before Free Comic Book Day. I don't know if that's planned or not, but it is pretty well-timed. I am going to have to get a good night's sleep tonight before the craziness that is FCBD at Strange Adventures happens tomorrow. I'll be helping out all day and it is always like the Thunderdome every year...in the best way possible. I love everything about the day, so I am very excited.
 

Uncanny X-Men #509

There was something distracting about this issue and it wasn't just the Greg Land artwork. I have been loving Matt Fraction's writing on this title (enough to buy Uncanny X-Men monthly!) but this issue was getting dangerously close to...Winnickness. I don't like politics or social commentary mixed into my comics typically, but I tend to be more tolerant of it in X-titles because prejudice and intolerance is basically what the whole series has been about since the beginning. I'm just saying, when it starts to sound more like the writer talking than the characters, I get a little sleepy. Even if I agree with the writer, it's still a little boring.

But I still really like this series. And now it has added French-Canadian/gay content with Northstar as a new member of the X-Men. He's attractive.

Also: Colussus at a Raiders game! Colossus at a Raiders game!

 

 

Superman # 687

I'll tell you one guy who did not appear in this book: Superman. But there was plenty of Superman's childhood "friend," Mon-El. Poor Mon-El.

Again, I am very impressed with how well this whole big Superman cross-over event is working. I love Guedes' art, and I think Robinson is better at writing the characters around Superman than he is at writing Superman himself.

I am a little confused about one thing: Mon-El's secret identity. Why does he need one? It seems so complicated. And why is he using the name Johnathan Kent? That's just absurd and needlessly confusing. Why can't Mon-El just be Mon-El full-time? He has no family or loved ones to protect. The only person he knows is Superman.

 

Justice Society of America #26

This is the last issue of JSA that I will be buying because it's the last issue that Geoff Johns will be writing. It certainly felt like "this is it forever, folks! To be continued NEVER!" so I wouldn't say that the team did a great job setting it up for the next one.

So in this issue the JSA...throws a birthday party for Stargirl and...that's it. No fighting, no bad guys, no conflict. Just good old fashioned wholesome socializing and a heartwarming exchange of pleasantries over cake and ice cream. But if you like that sort of thing, and I tend to, then you'll be into it. And if you like full-page and double-page group shots, then you'll be REALLY into this because there are several.

The wholesomeness is what's nice about the JSA. They aren't the Justice League. If the Justice League throws a birthday party it ends in rape, murder and genocide.

 

I also read Doctor Doom and the Masters of Evil #4 (after two issues of being very confused, I really enjoyed this finale a lot), Wonder Woman (still awesome) and Green Lantern (gettin' crazy). I still have a bit of a pile to get through because it's been a pretty crazy week, but I am looking forward to reading The Muppet Show #2 (Matt got to it first), Rasl #4 (Yay! Finally!), Legion of Three Worlds #4 (Yay! Finally!) and that Fantagraphics hardcover collection of Blazing Combat.

Wolverine Week: Wolverine Gets Manga'd

Our old pal Wolverine is taking Living Between Wednesday—and the world!—by storm this week. We all know Wolverine has spent some time in Japan, but no one saw this coming: Wolverine manga! Hold onto your bone-claws kids, 'cause this ain't your mama's Wolverine.

Prodigal Son is the first of a series of Wolvie Manga, written by Antony Johnston (or Wasteland fame) and drawn by Wilson Tortosa (who the internet tells me has worked on a bunch of stuff including Tomb Raider).

I'm not a big manga fan, but I'm not all that bananas about Wolverine to tell the truth so maybe meh+meh=coool?

Well, I know this for sure:

THIS

  PLUS THIS

EQUALS

WOLVERINE MANGA!

Prodigal Son is a re-imaging of our hairy mutant friend, in which Logan is a teenaged orphan living at a secret Canadian Dojo. Man, Wolverine Week is really proving how cool Canada is! Logan and the other kids at the Dojo do say, "eh" a lot, which gives the whole thing credibility.

