Things That Frightened Me as a Child, Part 4

THIS:

 

My local library (okay, local bookmobile) had a copy of the first Alan Moore Swamp Thing trade, and by Gord that thing haunted my tiny dreams - you want to know the real reason that the New Guardians didn't work? It's because one of their members was an insane mass-murdering monster, that's why - but the stand-out performance in the field of Freaking Out Wee Johnathan was the three-part tale of the Monkey King.

 

For those of you not familiar with the comic in question, well, that's just sad, as this is basically exactly what a shared-universe horror comic should be. In brief, it's the tale of a shape-changing monkey demon that fears on fear and terrorizes the inmates of a home for traumatized children. It's an utterly loathsome thing, and that is compounded by the fact that it's a little bit adorable. And then quadrupled by the twisted tenderness that it treats the boy that it has adopted as its master with. And also it ends up fighting Swamp Thing and the Demon, which is one of the best ever team-ups.

And Alan Moore really delivers on the "takes the form of your worst fear" front. No giant snakes or whatever here, oh no. This thing comes at you as the existential fear of cancer, homeboy.  I cannot express how much better that is than the usual treatment of the fear power - I recall reading a book where someone's greatest fear was a villain who beat them up once, which is maybe valid, but sure as hell didn't scare the crap out of me while I read about it. Or for the next ten years, for that matter.

So yeah, the Monkey king was terrifying. Case closed. I read these books again recently and was almost as freaked out by the thing as back in the day. Thing is, I read a heck of a lot of books in between, so am in a position to recognize several other ways in which this story is awesome:

1. The secret origin of the Monkey King

Turns out that Kirby did it:

Yup, the Monkey King turns out to actually be something called the Kamera that Jack Kirby came up with in the original run of The Demon. And let me tell you: twice as adorable; almost as frightening. 

2. Speaking of the Demon...

As I said, the Demon gets involved in this story, and he's terrific. Even though the basic character design involves a brutal, beastlike head, I think that this is one of the most effectively inhuman versions of him that I've ever encountered. Plus Alan Moore writes rhyming dialogue that works.

3. Oh god, this.

This scene - in which longtime supporting cast member Matt Cable has been in a devastating drunken car crash and gets a visit from a horrible fly - freaked me the hell out in my youth, even though I had no idea what was going on. Since then, I've come into some knowledge, and knowing doesn't help. If anything, it makes it worse. Don't swallow your uncle-in-law, Matt. You'll only end up as a raven.

4. Best takedown ever.

The Demon Etrigan shows everyone just how to take care of a fear-powered demon monkey.

And that's why the Kamera will not be making any more appearances. Hey, if you have to go out...

Things That Frightened Me as a Child, Part 3

 

Okay, so I didn't see this until, like, yesterday. Rest assured, however, that it would have scared the everloving bejabbers out of me back in the childhood day. It kind of does now.

Things That Frightened Me as a Child, Part 2

Gremlins.

I guess that that's not too weird though, is it? Guess I'll elaborate, then.

It's not that I saw the movie Gremlins and got freaked out - heck, it probably would have been better if I had. I watched quite a few movies that were as or more scary than that at a tender age and emerged unscarred, and seeing the ease with which one could defeat a Gremlin with the humble household microwave would have done me a world of good. Problem was that my only actual exposure to Gremlins in any form was through one of those book-and-cassette combos that you don't see any more and that my teacher would occasionally employ while teaching us to read. Man, something about that thing terrified me, to the extent that I wouldn't even listen to it in class (again, big mistake. The things were probably even easier to defeat in a twenty-page booklet). I spent literally years concerned about Gremlins swarming outside of my bedroom window. Not actually doing anything, though, just generally cavorting. It's hard to remember my childish reasoning but I think that I was concerned that they would... come inside to cavort? Logic, thy name is not L'il Johnathan.

So I guess the moral of the story is that you should force your children to watch as many scary movies as possible, to keep them from being afraid of the dark.

Things That Frightened Me as a Child, Part 1

Here we are in the second half of October already, which means that we are in the spookiest half of the spookiest month, and that it's time to get just a wee bit thematic. This week, I'll be telling you just what freaked me out the most as a kidlet. Well, not everything - we'll skip over my unusual terror of such things as walking up stairs and flushing toilets in an empty house (note: this is not to say that I didn't flush, just that it was scary. Don't be gross). No, I'll be focusing on the comics and so forth that gave me varying degrees of heebie and/or jeebie. 

We'll start out light on scary. I've mentioned before that I owe a lot of my early comics experience to my uncle, who allowed me to raid his stash of funnybooks at the appropriate age for mind-warping. One of the comics in question was House of Mystery no. 309, and it somewhat inexplicably featured this shot of Cain as its first page:

No idea why, but something about this picture filled me with dread as a child. I don't know if it was the shrunken heads or the lizard-ape or the lizard-bird, or everything in aggregate, but I used to look at this picture and just kind of gently freak out for long stretches. Even the beatnik snake had this weird air of menace.

