Blackest Night: Wrestling Women

/

I brought home this quarter bin issue of Maxwell Madd and His Wrestling Women because, well, I like an easy target.

Maxwell Madd is your classic skeevy, 80's cool dude who looks like an emoticon. He hangs with a crew of muscly sexxxy ladies who wrestle bad guys, and each other. In this issue they have to hang out at Madd's rich (but sadly deceased) uncle's haunted mansion, and fight vampires.

I was ready to make a bunch of snarky comments about this ol' hunk o' junk, but then I read it, and it really wasn't so bad. Sure it's pretty dumb and gross but you get the feeling the creator really tried. And there were a few good jokes in there! For real! 

The creator, by the way, is one David C. Matthews (avoid confusion and note the "C." Although wouldn't it be awesome if it turned out Dave Matthews had created Maxwell Madd and his Wrestling Women?) David C. Matthews has a dumpy little website where he chronicles his stunted comics career, the highlight of which is Satin Steele, a porny comic about a lady body builder.

Satin Steele dips a bit too deeply into the psyche of David C. Matthews for me, thanks. (There's something depressing about sketches of weird creater-owned characters just hangin' and the Satin Steele site has a montage of those). But in his Satin Steele prologue, DCM kinda gets to the heart of what we need from comics.

"[Satin Steele is] not my earliest creation (that honor belongs to the afore-mentioned "Leenah"), but the one that I felt sure would become my "signature" property, as Batman was for Bob Kane and Superman was for Siegel and Schuster. And whereas a majority of my work is designed to appeal, firstly to me, and secondarily to my fellow fans of "femuscle", Satin was aimed equally to the "mainstream" reader - the "normal" person who may not necessarily like even the idea of "muscles on girls" but who'll respond to a well-crafted story that provides drama, humopr and strong characters"

It's humoprous, for sure. Typos aside, I think duder is right that comics can be about anything, as long as there's good characters and a good story. David C. Matthews is also wise to bring up Shuster and remind us that the comic industry was built by pervs. I keep forgetting to mention this, but Vice Magazine, in their comics guide issue, had a great piece about Craig Yoe's new book Secret Identity: The Fetish Art of Superman's co-creator Joe Shuster.

It features Shuster's pervy soft-core porn comics that star beefy dudes who look just like our favourite Kryptonian. The book looks amazing, and the pictures on the Vice site are strange and sexy and hilarious.

So what am I saying here? That given the right circumstances David C. Matthews could have been the next Shuster? No. That a stupid, porny comic isn't necessarily bad? Maybe. That my brain has gotten a little soft from too many ten hour days at the comic shop this week? Definitely. I'll be back next week to make fun of stupid shit.

John Buys Batman Comics. And Also Some Other Stuff

/

Man. There was a lot of Batman this week. And ever since I started reviewing on a regular basis there is nothing I can resist less than a Batman-related comic book. Except for Gotham City Sirens.

Batman and Robin No. 3

Man, Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely are a great team. I have heard it said that there will be a Quitely-free arc on this book in the near future and it will be very interesting to see how it stacks up against these first few issues in terms of how much I love it. I remember that the Frank-less issues of New X-Men weren't as delightful to mine eyes as the issues before and after them but I also remember thinking that the art on those issues was "actively bad" as opposed to "not sublime". How about it, DC? Can you provide a fill-in artist who isn't terrible?

Anyway, this issue provides plenty of examples of how well these two work together. Professor Pyg's pre-surgery psych-up/disco dance/psychotic break? Hot damn. I don't know of too many other artists who could put pictures to those words so well. I think I stayed on those few pages for five or six minutes. Heck, between Pyg and that Alice dame in Detective the bar is getting set pretty high in terms of the madness level of the Gotham City criminal element. Pretty soon guys like Firefly, with their garden-variety manias, are going to look like chumps.

The... character involved in the last-page reveal is another good example: an interesting Morrison concept, fantastically-realized by Quitely. My imagination is tormenting me with images of how other artists might have portrayed... that character, I love it that much.