The book has all the makings of a fun teen action/adventure comic. Logan's got a secret past, and mysterious special abilities. He doesn't know who his parents are, how he ended up at the Dojo, and why he can heal like a mofo. All this existential questioning throws him into whirlwind of emotion that ranges from mopey and emo to totally self-righteous. Ah, teenagers!

Logan's crushing hard on his Sensai's daughter. She's fiesty and super tough, so they spar all the time and it leads to SEXY RESULTS.

He's also got the requisite tubby best pal, always there for support.

The dude is totally the type to like, loudly open a Twinkie package when you're crouched down behind a rock, hiding from a bad guy.

 

 

He's all, "What, guys? I get hungry when I'm nervous!"

On top of baby Wolverine's emotional crisis, he's got to deal with a crazed rival who's totally pissed that Wolverine kicked his ass, and that he's losing the big hair competetion.

 But I'll tell you what this book is all about: FIGHTS!

Fights and fights and fights and fights. Lil' Wolvie is scrappy as all heck, and this book provides all the SNKTing you could ever want.

I think the kids will be all over this one.

 

Free Comic Book Day Previews

I went to a screening of Conan the Barbarian instead of reading the comics I bought this week. My reviews will be up tomorrow.

In the meantime I got my husband to read this year's Free Comic Book Day comics and write little reviews for some of them. Free Comic Book Day is, of course, this Saturday. I hope these reviews get you excited for what's going to be available this year. FREE!

So here's what Matt thought:

Comics Festival - This is a delightful and varied collection which made me hungry (food seemed to be a recurring theme) and made me laugh a lot. Is this the first printed appearance of Kate Beaton's comics? Please give her more awards.

[Rachelle's note: Comics Festival is an annual FCBD collection of Canadian cartoonists! This one features fantastic comics by LBW faves like Faith Erin Hicks and Steve Rolston!].

Archie - This issue seems like a pretty solid concept, where the Riverdale gang appears in various historical or fairytale themed stories. Two of the fantasies seem to pair up Betty and Archie in marriage, but the finale brings us back to the classic situation (Veronica and Betty implausibly fighting over him). The Archie gang are still just as corny as ever, which is strangely comforting. 

[Rachelle's note: the Archie gang was never corny].

G.I. Joe - I never really got into this macho nonsense and gear fetish when I was 13, so it's not winning me over in my thirties either. The Transformers comic was slightly better, but boring. Just an extended fight scene in bright colours.

[Rachelle's note: agreed].

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Now we're talking! It's a genuine treat to re-encounter this group in it's original, undiluted form. Way more emphasis on martial arts than the pizza and skateboards that would eventually flavour the kid version of this franchise. The humans look kind of weird and creepy in this drawing style, but the Turtles look super cool! I can actually see this encouraging me to pick up some more of this classic tale.

[Rachelle's note: this is a reprint of the first issue of TMNT. And it is a lot of comic for zero money!]

Alien/Predator - I was kind of into the Aliens half of this comic. It seemed a clever setup, and very sci-fi / historical. Then I got to Predator and the comic was all 'BLAM!' 'BLAM!' 'SHKOW!' 'SHAKOOM!' and I got kind of grossed out and felt like I wasn't really macho enough to read it. Not my cup of tea.

[Rachelle's note: Matt is not very macho].

Free Comic Book Day (Dark Horse) The Star Wars Clone Wars is pretty harmless kid's stuff. I think these characters maybe look better in a comic than in CGI but I gather the kids today enjoy those movies too. Usagi Yojimbo was a fun introductory tale - I read a little of this comic in the nineties, though over someone's shoulders on a bus! I may seek some more of this out (again with the anthropomorphic animals!) Emily The Strange was a little weird - it's like someone's T-shirt started talking at me. Bean town was actually intriguing - it's almost like Marc Bell went commercial and made a trippy cartoon for kids. Indiana Jones was cute!

[Rachelle's note: I love that Matt's idea of reading a comic "a little" is reading it over someone's shoulder on a bus].

Wolverine - This was pretty fun, and heavy on the Canadian content. The premise is Wolverine's first official mission, discovering that a small New Brunswick town has been converted to some kind of robotic metallic compound. Lots of one liners, and the way the robotic creatures communicated was well done.

