I must have been assuming that this wasn't going to be very good, because I just watched the first episode tonight. Turns out it was terrific - great jazzy theme song, cool character design, excellent use of Triplicate Girl, etc. I won't go on as I'm sure that every nerd and his nerd-dog have already done so, all over the internet. Just wanted to confirm it:
JOHN APPROVED
I was going to hold off on this one, but I've decided that now was as good a time as any to rate Batman. Why not raise the bar a little? Hal could stand to be taken down a peg.
So here we go with this week's super hunk:
Slippery guys are hard to nail.
It's hard to say that Batman's costume is sexy, exactly. If he's going to lose points, it's going to be here. I mean...it's got pointy ears. But he makes it work somehow. It's all about confidence. He believes he looks awesome, and therefore we believe he looks awesome. And confidence is the sexiest thing a man can wear (I think I read that in GQ).
He knows he looks good.
There have been a whole lot of variations on the Batsuit over the years. Is there one that is sexiest? As much as I love the grey and blues, the black and grey really is the more attractive suit. But I'm not here to get into a whole debate about what Batman's best outfit is. I'm here to rate him on a scale of one to forty based on how hunky he is.
He's swinging from a star.
Batman is in excellent shape. There aren't a lot of men who can pull off that look, but he works it with his hot body. Shame the mask covers his ruggedly handsome face. I think extra points should be awarded for the fact that he makes his own costumes and accessories.
And I do like those gloves.
And by 'ridiculous' he means 'amazing.
The only thing hotter than Batman is Bruce Wayne. You want to argue with me on that, you will lose. First of all, he's a billionaire. Secondly, he's sad inside. Thirdly, he's, like, the smartest person on Earth. And fourthly, he's, like, the hottest guy on Earth (not mentioned nearly enough in JLA profiles).
Patron of the arts.
Dark hair and blue eyes: always a solid combination. Add a square jaw and a perfect body, and you've got yourself a damn good-looking man.
Bruce Wayne has proven himself to be good with children, and makes a good father figure to younger heroes as well. Sure, there's that whole Jason Todd fiasco, but at least Bruce took a chance on the kid that was stealing his hubcaps. He's nice like that.
Bruce is a good actor. He has an array of costumes and can fool anyone. I admire that.
Now, personality-wise, yeah. Bruce is kind of...withdrawn. A little cranky. He's got some guilt issues to work out. He may walk the thin line between sane and totally nuts (though I believe he's closer to the sane side). One could even argue that he's taken the whole Batman thing a little far, but you're not gonna hear that argument from me.
I mean, look at how Bruce Wayne asks ladies out on dates:
"You'll have to speak up. I'm doing handstand push-ups."
And speaking of which, Bruce Wayne is a hit with the ladies across the globe. I like a superhero who takes time to get a little sugar.
Oui, oui.
Also: he can kick your ass. While drinking a mug of coffee. And he will not spill a drop.
According to my packet of Batman Hot Chocolate, Batman's super power is that he has trained himself to the peak of human physical and mental perfection. I have no choice but to award that a...
"Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting company."
Bruce Wayne is a jet-setting billionaire industrialist and philanthropist. Sure, sometimes he goes a little crazy and uses his limitless funds to build things like, say, scary satellites that can kill people from space. And maybe sometimes those satellites turn against him. But when he's not doing that, he's just a sexy man who dresses well and has a big pile of money.
He's got ten more just like it.
What? There is nothing wrong with Batman or Bruce Wayne at all. Not one single flaw.
Alright, he doesn't have a great track record with relationships, and he tends to be attracted to sexy female career criminals.
The fire started when they kissed.
And he has been known to make...unfortunate mistakes...that sometimes lead to mass destruction. And he has a hard time admitting these mistakes.
And he has a bit of a temper.
And he...kinda...dresses like a giant bat and throws bat-shaped objects at people. And drives around in a bat-shaped car. And flies a bat-shaped plane. And pilots a bat-shaped boat. And has bat-shaped tracking devices. That doesn't mean he's...like, crazy or anything.
"Hmmm...you're not how the agency described you, but you'll do."
Did I mention he has nice hair?
Alright fine. I'll knock a point off.
Two more trophies for the Batcave!
Ladies and gentlemen we have a new champion! (Was there really any doubt?)
I can't quite bring myself to include this next character (and I do mean 'character') in the 'Superhuman Detritus of the 30th Century' series. See, way back in the day I loved me some comic books, even though I lived way out in the country and had no real way to get a regular fix. I had to content myself with reading the comics available through my local library as well as the few leftover scraps of my uncle's mid-seventies collection (Spider-Man and Nova vs. Some Guy! I loved it!). The real things that got me through until I had a job and a local comic bookshop were Jeff Rovin's Encyclopedia of Superheroes and Encyclopedia of Supervillains. And the Encyclopedia of Monsters, to a lesser extent. They were chock-full of entries on hundreds of super-folk, with exhaustive info on their costumes and equipment and great catty comments afterward.
