Review of Interlac, By Johnathan

Interlac: it's one of those things that you have to put up with if you're a Legion of Super-Heroes fan, just like how you have to put up with Jason if you're a fan of the Argonauts. Interlac is the language of the future, but also kind of the language of today. That is, it's what everyone on Earth speaks a thousand years from now but also apparently what basically everyone else in the galaxy speaks in the present-day DC Universe, which is how, say, Aquaman can have a meaningful conversation with, say, Kanjar Ro.

Now, I don't exactly know what Interlac sounds like and I don't know the fake history of this fake language (Okay, I just looked it up and there really doesn't seem to be one. Wikipedia claims that it's just a future language, but I don't believe it) so I'm going to be dealing with it on a purely aesthetic/utilitarian level.

First off, here's the Interlac alphabet and number system:

This character map is a bit more comprehensive than the one I used to use, which had only one symbol per letter. Until I saw the vertical-line-as-capitalization innovation I had assumed that the future was a place where everyone wrote all in caps, all the time, i.e., a place where I would be angry all the time. Instead, looking at some nearby Legion comics, it seems that most of humanity never ever capitalizes, which is both more tolerable and more understandable, as that looks like a pain in the ass.

Speaking of ass-pain, take a look at those letters. I figure that there has to be a simplified written version of this alphabet, because otherwise, these already-too-complex characters would take for-freakin'-ever to write, what with all of the little notches and cutouts and so forth. Until I remembered that Interlac wasn't just an Earthian future-language I had figured that it was the result of font-design gone berserk. I mean, look at that 'o' - what's the point of the little notch? I'll tell you the point: to look all futuristic. Can't you just picture some dude in California circa 2345 putting all this together in an attempt to make the place look more like the future? Now I'm forced to believe instead that the race that originally came up with these letters had some sort of collective physical or psychological tic that left them unable to draw a proper circle.

I really can't get over the unnecessary complexity of these letters. Let's try an experiment: I'll write my name in a few different alphabets. ready?

Ignore the slantiness, please. I gotta say: it was a hell of a lot easier to write my name in ancient runes than in Interlac. It doesn't look quite as pretty as usual there, does it? Maybe all the people of the future write with fat markers or giant calligraphy pens or something.

In any case, Interlac is completely

NOT APPROVED

This Week's Haul: Before The Storm

Just a quick announcement before I get started. You might not hear from me for a few days (which isn't too unusual these days). The reason is because we are scheduled to get slammed by Hurricane Noel tomorrow. Last time we got hit with a storm this size, we lost power for quite a while. So that's what I'm prepared for.

Now I am thinking that this tree-top level apartment with a glass front, while nice, might not be the best location for this storm.

But enough of this unpleasantness. At least I have plenty of comics to read.

And here's what I thought of some of the ones that came out this week!

Action Comics #858

I was really looking forward to this, and I was not disappointed. Gary Frank's artwork is beautiful and Geoff Johns' writing is, as always, stellar.

It's a little confusing, in that it is a story set in current continuity, but borrows a lot from the past. It feels like a Year One story, mostly due to the emphasis on Clark Kent's loner status, and inability to relate to humanity. Of course, this has to ignore the fact that he is happily married, which this comic does.

But I'm not complaining. Especially not if we get delightful pages like this one, with classic grouchy Perry, awkward Clark and enthusiastic Jimmy:

That panel of Clark examining his tie kills me.

We also get some great flashback scenes of Clark as a lonely kid, when he meets the Legion for the first time. This was pretty adorable and heartbreaking, as a friendless young Clark thinks he's found someone who understands lonliness:

Awww.

I really liked this remark, as Superman faces who he believes is Brainiac, but is actually Brainiac 5 in an elaborate plot to get Superman's attention:

Hee!

It's nice to see Superboy and the legion. Especially with art this nice.

Superman ends up traveling to the future, just like the good ol' days, and finds out the hard way that Earth has a red sun in the 31st century:

Ouch!

