The Lazer Tag Files Part 3: Legacy
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Well, I like to think so:
John Buys Comics, Waits Several Days, Writes Reviews
/R.E.B.E.L.S. No. 8
It’s no secret that I’ve been enjoying the hell out of this series, and not just because of the Legion of Super-Heroes connections. DC has a lot of really solid space action elements - evil empires, roguish heroes, lots of history, very few cosmic angst-mongers. I think that it might be because DC Space is rooted pretty firmly in the Silver Age antics from Mystery in Space and Tales of the Unexpected (???) and such, so that Adam Strange and his rocket pack/ray gun combo have survived reasonably well through to the present day.
Of course, the fact that so many DC heroes and villains have extraterrestrial origins helps as well. Brainiac is an alien, right? Well then *whammo!* a whole planet full of smart green guys! And a thousand years later: Brainiac 5! And then we hop back to Vril Dox! And space is big enough to hold a lot of stories, so the retcons have been a lot more gentle out there. Hell, I think that Space Cabbie is still in-continuity.
So: R.E.B.E.L.S., an astonishingly inclusive trip through all of this. You’ve got your Legion of Super-Heroes and Invasion!-inspired Dominators and Khunds, your Omega Men, straight from the 80s, your 1960s or 70s Green Lantern stuff like planet Malthus and a whole new spin on Mr. First Villain of the Justice League himself, Starro. And next issue, Adam Strange shows up to represent for the 50s.
And this issue finally touches on the fact that Dox already has a kid, which makes it weird that Brainiac 5 would be so concerned that he live to reproduce. Is Lyrl destined for a messy end?
Beasts of Burden No. 1
I love the Dark Horse Book of... series. Heck, I bought the Book of Hauntings twice thanks to my poor memory for who I loan things to and my tendency to move across the country. They were quality books is what I'm saying, and the high points of each volume were the new Hellboy story and the Evan Dorkin/Jill Thompson supernatural dog weirdness at the back. And now the dogs have a comic! And apparently a name!
I think that I've mentioned my weakness to the concept of the team of paranormal investigators who have a good weird hook. Well, being a bunch of dogs and one cat is good and weird enough for me. Not to mention the fact that Dorkin and Thompson write and draw this one out of the park. I can guarantee you that I will be buying this for as long as Dark Horse cares to print it.
Also: best letter column name in a long time.
Escape No 5 (of 6)
This was a very cool issue, as Nemesis is possibly flung back in time and chooses to change his approach toward the whole trippy, inescapable cityscape thing. I almost wish that the series were a few issues longer so that we could see more of Tom Tresser being so cool in difficult circumstances. Seems like his "blunder forward, shouting" tactics from the last four issues are very much the norm in the comical books nowadays. But why? Man, I would much rather see a guy outsmart his foes than beat them up every time (speaking of which: new Sherlock Holmes soon!).
Also: good Amanda Waller appearance, Captain Vertigo is always terrific, potential despair over loss of Cameron Chase.
Batgirl No. 2
You know, I like Stephanie "Spoiler" Brown as Batgirl, really I do (although reviewing issue numba 1 both without saying who th new Batgirl was and without using the word "spoilers" was for some reason mind-bendingly difficult). She's got a decent origin (and the potential for more Cluemaster appearances thereof), the requisite Bat-connections, and the tinge of moral ambiguity. As I said last time, though, I'm extraordinarily tired of the "Yew best move on afore the sun goes down." treatment that every Gotham vigilante gets, especially when it's already gone on for two issues and will likely go on for more. Especially from Barbara "I became Batgirl to piss off my dad" Gordon. And especially because I just realized that I haven't read a story featuring Babs that wasn't full of moralizing or agonizing for a long time. I would venture that she has provided me with no joy in the past six months to a year. When did Oracle start to suck?
