Thor: Love and Rocks

I have been reading a lot of Thor comics lately, particularly the very first stories from Journey Into Mystery. Honestly, I'm surprised that the character caught on so quickly. I think we can thank Jack Kirby's art.

Not that I'm not loving these comics. I love that it's essentially just the story of a dude who really wants to marry this girl, but his dad won't let him. Thor relentlessly asks his dad if he can marry her, but because his dad happens to be Odin, the ruler of Asgard and a bit of a dick, the answer is always 'no.'

May a Thunder God live in a common law relationship with a mortal?

I think Journey Into Mystery #107 is a pretty good representation of the early era of Thor comics. Last we left our hero, his alter-ego Dr Don Blake was forced to appear to betray Thor in order to protect his secret identity. Naturally, this did not impress the love of his life, nurse Jane Foster.

Just to complicate things further, Blake has to keep up the act as Thor and pretend to be furious with the cowardly doctor. And he has to take out his anger on poor Jane, I guess.

Dr Blake has a private door.

This is where things get adorable. I stared at these two panels for a very long time. I just love them:

Jane has piqued Thor's interest.

And as soon as he's out of Jane's sight, Thor starts to celebrate. It's very cute.

Thor's big musical number.

Man those people look terrified.

But it's not all flying backwards and picking bouquets of flowers for the God of Thunder. Even as this is happening, a sinister figure is flying into town:

I wouldn't have let this guy walk by me.

That taxi is driving very quickly.

How did he get away from the airport without anyone stopping him?! He's obviously guilty!

It's a long cab ride to town. Fortunately for the readers, our new villain uses the time to mull over his origin story. I'm not going to show the whole thing, but basically an experiment gone wrong gives him the ability to turn things into stone by touching them

Science!

Was he making Kool-Ade?

Anyway, this dude is stone cold (get it?) and he is in town to fight and destroy Thor because he wants his hammer. And who doesn't, really? To get Thor's attention, he turns his cab driver into stone.

I'm not sure how he deduced that hammer = immortality.

The police find the cab driver first, but it's a good thing that Thor shows up because this case has clearly stumped them:

Those police officers are very strong.

Ok geniuses. First of all, you are police officers in the Marvel version of New York City, so you have definitely seen people turned to stone or crazier before. Also...you can't dress a stone statue...with stone clothes.

Thankfully, Thor takes charge and insists on bringing the statue to Dr Blake's office for examination. And Nurse Foster proves to be more clever than the NYPD.

"Shut up, Jane! Stop asking reasonable questions!"

"Saaaaay...maybe this stone guy has something to do with those other stone guys at the airport today!"

Because everyone is so slow to crack this case, it gives our villain a lot of time to change into his costume and reveal his name to us.

Hot!

Keep in mind that he is completely alone in that room.

The costume isn't great. And his powers are...inconsistent.

No.

Alright, I can understand being able to climb a building using his powerful stone fingers, I guess, but being able to leap across rooftops?! That doesn't make any sense.

He catches up with Dr Blake, who he doesn't know is secretly Thor, of course. He chooses an overly complicated (but charming) way of demonstrating his powers for the doctor.

Don Blake would like to see where this is going.

It took Blake awhile to put two and two together.

Woah! Watch out, Doc! He's not messing around! That next stone paper airplane might have your name on it!

Also, really? You didn't figure out until that moment that this guy is the one responsible for all the human statues? He's the God of Thunder, not the God of Figuring Things Out.

You can probably guess what's coming: a giant battle between Thor and the Grey Gargoyle that ends with Thor being turned into a statue. Fortunately this works out ok for Thor because the statue gets knocked over. And, of course, when his hammer strikes the ground, it changes him back into Don Blake. And if you know anything about science, then you know that this will also reverse the statue effect.

The most dramatic change in all adventuredom!

That was explained very well, Doctor. Thank-you.

Now the LAME physician, as the narrator likes to call him, has a cunning plan. He makes a phone call to a certain alcoholic robot friend and before he knows it his crazy plan is ready to roll! Literally!

Don Blake changed into his adventure suit!

Ooooo! A motorcycle! Who's lame now?!

