Oh God, Is 90s Week Over Yet?!?

All right, so this past Sunday afternoon, I held my nose and dove right in to a pile of 18 comics that were purchased on Sept. 14, 1990, for a whopping…$26.64? Great Scott! That would maybe buy you five or six comics today. On the flip side, I’m happy to report that most of these comics weren’t very good, so it sort of evens out. Amidst all the ads for movies like Darkman and Marked For Death, and defunct video game systems like Nintendo’s GameBoy and Atari’s Lynx (not to mention the occasional entertainment platform crossover, hence the ad for the crappy-looking Total Recall video game), what did I find? A lot of multi-part story arcs, storylines set in the same universe that don’t quite match up with each other, and plenty of dubious hairstyles, fashions, and anatomy. The more things change, eh?

Justice League Europe #19: This was the concluding chapter of the Extremist Vector storyline, which was actually pretty decent despite having a stupid Tom Clancyesque title. This story had the European contingent of the Justice League sparring with extradimensional doppelgangers of some of Marvel’s greatest villains (Dr. Diehard=Magneto, Tracer=Sabretooth, Gorgon=Doc Ock, etc.), unrepentant nasties who nuked their own Earth and now are threatening to do the same for the JLE’s home. However, we learn here that they aren’t actually alive, but are semi-intelligent robots from an amusement park called Wacky World in their own dimension, delusionally convinced that they’re alive or something! Whaaaa? The only one who’s for real is Dreamslayer, the super-powerful Dormammu analogue of the bunch. But he’s eventually defeated by a superheroic survivor of their Earth, Silver Sorceress, who for some reason wears a brown costume. She has silver hair, but still. This was pretty fun stuff, and it also had a swell teaser ad for the short-lived CBS Flash TV show in it. Unfortunately, since this was one of the best comics in the pile, things went downhill pretty quickly afterwards.

Uncanny X-Men #270: And so begins the X-Tinction Agenda, where the X-Men fought Apartheid, albeit in the form of fictional mutant ghetto nation Genosha. Some of this issue’s highlights include appearances by post-Siege Perilous l’il kid Storm (please don’t ask me to explain this), the X-Men and X-Force fighting over who gets to use the Danger Room (not unlike my sister and I arguing over who got to watch what on TV when we were kids), and Robotech-looking villains from Genosha attacking Xavier Mansion. The bad guys are led by a brainwashed Havok, who, if memory serves, is always getting brainwashed by someone or other. There’s some nice early Jim Lee art here, but holy crap, Chris Claremont does his level best to cover it all up with roughly a zillion word balloons.

Web of Spider-Man #70: In which Peter Parker rocks a dumbass mullet, turns into a Spider-Hulk, and meets some helpful yet suspiciously well-dressed hobos. He also runs up against a duo of toughs calling themselves the Hat Patrol, who are about as threatening as a New Kids On The Block reunion tour.

Avengers West Coast #64: This series was only worthwhile twice; in its inaugural four-issue miniseries, and the run by John Byrne beginning with issue #42 (perhaps the last decent run of John Byrne comics ever?). Sadly, this issue falls into the post-Byrne malaise, which lasted until the book’s cancellation at issue #102. Despite the appearance of the Great Lakes Avengers, and Wonder Man calling the Human Torch “Hot Pants”, this issue sucks big time. A computer geek who somehow ended up with Juggernaut’s Crimson Gem of Cytorrak sets the Avengers against one another using funhouse doppelgangers of other Avengers (a recurring theme in 1990, perhaps?). He does all this so he can steal Captain America’s shield and bring it to Show and Tell. You heard me.

Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. #16: Interestingly, this issue is titled “Uh, Houston, We Got A Problem”, four years before Apollo 13 ushered a slightly different phrasing into common parlance. That’s really the only thing that’s interesting about this terrible, terrible comic. Nick and his agents fight a bunch of bad guys in space in this surprisingly gory issue; Nick punctures one villain’s space suit with a knife, causing him to explode—he is very apologetic about it, so maybe that’s why the Comics Code didn’t object.

