Rating the Super Hunks #11: Dick Grayson

You knew this one was coming. This week Super Hunk theatre presents the pin-up pretty boy of the DCU...

Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing

He is just poured into that costume.

Costume/Appearance:

Little Dick Grayson. He grew up. He filled out. He got hot...eventually.

The current Nightwing costume is great. Really nice-looking. Nice colours, nice lines, nice fit. Also, great hair. I have no complaints about the current Nightwing costume. Or the appearance of the man filling it.

Hey, girl.

But we can't ignore the fact that it took Dick a loooong time to get there. And we had to see some pretty disgusting incarnations of Nightwing first.

No.

"When i look over my shoulder, I don't want to see a damn thing, alright?"

No.

"I'm growing a ponytail, bruce, and you can't stop me!"

No.

What...what is this?

Super no.

"Who's the playboy now, bruce?"

Alright, that last one wasn't technically a Nightwing costume, but Jesus. If you can stand it, take some time to really study that thing. You'll notice that, as well as high-waisted baggy jeans, a short-sleeve polka-dot Oxford, Achy Breaky hair and intensely hairy arms, Dick is wearing loafers with no socks. You can stand in front of all the Ferraris you want and you will never look good wearing that.

I also abhor that long, disgusting rat-tail thing that Dick was rocking for awhile. It's so gross. It's like a serpent. I also never understood why it was way longer than his hair was when it wasn't pulled back. *shudder*

But if we focus on the now, and ignore the past, Dick is a looker.

Every nightwing comic should have a shower scene.

8/10

Personality:

I'm not sure how to put this lightly, but Dick Grayson is kinda...dumb. Or, if not dumb, he is lacking common sense. And he thinks with his manhood more than his brain, rivaling even Hal Jordan in this department (uh, the thinking part...I don't know about the manhood part). For a kid who grew up under the constant watch and teachings of Batman, Dick is a bit of a disappointment. I mean, he's a good leader and strategist, but overall...

On the positive side, Dick still retains a lot of the playful boyishness that we knew and loved in him as Robin. Again, considering his being raised by Bruce Wayne, having any kind of sense of humour is impressive. And he's, y'know, a nice guy who wants to help people.

boyish good looks!

Remember when he was partnered with that gay cop, and the other mean cops were beating up the gay cop, and Dick intervened? And when the mean cops asked Dick if he was his boyfriend or something, Dick said "What if I am?" That was nice. He gets a point for that.

I like Dick Grayson. I like him a lot. But he ain't no Tim Drake. And he is certainly these two things:

1. Boring

2. Horny

He gets a lot of play. A LOT of play:

"Nice to meet you, my name is mmrrrff!!"

get it, girl.

"BUT, WE ONLY HAVE FIVE MINUTES!"
"I ONLY NEED TWO."

this is the hottest thing i have ever seen.

Even when he looks like this:

can we just take a moment to appreciate her outfit?

Dude, we're just as surprised as you are.

The fact that Nightwing is one of the most sexually active superheroes out there certainly earns him some points in the hunk department. And the fact that I can now look at him without throwing up certainly helps. He's not...great...with women. But look at who he had as a teacher.

7/10

Day Job:

Dick Grayson was a City of Blundhaven police officer. I think that's awesome. That means when he's not fighting crime...he's fighting crime.

"Also I took off my shoes. And my pants got ripped. And my shirt got ripped. And my hair got sexily mussed."

But now he's just Nightwing. Oh...he runs a circus school. That's...not really all that sexy.

8/10

Sexiness of Powers:

Dick has no powers, but he was trained by Batman. And, before that, he was trained as one of the top circus acrobats in the world. The result is that he rules at fighting, and can do crazy aerial stunts. He's strong and graceful. Of course that's sexy.

Plus, he's apparently the only person in the world who can do a quadruple somersault.

10/10

He's very flexible.

Dick in the face!

Cons:

Dick Grayson's name is 'Dick.' I'm taking one point off for that. I'm also deducting points for his tendency to grow his hair badly, the fact that his comic is pretty boring, and for jerking Barbara Gordon around.

-4

smoldering manga-looking dick!

Final Score: 29/40

He's sexy alright, but he'll always just be sidekick sexy. Plus, Tim Drake is going to grow up to look exactly like him, but way more awesome. Why have hamburger when you can wait a few years for steak?

you know it, lady.

