You Don't Have To Be Sober To Love Bob Haney

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you. My band won four categories in the local Best of Music poll here in Halifax tonight. Soooo...I'm a little drunk. We won two awards for the totally awesome video that Ben Jeddrie made for us. You should check it out here: TOTALLY AWESOME!

It has super heroes in it.

But, drunk or not, Bob Haney Rules Week must continue. No matter how lazy.

I'm just gonna post this panel. You can decide for yourselves what it's about. I'll post something better tomorrow. Promise.

The Biggest Space Bum in All the Galaxies

Bob Haney Rules Week continues!

Ram Drood. As far as I can tell, he's a Haney original character. He's in World's Finest no. 246, and I believe this is his first appearance, but feel free to correct me.

He shows up, looking queenie, and accuses Superman of secretly trapping his deformed twin brother, Kor-El, in a Kryptonite asteroid for past couple of decades. And then the awesome, awesome insults start flying!

Three in one panel! And that's just after Green Arrow called Superman "the lousiest crumb in the universe!" Harsh words, GA. When Superman gets angry, he comes up with some pretty hilarious insults. "Bow-toting clown." "Space Bum." And my favourite:


"You crazy hobo!"

Superman has no time for this bohemian asshole. And the feeling is mutual.

Of course the only one who believes that Superman may be innocent is Batman. He even gives his friend a relaxing neck massage:

Man, eventually they are going to run out of things to call each other, and one of them is going to slip and say "doll face" or something instead of "old comrade" and it is gonna be awk-ward.

So, Ram Drood hangs out for the rest of the issue, kinda like that episode of The Simpsons where that teenager named Roy lives with them. No explanation. He's just there, chilling with the Justice League, and making Batman mad enough to use PG language.


Everyone is into the idea of Superman going to rescue his brother from the Kryptonite asteroid except Batman, who vehemently objects:

"Blazes!" Can you imagine if you were hanging out with some people and one of them got mad enough to start shaking their fist in the air like that? It would be weird. Especially if their anger turned the background red.

Ok, so it turns out that Batman is right, and Superman does die. Or, at least he appears to die. And Batman is left alone to grieve over his dear friend's body. Well...almost alone.

Why hasn't Batman punched that guy yet? Also...is Batman smirking a little?

Oh. Don't worry. Superman and Ram Drood patch things up in the end:

Random Acts of Haney

I was working all day today, so this entry in Bob Haney Rules Week will be random...and awesome!

We'll start with a bone-chilling panel depicting Batman's messed-up sense of humour:

"Am I right, boys? Ha ha!"

*shudder*

And here we have a triple whammy of greatness. Batman makes a crazy comparison, calls Robin "kiddoo" (rhymes with Ski-doo) and Robin yells "God!" (Even funnier if read with a Napoleon Dynamite voice).

Next we have Batman a little off his game:


Look out, Bruce! There is a large and obvious bunch of men in your room! Just turn your head slightly! Use your peripheral vision! Stop reading that man's diary!

Aw, what am I worried about? It's not like they could really trap Batman with a stupid net!

Oh. Well...at least they took his shirt off and tied him up. Diabolical!

"However did you see through my cunning disguise, Clark? Was it the fact that I haven't altered my appearance in any way?"

"No, Bruce, old friend. I was just doing my usual rounds of x-raying the shirt of every man I see when I noticed the Bat symbol on your rugged chest."

In case you aren't convinced that Haney is the king of convoluted plot lines, this next panel more or less sums up the story the last four panels were from:

"Check!" That's very cute.

And finally...I love it when they finish each other's sentences:

Aiiiiieeee!!

Bob Haney Rules Week continues.

I love how frequently the characters of the Haneyverse emit bone-chilling banshee cries.

And, yes. That is what Batman is saying.

Which is better? Aieeee! or...

I can't decide. Possibly even funnier than these exclamations is Batman's reaction to his boy partner being electrocuted:

Batman only looks out for one guy: Batman.

Moments later...

Yeah...you probably should have. Jackass.

Anyway, back to humorous cries of agony. This is my favourite:

"Aiiee! I...I'm blacking out!" Man. Even I can take blacking out better than that.

By contrast, Haney's Green Lantern can silently take a beating. Like a man.

Superman and Batman Quit Earth, Not Each Other.

Why? I'll tell you why. Because in outer space no one will judge their love.

"And we're not coming back until we're allowed to wed legally!"

"In outer space, our lives will be perfect. We'll fly around holding hands all day!"

Awwwww.

Also in this issue:

Yowza! Man I love Bob Haney and his crazy hippy talk. He makes our heroes say the most ridiculous (and sexy) things to each other.