I've been reading a lot of Batman recently, as I said earlier, and most of it has been decent, but precious few are providing me with as much glee as this here book. Hooray!

King City No. 1

Okay. Okay okay. Okay okay okay. I can do this. I can't do this. All of my summarization glands have dried up.

No, I can do it. King City is the best kind of crazy. Brandon Graham had, it seems, about a hundred neat ideas and took maybe half a dozen of them (utility cats, a city full of spies and spy hotels, and blah and blah) and deployed the rest of them liberally as vending machine concepts and street flavour and incidental character fun. The result: exactly the kind of comic that I like to devote half an hour or more to, which is good because it took at least that long to take a signifiicant portion of it in.

So there's this guy named Joe and he has a cat and he steals a key and is operating in this huge crazy cool town. There's a girl he'd rather not meet and some guys who wish him ill and that's all that I've managed to piece together yet but I'm already completely charmed. From what I've been able to gather through doing absolutely no research, some of King City has already appeared elsewhere but this series will mark its first complete run and that's terrific for one reason: it will be coming out very regularly if the publishing spirits are kind. Oh Typesetules, oh Shipontime, hear my plea! Do right by me!

The Red Circle: The Shield One-Shot

Okay! Thus concludes the introduction of the Archie Comics heroes to the DC Universe! Kind of!

I was waiting for all four issues to come out before commenting on this, because sometimes when I don’t wait I end up making an idiot out of myself (for instance, when I asserted that the killy Batman in Battle for the Cowl couldn’t be Jason Todd because hey, there’s a new Red Robin series coming up!). Now that it’s done, though… for a series with the avowed purpose of introducing characters to a universe, there was surprisingly little in the way of interaction with that universe in the course of the various issues. Like, none. No JLA fighting Starro on the teevee, no Web running into the Manhattan Guardian in one panel on page 10, nothing. There’s a guy in this issue who mentions how all the American super-heroes should join the Army, but he names no names. Now, this is probably a purposeful attempt to settle the characters into their own interconnected portion of the DCU before having the JSA stop in for a guest appearance, but dropping a few names now and again might have been nice. Ah well, looks like there’ll be a couple of ongoing series, so we shall see how this plays out in them, I guess.

As for the issue, well, it was just fine. The Shield is hardly the most distinct of super-heroes, despite his long pedigree. Generic superpowers, patriotic theme, war casualty-rebuilt-as-supersoldier? Check check check. The potentially interesting part of this iteration of the character is going to be the fact that he’s working directly for the Army, which is usually a role for psychotic assholes, though I have absolutely no idea how it’ll be handled here. The character was sympathetic and interesting for the first three or four pages, until he got blown up. After that, and well into his transformation into the Shield, he got a bit emotionally flat. Wait and see, I suppose.

Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen Special No. 2 - Pretty meh, I gotta say. The whole ‘massive military conspiracy’ plot that has been running through the Superman family of books has been in a holding pattern for a while now, and though this issue and the ones featuring the ugly-ass half ‘n half characters on the front seem to be designed to get the whole thing rolling again I may have lost a bit too much interest to care. At least there’s a wee little Odd Man shout-out, and on a week that saw me thinking about him, for some reason! Oh this madcap life of mine!

Superman No. 691 - As I said, it looks like they’re starting to ramp up this conspiracy storyline. Is anyone else being reminded more and more of Legends the longer this goes on? If they manage to work Brimstone into the plot somehow then I will regain interest a lot more quickly, as gigantic fiery wrestlers are just neat. Wait, does Death of the New Gods mean no more Brimstone ever again? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Flash: Rebirth No. 4 - I was pretty enthusiastic about this series and then I got less so and then I was positively grumpy about the whole thing. Now? I guess I’m okay with it. It doesn’t look like Johns is going to kill Max Mercury, and I can get behind that, but he hasn’t yet made a good enough case for Barry actually needing to be back. I was actually kind of hoping that he’d go back into the Speed Force at the end of Final Crisis, as it would have been quite tantalizing and fun to have him appear only in times of great peril, like a fast red Phantom Stranger. You could stretch out the explanation of why it was happening for years!