[Rachelle's note: New Brunswick is thick with robots].

Thanks Matt! Go to your local shops on Saturday, everyone! And if you live in Halifax, come to Strange Adventures!!!

John Buys Comics During Wolverine Week

Hello all. It's me, Johnathan, with the Wolverine Week edition of John Buys Comics. Uh, it turns out that I didn't buy any comics that feature Wolverine this week, so instead I'll be adding a bit at the end of each review that highlights any particularly Wolverine-reminiscent aspects of the comics involved. Yeah! Thematic!

Nevermore No. 1

This might be properly titled Dean Koontz's Nevermore, but the copy I have here omits the "'s" part, so I have no idea. Maybe they thought that it was too mid-Nineties of them to call it that, or maybe they didn't want to step on American McGee's toes.

I have to admit that I've never read anything by Dean Koontz. Not for any good reason, just an instinctual avoidance of books where the author's name is as or more prominent than the title (elitist! cries my inner agitator). My girlfriend says that she found him readable at age fourteen, so I'll use that as my opinion until I find some way to form my own.

Anyway, this is a decent comic. As you may have guessed from the multi-globed cover there''s some pan-dimensional travel involved and I'm a fan of that sort of thing. It's handled pretty well... not as well as that episode of Star Trek with Evil Goatee Spock but as well as the average episode of Sliders. As you can see, there are no super-hero-esque costumes, so I had to identify the characters as Big White Guy, Big Black Guy, Bigger White Guy, Little White Guy and The Girl. So it takes me two or three issues to learn the characters' names, so sue me.

Wolverine Moment: All of the characters get a chance to talk tough on page one. Little White Guy is the toughest but The Girl and Big White Guy get the best lines.

Mister Universe (One-shot)

 I must admit to some confusion.

I read Mister Universe. I liked the art, I enjoyed the dialogue, etc, etc. I don't have any sort of idea, though, what the thesis of this comic is supposed to be.

The plot concerns a teenage(?) boy who enjoys comics. A lot. He likes them enough that his parents are concerned for his sanity and call in the shrinks. But are they wrong to begrudge him his imaginative refuge? Is he a mental defective for his devotion to the titular Mister Universe? I haven't a clue. I'm tempted to say that the kid is the one in the right because he lives in a comic book but then again this isn't 1963 and it's perfectly possible to write a comic book that attacks the process of reading super-hero comics.

Bah. I don't know. I liked this book on one level but it didn't even leave me with enough information to make up my own mind. It was just some story, I don't know.

Wolverine Moment: Precipitated a Very Serious Discussion about the role of mind-bending drugs in medicine with my girlfriend, much like the talks I used to have with my friend Todd over whether a true super-hero would kill (Wolverine, Punisher examples).

Conan the Cimmerian No. 10

Seeing as how I managed to mention Robert E. Howard in each of my last two posts I figured that it was time to pick up a Conan comic and see how they were doing with the old fellow. Turns out I snagged a comic that takes place smack dab in the midst of a story arc, and one based on one of my favourite Conan yarns, "Black Colossus".

I think that I might like this comic more if I hadn't read the original story. By which I mean that I like the originals enough that an adaptation can't really hope to compete - new Conan stories would be more well-received by my brain than adapted ones unless the adaptation is flawless.

That said, this is a pretty decent book. The art is good, with Conan's facial expressions being a high point. Also, he has his own speech balloon style. Negative points for the absence of giant snakes, without which a Conan story just doesn't seem complete.

Bonus! a "Two-Gun Bob" comic about the life of Robert E. Howard! I thought I'd seen the last of these (excellent) things after the end of the (excellent) Solomon Kane series!

Wolverine Moment: Conan chops off some dude's fingers for stealing a drumstick off of his roast... lizard? rat? squirrel? Beast.

Mr. Stuffins No. 1

I heard about this a couple of months ago and thought “A teddy bear secret agent, eh? This is either going to be pretty awesome or pretty terrible.” Turns out: pretty awesome!