Aliens: Earth War #2: This was the third series Dark Horse released as direct sequels to James Cameron’s Aliens, and from what I remember, they were a pretty decent bunch of follow-ups. Written by Mark Verheiden, they took place some years after the end of Cameron’s film, following the adventures of a grown-up Newt and an alien-blood-scarred Hicks. In this third miniseries, the previously MIA Ellen Ripley shows up to help retake Earth from the invading, terraforming xenomorphs. Fresh-faced newcomer Sam Kieth came on board to draw this mini, and I remember his art being a really jarring change from Denis Beauvais’ elegant painting in the previous outing, and Mark Nelson’s detailed, realistic approach in the first series. Still, I liked that DH switched up the art style for each new installment—it sort of reflected the different approach of the directors on the films. This held up fairly well, but I was a bit lost, not having read the previous material in…jeez, nearly twenty years.

Knights of Pendragon #3: Other than the Alan Davis cover, and the appearance of hero-hating British detective Dai Thomas (who I just recently encountered again while re-reading Alan Moore’s Captain Britain run), this book—nay, the whole Marvel U.K. imprint—really didn’t have a lot to offer me. If I understand it correctly, Thomas is periodically possessed by a Knight of the Round Table, which comes in handy when he encounters a crazy black sludge monster that kills people by seeping into their orifices (ew!) before making them explode with an awesome sound effect—“BLURR-CHOWW!”. Oh man, this was a confusing book, and, for the most part, boring—never a good combination.

Excalibur #30: This is another book I never had a lot of use for, other than when Alan Davis was drawing it. Sadly, this is not one of those issues. Captain Britain’s shapeshifting girlfriend Meggan gets turned into a vampire, so the U.K.-based mutant team calls Dr. Strange for help. Wong answers the phone, and a tiresome wannabe Abbott-and-Costello routine ensues…

That, unfortunately, is the highlight of the issue.

Spelljammer #2, Dragonlance #23, TSR Worlds Annual #1: The DC Comics/TSR Role-Playing Game alliance was a short-lived attempt to bring together the disparate splinter nerd groups of comic geeks and gamer geeks. Obviously, the attempt at détente failed, since I didn’t bother to read any of these comics to review them. I remember when these books started up, I bought the first issue of the comic based on TSR’s Gammarauders game—I pretty much bought any first issue of anything at that point. I also remember, upon finishing it, thinking that I had quite possibly just finished the worst comic I had ever read, or ever would read. Ah, to be so young and naïve, unaware of the many issues of Countdown and Chuck Austen’s Uncanny X-Men that lay waiting for me in the future.

Thor #425: This is from that run of Tom DeFalco/Ron Frenz Thor issues where they were in full-on Lee/Kirby pastiche mode. That’s all very well-intentioned, but it makes for pretty stale leftovers in this case. Despite the presence of classic tropes like Surtur fighting Ymir, and the Doomsday Weapon threat of pulling the Twilight Sword out of its sheath (not as dirty as it sounds), it’s pretty lame. At this point in the series, every cover had a bombastic title like “If Death Be My Destiny!”, or “When Walks…The Wendigo!”. This issue’s cover copy reads “The Flame, The Frost, and The Fury!”. A more appropriate title might have been “If Cultural Irrelevance Be My Fate”, or maybe “The Discount Bin My Destination!”.

New Warriors #4: I could never get into these guys back in the day, and for the life of me, I still don’t see the appeal. Like, why the hell was Nova suddenly called Kid Nova when he was the same guy, only now a few years older? He was Kid Nova before! Wouldn’t he be Man Nova now? Yes, it sounds dumb, but it makes more sense. This issue’s title is “Genetech Potential”, which rolls right off the tongue. This was the second book I read in this pile where a modem was talked about like it was some kind of crazy, Star Trek-level piece of future technology. Anyways, the New Warriors fight a group called Psionex, whose collective team name is quickly eclipsed by the stupidity of their individual code names. Coronary? Pretty Persuasions? Mathemanic? Well, since they’re fighting a group led by an angry skateboarder, one that counts Speedball amongst its members, that actually sounds about right.

