"We ain't in the takin' prisoners bidness. We in the killin' Nazis bidness. And cousin, bidness is a-boomin'."

 Oh man, do I ever love this. Some talented individual with exquisite taste in both movies and comic artists (I still don't know who it was--these turned up on movie site CHUD, after appearing on Ain't It Cool News Guru Harry Jay Knowles' Twitter feed) created five covers for an imaginary Jack Kirby series adapting Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds into comic form. Whoever made these sure knows his stuff, 'cause they're bang on, both artistically and...er, designfully? Anyway, they're amazing, and I wish like hell there were comics to go with them. Check 'em out:

Hats off, guy whose signature is too small to read! I salute you, you magnificent Basterd!

Beauty and the Block of Marble

OOooooo, what a great looking book! I'm going to try to make this cover the new mental image in my head when I hear the words "Image Comics." Usually I picture something like Haunt, and then I picture a plate of pasta primavera thrown at a wall. 'Cause that's what it looks like.

This lovely book was created by Marian Churchland, hot off her stint on Elephantmen.

Churchland tells the story of a young, out of work artist named Colette, who is commissioned to sculpt a portrait for an otherworldly man known as "Beast." She moves into his dilapidated home, and becomes transfixed with her work—slowly shaping a huge block of marble into the likeness of this mysterious figure.

While the book has a fairy-tale feel to it, and was in part inspired by Beauty and the Beast, it's not a Fables-style modern retelling. It's not a love story—or if it is—it's about the complex relationship between an artist and her work. It's about Colette's obsessions with representing Beast, not the Beast himself. In fact, she has more of an affectionate relationship with this awesome dog, Bodi, who lives in Beast's house.

This book is beautifully understated, both in the story and the art. Colette spends a lot of the story padding about Beast's old house, drinking tea, taking baths—preparing to work on the sculpture at night, when Beast will often appear. Churchland captures that waiting part of art—the procrastination, the mulling it over before beginning a frenzy of work. But the pace of the story also creates great dramatic tension, and adds to the general creepiness the permeates the book.

Churchland's art is just rad. Simple pencils that still say a lot, and really effective grey (and greenish) tones that show dark nights and murky days in an old house.

I tend to tear through a lot of comics in a week, and never give them a second thought, but Beast has really stayed with me. I keep thinking about panels that I want to look at again. I'm actually going to leave it on the nightstand and reread soon. And I seriously never do that.

Brainstormin'!

Catch a Falling Starlog

 Ah, Starlog magazine. Before the internet, where else could geeks, nerds, and dweebs of every colour and creed get together to share their opinions on whether or not a Federation Starship could take out Darth Vader’s Star Destroyer? By the way, I’m not acting superior here—I usually gave my money to Fangoria, which was even more shunned by polite society. Anyway, some time ago, a collection of SF memorabilia made its way into Strange Adventures, and scattered amongst it were some random issues of 'Log  (as I can only imagine its diehard fans call it) from the 1980s. The allure of articles about Buckaroo Banzai and The Last Starfighter was too much for me to pass up, so I rescued them from the Quarter Bin without delay. Happily, the March 1988 issue provided me with one of the funniest letters pages I’ve ever come across. The column, or, Communications, as it was known in its heyday, featured this letter sandwiched in between an angry missive from the then-President of the Friends of Nichelle Nichols and several rave reviews for The Living Daylights:

 

I think I had the action figure of this guy--Studioplantor, was that his name? This letter is pretty funny, mostly because Masters of the Universe totally tanked at the box office, and was pretty much universally (see what I did there?) derided by the few who did see it. This guy’s opinion was, shall we say, not exactly a common one. However, much funnier is this deadpan response from the editor, which shows that Starlog is not without a sense of humour:

 

Swish! For my part, I actually like and own MOTU on DVD—sure, it’s goofy as shit, but it’s got some great designs by Jean Giraud, AKA Moebius, and a cool Bill Conti score that does its level best to sound like John Williams, which I’m sure was the idea. There’s also a pretty solid argument to be made that MOTU is the closest thing we’ll ever get to a New Gods film, but that’s a blog entry for another day. Sooner than you think, probably.