Batman & Robin No. 4
Still good without Quitely, thank heavens. And man, look at that costume design on the new Red Hood! Look at that collar! Check out that logo! His guns are red! While the class of the original Red Hood costume and the simplicity of the Jason Todd version were both nice, this is most definitely the best of the three. Now Grant Morrison just has to make the guy someone other than Jason Todd and all will be right with the world. Heck, he already made me happy by making up a new super-villain (I think) for killing-off purposes, rather than offing Crazy Quilt or someone like that. You can do it, Grant! Go with that one guy who is so obvious that he reeks of red herring, I don't care! Just no Jason! Seriously, the guy's played out.
The Brave and the Bold No. 27 - An all right story in the team-up style. I'm especially happy, though, about the reversion of the Dial H For Hero concept. Not that it necessarily needed to go back to being Robby Reed using the thing, but the original concept of small-town heroism fits it well. Kid in small town fights a series of small-time villains by turning into doofy super-heroes? That could be done very right, I reckon. It'd be a good place to replenish depleted villain stocks as well.
Blackest Night No. 3. - Not bad. I was enjoying it a lot until the text piece at the back. Don't mess up the Phantom Stranger, Johns! Don't do it!
The Dibnys, Firestorm, Martian Manhunter, Spectre, Rainbow Raider, The Top, Golden Glider, Captain Boomerang, Unknown Soldier, Rocket Red, Osiris(?), Some Titans, Hawk, Qwardians, Black Hand, Madame Rogue, Cavalier, Conduit, Max Lord, The Thinker, Copperhead, Dr Light, Alexander Luthor, Psycho Pirate, and my namesake, John Monroe, the Weasel.
Atomic Robo: Shadow From Beyond Time No. 5 (of 5) - Well, it's done, and a very fine end to a convoluted time-travel debacle it is. Did you all buy it, like I told you? I'll choose to believe that you all just nodded and held up your copies. Featuring the best end-of-miniseries panel that I can recall!
Also of note this week: I read Super Human Resources, which is a damn fine example of the "re-cast superfolks in another setting" form of story. This one's set in an office, of course, and speaking as LBW's current token office drone I do declare that it hits a lot of very funny notes. Oh! and the heroes are actually amusing characters in their own right, rather than on-dimensional parodies! Not that some of them aren't parodies, of course, but they're funny parodies.
And finally: it came out a while ago but this week saw me finally acquiring a copy of Kate Beaton't Never Learn Anything From History, which is a fine addition to my shelf of web-comic books. The only way that this book could be any better is if it were ten times thicker.
Action Comics No. 881 - Heh. Supergirl thinks that the notion of Tara Ak-Var having a legitimate spiritual link to the Flamebird entity is way unbelievable. She should totally tell Firestorm about that some time! big laffs!
Citizen Rex No. 3 (of 6) - More good times with Gilbert and Jaime! You know, it's kind of weird to read their science fiction stuff. When all of the strange people and events are in some distant future it's almost... unsettlingly non-surreal.
I have an announcement to make!
/It seems that my friend Catwoman and I have something in common:
I recently learned that I have a shocking medical condition. It's almost too crazy to be believed, but the doctor says that a tiny human being is growing inside of me. Of course my immediate reaction is "But that's impossible! Who's responsible for this mad science? Dr Doom?!"
But the doctor explained that this is in fact a very normal condition in women my age. Apparently all humans are created this way. I'll have to look into that later, but for now I have to make some big decisions, like how soon is too soon to send your child away to a mythical kingdom to learn kung-fu, or whether or not Winter Soldier can be a girl's name.
So, I'm going to be a mom. Sorry in advance, kid. I hope you like Batman (because if you don't...)
Does VERTIGO CRIME Pay?
/One of the things I like about DC Comics—er, make that DC Entertainment—is their willingness to try out new imprints and formats, like the Minx line. Unfortunately, they don’t always keep said imprints and formats around long enough to let them find an audience…like the Minx line. A few weeks back, the company launched one of these new imprints, Vertigo Crime, by releasing its first two books—Filthy Rich and Dark Entries—on the same day (a bit of an odd move, if you ask me). How do its chances of survival look when stacked up against, oh, I don’t know, the Minx line? Well, let’s have a look.