Spectacular Spider-Man #169: Spidey and the “Outlaws”—a gang of some of his not-actually-evil antagonists, like Sandman and the Prowler—unite to battle the Avengers, after some manipulation by the Space Phantom, who rules by the way. I love that crazy weirdo and his shape-shifting tomfoolery! For more Space Phantom background material than any sane person could ever want or need, see Busiek and Pacheco’s Avengers Forever maxiseries. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. This ish was written by Spidey vet Gerry Conway, but it features self-inked Sal Buscema art, which is…not great. There’s a subplot where a creepy dude named Jason tries to put the moves on MJ. She’s not into it, and when she tries to back him off with a “For God’s sake!”, this is his response…

Wow. As far as come-ons go, it’s no “Gimme some sugar, baby!”, that’s for sure.

Iron Man #261: Armor Wars II continued in this issue, and didn’t do much to disprove the notion that most sequels really stink. John Byrne scripted it, employing one of these goddamn parallel narratives here that he used to occasionally try out—there’s two stories being told simultaneously at the top and the bottom of each page (one where Tony Stark is trapped in his nonfunctioning armor, and one where the Mandarin is hanging out with a little old man who’s somehow connected to Fin Fang Foom), and I can never tell if I’m supposed to read it page by page like normal or finish one story thread and then flip back to the beginning and read the other one. Either way, it’s confusing and annoying. Let Chris Ware do Chris Ware, for chrissakes! You ain’t up to it!

Dr. Fate #21: There was a DeMatteis-scripted, Giffen-plotted and penciled Dr. Fate mini a few years before this where an evil psychiatrist got his mitts on the Helmet of Fate and wreaked havoc in it, looking like an effed-up Dr. Fate with creepy green lips and fangs. In this issue, that guy returns, but Joe Staton isn’t really up to the task of conveying the craziness of Giffen’s version. There’s also some kind of hamfisted ecological message, an attempt to contact the souls of Kent and Inza Nelson, and a bunch of other Order vs. Chaos hoo-hah, but it’s not really worth discussing. Instead, you should seek out that miniseries. It will mess you up, no foolin’.

Starman #27: This issue features a bad guy named Nimbus, which is funny ‘cause that’s the name of the publishing company where Rachelle works. It’s also funny because the guy is essentially a big cloud, and not intimidating in the slightest. His real name is Andy Murphy, which is a nice tribute to longtime DC artist Murphy Anderson. The Will Payton Starman teams up with the David Knight Starman (who gets killed on, like, page two of the first issue of James Robinson’s revamp a few years later) to fight ol’ Nimby, as his friends probably called him. Pretty bland stuff, although it features a cameo by Oracle, far earlier than I remembered her going by that alias, and a brief appearance by Guy Gardner ogling a nudie mag when he’s supposed to be on JLI monitor duty. Whatta scamp!

X-Factor #59: This is one of those boring, “Private Lives” issues where not much happens. Archangel flirts with interracial romance, and the media says bad stuff about mutants. The next issue box promises a tie-in to the “X-Termination Agenda”, which I guess was maybe an alternate title for the “X-Tinction Agenda”. Let’s face it, though, they both sound stupid.

So there you have it. There’s not much else to say about these books, other than the sad fact that video game ads were just as prevalent in 1990 as they are today. One other point of interest—in the Stan’s Soapbox section of Bullpen Bulletins in a few of these comics, Stan Lee drops a cryptic mention of something called The Marvel World of Tomorrow. Sure, he’s probably referring to the gestating Marvel 2099 lineup, but I prefer to think he’s talking about Ultimatum. Clearly, that’s where all this was leading, right? Excelsior!
 

90s Week: Back to the Drawing Board with Bruce Wayne

In 1995 a team of "archaeologists" at DC discovered Bruce Wayne's long lost collection of concept sketches for his costume. These sketches were released in the form of an Elseworld entitled Batman: Knight Gallery, and let me tell you, it has not aged well.