 However, the real gold is within the many letters dedicated to the 1988 surprise sci-fi hit, RoboCop. Check this out:

 

Not bad, right? Wait for it…

 

Y’know, I could be mistaken here, but last time I checked, Asimov’s Laws of Robotics were FICTIONAL, as opposed to FACTUAL, Laws of Science. Does this mean that if I, say, defy the rules from Gremlins and feed my pet Mogwai after midnight, he’ll actually turn into a scaly, mischievous monster? Or that, if I do as I’ve so often dreamed and push my Flux Capacitor-enhanced Delorean up to 88 MPH, I actually will be able to generate the necessary 1.21 Jigowatts I need to travel to 1955, where I can live out my dual lifelong dream of inventing both rock & roll and the skateboard? At least this guy acknowledges that it’s a great film, despite its flagrant violation of hard science.

 (To further prove that I am as big, if not a bigger, nerd than these folks, and am in no way mentally or biologically superior, I will admit to you that I know Vader’s Star Destroyer is called the Executor. There, I said it. )

Flip the Grip, Fileboner!

It's no secret that I have a big love on for the media of the past, especially in the form of books and comics. Part of this is due to the sheer entertainment value of it all - there's usually a reason that something has managed to survive the vagaries of time and human distractability, right? - but in addition to the content of the work there's often a completely fascinating element of trying to figure out exactly what was going on in the heads of the person or persons responsible.

Here, look at this:

For a long time, every DC comic had something like this, a little half- or full-page filler like "Flash Facts" or "Metal Facts and Fancies", possibly so that they could claim some portion of their content was educational. Of them all, I prefer "Science Says You're Wrong if You Believe That..." because it's the only one that flat-out insults the reader. These things are terrific insights into what the heck people were caring about at the time that they were written, or at least what comics writers were caring about. For example, read enough stuff from the 60s and you'll see that bit about deadly gasses from the tail of a comet coming up again and again, though nowadays it's gone the way of the classic plot to kill someone with a weak heart by scaring them to death. So were people obsessed with comets or was it just a case of writers getting as much use as they could out of a stlye of disaster with a lot of dramatic appeal?

With every one of these things you learn more about the people who wrote them, whether it be through what they felt needed to be debunked or what they were wrong about or how early they were right about something that you maybe thought was such a very contemporary bit of knowledge. I wish that I could have found the one on superstitions of the world, because it's a fantastic example of the absolute rock-solid belief in Science that characterized so many of the comics of the 50s and 60s.

Which is all a very long introduction to this:

... which I found in Lois Lane No 16, from way the heck back in 1960. What's going on here? Is this a guide? Some sort of mockery (look how funny you teen types talk.)? Heck, is it even accurate? I can't believe that there's a variation on the theme of Nerd that contains the word "boner" and has fallen into disuse.

Man, can't you just feel the attempt to figure out what the heck those crazy teens are talking about? All writing down what the copy boys say to each other and then quizzing them on it in private later?

It's okay if you don't, though. I'm not here to make sure that your experience of the world is identical to mine. No, what I'm here for is to make sure that you all know about the word hip-happy.

Hip-happy means plump!

When John Buys Comics, That is not News. But When Comics Buy John...

Hello again. You may notice that it is a day two days later in the week than usual, as holidays traditionally interfere with the delivery of comics in a way that snow/sleet/rain/etc. wishes that it could exert over the US Mail (it is at this point that, were this a stand-up comedy act, some wag would begin heckling, probably on the topic of my reviews not ever being on time any more anyway. And then burly men dressed as Bouncing Boy would toss him out on his ear). I offer no apologies, but will give a small pirate figure to the first person who sheds a tear in my presence over this fact. He has lived with me for a year, you see, and it is time for him to move on.

The Anchor No. 2

The week that the first issue of this came out I got distracted by a moth or something and didn't get around to posting anything. This is a shame, as it was a really neato comic and I bet that I could have gotten quite loquacious about it. Luckily, issue 2 is also neato.

The Anchor is similar to characters like Atomic Robo and Hellboy, being a big dude who solves monster-related problems through the liberal application of violence plus the occasional very clever idea. This specific iteration of one of my favourite archetypes is distinguished by a couple of things: first by the fact that he is less a wise-cracking smartmouth than an introspective monkish type and secondly by the fact that he is kind of two guys. See, he exists both as a monster-fighting strongman here on Earth and simultaneously as a spiritual being who guards the border between Earth and Hell. Oh, and any wounds that the latter takes are expressed on the former, leading to a number of panels where wounds spontaneously burst forth on his chest and so on. It's a good basis for a comic about monster fighting - being God's appointed warrior or whatever generally works out pretty decently as a motivation, for example.

