Ah, What Might Have Been...

 I recently re-read the original West Coast Avengers miniseries from 1984, which, if you don't already know, is the book where Hawkeye headed to California to head up a new Avengers franchise. Obviously, the guy was a trailblazer, since Avengers franchises keep popping up all over the damn place to this day. The first issue's cover, an old favourite of mine, showed the Brash Bowman putting out the call to a bunch of heroes--some with previous Avengers affiliation on record, some who were already committed to other teams, and still others who came way out of left field--and urged the curious reader to try and figure out who would make the lineup.

Looking at the silhouettes in the corner box, it wasn't too tough to figure out who made the cut--Mockingbird, Iron Man, Wonder Man, and Tigra all signed on, and thus began an East Coast-West Coast Avengers rivalry that, instead of resulting in vicious disses and unsolved murders, played itself out in the form of an annual softball game. Fun!

But, looking at the collection of floating heads on that cover to the first issue of the initial WCA miniseries, I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if a different team had resulted. Putting on my metaphorical bald cap and cosmic toga, I played the part of Uatu the Watcher and imagined an even more random collection of heroes than the Defenders, a team who safeguards the American West Coast in some alternate reality somewhere...

...wow. That would have been the poorest-selling issue of What If? ever.

Danny the Bungalow? I Could No Longer Resist

I don't know about you folks, but I've been enjoying the hell out of the latest Doom Patrol series, partially because I really like the idea of the Patrol as a part of the Oolong Island scientocracy but also due to the fact that Keith Giffen has been doing a fantastic job of integrating some of the weirder elements of the team's past back into a continuity that had essentially been kicked back to the Sixties by the combined effects of the Byrne reboot and the Infinite Crisis de-boot.

So far we've seen a Chief very much in the super-manipulative jerk mode of the Morrison team, a very successful and inclusive synthesis of all of the various Negative Men into one character, a resolution to nearly fifty years of Robotman bemoaning his lost humanity and most recently the reintroduction of Crazy Jane and Danny the Street, two of the most thoroughly long-lost characters that I could name.

And of course that got me thinking: just what else will be reappearing from the murky depths of the Doom Patrol's past? Join me as I present the top ten people, things and tendencies that I would love to see make their way back into the light.

10. The Arsenal

Not of course the post-Speedy, pre-Red Arrow Roy Harper (and isn't he going to be going back to that name again soon?). No, this was a guy in a pretty radical set of robotic armour who had a trap-filled castle and a giant chip on his shoulder, the latter because he was maybe three feet tall.

I really do think that there is a place on Oolong for someone brilliant enough to design a humanoid exoskeleton that can nearly defeat the Doom Patrol but dumb enough to try to rob a bank in a humanoid exoskeleton that has no hands.

9. Scott Fischer

Scott was one of the unfortunate characters introduced pre-Morrison in the 1980s revival of the series, all of whom were surplus to requirements after Invasion and most of whom met with grisly ends, including joining the Suicide Squad, being shot by the Chief and getting exploded by aliens. Poor Scott wasn't even doing that well beforehand, since the same childhood snacking on toxic waste that gave him his powers also gave him leukemia, but things just got sad once the Dominators set off their gene bomb and provided hundreds of DC characters with origin stories. Somehow Scott managed to take the mysterious radiations that were giving folks the world over super-powers and turn them into even more leukemia, leading to his off-panel death. Poor kid never had a chance - he never even came back as a Black Lantern, for heaven's sake!

Plus, he's got huge Erik Larsen-style ears! Who can resist those?

8. The Codpiece

 

One of Rachel Pollack's very first creations for her turn as Doom Patrol scribe. The motivation behind the Codpiece's criminal career is refreshingly transparent, but will I ever see him in a non-Vertigo comic? Probably not.

7. The Return of R-2

Way back in the day there was an origin of the Chief that involved a young Niles Caulder being sponsored in his hunt for a means of conquering death. Too late, he discovered that his sponsor was the dastardly General Immortus! To prevent Immortus from becoming... even more immortal, Caulder enacted a plan that called for him to die and for his trusted robot aide R-2 to bring him back with science.

The whole thing was a complete success, although Caulder was no longer a walking man. And how did he reward the faithful servant that had brought him back from death itself?

 

Yep, two in the back of the robo-head. That is cold, brother Niles.