From these historic drawings we learn that:

a) Bruce Wayne was ahead of his time in terms of costume design;
b) Bruce Wayne has terrible ideas, and
c) Bruce Wayne draws a lot like some of the top artistic talent at DC circa 1995 (and also Jim Balent)

By the way, I hope you like pointy shoulders, because you are going to be seeing a lot of them.

My favourite thing about the above design is that the Bat-emblem is a brooch. My least-favourite thing is everything else. But as you will soon see, this is probably the best costume design of the lot.

The answers to his shoulder questions are yes, yes, and yes. Also: they look ridiculous. And I would have to think that his cape being feathered that way on the bottom would make gliding difficult. And it has an ugly belt and it's Not dark enough.

Well this gives "sharp dresser" a whole new meaning.

Ears better - more fierce & intimidating. Also, can make shish kabobs on them.

Some vision and snag concern re shoulder hooks & gauntlet projections. SOME?! SOME?! Nothing could be within a foot and a half of him without getting stabbed.

"Robin, you head that way and I'll...oh shit, sorry Robin."

And what are the shoulder spikes good for? Does he have a problem with seagulls landing on him? (Also, this one was designed by James "Jim" Balent, who I am sure needs no introduction).

Bruce is worried that this look is "too fancy." I am more concerned by the fact that it is "too stupid," "too ugly," and looks "too much like Batman is being sucked down the drain."

I don't really see how this design would hinder agility more than the pointy ones.

We have the hilarious bat-emblam-as-brooch look going on again here, and we have a right shoulder adornment that I cannot figure out at all. I am also not sure how he puts the boots on.

Oh, I don't know if it sacrifices all of the fear factor. I would be pretty scared if I saw anyone wearing this. Because they would look crazy. I am picturing this entire suit being made out of crushed velvet in royal blue and shiny grey.

Bruce Wayne and I clearly have different definitions of "good."

This is...I just...

And you know if 1995 dudes were looking at this page and saying "Oh man, that is so wicked!"

And in case you were wondering what it might look like in red:

How would he even fit in the Batmobile with those things on his shoulders?

But wait, it gets worse:

It certainly is memorable, but I don't know about striking. Confusing is a better adjective. Why would he need hooks all the way up his thighs?

I am trying to picture Batman, whenever this was supposed to be (the past), sketching this thing. And being ok with it. Considering it.

I think I am actually going to keep this page in a drawer somewhere so when my future children ask me what the 90s were like I'll just show them that. And they will cry.

I would say it is more than "verging" on the bizarre. It has kicked bizarre in the nuts and just kept running. As for not being terrifying, well...I wouldn't feel comfortable if I was cornered at a party by someone wearing it.

But how about the Donnie Darko rabbit look?:

It also looks very uncomfortable. And I doubt it breathes well.

Y'know, even if you did as he suggests and combine the best elements of each of these designs, you would still have a truly hideous costume.

There were also some Robin costume concepts, which were...not great...

So there are a bunch of reasons why the 1990s was an ugly and regrettable decade for superhero comics.To DC's credit, at least they just put out this Elseworld book of crazy 90s costumes instead of actually changing Batman's costume to one of these. At least until Azrael showed up.

A Bit of a 90s Palate-Cleanser.

Welcome to 90s Week at Living Between Wednesdays! This whole idea was inspired by a collection we acquired recently at Strange Adventures, where a guy who had been buying comics at another store for over twenty years had picked up his comics faithfully every week or so, read them once, then stored them back in the bags he brought them home in, receipts and all. Each of us picked a bag at random to review, which we’ll be doing later this week in lieu of reviewing new stuff.  Until then, we’ll be talking about all things 90s, so feel free to put on a Full House rerun, rock out to the Stone Temple Pilots’ Core, and strut your stuff in your HyperColour T-shirt. 