Batwoman in Detective Comics No. 856 -  Dang, yo. This is another of those quality Batman-related comics that I was talking about earlier. So nice-looking, such a high level of villainous craziness. Plus: an octopus man!

The Muppet Show Comic Book: The Treasure of Peg Leg Wilson No. 2 (of 4) - Gosh, is that a long title. Ah, but it's for a good cause, with lots of Beaker-abuse, rat abuse and general battering of felt to delight the senses. The various mysteries that are the theme of this miniseries are providing me with much joy.

Sherlock Holmes No. 4 - My brain feels a bit pummeled, as I'm not at home right now and so can't refer to the previous issues but can't escape the feeling that I should be able to figure at least part of the mystery out. Gah! Ah well, it's still a damn fine comic. Tune in next month to see if I figure it out before Leah Moore tells me whodunit.

The Unknown No. 4 (of 4) - I was all set to grump about how the mysteries of life and death hadn't been solved and how there'd better be more of this series and then the ding dong dang house ad at the back just shut me right up. Guess I'll just hold my tongue until next month, won't I?

Green Lantern No. 45 - Lots of great Corps vs Corps fun here: Sinestro Corps vs Star Sapphires! Red lanterns vs Green Lanterns! Blue vs Orange! Everybody vs the Black Lanterns!

ZOMBIE WATCH: Pariah, Planet Xanshi, Loads of dead Sinestro Corpsers, Qwardians and (hooray!) all of Larfleeze's victims.

Final Crisis Aftermath: Ink No. 4 (of 6) - This series was my least favourite of the four, butt I do believe that it's growing on me. I honestly hope that yon Tattooed Man makes it through with his life, tattoos and newfound heroism intact. Man, though, the characters in this have some terrible names. Not birth names, the kind you choose for yourselves. Twisttedd? Crim$o? Phat Diamond? G-Filter? SYNcK? Is it because they're all in gangs? Do gang folk not know how to name themselves well?

Wednesday Comics No. 8 - With four left to go, a quick rundown: Metamorpho, Strange Adventures, Supergirl, Deadman, Flash and Kamandi: going strong the whole time. Sgt Rock, Metal Men, Demon/Catwoman, Batman and Green Lantern have been perfectly serviceable. Teen Titans has gotten much better, possibly due to some art tweaking and possibly because it took a while to get up to speed. Wonder Woman has also gotten better but is still very very tough to read (but featured a really neato version of Etta Candy). I grossly underestimated Hawkman, it turns out, though elaborate joke or not, that first comic is still kind of painful. And Superman... I reckon that the only hope for this comic is for the next four installments to be one long alien-wrassli' exhibition, and that is way unlikely.

Batman: the Widening Gyre No. 1 (of 6) - I've never read any of Kevin Smith's comic work, did you know that? Most of it came out while I was in my poor times, when I would basically buy Astro City and one or two other titles and then eat crackers for supper. And I'm addicted to Batman comics, too. So I ignored the mockery of my blogmates and that of the dog that they had gotten from somewhere and bought this. And it ain't bad, really. It's too late for me to really articulate things, so I'll subject it to the ol' SECOND ISSUE OF JUDGMENT treatment later. Oh, but K. Smith is going on the big list of People Who Can't Write the Demon's Rhymespeak. Because he can't. The rhythm is all wrong and there are too many near-rhymes.

Anyway: good night all.

This week's haul...makes me rethink my pull list

/
I was thinking that since I haven't been reviewing my weekly comics lately, instead of doing that this week I will take a long hard look at my pull list.
 
I want to cut it down by quite a bit because I am frankly tired of being buried in comics, but also because I am finding myself very bored by most of the comics I read.
 
So maybe you guys can help me make some decisions.
 
Action Comics
Supergirl
Superman
Superman: World of New Krypton 
 
I am actually thinking of dropping all comics written by James Robinson because they are really not doing it for me. I think I'll keep Supergirl and World of New Krypton and drop the rest of the Super titles until all this stuff is wrapped up. Because it is really dull. There have been so many issues where basically nothing interesting happens at all, and I usually forget about the comics as soon as I am done reading them. This is the sort of thing I want to avoid.
 