This plan is complicated, but basically he is zipping around New York on a motorcycle mounted with a camera that is projecting a hologram of Thor. This causes the Grey Gargoyle to chase the hologram, which ends with Don Blake driving the motorcycle, and himself, into the Hudson River. Due to some poor judgement, Grey Gargoyle follows close behind:

I can't really imagine that this Gargoyle guy would be very fast.

Ooooo...guess who can't swim when he's stone?

Because the stone effect won't wear off for at least half an hour, Grey Gargoyle is pretty screwed. Well played, Don Blake.

In the end, the cab driver turns back to normal and rudely points out Dr Blake's disability.

"He makes up for his lameness with spunk!"

Wouldn't you like to know, Jane. Wouldn't you like to know.

Free Comic Book Day 2009 Post-Mortem

 

Free Comic Book Day 2009 has come and gone, and once again, the event was a raging success. At Strange Adventures (more specifically, at St. David’s Church Hall around the corner—the event outgrew the store some years back), we gave away in the neighbourhood of 20,000 comics. Actually, we ran out shortly after 1 PM, which is definitely the earliest that’s ever happened. Cal and a small army of volunteers gave away the freebies, while Rachelle, Tiina, and myselft ran the store, and we were swamped as well—it seems that when people are given a bunch of free comics, they usually supplement them with comics and graphic novels that they have to pay for. This is a good arrangement for everybody. Anyway, here are some random observations about this year’s FCBD, in no particular order:

1. FCBD usually happens the day after a major comic book movie is released, and it’s usually the hot topic of discussion. This is a lot more fun when the movie is, say, Iron Man. When it’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine, there is a lot of shrugging and saying things like “I dunno, it was better than X-Men 3”. That right there, my friends, is faint praise indeed.

2.    People are a lot more receptive to trying new comics out on FCBD, and not just the free ones. For instance, we sold a ton of random comics off the kids’ rack, lots of copies of recent buzz books (like Vertigo’s creepy new Unknown Soldier series, and tons of Green Lantern related stuff), and a whole lotta trade paperbacks and hardcovers. One guy even bought all four Absolute Sandman collections, after admitting that he’d never read any of it! That is a dude with no fear of commitment.

3.    Funniest/Most Ridiculous Quote of the Day, delivered by some random gothy-looking kid: “Frank Miller’s comics are okay, but I prefer his movies.” Say what now?

4.    When little kids show up in super-hero costumes for FCBD, it is not only adorable as all get out, but it makes all the hard work involved totally worthwhile.

5.    When I have a few drinks in me, as I did at the FCBD after-party at the Seahorse (thanks again, Cal!), do not, I repeat, do NOT get me talking about how cool the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents are. If you do, you’d better get comfortable—you’re gonna be there awhile, trying to decipher my slurry ramblings.

Until next year…
 

My Spoiler-Free Mini Review of Wolverine

Sorry this is so late. Free Comic Book Day and all that.

Ok, this was not a great movie. For the first half I was pretty into it, and then it just got stupider and stupider. Hugh Jackman gave a great performance, and he was totally RIPPED. I don't find Jackman all that attractive except when he's Wolverine (and, oddly, I don't find Wolverine attractive unless he's Hugh Jackman). He was certainly looking good in this movie. Liev Screiber was also very good as Sabertooth, and looked great. He really gave it his all, I think. If you are a fan of Deadpool or Gambit, though, prepare for disappointment. The movie suffers from too many mutants. It's like they were just trying to round up everyone who didn't make it into the other three X-Men movies and cram them into one movie (plus Cyclops, who according to this timeline must have been in his fifties by the time of the first X-Men movie).

And, actually, I am going to drop some spoilers here. If you care about this movie, I guess, don't read past here because I have some bones to pick.

1. Adamatium bullets? ADAMANTIUM BULLETS?! What in hell? That makes no sense! 

2. This movie did the same thing that bothered me about the other X-Men movies. They threw in a bunch of background mutants, some of whom are really major characters in the comics, but they made no effort with them. In the second and third X-Men movie you had Colossus with no Russian accent. I mean, that's a small thing that makes a big difference when bringing a character to life. Why can't his two lines be delivered with a Russian accent? We saw the same thing in this movie with Emma Frost, who is Canadian (?!) and shows up very briefly.

3. When Gambit first showed up on the screen I was momentarily excited because I had been waiting about 15 years for this. But I was quickly bored because it was clear the character wasn't going to fit into the movie in any tidy way, and the actor, while very attractive, wasn't really going to go for it with the Cajun accent. And then he fought Wolverine for no reason.