For my introductory 90s Week post, I’m going to discuss five titles that may have slipped under some fans’ radar, as the creators of these books were generally known for more famous works. Obviously, it’s more fun to have a go at the crappier offerings of the decade, but we’ll get to that in due time, and I thought it might be nice to start things off on a more positive note. So, in no particular order…

Captain America by Mark Waid and Ron Garney: Taking the reins from longtime writer Mark Gruenwald, the new creative team hit the Star-Spangled Avenger like a much-needed shot of Super-Soldier Serum. Cap’s new adventures were tightly plotted and fast paced, reducing the character’s penchant for patriotic speeches and returning him to the frantic action he was originally known for. First, in Operation Rebirth, Cap and his back-from-the-dead love interest Sharon Carter were forced to team up with the Red Skull to stop a group of Nazis from using a Cosmic Cube to reshape reality to their purposes. In the second storyline, Man Without A Country, Cap was exiled from American soil for teaming up with the Skull, but he still had to find a way to stop robotic villain Machinesmith from assassinating Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, the poorly-timed and thoroughly godawful Heroes Reborn relaunch of Captain America derailed the Waid/Garney express just as it was building up renewed fan interest in the title. The duo returned to the book when Heroes Reborn ended, but the book never quite regained its momentum. The full run is once again available in the Operation Rebirth collection, and if you’re one of the many fans of Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting’s current Cap adventures, you owe it to yourself to check out the best the previous decade had to offer.

1963 by Alan Moore and Friends: If Supreme was Alan Moore’s tribute to the Silver Age of DC, then 1963 was his salute to the Mighty Marvel Age of Comics. Published as six separate issues with different protagonists taking part in a larger, interconnected plot, 1963 had a little something for everyone who loved the classic Marvel archetypes. Mystery Incorporated was his homage to the Fantastic Four, The Fury was an acrobatic wisecracker a la Spider-Man or Daredevil, and Horus: Lord of Light riffed on Thor and his godly supporting cast…you get the idea. The art chores were handled by a who’s who of past Moore collaborators, like Steve Bissette, Rick Veitch, and John Totleben. Presented as highlights from the fictional Image Comics published thirty years earlier, 1963 was to eventually contrast the heroes of a more innocent decade with the ultraviolent Image heroes of 1993 in a concluding chapter—the 1963 Double Image Annual. Image founders like Todd MacFarlane and Jim Lee were on tap to provide art for the issue, which sadly never saw print for a variety of reasons, including Moore’s falling-out with co-creator Bissette. Damn shame, though, since any one of these issues provides enough material for a dozen lesser writers to crank out stories for years to come…much like anything Moore writes, really.

Unknown Soldier by Garth Ennis and Killian Plunkett: While he and artist Steve Dillon were creating the most entertaining blasphemy ever seen month after month in Preacher, Garth Ennis still found time to revisit one of DC’s classic World War II heroes in this gritty, suspenseful four-parter. A lonely, Mulderesque FBI agent is put on the trail of Codename Unknown Soldier, a shady operative who vanished into obscurity following the end of WWII, becoming a covert assassin who took part in pretty much all of the US’s dirty dealings from 1946 to the present (the present being 1997, of course). It’s sort of like Alan Moore and Bill Sienkiewicz’s Shadowplay—The Secret Team in Brought To Light crossed with a particularly great X-Files episode. Ennis adds a final twist to the mystery of the Soldier’s identity that is somehow both satisfying and maddening at the same time.

Untold Tales of Spider-Man Annual #1 by Kurt Busiek and Mike Allred: For a good stretch in the 90s, UTOS was the only remotely readable Spidey title. The stories were sandwiched between existing continuity from Spidey’s early years, and made for a good antidote to the Clone Saga and all the foolishness that came with it. However, everything awesome about the title was on full display in this double-sized issue, drawn by Allred and inked by Marvel vet Joe Sinnott. The story dealt with Webhead’s rivalry with the Human Torch, resulting in Spidey asking Susan Storm out on a date (mostly to piss off her brother). Sue, feeling neglected by Reed and not married yet, agrees to join the Wall-crawler at a local pizza joint. Meanwhile, the Torch summons Sue’s super-stalker, Namor, and tells him that Spider-Man has kidnapped her. Good old-fashioned misunderstandings and mayhem ensue. It’s pretty tough to read this issue without a big goofy grin plastered across your mug. 