Amazing Spider-Man
 
I have enjoyed nearly every issue of Amazing Spider-Man since Brand New Day began, so I am definitely keeping this one. Unlike Superman, the issues are quite memorable and have great cliffhangers.
 
Ambush Bug
 
Well...I guess I can hold out for the last issue of this. Whenever it comes out.
 
Animal Man: Last Days
 
I am actually enjoying this way more than I thought I would. And it's a mini-series that falls into that category of "mini-series that I enjoy, but not really enough that I would buy the trade, so I may as well buy the issues." I'll keep it.
 
Batman: Brave & the Bold
 
As much as I love that this is a comic, I think I'm gonna let it go. I have an awful lot of kids comics and, though I love them in theory, they are written for small children so they aren't particularly exciting. I dropped Super Friends and Billy Batson for this reason. But I will still buy any issue drawn by J.Bone.
 
Batman & Robin
 
I guess I will have to wait to see how the next issue of this is now that Quitely is done his first run on it. Man, those three issues were awesome though!
 
Blackest Night
 
I know I kinda hated the first issue, but I am enjoying this event now so I am sticking with it.
 
Booster Gold
 
I just realized that I didn't get the latest issue of Booster Gold. And I didn't notice. Hmmmm...nah. I love Booster Gold. He stays.
 
BTVS: Angel HCs
 
Do not judge me.
 
Buffy the Vampire Slayer TPs
 
I have only been reading this comic in TP format, which is something I would like to do with more comics.
 
Captain America
Captain America: Reborn
 
Obviously these are not going anywhere.
 
Daredevil
 
Brubaker is done, so that sucks. I'll see how the next one is. My love of Daredevil as a character transcends writers, usually.
 
Exiles
 
This is the sort of thing that I would normally not even consider having on my account, except I read everything Jeff Parker writes (which reminds me...must add Agents of Atlas TPs to account)
 
Flash: Rebirth
 
This is definitely in the maybe pile. This week's issue kinda implied that the story might get less agonizing starting with the next issue, so I guess I will hold out another month and see.
 
Ghost Rider
 
As long as Jason Aaron is writing it, I am reading it. Because it is the best.
 
Green Lantern
 
I recently dropped Green Lantern Corps because it makes me sleepy, but I think Green Lantern will be staying on the account for a long time. I think it's some of Geoff Johns' best work.
 
Grendel
Hector Plasm
Nexus
Tales Designed to Thrizzle
 
These all fall into the "if there is ever a new series/issue I'll get it" category that doesn't exactly put a strain on my wallet.
 
Jersey Gods
 
Aw, I like Jersey Gods. You guys can stay.
 
Jonah Hex
 
They can take my Jonah Hex when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
 
Marvels Project
 
I can't think of any reason why I would drop this. It's definitely going to be awesome.
 
Mighty Avengers
 
I am not even sure why I am reading this, because I am not traditionally an Avengers kinda gal, but I am enjoying it so I'll keep it for now.
 
Muppet Show
 
YES! STAY! (Though I dropped Muppet: Robin Hood)
 
Power Girl
 
This comic is amazing and each issue is better than the one before. I love it.
 
RASL TPs
 
I can probably swing one book a year. I have actually been buying the issues too because I can't wait.
 
Secret Six
 
I love this book. I can't imagine dropping it.
 
Scalped TPs
 
I used to buy the issues, but this story reads so much better in trade format. It's one of my favourite comics.
 
Tiny Titans
 
This is the one DC Kids comic I am going to keep. It makes me happy.
 
Top Ten
 
These aren't coming out in a hurry. I wish they would, though.

Toy Story
 
This comic is actually really awesome. If you like the movies you should be reading it.
 
Uncanny X-men
 
I like Matt Fraction's writing on this series that I will even suffer through the Greg Land art every other story arc. I'm keeping it.
 