Issue numba one featured a fairly generic ice monster ravaging Iceland (though the Anchor defeating the thing by having his Hell-body pick up a flaming demon, thus causing his Earth-body to burst into flames, was way neat), but the centaur wood-god thing in this issue is far more creepy - hopefully the trend continues. Not that I wouldn't be freaked out if a giant frog/ape thing made out of ice was rampaging down the street, but knowing that and being a bit creeped out by what's on the page in front of me are two very distinct things.

Also, the Anchor stone cold rips out his own beard with one hand, which is BAD ASS.

Batman/Doc Savage Special (One-Shot)

If you read any DC comics at all then I’m sure that you’ve noticed the previews for this comic in the back of, like, everything for the last two or three weeks. What with my fondness for the pulp magazines and so forth I must admit that I was intrigued. What I managed to completely miss was that this special was serving as an introduction to a whole pulpy-style sub DCU, and from what I see here, it could be really cool.

According to the teaser info at the back, this First Wave (is this the name of the universe? That’s not a very good name) is going to feature a lot of adventurer and vigilante types of characters - you got your Batman, your Doc Savage and his crew, the Avenger, the Blackhawks, the Spirit… I got a little bit of nerd-rage over some of the changes that they looked to be making but then took a step back and realized that I was being an idiot. Even if I don’t agree that “the only way to make EBONY WHITE work is to make the character a brash girl.” that ain’t no reason that it won’t work.But seriously, Ebony has been written successfully as a non-brash non-girl at DC Comic within the last year.

This could be really cool if it's done right, you guys. As far as I can tell, the closest thing to a super-power in evidence is going to be the Avenger’s face-molding ability, and there are autogyros and dirigibles and also cell phones and computers. I feel like there’s high potential for a major confrontation in a long-lost temple, with the villain wielding a steam-powered, back-mounted device that harnesses etheric waves and maybe also controls an ancient stone robot. If there manages to be more than four or five issues without basically every regular DCU character making a sly cameo, that is (you know, like Bruce Wayne charters a flight somewhere and the pilot is Hal Jordan and then they team up to fight some non-magenta racketeer named Sinestro. Not that that couldn't make for a fun story, but it would really take away from the whole reinvention of the DCU angle. It'd be like Tangent Light)

As for the issue itself: Good intro. Looks great, does a great job of establishing the world and its synthesis of 1930s and present day technologies and aesthetics, has a lot of socks to the jaw, etc. Doc Savage and Batman are actually Doc Savage/Superman and the Shadow/Batman, and the relationship between the two very nicely reflects those that bind the four, both in terms of inspiration and historical interaction. And really, who hasn’t wanted to see Batman wielding twin .45s from time to time? (Oops, I caught a few reviews of the book after writing that and evidently not everyone does want to see that, at least partially based on the ridiculousness of a man devoted to the pursuit of not killing having guns. But who says that this Batman doesn't shoot to kill? It would totally work with the whole pulp thing, you know it would.)

So colour me intrigued, I guess. I’m very interested to see where this goes.

Batgirl No. 4 - Ah ha! I knew that this series could be fun! Batgirl and Oracle cracking wise at each other is great, and Stephanie’s completely un-Bat-family style of fighting crime (well, maybe not completely, but she does fall over a lot more than the rest of them). I am so very glad that the whole “trying to talk the new vigilante out of vigilanting” period has passed and we can get down to some good old-fashioned crime-stomping. Now hopefully there won’t be an appearance by Cassandra Cain around issue 10 in which she demands the Batgirl mantle back because of honour and all that bullplop.

However, if Misfit shows up in that role then I will be delighted.

R.E.B.E.L.S. No. 10 - BEST BLACKEST NIGHT TIE-IN EVER.

And best twist ending to a comic in a long time. I’m highly eager to see how this wraps up.

Hellboy: the Wild Hunt No. 8 (of 8) - As I’ve said before, one of the great pleasures of the Hellboy family of titles is the changeability of the whole thing - from the very beginning there has been no such thing as a status quo, though the degree of change that occurs in each story arc has been increasing over the years. Back in the day, you might get one or two crazy revelations per storyline, with maybe one character being added to the cast or killed off or such. Nowadays, well… I personally was knocked on my ass at least twice during The Wild Hunt.

Okay, that's it for this week, as I've been super busy and haven't even read half of what I bought. Okay, substitute "eating out a lot and playing Fallout 3" for "super busy".