Filthy Rich, by Brian Azzarello and Victor Santos, follows a not-very-good car salesman named Rich Junkin (get it?) with a shady past. Junk, as he is affectionately known, is eventually let go from his sales position, only to be re-hired as a chaperone for his boss’s spoiled party-brat of a daughter. Junk quickly becomes a fixture in her entourage, but before long, somebody ends up dead. As with Azzarello’s prior work in books like 100 Bullets and Joker, practically every character is a total sleaze, and most of them inevitably get what’s coming to them. It wouldn’t take much to make Junk’s story into a 100 Bullets arc, just Eduardo Risso on the art and a suitcase full of ammo. Santos’ art recalls Frank Miller’s work on Sin City, but he’s still working the kinks out—in some panels, it’s pretty tough to figure out what’s happening, and many of his characters look like they’re about four feet tall. Still, you can track his progress over the course of the book, and he improves considerably by the end. I’d be curious to see what his next project looks like.
Dark Entries is a bit more perplexing. It’s labeled A John Constantine Novel, but it’s really what those of us in the comics-selling biz usually just call A Hellblazer Graphic Novel. Only this time, it’s written by best-selling mystery novelist Ian Rankin, so I guess they’re after a different crowd. British con-man/working-class magician/supernatural detective John Constantine is asked to investigate a Big Brother-style reality TV show where a group of contestants live in a phony haunted house. Turns out, though, the contestants are being haunted for real, before the phony hauntings have had a chance to begin. Constantine agrees to enter the house, but by the halfway point, he learns the show’s hellish secret, and Dark Entries becomes a very different kind of book—not really a mystery or crime novel at all, in fact. Rankin has a pretty solid grasp of Constantine’s character, and the plot did keep me guessing for awhile (even though the reality TV setting is getting pretty tired at this point). Like Victor Santos on Filthy Rich, the art by Werther Dell’edera starts out kind of bland but gets a lot better—somewhat reminiscent of Guy Davis, actually—right around the time of the story’s Big Twist. Although, can anyone tell me if the scar he draws on Constantine's face is a recent development in the ongoing series? I don't remember when that happened, although to be fair, I haven't read it in a while.
Vertigo Crime is a tough sell, for a couple of reasons. First, these compact hardcovers (sporting cool Lee Bermejo covers, by the way) cost $19.99 US each, which might not be such a big deal if they weren’t black and white. I guess the art is supposed to evoke more of a noir feel, but c’mon—for about five bucks less, you can buy a Criminal trade paperback, and it’d be in colour! Also, the inclusion of Dark Entries throws the whole thing's sense of purpose out of whack a bit, since it’s not really a crime novel, per se. Yeah, it’s a mystery of sorts, but not so much more so than any other Hellblazer story arc (I wouldn’t be terribly surprised to see this book coloured one day and re-released as Hellblazer: Dark Entries—I suspect it would sell better). The reason for its inclusion is pretty clearly Ian Rankin’s involvement; Vertigo Crime is definitely a writer-driven imprint, hence the giant names of the writers on the covers and the By The Author Of... above or beneath them. I guess the idea here is that this line is intended to make a splash in the bookstore market, more so than in comic stores. However, a crime novel enthusiast would probably be more used to spending significantly less on a paperback, and a mystery fan would happily plunk down a few dollars more on a hardcover prose novel, and both of them would have something to read for a lot longer than either of these books would take them. None of this is meant to imply that either Filthy Rich or Dark Entries is a bad read, by the way. There are plenty of reasons to recommend either of them to any number of readers, whether they enjoy the creators or the genre or John Constantine. I’m just not sure this line has enough of its own identity yet to merit a line of its own.