Looking forward to more of this!

Batman #670

Ra's Al Ghul is back and he's effing terrifying!

Yargh!

This, along with this week's Robin Annual, more or less begins the big Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul crossover, which will be continued in Batman and in Robin. I'm not super pumped about it, just because I've been enjoying the non-event issues of both Batman and Robin. But Grant Morrison is still writing, so it's not going to suck.

I am also liking Damien more and more:

You tell him, kiddo!

On a similar note, the Batman and Son action figures were released this week, and they look great! There's a very awesome Tim Drake, and a sweet-looking Batman. If you want a Man-Bat figure, there's a nice one of those, and the Joker one is fun to pose. I'm surprised they didn't make a Talia figure. It would have made more sense than the Joker.

52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #3

This entertaining Big Three story continues to roll along, with Giffen's inter-hero banter getting increasingly silly:

I have a hard time believing that Batman would ever say 'Hello' in that manner. He may as well have said "Ex-squeeze me?"

One thing this issue is really good for is Snapper Carr burns. Batman really hates that guy.

And no wonder. He really is an annoying twerp.

Superman still has that bite on his arm, and it's bothering him. It's like Harry Potter's scar. It burns when evil is near:

Still fun, still exciting. I recommend. If you read only one 52/Countdown tie-in, make it this one. Or Black Adam.

But Black Adam doesn't give you this:

Justice Society of America #10

I re-read Kingdom Come this week in preparation for this issue. Every time I read that thing I notice something new.

So Kingdom Come Superman shows up, and he's all "When Kingdom Come, you ready? Not only NYC, I'm hip-hop's saviour, so after this flow you might owe me a favour."

This was great. I loved Starman's interaction with Kingdom Come Superman:

Ha! All out of the colour yellow! Man, I love that guy.

This Superman likes to talk a lot about regret and failure and mistakes and tragedy. And he does, for a really long time. Then he decides to up and leave, which results in a JSA dogpile:

Superman impresses me by overcoming Starman's gravitational powers:

There's tough, and then there's that. Well done, sad Superman.

Daredevil Annual #1

Man, this was so fantastic. I love annuals, and I love Daredevil, so I was expecting greatness. This went above and beyond. Totally my pick of the week.

The thing about Annuals is that it usually involves a guest artist, and sometimes a guest writer. Or it's several short stories. This was a Brubaker story, with an Ande Parks script and Leandro Fernandez doing pencils. My only worry going into this was "Well, after all the Brubaker/Lark issues, this might be disappointing." NOPE.

This comic was amazing. It opens with Daredevil struggling to fight off some Yakuza boys. He's struggling because he has the flu, which he continues to have for the remainder of the issue.

Now the cool thing about giving Daredevil the flu is that it messes with his heightened senses. He can't smell anything, and his congested head and his high fever are making things very difficult. So he's making lots of mistakes. Painful mistakes:

The art is beautiful, as you can see. No need to miss Lark on this book.

I liked how Matt slinks off after the fight to go pass out:

That's not what that's for, Matt.

So yeah, sick Daredevil. Very interesting, and kind of cute:

Aw, who needs soup?

Mainly, though, this is a story about Carlos LaMuerto, aka Black Tarantula. He has just been released from prison on parole. He got along well with Matt in jail, and he looks him up on the outside. Matt gives him a job at the firm, helping Dakota. Dakota is not into working with a violent ex-con. Carlos is not into her attitude:

LaMuerta gets frustrated by the uselessness of the legal process when it comes to actually helping people in the neighborhood. He takes things into his own hands, but with good intentions. Even so, Matt doesn't want to see Carlos go back to his old ways. He offers him a chance to suit up as Black Tarantula and help him fight the Yakuza. It works well, because Matt still isn't at 100%:

I love that scene.

Unfortunately, Carlos can't restrain himself from using extreme violence, except now he wants to clean up Hell's Kitchen, rather than run it. He feels responsible for a lot of the damage done to the neighborhood, and sets about making things right. Which involves killing a lot of bad people.