Nowadays, of course, I would just make a big deal about the snake and what a hard time it must have playing bongo drums. Oh for the innocence of youth.

Unfunnies: Jail Jests

As I've mentioned before, a lot of these comics were themed according to the book that they were appearing in - Aquaman comics, for instance, were well-stocked with one-pagers about skin-divers. Batman comics took things a bit further by featuring a whole family of comics themed around crime and punishment: "Casey the Cop" chased "Lefty Looie" the thief and threw him into a prison (setting of "Jail Jests") administered by "Warden Willis". And they all crossed over: Casey sometimes worked at the jail; Warden Willis and Lefty Looie showed up in "Jail Jests", etc. For throwaway gag comics, there was a surprising amount of backstory.

Here's Lefty Looie:

Yup, that's a painted-on outfit, years ahead of its time. Might need a bit more thought, though.

Mostly, though, I keep on thinking about how sad Looie must have been once he realized just how hot a layer of paint can get. Poor doofus.

- from Batman no. 137

John Buys Comics, the Thrilling Return

Back to the comic-buying grind again, oh what fresh stale hell is this. I kid, of course - if I got paid for this it would be the best job ever.

First, some Last Week's News, cold off the presses. Did you know that The Outfit came out last week? You probably knew that. But just in case you were, like me, out of touch for a time I will repeat myself: The Outfit came out last week! And on the off chance that you have no idea what I'm talking about: way back in the Sixties novelist Donald Westlake came up with a character named Parker and started writing novels about him under the pen name Richard Stark. Parker is basically a sonovabitch, a freelance thief who pulls two or three big jobs a year and spend the rest of the time living the high life in hotels and resorts around the world. Parker is basically an ultracompetent sociopath and is one of the most enjoyable characters in literature. The books typically feature Parker and a rotating series of other thieves pulling off one or more big scores, usually while Parker is simultaneously trying to solve some small complication in his life, like being blackmailed or having the mob put a price on his head. It's all pretty wonderful.

 

And now Darwyn Cooke is adapting the series into comic books, first with last year's The Hunter (also adapted into the Mel Gibson movie Payback, trivia fans) and now with The Outfit. And let me tell you, the right guy is on the job. Bothe Cooke and Westlake-as-Stark operate in a glorious Fifties-shading-into-Sixties aesthetic so very well, and as a result the books both look and read like they were written just for my nostalgia-riddled soul. And of course the violence (of which there is much) is marvellously choreographed. Really, the only bad thing about the whole thing is having to wait for the next instalment. Where's my instant gratification, dang it?

Even farther back, a whole two weeks ago, Fantagraphics Books came out with the amazing Four Color Fear, a book that would have made my month all by itself. More on this one in a later post - tis the season, after all. 

THIS WEEK!

Batmans - Unless I missed an something in the confusion, the Scheduling Fairy has gotten drunk on her way to DC yet again. I mean, it's very possible that I did miss something, but shouldn't Bruce Wayne be returned to the DC Universe proper some time after the Return of Bruce Wayne series actually finishes? I guess it is awfully close, but having the penultimate issue of that particular series in the same pile of comics as the opening salvo of the Bruce Wayne: the Road Home event felt a little weird.

I can't get too worked up about the whole thing though, since The Road Home is following my very favourite event format and taking place in its own one-shots and minis instead of horning in on the associated ongoings that I enjoy so well unmolested. Way to diffuse my nerd-rage, DC.

Oh, the comics themselves? Not bad. The one-shots that I picked up were entertaining enough to justify their existence, which is always nice. I'd say pick 'em up if you're reading the associated series but don't feel left out if you don't. Meanwhile, The Return of Bruce Wayne didn't deliver awesome in quite the concentration that I'd gotten used to but that's to be expected with a next-to-last issue. Next issue: total awesomeness.

Wait, does Knight and Squire fit here? Sure it does. Here is the easy calculation to determine whether you should buy this issue: take the delight that you felt when you read the preview for this a couple of weeks ago - and both zero delight and negative delight count - and multiply it by five, because the whole issue is just exactly as wonderful. Then, simply follow your heart. Paul Cornell and Jimmy Broxton are doing a terrific job of expanding the British corner of the DCU its own distinct place, one that has more than just a handful of characters with accents. Instead, they are developing both a rich retroactive history and a distinctive cultural flavour for the British superfolk scene. Plus, you know, Knight and Squire, two of the most criminally underutilized characters in comics, get their day in the sun. Hooray!

And in further Batman news, Masks and Monsters, the latest Hellboy collection came out this week and it's great. It contains the Hellboy/Starman/Batman crossover which among other things features Mike Mignola drawing super-heroes, which is one of thie things that brings me the most joy in this life. If I were ever to get acquisitive enough to collect anything obsessively it would definitely be Mignola-style super-hero drawings. So delightfully barrel-chested!

I think that I'll leave it at that, or perhaps at bat. Old things and bat things. Let's call it a theme week.