Review of Some Robots, Part 2, By Johnathan

Boy oh boy do I have big news! Remember how last time around I showed you the first appearance of Silver and Copper as made-up extra Metal Men? How they were just kind of standing on a beach, all generic and miscoloured? Well evidently they realized that they hadn't made too good an impression the first time around because Silver and Copper are back! They both made repeat appearances in the "Metal Facts & Fancies" section of Metal Men comics and kicked a fair bit more ass in their second times at bat.

Here's Silver:

Beating the hell out of some germs! I like the diseases-as-gangsters motif, though it'd be even better if they had, like, cilia on their faces or gross snotty-looking speech balloons or something. Silver herself ain't bad, though I'm not sure I like the granny panties that she has riveted on there. What I do like is that the requisite Metal Men headpiece is a nurse's hat - very thematically appropriate. (On a side note: I had one Metal Men comic when I was kid and I had no idea what was up with Tina. Like, I thought that she was Silver, because Tina = short for Platinum isn't the first assumption an eight-year-old makes. Plus, I thought she might've been Jewish, because whoever was drawing her made her little hat look a lot like a yamukle).

Anyway, Silver's still JOHN APPROVED

Copper came back too, and guess who she's dating?

Tin! Tin's got a girl he didn't even build! And what a girl! Copper's a stone fox, fictional robot-wise. She's got a crazy miniskirt with sleeves on, a neat headband-influenced hairdo - i think I see a dimple, even. This robo-lady's definitely JOHN APP- hold on...

What's this?

Huh. A smelter-wedding. Haven't been to one of those in years. Good to see the old traditions kept alive. Anyway, as I was saying, Copper's JOHN APPROV- huh.

Oh, gross. That's just wrong. No wonder Doc Magnus doesn't want to marry Tina. Bronze is apparently going to be the Metal Man that comes out of storage once a year to scare children on Hallowe'en. I blame the Comics Code Authority - they were probably all like "You can't melt a boy-robot and a girl-robot together and get a functioning individual, it'll challenge children's sexuality. Next thing you know two kids'll be crawling into a furnace so they can melt together. You're gonna have to make this thing look like an abomination, sorry."

Pre-melting Copper is JOHN APPROVED. Bronze is NOT APPROVED.

Last one!

Now supposedly this panel is about Copper and Silver, but I just see Copper, who has apparently gotten over the divorce from Tin by forming a rock band and switching genders again. That's the kind of emotional resiliency that gets one metal (Copper) into the upcoming Metal Men comic while other metals (Silver) just sit and tarnish gently.

Though I'm not sure what a metal Beatles-analog has to do with heat conductivity, I do enjoy seeing that old classic "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" being played. You don't hear it much any more but it was one of the top songs of the Sixties in the DC Universe, along with "Baby, Baby, Baby" and "Yeah Baby Yeah." The crowd of swooning metal gals is a nice touch, too . Say! maybe they're fainting because of the heat! That's where it all comes together!

The Copper Beatles are JOHN APPROVED.

Make Dragons History!

Are your plans constantly being interrupted by dragons?

Have your children been eaten by dragons?

Do you go to start your car...only to find it's been destroyed by a dragon?

Do you have to replace your roof more than three times/week?

Do you wish you could walk out of your house without seeing this:

Are Dragons RUINING YOUR LIFE?

It doesn't have to be like this.

It's time you took a stand. It's time you took your life back. It's time you purchased....

THE DRAGON MUTILATOR

This all-in-one dragon defense system features not one, but two blades. Use them together, or take them apart for double dragon slaying action! The spiked hand grip will tear unwanted dragons apart! The Dragon Mutilator is the brand dragons know and fear. Simply put, you would be a fool to not purchase this incredible weapon.

It's time to let the dragons know that they are not the boss of you. It's time to stand up and say "Those babies I make are for me to love, not for dragons to eat!" With the Dragon Mutilator no dragon will bother you and no woman can resist you. Now when someone asks "Aren't you afraid of that dragon?" you can proudly say "Not anymore."

The Dragon Mutilator can be yours for only $28, available at finer websites and flea markets everywhere.

Perverted Tales of the Teen Titans

Man, the Teen Titans creep me out. Like, every other page I come across a panel that makes me feel like a dirty voyeur. I don't need to know this much about the Titans and their kinky sexual escapades.