So, in conclusion, the first half of this movie showed promise, which was quickly destroyed in the second half. But if you just want to see Hugh Jackman being sexy with his shirt off for an hour and 45, this is your movie.

Wolverine Week Special: The Hair Conundrum

Happy Free Comic Book Day, folks! And happy Wolverine Weekend! What a world we live in when such joyful occasions can overlap.

I have to say that I was caught a little flat-footed by Wolverine Week. I haven't read many Marvel comics recently (I was enjoying The Twelve but then my curse kicked in) and so wasn't really up to speed on what was going on with the crazy Canuck. Luckily, however, I remembered that I am one of the Internet's top Comic Book Hairstyles scholars¹ and so have a surefire way to fascinate and delight you: with a brief illustration of Wolverine's status as a nexus point in the Great Comic Book Hair Continuum.

Now, I'm sure that I don't have to tell you about the Continuum, that vast chart that illustrates the wide variety of hairstyles that exist in the comics medium, their interrelations and influences. It's quite a fascinating field of study, really, and ever more complex as people create new and  distinct characters with ever more unusual haircuts. Why, the inclusion of manga characters in the Continuum after the Pan-Asian Inclusion Conference of 1991 caused the Master Continuum Map to start resembling something along the lines of the Snowflake from Planetary.

Back to Wolverine: Mr. Logan is an interesting figure as he occupies a nexus point between five hair families, while even the most complex hairstyles usually incorporate elements from two or three. Here, check it out (sorry, you're going to have to click and expand this):

This is of course a simplified version of the Continuum. The real thing is 3D and requires a  supercomputer to properly render. Still, you can see how exciting Wolverine's hair is to the Style Academy.

Speaking of simplification, I don't want to get about a thousand angry comments from Hair Continuum Reductionists, so here's Wolvie's position on the Approved Simplified Hair Continuum:

It just doesn't seem the same to me really, but notice that Wolverine still does very well!

I won't bore you with further technical discussion of the intricacies of the Continuum - if you're interested in learning more you can see my series of articles in Ink and Protein, including The Best He is at What He Grows: Wolverine and the Nexus Point² and The Arms of Logan: The Case for Incorporating the Body Hair Spectrum into the Continuum³.

¹I am actually no such thing.

²This paper does not exist.

³Neither does this one.

Later that Day:

As I was writing this it occurred to me that it might be excessively weird, so here's something a bit more... less weird.

So you know how Wolverine was part of an evil Canadian government conspiracy and had all kinds of conditioning and programming and implanted memories and such? While I was image hunting earlier this week I found the absolute best of those and the best evidence that this was not just an evil conspiracy but a dick of a conspiracy:

Here we have Wolverine beau and fellow conspiracy-victim Silver Fox recovering some memory.

Oh no! people are beating up her date!

Her date Wolverine. That's right: the evil conspiracy felt it necessary to simulate a memory of Wolverine getting beat up at his prom and then being a dick to his date.

Can you hope to compete with this level of dickishness, American conspiracies? X-Files conspiracy? Huh? What  do you got, kidnapping Mulder's sister? Go home, girly conspiracy.

Good night, folks.

This Week's Haul: Wolverine Day!

I only read one comic with Wolverine in it this week, and he wasn't in it very much.

I am going to check out the Wolverine movie in a few short hours. I'll let you know what I think. I'll tell you one thing right now: I think it's awesome that Marvel has a big release every year on the Friday before Free Comic Book Day. I don't know if that's planned or not, but it is pretty well-timed. I am going to have to get a good night's sleep tonight before the craziness that is FCBD at Strange Adventures happens tomorrow. I'll be helping out all day and it is always like the Thunderdome every year...in the best way possible. I love everything about the day, so I am very excited.
 

Uncanny X-Men #509

There was something distracting about this issue and it wasn't just the Greg Land artwork. I have been loving Matt Fraction's writing on this title (enough to buy Uncanny X-Men monthly!) but this issue was getting dangerously close to...Winnickness. I don't like politics or social commentary mixed into my comics typically, but I tend to be more tolerant of it in X-titles because prejudice and intolerance is basically what the whole series has been about since the beginning. I'm just saying, when it starts to sound more like the writer talking than the characters, I get a little sleepy. Even if I agree with the writer, it's still a little boring.