I would dearly love to see R-2 come back as a headless mechanical ghost, or even as a robot servant that doesn't get mob-style executed for doing a good job. Perhaps then the above panel would stop haunting my dreams.

6. Giant Guys With Delusions of Grandeur

 

 

 

 

 

They sure fought a lot of them. Why not a few more?

5. ROG!

Rog, the giant red robot used by the original Brotherhood of Evil: best giant robot ever? Judge for yourself:

Name me one other giant robot that has commenced an attempt to steal the Statue of Liberty by skiing up on two motorboats.

4. Shasta the Living Mountain

I know that he was just a useless, doomed-to-die sad sack character in Doom Force, the comic that only existed to mock the state of comics in the 90s, but how can you resist that sad little face?

 

Wait, no, it's a pretty hideous face. Well, maybe he could die again.

3. Ir, Ur and Ar, the Freaky Mutants

 

Ar, Ir and Ur, mutants caused by early atomic testing, were more than a match for the Doom Patrol. Heck, they almost took out the entire planet with a comet - the only reason that they didn't was that the Chief managed to trick them by employing the old Robot Gladiator From an Advanced Mutant-Run Alien Civilization Routine.

More importantly, these guys are completely freaky - they weird me out more  than any number of tentacled hell-beasts in actual horror comics have managed to do, especially the face-on-chest guy. I bet that they could be turned to good, unsettling use nowadays.

2. The Beard Hunter

 

So I like the idea of super-serious Niles Caulder having a ridiculous Punisher parody as an arch-enemy, so sue me.

1. GIANT ROBOT JUKEBOX

REE-DEE-DOO! REE-DEE-DOO!

I have loved a lot of giant robots down through the years - just last week I was loving those amazing red guys on the "Super Batman of Planet X!" episode of Batman: the Brave and the Bold - but the Giant Robot Jukebox holds a strong position in the race for the title of my favourite.

REE-DEE-DOO! REE-DEE-DOO!

Putting aside the glory of the design (and ignoring the mediocrity of the colour scheme), there's just something about the idea of a guy taking the fact that his company has assigned him to make a giant promotional jukebox and just totally seizing the day. this might, after all, be his only chance to make a giant robot on the company dime.

REE-DEE-DOO! REE-DEE-DOO! 

And in a world filled with super-humans doing super things, how great would it be to be able to tell your boss you were late because a giant robotic jukebox destroyed the bridge with bad pop?

Don't worry: this doesn't invalidate my affection for Rog, since he is clearly a giant robot that you ride around in and that is completely different than the kind that you just let loose to go smash things.

And that's that: my list of ten things, the appearance of any two or three of which in Doom Patrol will completely validate me. Feel free to let me know your own preferences in the comments section and I'll share the list of runners-up. Good night!

LBW Approved!: Superman vs Muhammad Ali statue

Displaying a statue of Superman fighting Muhammad Ali is a bold statement to make in your home or office. We at LBW believe that anyone who adorns their desk with this masterpiece is going to totally get that contract.

"So, I see that you like Superman...and Muhammad Ali," people will say as they enter your home.

Who would win this fight? It doesn't matter. Who wins when you buy this statue? Everyone.

A mere $250 is all it takes to treat everyone you know to the pleasure of gazing upon one of the greatest pieces of art ever created.

We at LBW also approve the upcoming deluxe hardcover re-release of the original Superman vs Muhammad Ali comic.  And, seriously, this statue is awesome.

John Buys Comics: Stone Age Edition

Okay, not quite Stone Age, but my Internet connection has become something akin to dialup. So: no fancy images on this post, kiddies, as I kind of want to go to bed tonight.  

Batman and Robin No. 11 

There’s an incredibly high chance that Oberon “Gravedigger” Sexton is a red herring, right? He’s just such an obvious candidate that he simply can’t be Bruce Wayne, back from caveman days and living in disguise. Or has Grant Morrison double-guessed me and brought him back in the most obvious way possible, just to fake me out for a month? Oh, this game of cat and mouse that we have, what chaos it leaves in its wake. Frankly, I kind of hope that he’s not – the DC Universe could use more guys who dress like Victorian hearse drivers and hit people with shovels, and Sexton does so with aplomb.