The Copybook Tales, by J. Torres and Tim Levins: Back before 80s nostalgia, fanboy humour, and nonstop pop culture references were commonplace, Canadian creators Torres and Levins indulged in all of the above with this charming black-and-white series from Slave Labor Graphics (now available in one volume from Oni Press). The series followed the semi-fictionalized misadventures of two would-be comic creators, Jamie and Thatcher, caught between their desire to grow up once and for all and the relentless pull of nostalgia. Told both in flashbacks to the guys’ misspent youth scouring back-issue bins and agonizing over girls, and in the present, where they struggle with the perils of responsibility, The Copybook Tales wonderfully balanced nerdy humour, twentysomething angst, and a very relatable coming-of-age story.

IT'S 90s WEEK!

When the big hand is on Carnage and the little hand is on Azrael, that means it is 90s o'clock! And that means it is time to launch into Living Between Wednesday's first official 90s WEEK! We're gonna strap on a million buckles and belts, glue some spikes to our shoulders, grow our hair in the back and party like it's 2099 all week.

Can you handle it?

Archie Sunday: The Triple Threats of Riverdale

It's been three years since the first Disney High School Musical movie was released. Three movies later the kids have all grown up, and are moving on to star in indie films or more mature Hollywood fare. The trend is over.

That means it's the perfect time for Archie Comics to jump on the bandwagon.

 

The Archie kids decide to put on a High School musical, because that's what kids do these days when they're not texting jpegs on their mp3-pods. The gang throws around some ideas of musicals they could blatantly rip-off, and we get to see Archie being his usual skeevy self.

 

"The Little Mermaid—topless! Or The Sound of Music—topless! Les Miserables—only, here's the catch—the girls are topless!"

Christ. You know while Archie's saying that, he's just unabashedly staring at Betty and Veronica's boobs, never looking away, even when they're like, "Hello? My eyes are up here!"

Chuck and Nancy suggest West Side Story, which would rule!

Nancy is like, "By putting on this musical, we could subtly examine the racial tension experienced by members of the Riverdale community, and create a dialogue about how..."

And the rest of the gang is like, "Nope!"

Instead they decide on a Grease-style musical, 'cause that's real current. Every twelve-year-old girl these days has a poster of John Travolta on her wall.

The whole gang pitches in, with the regular cast of jerks—Archie, Betty & Veronica and Jughead—doing the music and choreography and relegating the rest of the kids to the crappier jobs. Dilton does the lighting, even though it's been established that he's an accomplished musician and basically a hit-writing machine. But make the nerd do the technical work, right Riverdale douchebags?

Moose and Midge collaborate on costume-making, which is actually pretty adorable. They slave away in front of sewing machines while Archie sits around going "What rhymes with Jalopy? Girl with no toppy?"

Archie actually complements Moose and Midge's hard work, albeit while staring directly Midge's chest. He inevitably ruins the moment by yelling, "I LOVE BAZOOMS!" and then doing a cartwheel off the stage.

So, their musical blows. It's completely derivative, and the lyrics are brutal.

Plus, Archie is popping boners through the whole thing.

Zac Effron, he ain't.

Quit Harshin' on the Comic Relief (and More!)

Just a quick one today, partially because I was slack on the reviews this week and so am appending them to this post and partially because I think that I'm going to save some of the things that I was thinking about this week for a future theme week (that's right, we got plenty of those suckers in the works. Just wait and see).

What I was thinking about was the poor neglected state of the comic relief character in comics. Derided (Bouncing Boy), abused (Blue Beetle), written out of continuity (Bat-Mite) or given a dose of grim 'n gritty (poor ol' Speedball), the comic relief character is not doing so well in current comics. This is a shame, I say, because done right a comic relief character can serve to take the starch out of even the most determinedly serious crusader for justice, something that some heroes (*cough*batman*cough*) sorely need from time to time.