My Atlantic Film Festival Picks!
/For us Haligonians (yup, that's what people from Halifax are called), it's almost time for the Atlantic Film Festival! Since we don't always get the smaller, weirder films that play in bigger cities, we all get super stoked for the AFF.
I was lucky enough to be on the programming committee again this year, so I've seen advance screenings of a few things. There's lots of amazing stuff, and I recommend clearing your schedule, and maybe quitting your job so you can see as many movies as possible. (If you're not in Halifax, check your local listings, fool!)
FILMS I'VE SEEN THAT RULED
FILMS I'M SUPER EXCITED TO SEE
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
FILM I DO WANT TO SEE BUT I'M NOT SURE IT'S WORTH THE
EMOTIONAL TRAUMA I EXPECT TO ENDURE
Justify Your Existence: Attack of the Poor Planners
/It's time for another round of Justify Your Existence, the super-fun game where I judge the validity of a series of superfolks' motivations for their actions. Today: more villain types, because they usually have much more interesting origins!
First up, from Batman Comics No. 130, we've got Master of Weapons, a real no-hoper. His story starts on a movie set, as a man known only as Graham acts like a bit of a baby:
Seriously, buddy, take it up with the appropriate person, at the very least. Graham finishes his hissy fit by taking a header off of that there... windable trebuchet? Very tall catapult? He is sent to the hospital, but soon disappears.
Not long after Graham's disappearance, this sprightly fellow makes an appearance. I don't recall him being given a name in the story's text, but the title of the thing is 'Master of Weapons' so I'm going with that. The Master of Weapons has a plan, and that plan is to build siege engines and drive them to potential robbery sites, for the purpose of knocking the doors in.
Now, let's think for a second. The MoW has adopted a scheme that, unlike picking the locks on those double doors or blowing them up or throwing a rock through that giant window, telegraphs what he is about to do a very long time before he has a chance to steal anything at all. Even if Batman weren't involved in this case I reckon that the police could round this guy up pretty quickly if they asked the general public to report all instances of wooden, tension-powered devices in the city streets.
The Master of Weapons compounds his foolishness by choosing, when Batman and Robin show up, to attack them with a weapon meant to be used against gigantic stone walls. I don't know if the guy has been paying attention to the news or what, but I have personally seen the Batman avoid being killed by machine and regular guns, poison gas, various jungle creatures and Superman. I think that using that giant bolt as some sort of club would be a much better bet than having his two thuggish companions slew this thing sideways and fire off a wild shot. I know that Silver Age Batman villains take a lot of flak for their odd choices in weaponry but even an umbrella gun or hat-cannon doesn't take two or three minutes to reload.
Upon the Master of Weapons and Batman's next encounter, the MoW is using a catapult to fling a rock roughly three feet, the better to bust down a door. Again, I must point out that the effort involved in building, transporting, assembling and firing this contraption might have been better spent in other ways, like shopping around town for the best deal on crowbars. Note how Batman throws down some catapult slang in the second panel. This will be important... right now.
See, Batman was trying to trip up the MoW by deploying some specialized language, as the only people in Gotham city who resort to slang are carnies, Gypsies, siege weapon experts and the people who have been to prison, so identifying suspicious characters by their verbal tics is actually very easy. Graham, meanwhile, in his only really clever move, pretended not to recognize what the hell Batman was talking about, thus immediately throwing the World's Greatest Detective off the scent.
My grudging respect for Graham doesn't last long, however:
Yes, it turns out that even though Graham's plan all along was to frame another dude for his crimes, the only real way that he attempted to put that into effect was to go "Huh?" when Batman mentioned a nickname for what was evidently not a catapult but an onager. Master of Weapons, yes, Lord of Thinking Ahead, no.
What are his chances today? Not too good, frankly. I see ol' Graham as the token "super-villain" at those real-hero comic-cons that showed up in the Bulleteer portion of Seven Soldiers. At best. At worst, he's got a future as an "appear in one panel and then get killed to add dramatic weight to a storyline" stype guy.