Cyborg builds a hologram projector, and this is the first thing he thinks of to do with it:

Then Dick adds to the mood:

Cyborg is just hanging in the back, waiting for the magic to start happening. Dick is not denying, or confirming, Donna's statement.

Changeling's sexual deviancies are even more disturbing:

Wow.

Titans Tower sees more action than the Playboy Mansion.

Doom is Happy to Repeat a Very Special Offer

Bully recently posted some fun old Marvel subscription ads. I have one to add. I think it's timely because it reminds us that, no matter how out-of-character Dr Doom was acting in the Fantastic Four movies...it could have been worse:

In other news, I got tagged with one of these meme things all the kids are talking about. It asks that I post eight random facts about myself. I don't usually divulge too much info about myself that isn't comic-related on this blog, so consider this a rare treat.

I don't wanna tag anyone. Is that ok? Will that make the world die? I'm in way over my head here.

Gather round. It's time to learn eight random facts about me.

1. As far as I can tell, my love of superheroes began with Mighty Mouse. I was insane about that mouse when I was three or four or so. I couldn't tell time, but I knew what the hands of the clock looked like when it was time for Mighty Mouse. At that same time, I was really into He-Man as well, until the episode where Skeletor turns He-Man into a statue. That scared the hell out of me. And I never watched it again.

2. My favourite drink is gin and tonic. Or a gin martini. Or a bucket of gin. Whatever.

3. I am a huge hockey fan, specifically of the Montreal Canadiens. As a kid, my hero was Patrick Roy. When I was twelve I got to meet him and I couldn't say a single word. It was like meeting Batman.

4. I had a joke published in Readers Digest when I was a kid. It was terrible. I got $40.

5. My last three boyfriends have been named 'Matt.' (You're next, Daredevil!)

6. I really hate eggs, mushrooms, mayonnaise, raw tomatoes and most seafood.

7. My last name is pronounced Go-gahn (like the artist Gaugain, but with a gross Eastern Canadian accent).

8. My roommate/boyfriend/best buddy Matthew has surprised me by purchasing a vintage Hammond organ, which got delivered to our apartment today. You can add keyboards to the long list of things that I am nerdy about. We loves us some keyboards. Now I can have live organ music serenading me while I post on this blog. My apartment sounds like Fenway. I love it.

This Week's Haul: Flash Dance

Well played, DC. Well played.

If you haven't read your comics yet this week, I'll just let you know that I am throwing down all sorts of spoilers here. You've been warned.

The Flash #13

It's the last issue of this series. It has the Black Flash on the cover. Carrying Bart's dead body. So anything that happens inside isn't much of a surprise.

In the grand tradition of making me like a character most just before he or she dies, I liked Bart a lot in this issue. He goes down fighting. Hard.

Sadly, it's not enough.

R.I.P. Bart Allan. We hardly understood ye.

Tim Drake is sad:
I thought that was pretty touching. Man that kid has seen a pile of death.

So that ends that run on The Flash. Mark Waid takes over soon, but with which Flash? The answer can only be found in JLA #10.

Justice League of America #10

Ow! I've got boobs in my eye!

Ok, before we get to the big reveal, a couple of items:

I liked the point made by Jay Garrick that he is not the fastest member of the combined teams:

Hal? Really? Also...where's Vixen? Apparently she can run as fast as a cheetah, which can run as fast as lightning. Also...Power Girl's shorts. They are stupid. I love Ed Benes' art, but I can't stand the cheesecake. Black Canary looks even worse:

Yes, Dinah. We do have a problem. This is what you choose to wear to the office.

With that all out of the way, let's get to the good stuff. I was on the edge of my seat for this whole issue. I was sure I knew what was going to happen, and who was going to come back. I mean, I think we all did. I was close...but not quite right:

Wally West?! I mean...I like Wally. I'm glad he's back. It's just...no, I'm glad he's back. I think Batman summed up my feelings in this adorable and heartbreaking panel:

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Who needs a cookie?

Again, Starman is great.

But seriously, I'm glad it's Wally. Of course I wanted to see Barry Allen (I spelled it right this time!) again. But he is one of those characters where I think his death is more important than the actual character. And Wally has been the Flash for almost as long as Barry was. He's our Flash. And he's a great character and I'm glad to see him back and a part of the JLA.

Yay for Wally!

Aw, who am I kidding? I wanted a tearful reunion/group hug with Barry, Hal and Batman. Though, I don't think we should give up on Barry coming back just yet. I think this was a fake-out. Barry will be back.