But I still really like this series. And now it has added French-Canadian/gay content with Northstar as a new member of the X-Men. He's attractive.

Also: Colussus at a Raiders game! Colossus at a Raiders game!

Superman # 687

I'll tell you one guy who did not appear in this book: Superman. But there was plenty of Superman's childhood "friend," Mon-El. Poor Mon-El.

Again, I am very impressed with how well this whole big Superman cross-over event is working. I love Guedes' art, and I think Robinson is better at writing the characters around Superman than he is at writing Superman himself.

I am a little confused about one thing: Mon-El's secret identity. Why does he need one? It seems so complicated. And why is he using the name Johnathan Kent? That's just absurd and needlessly confusing. Why can't Mon-El just be Mon-El full-time? He has no family or loved ones to protect. The only person he knows is Superman.

Justice Society of America #26

This is the last issue of JSA that I will be buying because it's the last issue that Geoff Johns will be writing. It certainly felt like "this is it forever, folks! To be continued NEVER!" so I wouldn't say that the team did a great job setting it up for the next one.

So in this issue the JSA...throws a birthday party for Stargirl and...that's it. No fighting, no bad guys, no conflict. Just good old fashioned wholesome socializing and a heartwarming exchange of pleasantries over cake and ice cream. But if you like that sort of thing, and I tend to, then you'll be into it. And if you like full-page and double-page group shots, then you'll be REALLY into this because there are several.

The wholesomeness is what's nice about the JSA. They aren't the Justice League. If the Justice League throws a birthday party it ends in rape, murder and genocide.

I also read Doctor Doom and the Masters of Evil #4 (after two issues of being very confused, I really enjoyed this finale a lot), Wonder Woman (still awesome) and Green Lantern (gettin' crazy). I still have a bit of a pile to get through because it's been a pretty crazy week, but I am looking forward to reading The Muppet Show #2 (Matt got to it first), Rasl #4 (Yay! Finally!), Legion of Three Worlds #4 (Yay! Finally!) and that Fantagraphics hardcover collection of Blazing Combat.

Wolverine Week: Wolverine Gets Manga'd

Our old pal Wolverine is taking Living Between Wednesday—and the world!—by storm this week. We all know Wolverine has spent some time in Japan, but no one saw this coming: Wolverine manga! Hold onto your bone-claws kids, 'cause this ain't your mama's Wolverine.

Prodigal Son is the first of a series of Wolvie Manga, written by Antony Johnston (or Wasteland fame) and drawn by Wilson Tortosa (who the internet tells me has worked on a bunch of stuff including Tomb Raider).

I'm not a big manga fan, but I'm not all that bananas about Wolverine to tell the truth so maybe meh+meh=coool?

Well, I know this for sure:

THIS

  PLUS THIS

EQUALS

WOLVERINE MANGA!

Prodigal Son is a re-imaging of our hairy mutant friend, in which Logan is a teenaged orphan living at a secret Canadian Dojo. Man, Wolverine Week is really proving how cool Canada is! Logan and the other kids at the Dojo do say, "eh" a lot, which gives the whole thing credibility.

The book has all the makings of a fun teen action/adventure comic. Logan's got a secret past, and mysterious special abilities. He doesn't know who his parents are, how he ended up at the Dojo, and why he can heal like a mofo. All this existential questioning throws him into whirlwind of emotion that ranges from mopey and emo to totally self-righteous. Ah, teenagers!

Logan's crushing hard on his Sensai's daughter. She's fiesty and super tough, so they spar all the time and it leads to SEXY RESULTS.

He's also got the requisite tubby best pal, always there for support.

The dude is totally the type to like, loudly open a Twinkie package when you're crouched down behind a rock, hiding from a bad guy.

 

He's all, "What, guys? I get hungry when I'm nervous!"

On top of baby Wolverine's emotional crisis, he's got to deal with a crazed rival who's totally pissed that Wolverine kicked his ass, and that he's losing the big hair competetion.

 But I'll tell you what this book is all about: FIGHTS!

Fights and fights and fights and fights. Lil' Wolvie is scrappy as all heck, and this book provides all the SNKTing you could ever want.

I think the kids will be all over this one.