Matt is, needless to say, disappointed.

Like I said, this is a great comic, and it's extra-long. Do read it.

Countdown to Adventure #3

This issue opens with Buddy's son, Cliff, going nuts and attacking Kory with a knife. It's pretty intense:

Cliff is just one of many people all over the place to be infected with something that makes them worship Lady Styx. People are trying to kill each other everywhere.

In the middle of all this, Ellen is concerned about her marriage. She asks Buddy the question that's been on her mind ever since the scantily-clad space princess arrived at their door:

Sadly, this is all Buddy has to say for himself:

Ouch.

The Adam Strange Pages are all really great. I like his narration. He's tough.

I can't read the Forerunner back-ups at all. They make me sleepy.

Death of the New Gods #2

I finally got to read #1 this week. The store sold out of it pretty quickly. It's a pretty good series so far, even if poor Barda has been killed off.

Here's the JLA at the murder scene:

Here's what I like about this page:

1. Red Arrow isn't doing anything. He's just chilling, and looking as cool as possible.
2. Superman is like "Uh, what's Vixen doing exactly? Looking for cookies?"
3. Barda's outline, while not supposed to be funny, kind of is.

In the next panel Red Arrow has apparently removed his shirt. I approve:

I like it when colouring errors work in my favour.

I also like that Hal is talking like Batman. And Black Lightning is being a little inappropriate. "Are you sure she's in here? It's kinda light. I mean, she is Big Barda, right?"

Mr Miracle changes his clothes:

Poor guy. Sniff.

Superman accompanies him back to New Genesis with Barda's body. Orion takes one look at Superman and loses it. Man, that guy is just angry all the time.

Ooooo...you did NOT go there, Superman.

Unfortunately, he did. And this means a pointless fight between the two of them for the next few pages:

Yikes!

It lasts until Metron shows up. Then Orion wants to fight him.

Orion, you have got to chill, bro. You can't just beat up everyone who stops by. In three successive panels Orion is like "I'm gonna kill you, Superman! No, I'm going to kill YOU, Metron! No! I'm going to kill Darkseid!" It's exhausting being Orion. "Milkman! I'll kill you!"

I'm going to wrap it up there. And other comics can be discussed in the comments. Like the giant heaps of comics that count down to various things. But not that X-Men Messiah stuff. I don't read that.

Not a Review (Plus a Bonus Review of Not a Review), By Johnathan

Gosh darn it I suck - rest assured, however, that I have big update plans. I'm just Slacky McSlackenstein over here.

(Posting a non-review on a site dedicated [however flimsily] to reviewing? NOT APPROVED)

Wait'll You See My Mega Rod

This Saturday past was the Strange Adventures Halloween party. There were some truly excellent costumes.

In defiance of the Death of the New Gods, I went as Barda:

That gives you some idea of what her armor would look like if it were really, really shitty. And made mostly of bristol board, electrical tape, and some metallic gold track pants.

Also, I had to wear a hat under the helmet to keep the helmet from falling off. You can see the hat pretty clearly in most pictures, which is too bad. The belt also kept falling down.

I wasn't the only New God! Orion in da house!

Check out the Kirby hand happening in the next photo:

Here I am with my bitches:

Aren't their costumes so cute? Check it out:

Awwww. It was a bowling party, by the way. Thus the bowling shoes on everyone.

Two Harrison Fords are better than one!:

That's Matt as Han Solo, and Ben as Indiana Jones. Not bad, boys.

Winner of best Female costume went to the Ultimate Warrior:

Best male costume went to Jayne from Firefly:

Pee Wee is looking on there. Here's a better shot of him:

Mr and Mrs Skeleton won Most Uncomfortable, but really they deserved so much more. These are some great costumes:

The eyes glowed, too, but you can't really see it there.