The real treat of this story was the confirmation that the Justice League and the Justice Society combined are no match for the Legion of Super Heroes.

Oh, and guess who's sticking around:

Countdown Week 45

I barely remember what happened in this. I did notice that Palmiotti and Gray were writing it for the second week in a row. And that it had a nice Benes cover with Karate Kid hanging with the JLA.

And this made me laugh out loud. Jimmy is dictating into a pocket recorder as he does some investigative jounalism:

And then he does spell out who the New Gods are, for the sake of his/DC's readers:

I love it. A double-page primer of who's who on Apokoplips and New Genesis. It's so ridiculous. Man, this series is so weird.

And just in case a New Gods roll call doesn't sexually excite the male readers, they threw in this:

So did you need to read Countdown to get the full death/return of The Flash story? Absolutely not. This entire issue was actually pretty damn forgettable. Unless you need to know who the New Gods are. And even if you do it's going to be wrong because Jimmy called the "Forever People" the "Tomorrow People" for whatever reason (possibly just to make Strange Adventures manager/New Gods superfan Dave Howlett's head explode).

The Brave and the Bold #4

Oh, hooray. I love this comic.

Last we saw Batman, he had been merged with Tharok:

I'm looking forward to seeing how he gets out of this one. But that will have to wait until next issue because this one focuses on Supergirl and Lobo.

I really like how well Supergirl handles herself around Lobo.

And I also enjoy her temper:

Especially Lobo's indifferent "Yep."

Plus, who would have expected a touching scene between the two of them like this one:

Supergirl is awesome in this series.

I love the crazy team-ups so far in this series. Supergirl and Lobo? Batman and Blue Beetle? Green Lantern and Supergirl? And next...Batman and the Legion of Super Heroes?! Awesome. I wish this comic came out every day.

The Incredible Hulk #107/Iron Man #19/Ghost Rider #12

No one is going to accuse the World War Hulk cross-over of moving too quickly.

I didn't read Heroes for Hire. Should I?

All three of these issues revisit the events of last week's World War Hulk #1, from different POVs. I really enjoyed the Hulk comic because it focused on his allies. It followed heroes (Hercules, Angel, Namora, and that really smart Amadeus Cho kid) and ordinary American citizens who are sympathetic to the Hulk, some of whom are even pro-Hulk killing everyone. Unfortunately for them, Hulk is not pro-anyone from Earth. And it's hard to convince him to listen.

So there's some fighting:

And it ends with this:

I like seeing sides getting formed, so it won't just be Hulk versus everyone. It makes sense that a lot of regular people would hate Iron Man and other superheroes after the Civil War.

As for Iron Man, this just gave his perspective on the battle from last week, with no new real information. I think that the point was to make him seem heroic and noble, but I still think he's a douche.

Watching all the Iron Man robots get smashed by Hulk's ship was cool:

Basically we got to see a lot of last week's comic with different art. Pretty art.

As for Ghost Rider, which is an odd tie-in, well...he's mostly just concerned about traffic problems as Manhattan is being evacuated. He has to make his own (awesome) detours:

Y'know, I haven't read a single issue of the new Ghost Rider series. In fact, I probably haven't read a Ghost Rider comic at all since I was twelve. I have to say, I kinda enjoyed this. I have no idea what Johnny plans on doing once he's gotten the Hulk's attention, but I doubt he'll be the one to bring the big guy down. Whatever happens, it's only going to last one more issue.

I like that art.

The Amazing Spider-Man #541/The Sensational Spider-Man #38/Fallen Son: Spider-Man

Before I get into this pile of Spider-Man (which only represents half of the Spider-Man comics to come out this week), I just want to make an obervation about Marvel.

I have figured out the fundamental problem with Marvel, and by problem, I mean reason why I don't like Marvel comics as much as DC comics. Marvel comics take place in the real world (read: current day America), and are determined to accurately capture that real world in their stories. So what happens when the real world is as bleak and depressing and tense as it is right now? You get non-stop Marvel wars, evil Iron Man, dead Captain America, and Spider-Man comics that make me want to commit suicide. Where is my escapism? Over at DC they are dealing with crazy, Earth-multiplying wackiness and bringing people back from the dead using lightning rods. And over at Marvel we have Sharon Carter in her bathroom with a gun in her mouth, and Peter Parker giving his dying aunt emergency blood transfusions.