Uncanny X-Men: First Class
 
I don't dislike this comic, but I could probably live without it.
 
The Unwritten
 
This comic is awesome and my husband loves it too. I could probably trade-wait it, though...
 
Wednesday Comics
 
I am actually way behind on my Wednesday Comics reading. And here's why: it was so hot the last couple of weeks that I couldn't comfortably read in any room that didn't have a fan. And reading Wednesday Comics in front of a fan is hard. But I am keeping this on the account until the end for sure.

Wolverine: Weapon-X
As long as Jason Aaron is writing it, I am reading it. Because it is the best.
 
Wonder Woman
 
As long as Gail Simone is writing it, I am reading it. Because it is the best.
 
Y: The Last Man HCs
 
I sold all my trades to replace them with these snazzy HCs. They come out pretty slowly (for some reason), so it's not really a burden.
 
Zorro
 
I really love this comic, especially now that Francesco Francavilla is back on the art. Everyone should be reading this, especially during this Batman drought.
 

So there. I think I have made some decisions. Any suggestions of things I should be reading that aren't on this list?

Metamorpho rejects Justice League, becomes skateboard

/

I love Metamorpho. Any creation of Bob Haney's is a friend of mine.

In Justice League of America #42, by Gardner Fox and drawn by Mike Sekowsky and Bernard Sachs, the League decides to extend a membership invitation to Metamorpho, but the Element Man is NOT INTERESTED.

But first, a charming vignette in which Metamorpho cheers a young boy by turning himself into a skateboard.

 

If a terrifying-looking stranger, or hell even a regular-looking dude, suddenly turned himself into a living skateboard, would you immediately jump on and start riding? I think I would hesitate.

When that heroic endeavor is over, Metamorpho suddenly loses control of his own arms, as they are stretched to the sky and start forming words out of the clouds against his will!

Ok, it's one thing for the League to use such an insane and complicated method of invitation, but COME ON! Does the message need to be that long-winded?!

Metamorpho's  immediate reaction toward the invite is, understandably, negative.

Suddenly Metamorpho is attacked by a bizarre shapeless entity that seems to really want to join the Justice League. He's one of those enemies who is such a huge fan of the JLA that they decide to prove it by attacking all of them. It turns out that this is the first appearance of The Unimaginable.

Meanwhile the boring Justice League are watching the whole fight on their monitors. Superman is flabbergasted as to why anyone wouldn't want to be a part of the boring Justice League, with their frequent tedious meetings and endless discussion in lieu of action.

"Let's show him what teamwork can do!!" God the Justice League is such a bunch of nerds.

It turns out that what the Justice League and teamwork can do is...not much. After a brief battle, everyone ends up tangled in the strange creature's...things. Green Lantern is, as usual, ass over teakettle within seconds.

Since the creature has been kind enough to dump them off at their cozy little base, the heroes take a few minutes to discuss Metamorpho's lack of enthusiasm about their invitation. This lasts until Batman makes an excellent point:

Right. The alien thing. Evil.

But first! What if Green Lantern's ring can fix Metamorpho and make him regular old Rex Mason again?

I'll tell you who: that same stupid alien. So get your fighting clothes on, it's time for Act 2!

About this next panel, I just want to point out that GL's pose is hilarious:

So here's our alien being that has been tormenting the Justice League. The Unimaginable looks like nothing, and REALLY wants to join the Justice League. But Batman is leaning toward voting 'no' on his membership:

Do you feel like maybe the artist just didn't feel like designing a new bad guy for this issue?

Threats and ultimatums usually work great with the Justice League. I think that's how the Atom got in. I like that The Flash still needs more information before he can make an informed decision.

The Justice League aren't going to let some jagged, featureless piece of space trash boss them around. They are going to solve this problem the only way they know how: by engaging in a long, boring discussion!

It doesn't even occur to them that Metamorpho didn't duck out on the fight. He ducked out on the conversation so he could just go fight the guy.

Yes! Finally! Go!

So they head to outer space and quickly find themselves inside The Unimaginable for some reason. I guess the only way to defeat him is by attacking him from the inside.