The New Gods had the heavy burdon of tallying the votes and announcing the winners. Here's Barda and Orion crunching the numbers:

We left the bowling ally to go to a house party. First a few of us stopped in at Wendy's:

Then on to the house party, at which point my memories become very hazy. I do know that Tigger costume + Superman Returns mask + Beard = scariest thing I have ever seen:

Apparently I was wearing that mask later. I don't recall this, but there are pictures.

I'd love to see photos of all of your halloween costumes! Hook me up with some links!

This Week's Haul: Featuring That Guy From the Cover of Action Comics #1

Well, what a surprise. This week the reviews are late again. But this time it wasn't my fault! For some reason I am having a hell of a time uploading photos to Blogger. I don't know if that's my internet connection's fault, or Blogger, but it certainly is slowing me down.

Let's get down to it:

Action Comics # 857

Y'know, it really doesn't get much more fun than this.

The Bizarro Justice League showed up at the end of the last issue, and I could not wait to see more of them. I was not disappointed. Check out Bizarro Batman:

And Bizarro Green Lantern:

Oh man, I hope he shows up in Sinestro Corps.

Bizarro is able to use his "Bizarro Vision" to make more Bizarros. So he makes more league members, which is awesome:

That Green Arrow kills me. I kept that second panel on there because I love Lex's sinister, backwards "Hello."

Superman develops a new power: "Superman Vision," which gives Pa Kent super powers. It's great:

I really loved the reaction of the Bizarro citizens of Metropolis when Superman goes about fixing up their city:

Especially that guy with the noose. So great.

The art, of course, was beautiful and hilarious throughout the book. This issue ends Eric Powell's run, which is sad. I am really looking forward to the Gary Frank run that starts next week, though.

Here's a parting shot of Bizarro Action Comics #1:

Fabulous.

Superman #669

Although I feel that Busiek's run on Superman has been largely underrated, mostly due to the tall shadow cast by All-Star Superman, I just cannot bring myself to care about this storyline.

Who Is The Third Kryptonian? Well, there are three right there on the cover. Oh, you mean besides them. And Power Girl. And, like, the dead Supergirl. And Zod. And the rest.

Also, the third Kryptonian, as it turns out, is someone I have never heard of and don't care about. So there is really no excuse for this hideous cover. I mean, she seems like a cool lady and everything, but...with all the cool stuff going on in the DCU right now, I just cannot possibly care about this.

Superman/Batman #41

This comic will make fanfic writers blush. It's just so damn porny. And I'm not just talking about the cover. Which I COULD be.

So last we left our heroes, Superman was being controlled by Darkseid and Batman was really, really horny. This is thanks to Orion's slutty wife, Bekka.

As it turns out, she has this curse where men are uncontrollably attracted to her, and she feels the same way toward them. The sadder the men are inside, the stronger the connection, thus Orion and now Batman. Plus, she doesn't really wear any clothes, so that can't help. If she really didn't want this to keep happening, she might try a sweatsuit. Or a Mayor McCheese costume or something. Anyway, she has poor Batman in her clutches. He reminds us that he is "aroused beyond all reason" (!!!) in her presence. She says that the only cure...is doin' it. For real.

When she gets that feeling, she needs sexual healing.

*snort* "I haven't felt a heart as hardened as his until I met you." Uh, say what?

Oh poor Batman. The only way he can solve his problems is to nail that beautiful woman. Batman's all "Well, alright then...NO! No I can't!" Frankly I don't see why not. Just get it done and move on. I'm tired of hearing about it.

But Batman is noble and exercises self-discipline, as usual. The result is that Bekka gets herself killed.

Wow. I think that basically counts as a refridgerator, right?

Batman can't solve all his problems by sexing them. He still needs to find Superman. I guess we'll resolve that in the next issue.

Let's get to the good stuff. Superman is experiencing a semi-dream state where his life is flashing before his eyes. All sorts of crazy characters from the past are popping up. It's great! Check it out:

Love that Starro!