 

It’s probably not to be, though. If Oberon Sexton isn’t Bruce Wayne then he’s likely either some tertiary character extracted from the Bat-past for new duty (the head of the Batmaniacs, one of the Gotham Mystery Analysts, Batman Jones) or a brand-new character written as though he were of ancient provenance. Either way, I’ll put my money on him being motivated by some sort of instructions or clues that time-traveling Batman has left behind. I’ll also bank on the next few issues of this comic being totally awesome.

 

Man, I really hope it’s Batman Jones.

 

Re: the cover:  that’s a really nice shovel.

 

Red Robin No. 11

 

I’m really enjoying both Red Robin and Batman and Robin, but it’s getting pretty weird to read them both in the same week. Two stories in which two different members of the al Ghul family use what are presumably two different branches of the League of Assassins to try to kill Batman and Robin? It’s not like they’re at all alike in any but the superficial ways that I just pointed out, but it’s still enough to give one déjà vu. I wonder which of these is happening first, official continuity-wise? Which Batman should be rolling his eyes and going “Oh nertz, not again.” before socking some noggin? I guess it’s all contingent on whether “the Return of Bruce Wayne” means the end of Dick Grayson as Batman, doesn’t it?

 

Superman: Secret Origin No 5 (of 6)

 

I’ve been enjoying this series. It might not be strictly necessary, but I understand the need to realign the origin of a character as integral to the DCU as Superman is once in a while, as the Legion of Super-Heroes or Final Crisis or what have you alter how things have happened in general, so too do they alter how things have happened in Superman’s past. Heck, just the fact that Superman was Superboy again works well enough for me.

 

And this series has done a lot of things that I really liked: young Clark Kent finding his first peer group in the Legion worked just as well here as in the LSH cartoon, for example. Or the fact that Metropolis was a hellhole before Superman appeared, say. Plus, this is the best depiction of mild-mannered Clark Kent as a distinct, not-exactly-like-Superman person since All-Star Superman.

 

That said, have I mentioned how bored I am with the current General Sam Lane v. Superman plotline that has now evidently been incorporated into this origin story? I have? Well, let me reiterate: Mistrustful Secret Government or Military Group Targets Super-humans And Tries to Turn the Public Against Them is so damn played out that reading a comic book in which that is the main story element is like… it’s like when you were a kid and some terrible show is on television but there’s something that you really want to see on afterward and you have no concept of time being precious yet, so you just sit and watch the terrible show that you’ve already seen before at least twice. The world goes gray around the edges and you are so bored that it’s palpable. THAT IS WHAT THIS TYPE OF STORY FEELS LIKE TO ME.

 

At least the next issue is going to have the bit where everything looks really bad but then Metropolis embraces Superman and there’s an inspirational splash page.

 

Sparta USA No. 2

 

I think that I can safely bump up the RECAP on this book without violating my personal values and spoiling anything.

 

Sparta is a small town that believes itself to be a part of the United States. All Spartans are a) obsessed with football, b) dedicated to their family and its public image and c) capable of doing anything up to and including murdering one another in order to advance their agendas regarding a) and b).

 

The people of Sparta answer to the Maestro, a blue man visits town sporadically and who claims to speak for the President and dictates who gets married to who, who is allowed to have children – children that he brings with him from somewhere outside of town. No Spartan, by the way, is allowed to leave Sparta, and believes the outside world to be virtually uninhabitable.

 

Enter Godfrey McLaine, legendary former quarterback and the only person to have ever left town. He’s come back huge and red and looking to free the people of Sparta from the influence of the Maestro. Based on what he’s said and what we’ve seen through his eyes, Sparta is nowhere in the US, but rather in the midst of some sort of fantastical wonderland full of yeti and hags and fairy-types and the like. I am intensely interested in finding out what the deal is with this town.

 

Invincible Returns No. 1 – Okay, wait. The story picks up directly from Invincible No. 69 and the letters page text treats this like No. 70 but the cover and indicia disagree. I’m so confused, not least by why I’m spending this much mental energy on trying to figure things out (yet not, say, looking it up on Images website). Eh. What’s certain is that the yellow costume is much more visibly interesting than the all-blue was and it’s good to have it back.

 

King City No. 7 – I tell you what: I’m glad that I got into King City the second time around. This marks the first all-new issue of the book since early 2007 and I reckon that I’d have spent the past three years pining away if I’d been reading it back then. For all of you poor fools who’ve been doing just that, this issue features brain-theft, a look at the farm that Joe learned cat mastery at and a backup by James “Orc Stain” Stokoe! Hot damn!

