Excuse me, do you have the time?

You know what I like about the Clock King?

He clearly made his costume himself.

It looks like what you end up with when you're trying to throw a Halloween costume together at the last minute. Let's see...I've got some blue pyjamas...I could paint some clocks on those. And I have this green hooded cape. That doesn't really match, and I don't really need it for anything...but it might look kinda cool. I suppose if I wear these green underwear over the pjs that would sort of match the cape. It would bring it all together. I'll need some sort of mask...preferably something that almost completely obscures my vision. I'll just poke some eye holes in this clock face, I guess. And secure it to my head with this rubber band. Now just add the white rubber boots and long blue gloves...voila! Alright, it's not as cool as my original design...the one where I had actual working clock gears rotating on my chest...but I'm on a budget here.

Lookin' good, Clock King! Though I'm kind of surprised that he doesn't seem to be wearing a watch.

Oh, and he also looks like Charles Bronson with his mask off:

Superman #126: Superman Plays British

I was going to go back to my idea of writing about comics that Darwyn Cooke gave us and write about Superman: True Brit, but that book is actually too ridiculous to bother reviewing.

I would much rather zip back in time and look at Superman posing as a Brit!

Like all good stories, this one starts with Superman giving himself amnesia.

Well, yeah Superman. I could have told you that experiment was a bad idea. And I never took chemistry.

So he starts to notice that he has some powers, and decides to try to learn more about himself:

Yeah, Superman. You study those murals. You study them hard. There is a lot of information there, so you might want to take notes. (I'm not entirely sure how he's using his super-breath in that picture. Is he cleaning the boat?).

Anyway, Superman decides he could use some normal-looking clothes, so he steals this guy's:

Alright, he doesn't steal. He accepts them as a gift. The point is that Superman looks totally ridiculous in a second.

Perry White is a whore for accents.

I was going to post these panels in full-colour, but I really think the black and white is better because it lets you use your imagination more. Superman looks silly, but consider for a moment just how silly he really looks. Monocle, pipe that never leaves his mouth, and, get this TALCUM POWDER in his hair to make it look blonde. This does not make your hair look blonde. It makes it look like it's full of talcum powder. Believe me. Basically what I am saying is that Superman looks like a crazy person.

But it's not all pipe-smoking and goofy-talking for Clarence Kelvin. He has to do some Superman chores as well. Like this one:
One of the key differences between the DCU and our world is that DC whales are vicious killing machines. I could do a whole post about people being rescued from golden and silver-age blood-thirsty whales. (I also like that the narration reminds us that Clarence Kelvin is actually Superman. In case we got lost in the intricate plot).

What's Lois think of our Clarence?

Par for course.

Yeah, Superman. Your new identity is wearing a little thin. It was never really what you might call 'fat.' See, the problem now is that you not only are a man who looks like Superman, but you are also a man who looks like Clark Kent with a monocle, a pipe and powder in your hair. Tweed suit does not a new man make. I'm actually surprised neither Lois nor Perry weren't immediately like "Morning, Kent. What's with the pipe?"

Superman eventually gets his memory back. I won't bore you with the details. He then comes up with this cunning plan as a way to further confuse poor Lois:

Way to make Lois feel like an idiot, Superman. Again.

I like Clark's posture and expression in that last panel.

So, there you have it. Superman and Britain. Never a good combination.

Just What I Always Wanted

From DC Nation #30:

Howard Porter. Thanks for turning the INFINITE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL cover around so quickly.

Great. So we can expect a giant-eyed, scary-haired, over-shadowed, labia-exposing Christmas gift from DC this year.

Back to Basics

Ok, the token Marvel post is out of the way, and now I can get back to yammering on about Superman and Batman.

Here are some random panels that have amused me this week:

Batman demonstrates that, sometimes, the simplest solution is the best solution.

I love this. Batman's just like "Aw, screw it."

Here's an example of Superman doing that thing I hate where he throws an irrelevant reference to Krypton into a simple statement:

Really? A Kryptonian mule? Do those kick harder than Earth mules? Or do you mean if a Kryptonian mule was brought to Earth? Do they even have mules on your frozen planet? Oooo...sorry. I meant, did they have mules on your frozen planet? Before it blew up.

(Spell check wonders if by Kryptonian, I actually meant Estonian).

And, finally, a panel that once again makes me wonder if I should pay more attention to Hawkman. He seems to get up to all sorts of sexy adventures:

What could possibly be right about that, Hawkman? Nice ass, by the way.