I want to give The Flash props here because I can't honestly say that I would recognize this sound if I heard it:

Anyway, they beat The Unimaginable and head home, where they revisit the original task of trying to get Metamorpho to join the League. He's still not interested (probably even less interested now that he's spent some time with them). He would like Green Lantern to give the ring thing another try though:

Sure. Why not?

Metamorpho has a great attitude about it, as usual, and even agrees to be a part-time JLA member, if that will shut them up.

Hooray! And remember, this is during a time that Element Men were still largely discriminated against in society. Well done, Justice League!

And then Metamorpho ran out and bought call display for his phone.

Inglourious Marvels

/

After seeing Inglourious Basterds twice in four days, I found I really had a hankering to write about something World War II related (I’d love to see a comic series that fills in some of the Basterds’ adventures in occupied France –after all, they were there for three years, and we only got a glimpse of their exploits!). I soon remembered that I had intended to discuss the new Ed Brubaker/Steve Epting miniseries The Marvels Project, but somehow got sidetracked. Now, the first issue of this eight-part mini takes place in the years leading up to America’s involvement in WWII, but it is about both sides in the coming conflict trying to beat the other in the race to create super-powered soldiers. Close enough for government work, right?

The Captain America team of Brubaker and Epting reunite for a story that, because of the title, seems to often get mistaken for some sort of prequel or follow-up to Marvels, which isn’t exactly right. The title is, I believe, meant to evoke the Manhattan Project, although the weapon being developed here is the superhuman, not the A-Bomb. If anything, The Marvels Project resembles Darwyn Cooke’s New Frontier, as it weaves several familiar origin stories—Captain America, the Sub-Mariner, and the original Human Torch, to name a few--together into a newly interconnected tapestry. However, the bulk of the story so far comes to us via a much more obscure character—Dr. Thomas Holloway, who will eventually be known as the Avenging Angel.

As the story begins, Holloway is working in a New York hospital, where he has befriended a dying old man named Matt Hawk, who longtime Marvel readers will know as the western hero Two-Gun Kid. Hawk tells Holloway of his journey to a future time filled with costumed, super-powered adventurers…stories that Holloway initially dismisses as senile delirium. Marvel aficionados know better, though; during an Avengers run in the late Seventies, the Two-Gun Kid was transported to the “present” for a run of several issues. So, in talking of the future to Holloway, Hawk plants the seeds of that very future, which is, to him, the past. Really, it’s not as confusing as it sounds, I promise. As to the somewhat confusing redesigns of the Marvel heroes in the above illustration...I assume that this is supposed to represent how Holloway pictures the people Hawk described in his adventure (presumably he didn't take snapshots).

Meanwhile, FDR is troubled to learn of a mysterious German scientific initiative known as Project Nietzsche. The President also hears about Professor Horton’s attempts to create a synthetic man who, unfortunately, bursts into flame when exposed to oxygen. In the Sargasso Sea, a Nazi battleship that is collecting dead Atlanteans for scientific research runs afoul of a very pissed-off Prince Namor, and in Germany, a scientist named Professor Erskine plans to defect to the United States with the help of an American G.I. named Nick Fury.

The fascinating alternate history Ed Brubaker posits in The Marvels Project doesn’t contradict the existing Marvel timeline so much as it nudges several details closer together. The result is a tale of military and scientific intrigue that, while utterly fantastical, seems almost plausible in its understated delivery. Steve Epting’s gritty, Buscema-esque art keeps the whole thing grounded in a recognizable reality, one that occasionally explodes with feats of superheroic unreality like Namor’s vengeance upon the Nazis or the Human Torch’s escape from his subterranean prison.

Colourist Dave Stewart really makes Epting’s work pop off the page in a way that regular Captain America colourist Frank D’Armata never quite seems to.  The first issue may seem a bit slow-moving in today’s event-driven marketplace, but it lays the foundation for a pretty epic storyline. However, if you have any patience left over after all the Civil Wars and Secret Invasions, this is one Project that is most definitely worthy of further study.