Alright, so in Amazing Spider-Man, we have Peter Parker, not in costume, interrogating a guy. Then, by the time he's finished, he's in full costume:

So my question is: was Spider-Man changing his clothes while talking to this guy?

Sensational Spider-Man was actually really good. It was an Eddie Brock story, and it had fantastic art by Lee Weeks and Stefano Gaudiano.

Eddie is in the hospital dying of cancer (again: fun!) while being haunted by Venom. It was a Venom story and I liked it, so it must be pretty damn good.

Fallen Son is too depressing for words.

Argh. All I've got to say is thank God for Jeff Parker.

Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four #3

This series is so right for so many reasons. It's fun, it's hilarious, it's all-ages appropriate, it's clever...it's everything a Spider-Man comic should be. And everything a Fantastic Four comic should be. It's great. But there's only one issue left.

There were just so many fun moments. Spider-Man busting his honorary "4":

Dr Doom talking like Dr Doom should:

Dr Doom being kinda scared that Reed Richards is stumped by something:

Just a good time. For everyone.

Catwoman #68

Oh, Catwoman. I love you. Even if you comic is starting to get repetitive. I feel that it's about to go off in a bold new direction soon, though. It's always a good read, but lately I've felt that the larger story has been treading water a little. Now Holly is off to Metropolis in Countdown, and it looks like Batman might be showing up a bit in this comic again. He was mentioned in this issue.

Ha. Jupiter. Actually, Selina, depending on what you're reading, he's either chilling with the JLA and celebrating/mourning the return of Wally West, or he's joined bodies with Tharok and is a prisoner of the Legion of Super Heroes, or he is in the hospital after a convoluted adventure with the Metal Men, or he is just about to be shot by the Joker as Zatanna dies in front of him, or he is in Europe getting his groove back with a super model while trying to deal with the fact that he has an estranged son, or he is fighting off Amazons in D.C., or he is having Father's Day dinner with Tim. Just to name a few of the possibilities. Either way, he cannot come to the phone right now.

I also just want to mention that putting Selina's child in the middle of the road as she comes charging in a stolen police cruiser at top speed to stop the bad guys?

Hardcore.

Robin #163

When this comic is on its game, it can be as good as Catwoman. And that is high praise from me. This issue was on its game. First of all, it was adorable. They had me at Tim buying an engraved watch for Bruce for father's day. Secondly, it followed the Catwoman formula for fun: cute/entertaining opening scene, large fun battle against a ridiculous villain with lots of action and funny quips, cute/entertaining end scene.

I'm not saying that all comics need to be like this all the time, I'm just saying I like it when they are.

Cute opening scene:

Funny villains:

Fun fight scenes:

Alfred fretting about Tim not being home to make dinner like he promised. Bruce Wayne strolling into the kitchen just as a casual reminder that he is sexy:

Good stuff!

Captain America #27

This comic is so awesome. Seriously. I know I just went off on Marvel for being too serious lately, but I forgive all things Brubaker-related because they are PERFECT.

This issue had a whole lot of sexy, sexy Winter Soldier and his mission to steal back Cap's shield, and kill Tony Stark. I approve of both parts of this mission.

Here's a nice scene at the National History Museum's Captain America memorial exhibit in Washington:

We also learn that, while in Russia, Bucky was getting some action from Natalia Romanova.

Nice! Too bad she's working for Stark now.

And if hot Winter Soldier action doesn't turn your crank, how about Sharon's new outfit?

Something for everyone!

I am really not giving this comic the respect it deserves. But, really, who doesn't know that it's a frigging masterpiece?

Aquaman #53

This comic just gets better and better.

For one thing, Manta is totally awesome.

Ha! "Attention, beloved trembling citizens!" Just a perfectly-written villain.

Actually, every character is totally awesome. And the story is great. Each issue is packed with tons of great dialoge and interesting plot developments. It's one of those comics where you can kind of trust that there is a solid plan for the story arc, and that they are going to do a good job telling it. I heard that this title is in danger of being canceled, and I, for one, will be miserable if that happens. Anyone who loves Jeff Smith's Shazam series should love this.

Plus, Manta gets his face bitten off:

And the shark that did it? Awesome.

Alright, I'm feeling under the weather and I am tired of writing. I also really enjoyed The Legion of Super Heroes in the 31st Century #3, and Marvel Adventures Iron Man #2. Two high quality all-ages comics that were great-looking, entertaining, and funny.