Even as a youngster, the Legion of Super-Heroes brought out the super-nerd in me, so it was a pretty damn happy day in the McJohnathan household when I learned that Jeff Rovin apparently loved them too - basically every hero that had ever appeared in a legion tale made it into the Encyclopedia, if only as a three-line blurb in Appendix C. I grew up knowing, for example, that a lot of guys with interesting names showed up in "The Super-Stalag of Space" but had no idea of the circumstances behind their appearance, what they looked like or - at the time - what a Stalag was.
Then I grew up, got some cash flow goin' and started reading all of the comics that I'd previously only read *about*. And that, in an extraordinarily roundabout way, brings me to the subject of today's post:
Blockade Boy. Blockade Boy was the friggin' king of the three-liners. He had a great alliterative name, he had a great weird Silver Age power, and he appeared in the oh-so enigmatic "Super-Stalag of Space". Plus, Proty II felt the need to adopt the identity of Blockade Boy 2 in a later story, so that's saying... something. I was totally curious about Blockade Boy for upwards of fifteen years before I actually saw him, and I was not let down.
Blockade Boy was one of many Legionnaires and Weird Future Silver Age Heroes that were rounded up and imprisoned by the evil, red, three-eyed Nardo, presumably to keep them out of his (terrible) hair while he was being nefarious. A big chunk of the two-issue story arc was taken up with various super-heroic escape attempts and the horrible consequences thereof.
Par example:
Matter-Eater Lad chews his way to freedom! Presumably with many bathroom breaks along the way, as that is a damn roomy tunnel. I'd move away from that rear end if I were you, Blockade Boy.
Sadly, the writers weren't about to have Matter-Eater Lad and Blockade Boy succeed where Braniac 5 and Superboy had failed, so the two of them get caught basically as soon as they emerge from the tunnel. However, in ignoble defeat Blockade Boy attained his greatest success.
Obsoive:
In two panels we have:
a) The first full-length shot of Blockade Boy, showcasing his awesome belt and wristbands, questionable boots and adequate shirt/pants combo. Bonus points for the flattop!
b) Blockade Boy's crazy Silver Age power - he can totally turn into a steel wall! I really, really wish that he had gotten a chance to tell his origin story. I bet it involved falling in a vat of some sort of liquid wall sealant, or possibly being exposed to radiations from an experimental space wall.
c) Heroism! Blockade Boy sacrifices himself to save All Good Persons' Fave Legionnaire, Matter-Eater Lad. If I didn't love him before...
Here's Nardo, acting like a tool. Note the man-breasts and barely-contained gut. Don't worry, Nardo gets his eventually.
So Blockade Boy is JOHN APPROVED.
PS: If you were wondering about Blockade Boy II:
He came about as part of a fight that the Legion of Super-Pets were having with their parent Legion. Proty II and Comet the Super-Horse joined the Legion of Super-Heroes under the names Blockade Boy and Biron the Bowman. Comet pulls a Karate Kid and manages to get in without having any actual powers, while Proty:
Pulls an amazing save! His costume, by the way? I find it creepy - it's more thematic, with it's riveted steel and such, but does it really have to include a giant metal diaper? The answer is no.
The best thing is that after all of this effort, Comet and Proty stayed in the Legion for about two pages.
Blockade Boy II is NOT APPROVED.
It's my 100th post!
To celebrate, I invite you on a little tour of my favourite nerdy possessions! Follow me!
Here's a flower pot I painted and decoupaged myself a few years ago. I actually made a full set, but the Batman one is the only pot seeing any action these days. Next to it you see my Batman piggy bank. He reminds me that saving money is important, and not to spend it on foolish things. He is also empty and sitting on top of a shelf full of comic books.
This is my autographed picture of Mark McClure (Jimmy Olsen). Lots of people think it's an autographed picture of Christopher Reeve. Nope! Actually, one time I was showing my apartment when I was trying to sublet it and the girl asked if it was signed by "the real Superman." I had no idea what to say to that.
I made these picture frames myself. I went through a real crafty phase. It's over now.
Inflatable Superman!!!
Oh yes. He's awesome.
Here's a sketch of Batman that Darwyn Cooke did for me. It's, like, my favourite thing:
He also gave me this when I bought the Absolute Edition of New Frontier:
It's a sketch that ended up becoming this page:
I really like New Frontier. A quick glance around my apartment will tell you this.
I broke Green Arrow's bow, so I had to get a little creative with his posing. I think the "pulling-an-arrow-out-of-the-quiver" pose kinda works:
Bizarro crushed Hal Jordan's head!