 

Sweet Tooth No. 8 – Good gravy. It is almost physically hard to read parts of this book. Jeppard’s collapse is so complete in this issue that it’s painful. RECAP next issue.

 

Doom Patrol No. 9 – I have a good feeling about this thing where Giffen brings back Doom Patrol characters that I never thought I’d see again in a million years. Granted, Crazy Jane and Danny the Street Brick haven’t really had the facetime necessary for a full nerdnalysis, but my Cautious Optimism Sense is tingling. Of course, one must then wonder: who’s next? Coagula? Imaginary Robotman? Beard Hunter? Beard Hunter, please.

 

Speaking of characters that haven’t been around in a while, is Oberon’s bi-coloured hair freaking anyone else out? 

Shameless Self-Promotion: SLAM-A-RAMA!

 Sometimes our postings on Living Between Wednesdays are a bit, well, sporadic. Other stuff is always popping up to keep us from posting new reviews and articles regularly, like Rachelle’s new baby or Tiina’s new job. The only one who seems immune to this particular phenomenon is Johnathan, who I’m beginning to suspect has no need for sleep or sustenance. My biggest excuse—other than just the usual divide between my full-time job and the need for social activity and general day-off lazening—is the completion of my online comic, Slam-A-Rama. At this point, you may be thinking, “Hey, wait a minute! This guy drew me into what I thought was an apologetic post about his lack of blog contributions, but now it’s morphing into a plug for his comic!”. If that is indeed what you are thinking…congratulations, that’s exactly correct.  Sorry ‘bout that, but I’ve been working super hard on it and I really want people to check it out, and this seemed like a good way to introduce the comic to a bunch of new readers. Plus, LBW founder Rachelle urged me to do it, and who am I to argue?

 

Slam-A-Rama is a (projected) 120-page story that takes place on one night, during a superstar Pro Wrestling extravaganza in 1987. Over the course of this evening, a variety of dramas play out, both in the ring and backstage, amongst a diverse group of characters at various stages in their careers. Some of the protagonists, like Terry “The Tarantula” Purvis, Kreegah the Jungle Lord, or Jack Jordan, AKA the U.S. Male, are at the top of their game, and others, like Andy Reddick or the Crockett-and-Tubbs-inspired tag team Miami Heat, are on their last legs. The business end of the Unlimited Wrestling Federation is in turmoil as well, the victim of a bitter power struggle between UWF owner and founder Burt MacKinley and his ambitious son and heir apparent, Val. The marketing revenue brought in by promotional tie-ins like wrestling-themed record albums and Saturday morning cartoons promise to make millionaires out of some performers, while drug abuse and health issues threaten the livelihood of others.

 

This comic was inspired by my own love of ridiculous WWF extravaganzas like Wrestlemania III during the height of Reagan-era excess when I was a kid, so I wanted to play with the stereotypes of the time while peeling back the curtain to examine what forces might have driven people prone to wearing unitards and subjecting themselves to crazy gimmicks and codenames. Just as importantly, however, I was inspired by Robert Altman’s 1975 film Nashville—if you haven’t seen it, I strongly urge you to check it our right away. It follows a group of country music performers, utilizing an ensemble cast of about 24 main characters, to examine a country still struggling with the disillusionment of Vietnam and Watergate. The rambling, 2 and ½ hour story alternates between dramatic interludes and terrific musical performances (mostly written and performed by the actors themselves—Keith Carradine’s Oscar-winning ballad I’m Easy is a show-stopper). Although I’m not a country music fan, I loved the idea of mixing the dramatic elements with the performance elements, and that more than anything inspired me to combine character drama with (hopefully) action-packed wrestling matches in Slam-A-Rama, while using a very specific entertainment medium to examine a period in American history the way Nashville does. So hopefully, even if you don’t like wrestling, you’ll find something to appreciate in Slam-A-Rama, just like I, a non-country music fan, did with Nashville.

 

All right, enough of that. If any of this interests you, please check out Slam-A-Rama here, where you’ll find the first 25 pages and some bonus artwork, as well as new pages being added every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

 

Vacation! Five day weekend! Just thinking about it has evidently made me very tired!

Happy Easter, one and all!