Exactly how a teddy bear secret agent comes to be is a bit of a plot point, so I won’t spoil. There aren’t anthropomorphic toys everywhere or anything like that, not that that wouldn’t make for a decent comic if done right, like a technothriller version of Kingdom of the Wicked.

Actually, I’m having trouble thinking of things that happened in this book that I can talk about without spoiling, so I’ll just say that the characterization is excellent. Kids: well-written. Parents: well-written. Bullies, rebellious teens, villains: check check check.

Wolverine Moment: Mr. Stuffins and Wolvie have a lot in common. This bear wishes that he had adamantium claws. He interrogates a pink bunny and you know that he’d be doing that thing that Wolverine does with his fist under a guy’s chin, where he talks about decanting his claws into the guy’s head? You know the thing I mean - he’d be doing that.

Battle for the Cowl: The Underground

Huh. This is an interestingly in-betweeney installment in the saga of the cowl-battling. It’s kind of one of those “state of Gotham” comics that I was whining about last week but manages to tie into the actual plot more than, say, the Man-Bat story did.

This issue deals with the seamy underbelly of Gotham City; it checks in on all of the gangs and the random criminals and such. Black Mask and Two-Face and the Penguin are all going at it tooth and nail while everyone tries to figure out how Black Mask managed to cheat death or if it’s a totally different guy under there. Actually, I’m wondering less about that and more about when Harvey Dent is going to put on that Two-Faced Batman costume from the promo ad. Probably soon, as he’s acting pretty crazy.

The homicidal Batman puts in an appearance, guns a-blazin' but his aim isn’t very good - at least this guy has a better costume than Azrael-Batman did back in the day. And speaking of good costumes, the Riddler is in this one! He gets tasked to track down Black Mask by the Penguin and basically sets up Gotham Sirens while doing so. I like this good-guy detective Riddler, especially as compared to the super-homicidal version that was running around a few years ago. I lied about the costume though - this is one of the worst suits I’ve ever seen him in.

Wolverine Moment: There’s a lot of car-smashing in this comic. I seem to associate Wolverine with vehicular collateral damage.

The Muppet Show Comic Book No. 2

This is a good comic and I am very happy about it. It’s always a bit wrenching when something you loved as a child (or later) is adapted into something awful but that didn't happen here, thank heavens. The Muppets are putting on a show, there are backstage hijinks interspersed with skits and such and that’s it. There’s no attempt to make the Muppets hip and trendy, no slavish devotion to the TV show’s guest star-centric format, funny jokes and Pigs in Space.

Man, there was nothing bad here: I wasn’t too sold on the comic’s version of Statler and Waldorf in the first issue but this one clinched it - I suppose that constant heckling is harder to work into a comic format, which I can understand. Fozzie has a crisis of faith in his abilities and ends up telling one of the best Shakespeare jokes ever. Rolf looks absolutely adorable.

Wolverine Moment: Waldorf has a dark secret! From his mystery-shrouded past!

Superman No. 687

I sorted through this week’s stack of comics at my girlfriend’s house, which is why she keeps coming up this week. She offered up all kinds of helpful commentary, mostly along the lines of “Yep, the women are pretty busty in this one too.” This comic caught her eye, though, as Superman is pretty much the only super-hero that she has anything invested in, so I got to explain that Superman wasn’t actually in the comic with his name on the cover and that it was nevertheless a good read. I don’t think that she bought it, but it turns out I was telling the truth. Much like what’s going on in all of those Battle for the Cowl books, this issue is sort of a rundown of what’s up in Metropolis now that Superman’s off being an army guy on New Krypton. Only in one issue instead of ten or fifteen one-shots.

Mon-El is still settling into his roles in the Science police and as Metropolis’ defender, Zatara is a dick and there are villains all over the place. Lots of promising groundwork was laid - here’s hoping it all pays off in future issues.

I was going to say that my favourite part of this issue was that the Untouchables showed up, because I love those guys, but I think it might be that cover. Check it out: there’s a tiny little reflection on the Guardian’s helmet in addition to the one on his shield. That makes me so happy for some reason.