Movie Batman and Movie Superman hang out:
It's the Superman that blows! Look at his face!
It's supposed to blow over a cardboard cut-out of Luthor, but it isn't even strong enough to do that. It blows all right, just not the way it's supposed to. Fortunately I bought it at the grocery store for $3.
Midnighter protects my hard drive. My Clark Kent trading card gives me something to look at while writing:
Clark and Lex are friends:
Lex is like "Look out, Clark! There's a big piece of kryptonite in front of you!" And Clark's like "I dropped my bookbag."
And Batman's like..."I'm on some stairs."
And R2D2 is like "I'm behind you, Batman!"
And Joe Sakic is like "I don't belong here." And Frank Miller Batman statue is like "I'm kind of an eyesore!"
I have some more little friends who hang out in my kitchen on a spice rack:
Yeah. That's weird.
Let's take another look at that inflatable Superman:
Awesome.
And finally...
...Cuddle Pillow Batman!!!
He's my best friend. He likes to watch Justice League episodes with me, and he never complains when I want to watch the Once and Future Thing episodes over and over again. He listens with interest to my complaints when I'm playing the Superman Returns video game, like "Why is this game so terrible?" "This is the least fun thing I have ever done," "Why does the Superman Returns game have dragons, robots and monsters?" or "So, have I beaten the game, or what? I don't understand."
BFF.
Ok, so there is a point to all this. To celebrate my 100th post, and to thank all of the nice people who read my blog, I am going to have a little contest. I want you to email me pictures, or post them in your blog, of your favourite nerdy possession. I will arbitrarily select my favourite in, say, one week. Extra points will be given if items are:
- obscure
- homemade
- crappy bootlegs
- confusing
- adorable
- amazing
You can send your entries to rachellegoguen at gmail dot com, or, post in your blog and link in the comments. I'll post them all at the end of the week in my blog. It will be awesome.
Oh! And the prize! I have a copy of the new Oni Press book, Shenanigans. It was written by Ian Shaughnessy and illustrated by local art superstar and all-around nice guy, Mike Holmes. This guy is going places. I can probably get Mike to sign the book, too. (Mike? You wanna back me up on this?). I just read it and it's really fun. The art, really, is fantastic.
Honestly, big thanks to everyone who reads this blog. I love writing it so much. It's come a long way since my first post, when we saw Superman Walk the Dinosaur. Originally this blog was supposed to be authored by myself and a couple of my gal pals, but they totally dropped the ball. I know I don't always get back to everyone who comments, but I really do appreciate all the kind words.
Urinals are great. They're easy to clean, they don't waste much water and you don't pee on your leg if you suddenly find yourself doing the old 'urinating at right angles' trick. Someday I'm going to have a house – or at least a long-term apartment – and I'm going to install a urinal. I'll be able to say, "I'm heading out for some urinal pucks – you need anything?" It'll be awesome.
JOHN APPROVED
Just a quick one today, and mostly because I've been thinking about this character for a while - he's one of the inspirations for this series of reviews, along with Storm Boy and Infectious Lass.
His name? Rann Antar.
Rann Antar appeared in Adventure Comics #317, way back in the day, in the same issue that featured the first appearance of Dream Girl. Ol' Rann always stood out in my mind for a few reasons and because I'm too lazy to string them together into a proper paragraph, here they are as a numbered list:
1. Rann Antar is a keener. He showed up with roughly one thousand times the number of feathers required to demonstrate his 'discovery'. I can see his plan now: "I'll throw the feathers up in the air, then spray them with my formula. The Legion will give me a standing ovation as heavy feathers rain down upon them. The boy Legionnaires will go out to plan a parade in my honor while the girls wrestle for the right to kiss me. It will be the best day of my life."
2. Rann Antar was rejected from the Legion in the less soul-crushing of the two methods that were commonly employed during these affairs. Note how Saturn Girl refrains from shouting "What? Your power is useless! You, sir, are ridiculous! Rejected!" (this is the more soul-crushing method) and instead makes up some lame excuse about Star Boy being able to do the same thing, like they'd let him in in a shot if they had no 'heavy feathers' guy.
3. Rann Antar is desperate to join the Legion. Look, you can see it in his eyes and his posture - he just lunged forward with that wok full of feathers and blurted his little speech out in one breathless rush. I'll bet he waited outside all night plucking chickens. Further, I'd wager that that perm is brand new, and that if we could rotate him ninety degrees we'd be able to see an insignia on his shirt, something like a black arrow pointing downward with a feather inside.
4. Rann Antar is ridiculous. For some ungodly reason he's JOHN APPROVED.
Living Between Wednesdays is a place for people who love comic books and superheroes.