And so I give you one of the very best comic relief characters ever, Mr. Johnny Thunder, a guy who has had virtually all of the above happen to him (I don't know about you but I reckon that Alzheimer's iss about as grim and  gritty as it gets). Back in the day, though, he was a force to be reckoned with, a bowtie-wearing sap who was too stupid to remember that he was virtually omnipotent with the help of his mystic pink thunderbolt. A guy whose idea of a good disguise a cap and gown, red hair and a black moustache, because the point of a disguise is for them not to recognize you, right? Johnny Thunder filled the role of the stupid but well-meaning doofus better than virtually anyone since, and for that I salute him.

But if you need any more proof that Johnny Thunder was comic gold, just check out his finest moment, from All-Star ComicsI No. 23, the first appearance of the Psycho-Pirate:

Eeee! Keep on buffoonin', Johnny Thunder.

And now:

John Buys Comics and Sends Geoff Johns Some Mixed Messages

Atomic Robo: Shadow From Beyond Time No. 3 (of 5)

Man, every time this comic comes out I’m just going to gush all over the place. I know that I have a lot of love for a lot of comics but I think that if I were able to compel everyone who reads this to pick up just one book then it would be this one. And this issue is self-contained enough to read by itself! Buy it… buuuuuuuy iiiiiiit…

And just in case my amazing powers of suggestion/persuasion aren’t enough, I’ll get you up to speed: Atomic Robo, brainchild of Dr. Nikola Tesla, is scrapping with a Lovecraftian horror that transcends time. So Lovecraftian, in fact, that it spent the first two issues possessing the head of HP Lovecraft himself, which is something that I have yet to see Cthulhu do. Having defeated the creature in 1926, Robo and some of his Fightin’ Scientists now have to fight a smarter iteration of the thing in 1957. Trust me, it’s delicious: terrific dialogue, crazy monsters, beautiful art, cheap 1950s gas… The Clevinger/Wegener/Pattison/Powell team are a comics-making juggernaut.

Buuuuy iiiiiit…

Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps No. 2 (of 3)

This is the comic that I specifically requested from DC and then completely missed when the first issue came out last week. I’m so good at this. Well, since I won’t be seeing issue numba 1 for a week or so yet I’ll just ignore its existence long enough to talk about this’un.

Yep, it’s a good time, just as I’d figured. It’s always fun to check out the backgrounds of some of the crazy aliens that are always flying around in the background of any scene of Lantern-on-Lantern violence. This issue we’ve got Red Lantern Bleez, the skeleton-wings lady (question: Red Lanterns are basically mindless rage-bags, so who creates those nifty custom costumes?), Orange Lantern Blume, the keen giant head that Larfleeze is all the time siccing on folks and… Carol Ferris.

Booooooooooooooooo…

Bad Geoff Johns! Carol Ferris has been a Star Sapphire for about 700 years already and this story contains nothing new or the least bit fun. I’m interested in this comic for crazy tales of crazy aliens, like I said above, not a pre-established character talking to a ring for eight pages. Seriously, this could have been edited down to about two pages (or possibly three panels: “Carol Ferris, joint the Star Sapphires!” “No!” “But if you don’t, Hal Jordan gonna die!” “Okay then!”) and stuck in any issue of Green Lantern or Green Lantern Corps from the last year. Or serialized over eight issues - it’s not like Carol is doing anything else in the DCU. Stop advancing your plot in my stand-alone! Whine! Complain!

Other than that, good comic.

Gotham City Sirens No. 2

SECOND ISSUE OF JUDGEMENT: Well, there’s more T&A in this issue, fer sure, if I’m counting that against it. Which I think I am, because my cynical side claims that the T and the A are two of the major reasons that this comic is being produced. But there’s a lot of Harley Quinn, and I even liked her in Countdown. Does that balance? Even if it’s mostly her T and her A? Guh.