But wait, it gets better:

Yeah, that's right. More than one reference to that guy from the cover of Action #1 in the same week! Also...Zebra Batman!

And look at what Superman is wearing! Customized hospital gown!!! So cute!

I think this story wraps up in the next issue. Then the guy who is writing the current TERRIBLE arc on Batman Confidential is taking over for another unnecessarily long six-issue story. So it continues to not look good for this series.

So, this was a pretty ridiculous issue. The best part was probably when American Idol judge Randy Jackson sneaked up on Desaad:

Teen Titans #52

Teen Titans is now officially a better book than JLA. Crazy times we live in.

Two issues in, I am saying right now that Sean McKeever is going to rock this thing. I already love the way he writes all of the characters, and jumping right into this crazy story that features the current JLA and future versions of the Titans themselves is fantastic fun. Thumbs up.

I mean, just look at this page! Solid gold:

And this is the last page:

Last issue ended with Robin pointing a gun at his own head, and this month we get this. Not bad, McKeever. Not bad.

I've added this title to my pull list, and I don't think I've ever had it on there before. Teens!

Green Lantern Corps #17

That is one of the busiest covers I have ever seen in my life. Ask me tomorrow what is on the cover of this week's Green Lantern Corps. I will say "I don't remember. A big mess?"

Inside, the battle between good and evil rages...at a molasses pace. How many times have we been told "Lethal Force Activated," or, "They're heading for New York City"?

Anyway, the important thing is that Kilawog crushes a guy with an AIRCRAFT CARRIER:

And Sodam Yat (aka - So Damn Hot) gets a promotion:

And a terrible new haircut.

Next up: Ion vs Superman Prime!

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Superman Prime

I wasn't so hot for the first two Tales of the Sinestro Corps comics, but when I saw that Geoff Johns was writing this one, I picked it up.

And I'm glad I did. Superboy(man?) Prime is just a really fun villain because he is so damn childish. I have really been enjoying him througout Sinestro Corps, as I did during Infinite Crisis. Johns clearly loves writing him.

SB Prime visits the Bart Allan memorial, and is a total dick:

Beyond this, though, we get a really nice back story for this notorious guy. One that actually makes you feel sorry for him. More importantly, we get a very clear and easy-to-understand origin story, and I applaud everyone involved for that alone.

Man, that kid is messed up.

Blue Beetle #20

I'm just going to say it: this issue really confused me.

I love this series, and I love the Sinestro Corps cross-over, but this just did not work for me.

Basically Peacemaker gets turned into this guy, thanks to a combination of a scarab and a Sinestro Corps ring:

And Blue Beetle has to fight him. I guess that's pretty straightforward, but I was still confused.

Some of the GL Corps show up, which is entertaining:

Oh, and Peacemaker dies at the end. It's sad. And sudden.

I enjoyed Jaime more in Teen Titans this week than in his own title.

Green Arrow Year One #6

And thus ends a very excellent mini-series. Well done, guys.

Not only is this a gritty and exciting read with fantastic art, it gives a very believable origin story for Green Arrow. Not that I require realism in my origin stories, but for someone like Green Arrow, whose abilities start and stop with being really good at shooting arrows, it's kinda nice.

He's totally badass and tough, which makes us see what Black Canary sees in the guy:

Also badass, a pregnant lady with a machine gun:

I could have lived without the Oliver-delivering-a-baby scene at the end, but whatever.

X-Men First Class #5

Hey, it's my new favourite comic!

This time they run into the Hulk, with hilarious results:

This has a nice little Hulk origin, which is one of the great things about this series. New readers can learn about other Marvel characters as the first class of the X-Men run into them for the first time. It's brilliant.

There are some really great Hulk facial expressions in this issue. The art, as usual, is great:

And Angel, as usual, is very funny:

I guess what I mean is, Jeff Parker, as usual, is very funny.