"Tell him I'm not in."

I told myself that I was going to lay off posting about Batman and Superman for a bit. But then I came across these panels in World's Finest #294:

This is the most emo thing I have ever read. It's unsettling to know that the World's Finest heroes have the emotional maturity of myself at age 15.

I love the phone sex lighting in the first panel. I love that Batman has a gallery of framed photos of himself and Superman and they're not even in the Batcave. They are just, like, in his den or something. (I can't believe Bruce Wayne would ever go for wood paneling, but anyway). I also love that he's just gazing at them and stroking them longingly (In the dark? With a flashlight?).

But those last few panels? Unbelievable. I am being crushed by the angst. Batman's silhouette with the clenched fist! Clark fiddling with the phone cord! Clark's single tear!!!

As an aside, I love that Superman keeps the glasses on even when he's home alone. In the dark. Crying.

So basically what I am saying is that Superman/Batman Annual #1 wasn't really over-the-top. This sort of puts everything in perspective.

Ok...next post totally won't be about Superman or Batman.

"Brokeback Titanic"

I gotta address Superman/Batman Annual #1 because it's a comic that's ripping the DC fanbase clean in two. Love it or hate it, you have to admit it's odd.

I am of the camp that totally loved it. It was completely silly and over-the-top but...it was also completely silly and over-the-top. More than anything, I am just surprised that they took the joke so far with the big two characters.

The Superman/Batman series has been a bit of a joke since it started. It's not bad by any means. It is certainly a little mushy (who am I kidding? It's practically one long romance novel), and a bit of a playground for the writers (mainly Jeph Loeb) to play around with the biggest icons in comics. For the most part, what happens in Superman/Batman stays in Superman/Batman, and doesn't affect the larger DC universe. DC has referred to Superman/Batman as their "big summer blockbuster." I see it as more of an experimental indie film.

Anway, let's look at Annual #1. Basically, it's a tongue-in-cheek re-telling of the classic comic, Superman #76, the first Superman and Batman team-up, and where they first learned each other's secret identities. Both Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne end up on the same cruise ship. For whatever reason, there is a booking error and they have to share a room (sure...a billionaire can't secure a private room...whatever). Then trouble pops up and they both want to change into their hero suits...secretly. Let's roll the clip:

I have to say, that's pretty anti-climatic. I very much like this new version of the same moment (after a couple of panels of both men waiting for the other to leave):

Hilarious!

The updated version is what they are calling a "re-imaginary story." It's pretty much a Bizarro comic, in that it's a comedy piece that breaks the fourth wall repeatedly. It also serves as something of an official response to the endless jokes, or endless devout beliefs depending on who you ask, that Batman and Superman are totally in love with each other. This is DC reclaiming its characters and saying "Hey, if they're gonna be hitting on each other, they're doing it on our terms." Actually, to be more correct "If people are going to be implying that they're gay, then we're going to make our own characters do the implying."

I give you these pages, which pretty much sum up the feel of the whole comic. They are also really, really funny.
Yeah...there was no bed-sharing in ol' Superman #76. Nice touch.

I could scan the whole thing and give a 100 item list of things that delighted me about this comic, but I'm trying to stay focussed. What I would really like to get into is how this comic, however ridiculous, is basically spoofing its own series. I could show countless examples of panels that go way over-the-top with the intensity of Superman and Batman's relationship just in the first six issues of Superman/Batman alone. That might have to wait for a later post. And I really do have to think about making some posts related to other heroes.

Even if you took out all the camp and silliness, I just really enjoy a fresh look at the moment that they discovered each other's secret identities. I would like to see more classic comic moments re-visited. Comic book heroes have become so gritty and realistic that it's fun to throw them into a zany golden or silver age adventure.

In this comic, I really like that Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne basically hate each other. Then they find out that they are really Superman and Batman. Then they continue to sort of hate each other.
And, yes. "Brokeback Titanic" is something that is actually said in this comic about Bruce and Clark sharing a room. There's also this:

You know, it kind of takes the fun out of hunting for homoerotic subtext when they just serve it up on a flashing neon platter like that. And maybe that's the point. I'm sure that DC is sick to death of the slashers waiting impatiently for the ultimate hook-up. I sort of see this as a gift to slashers (because, hey, they're paying for comics too). Or perhaps it's the ultimate weapon against them (taking away their fun).

What we learn in the end, though, is that Mxyzptlk is a Superman/Batman slasher because the whole story was one that he made up in an attempt to "spice up" a classic. I always suspected as much.