Anyway, here I am getting caught up on ideological issues when I should just settle this on the concrete evidence of the paper artifact in my hands. Well, how is it, Johnathan? Enh. It looks nice but the plot is pretty unenthralling, to say the least. I liked Catwoman’s lie about Batman’s identity and I like the Grey Hoodie Gang as minor antagonists but the main bad guy is Hush (minus 50 points) who is masquerading as Bruce Wayne (minus 7 million points for needlessly complicating things in the Bat-family books just as they seem to be running smoothly) and if there’s any one villain that should have been killed off by now, it’s Hush. Black Lanterns? Anybody?

Hey, maybe it’ll get good someday but I’m not willing to stick things out. So yeah, I’m saving four bucks next month.

JUDGEMENT PASSED.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds No 5 (of 5! Woo!)

Heee! Final Crisis is complete! In the most awesome way possible!

Man, forget drawing every Legionnaire over the course of the series, I think that Perez might’ve done it in this issue alone. This is definitely a fantastic effort by everyone involved, and Johns has managed to clear up all of the lingering loose ends regarding the Time Trapper, Superboy Prime, Superboy Regular, the Legion and its place in the various multiverses…

And speaking of the multiverse, the implication of all of the alternate Legions showing up is that they all exist out there somewhere - even the 5 Years Later Legion, which some were speculating that the Action Comics Adult Legion had retconned out of existence. Hooray for inclusiveness!

And hooray for three Brainiacs 5! Hooray for the ultimate fate of Superboy Prime! Hooray for stopping while I haven’t really spoiled anything!

Hooray!

We Kill Monsters No. 1 (of 6)

There are a lot of small comics companies doing a lot of nice work lately, for which I am highly thankful. Of all of these, Red 5 Comics might just be starting to pull ahead of the pack in my eyes. To begin with, they have Atomic Robo, which you may recall me gushing at length about earlier. And now here comes We Kill Monsters.

I can't say what it is about a comic where two auto mechanic brothers discover the existence of a race of blue-blooded, three-eyed monsters and start fighting them with pickup trucks and shovels and the mutated arm that one of them has acquired. Oh wait - I did say it. Blue-collar monster fighting by a couple of well-written characters, yeah. Plus the art and the colours are loverly.

Oh, and there's a romantic subplot shaping up, if you're into sappiness. Not that I am. At all. (sighhhh... they look like they'll make such a nice couple...)

The Life and Times of Savior 28 No. 4 - Still liking this, but remind me never to read it last. This is a damn depressing comic at times.

Green Lantern No. 44 - Zombie Martian Manhunter Vs. Green Lantern and the Flash! Highly enjoyable! Terrific ending! Scar vomits more than ever! That last one was not a point in the comics favour!

Dethklok Versus the Goon - Well, I love Metalocalypse and I love The Goon, so how could this go wrong? Well, it didn’t, but it didn’t go completely right either. Everyone was acting on character and there were some good lines and the expected massive bloodshed. It just didn’t… mesh. I think it’s the fact that Dethklok was wandering around in the Goon’s world without adopting his art style, which is just rude, not like that nice Hellboy character who visited a few years back. So: good enough but not as good as I’d hoped.

Invincible No. 64 - Kirkman you crazy bastard. Good show.

Batman: Streets of Gotham - I'm playing catchup on a lot of fronts, it seems. Just read the first two issues and they weren't bad, thhough I'm sad to see that this is where that Hush malarky started up. In any case: it's a good look at Gotham as a whole, with alla its crazy vigilantes and villains and crazies. And the Manhunter backup is really super fun. Hooray for the return of Jane Doe!

Action Comics No. 879 - Good stuff, same as always. I just want to note that the Captain Atom backup is great! It makes no sense but I know that it will eventually! I love that sort of thing!

Wednesday Comics No. 3 - Upside-down Batman! Dr. Canus! Pa Kent's facial expression! Java's inquiry! Strange Adventure! Future Flash! Two separate alien insect monsters! And all the rest! Definitely enough delight for my dime.

Superman/Batman No. 62 - A couple weeks late on this one but I'd just like to pipe up and call it a fun little story.

Good night everybody!