And if that's not enough, there's another adorable Colleen Coover back-up in this issue. I will show you the first panel, because that will be enough to hook you:

If you aren't reading this comic, you're a damn fool. Add it to your pull list right now.

The Flash #233

Wally totally throws down in this issue. It's awesome. The rest of the JLA shows up at his house for a little group intervention. They are concerned about the way Wally is leading his kids into battle:

Wally's like "Hey, I have an idea: shut up!" He thinks they are trying to physically take his kids away. Which is understandable, based on Superman's choice of words. Roy sets him straight, and then Wally totally serves Batman:

Ohhhhh snap, Wally!

Then Wally and Linda explain their reasoning, which is pretty solid. It certainly shuts the JLA up, anyway:

I love how Batman's all "Ok, cool, my bad," and backs away slowly.

That's a nice group hug.

Daredevil #101

Man, this was so, so depressing. And awesome.

Milla's in a prison hospital after killing someone she pushed into an oncoming subway car. Matt Murdock is looking very tired and haggard, which can be owed to the fact that he spends his days fighting his wife's case, and his nights beating the holy hell out of criminals while trying to find Mr Fear. Fear is responsible for Milla's drug-induced insanity, and Matt gonna make him pay.

But until then, he's gonna brood like a pro.

Good thing Dakota is totally rad and isn't gonna take it. This scene is really satisfying:

I love that. "Duh, you're Daredevil. Just break into her room and be with her, dummy."

So he does. And it's heartbreakingly sweet:

I love this series so much, and I love Daredevil so much as a character, but he's such a train wreck. We know that he doesn't even really love Milla that much, but he just needs to be passionate about something every single moment of his life. He doesn't need to be with her, he just needs to care about something. This is a real downer of a comic book. And I love it.

Alright, that's all the comics I can stand to review. This photo uploading thing is super annoying. Hopefully it will go smoother next time.

Review of Genetic Predispositions, By Johnathan

Okay: this post is about something I noticed while reading Detective Comics No. 90 the other day, but I can't just up and tell you what that thing was. I have to lay out a sequence of events for you - trust me, it's the only logical way.

The plot revolves around the riverboat Mississippi Mermaid and its 'celebrated water carnival'. Seems every time the durned thing comes to town, thugs clean out the whole place. Thugs that all buy their suits at the same place, I might add.

When the sheriff (note the purple vest and hat, the bushy white mustache) comes to check out the suspicious boat-people, he is foiled by their air-tight, witness-laden alibis. Since I'm not really paying attention to the mystery aspect of this story I'll tell you now that the whole scheme's dependent on a clock that speeds up and slows down to make the show's intermission seem shorter than it actually is or something like that - evidently this clock is so awesome to tell time with that none of the party-goers bother to look at their watches during the whole production.

Reading of the robbery in Carver Town, Dick and Bruce head for the next stop on the river...

Dalestown! Noted for its opulent hotel lobbies and abundant supply of nogoodniks in matching suits.

Batman gets trounced, wakes up, rounds up the sheriff, and heads boat-ward.

Wha? May I say, Mister Sheriff, that I have seen your like before? Well, I suppose that perhaps Dalestown and Carver Town are small and close enough to share asingle, purple-clad law-enforcement gent, right? Sure, it's totally possible.

Anyway, the Dynamic Duo keep on following the ship, and one week later (so: one week's travel down what is presumably the Mississippi River), in the scenic town of Andre's Bend (snicker), the bandits strike again. Once more, the law gets involved:

The purple-vested, white-mustached, Colonel Sanders tie-wearing law, who seems not to know Batman from Adam.

So: Possibly two but probably three identical sheriffs in three river towns along the Mississippi. My theory is that the American South contains a nomadic clan of law-enforcement types. As they walk the land they provide sheriffs and other forms of lawmen to towns in need of regulation - these three happened to be long lost triplets from that very tribe. That or the artist liked drawing sheriffs like this - this guy actually shows up all over the place in Detective Comics of the time.

JOHN APPROVED