Wolverine Moment: I’m pretty stumped here. Uh, the Guardian is really old, just like Logan?

Sherlock Holmes No. 1

I love Sherlock Holmes, folks. Sherlock Holmes stories are terrific - I reread them every couple of years and don’t get tired of doing so. That said, it’s really easy to write him badly or only half-right. Like… that Brave and the Bold episode with him and the Demon. Holmes was too much of a dick and too sloppy with his deductions (not that I didn’t enjoy it - it was a cartoon, for heavens’ sake. It just wasn’t the best Holmes). Anyway, Leah Moore and John Reppion write a good consulting detective: not an ass but not given to social niceties, fond of Watson instead of browbeating him all the time, etc. For that matter, they write a good Watson: not stupid, just not a relentless deducting machine. The art (Aaron Campbell) is suitably lovely as well, though I’m a bit disappointed that Inspector Lastrade looks nothing like either a ferret or a bulldog.

And there’s a very compelling mystery! I am very intrigued! Hooray!

Wolverine Moment: Well, after all: Sherlock Holmes is the best there is at what he does.

Green Lantern No. 40

More Orange Lantern fun as the Guardians head into the Vega system. I must say that I like this Larfleeze as the reason for the Green Lantern Corps staying out of Vega - it always seemed like guys like the Citadel and the Spider Guild would have went down like a wet tissue if the Corps had stepped up.

But I went on about all of this Lantern stuff last week. I shan’t bore you with a repeat performance. In brief: we get to see a bit of how the Orange power works in this issue and I’m still interested. We’ve only got the Indigo Lanterns to go and there have been no duds yet - all of the various Corps have an individuality that both distinguishes them from one another and makes me want to read more about ‘em. There’s a Tale of the Orange Lanterns at the end of this book that was pretty fun - I swear, if DC started putting out a book that was just Tales of the Various Lantern Corps I’d buy it every month. Those things are a hoot.

Wolverine Moment: This is starting to get hard… okay: one of the Green Lanterns is totally defiant of authority, in a gruff way.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds No 4 (of 5)

Hot damn! Took a while but this one was worth it, what with the super-duper concentrated Legion-ness on every page. Bart Allen is back, as of the end of the last issue, and kicking plenty of Superman/boy Prime ass. There’s lots of great interaction between the alternate versions of various Legionnaires, particularly the Brainiacs 5. Er, Brainiac 5s? Brainiac Fives? I’m kind of sad that the Legion of Super-Villains doesn’t get more face time but what can you do? It’s a bigger-than-average book already and filled with lotsa plot. Heck, there are two whole dramatic reveals, including one that makes me unsure about how I feel about (see Comments Section).

Once the last issue of this comes out (in August?) I’m going to read ‘em all again. I think that I’ve been losing some of the threads and also want to check whether it actually ties into the regular Final Crisis. This and Rogues’ Revenge were definitely my favourite parts of the whole event, in any case.

Wolverine Moment: I don't know, Timber Wolf? Probably Timber Wolf.

Was Superman a Spy?

Hey hey hey! This is a more-words-than-pictures-style book by Brian “Comic Book Legends Revealed” Cronin. I just bought it last night so I haven’t really gotten a chance to read it yet but I’ve been enjoying his bunking or debunking of the urban legends of the comic scene for a couple of years now and can’t imagine that the transition from computer  to paper will make the contents any less delightful. Plus, the back cover blurb claims that there are a passel of new legends inside, so hooray for that. I’m a big fan of buying the book form of things that I enjoy on the Internet. If the DCU version of Johnathan managed to avoid getting Anti-Life Equationed during Final Crisis when the Internet got infected then you can bet a dollar that he was reading some Perry Bible Fellowship or the like in convenient book form. And now this lovely (did I mention the cover? The cover is very nice) volume can go on his “in case of event-related interweb failure” bookshelf!

Wolverine Moment: As I said, I haven’t read most of it yet. Pages 143 to 159 are devoted to the X-Men, though, so I bet that it’s in there.