What does the internet say? Not much. I think that I got more hits back about the Punisher than this guy.
Next, from 1st Issue Special No. 9, we have Khalis, "The Mummy That Time Forgot".
Khalis is one of a long series of villains who prove that in a super-human-infested universe, Archaeology Is A Bad Thing. Seriously, for every ancient scarab that you dig up and use to fight crime, at least ten mummies, four cursed weapons and one haunted temple or pyramid rampage across the landscape and/or cause great spiritual turmoil inthe lives of millions. I'm surprised that the Justice League hasn't just started nuking ruins from space as a preemptive measure.
Turns out that Khalis was an early adopter of religious intolerance. In fact, he was such a prodigy that he was intolerant within the bounds of a polytheistic system. Let me emphasize this a bit more: the god that he worshipped was almost certainly related to the gods that he was calling false. It's like me devoting my life to convincing my cousins that my uncle is fictional. But, you know, effort should be rewarded, so Anubis gave the guy an amulet for being such a colossal dumbtwit.. And then, when the rest of Egypt's priests joined Nabu in mummifying him alive, Anubis kindly granted him eternal life.
Back to the present. Khalis takes his amulet back from Dr Fate, who apparently got it from Nabu, and uses it to summon a giganto temple to Anubis, and then Anubis himself!
Yep, things are reall looking up for old Khalis.
Except, of course, for the fact that Anubis no longer has any idea who the hell he is. In fact, I'm not too sure that he liked him much in the first place, as "being alive for three thousand years even though you've been mummified" doesn't seem like a very good god-given ability. Does it surprise you very much that Khalis is dust just three or four pages later?
What are his chances today? I'd say pretty good: mummies look cool in both wrapped and unwrapped states, and are among the few varieties of undead that aren't being over-used at the moment. Plus, Dr Fate doesn't really have many good enemies and a sad mummy who is trying to get his god to remember who he is is a concept with at least a couple of good stories in it.
What does the Internet have to say? Well, his story's been reprinted once. That's something, right?
Last, but certainly not least is Professor Hugo from Detective Comics No. 306, "The Wizarrd of 1000 Menaces". I'll let some Gotham City important types set things up:
Yes, it's another bizarre Gotham City society event. I guess that there's a reason that every time a horrible gelatinous blob starts rampaging around town the man on the street assumes that it's a publicity stunt: because it has a fairly high chance of being one. Hell, the Gotham Jelly Company hired men to dress up as blobs just last year.
Of course, Bruce Wayne is pegged to participate, and of course it's because his ancestor attempted to fly using a bat-suit. Because every single ancestor that Bruce Wayne has was either a detective or found occasion to dress like a bat or both. Science fact. But while Bruce is thinking about how ironic this all is, thugs armed with lightning cannons and jet-skis attack the bridge! But why?
The culprit turns out to be one Professor Arnold Hugo, who is upset with the Cosplay Selection Committee for not choosing him, even though his ancestor was a great warrior. In an attempt to gain recognition as a scientist, Prof. Hugo subjected himself to his experimental Brain-Stimulator and grew a gigantic, science-filled noggin. At this point, Hugo's plans diverge from what mine would be in a similar situation. Rather than registering a few hundred patents and then figuring out a way to shrink his head back down to 
size, all the while not really giving a damn about whether anybody wants him to dress up and pretend to fight some dudes, Hugo decides to devote all of his energies to destroying a publicity event. Which, when you think about it, would probably generate even more publicity for the museum, ensuring that its opening would be the event of the season. To this questionable end, in addition to deploying lightning guns and jet skis, he develops a remarkable tiger-growing solution and then, after twice being foiled by Batman and Robin:
He dispatches invisible flying robots to abduct them. At this point, Hugo is winning on style points alone. Is there any doubt that he has a death-trap lined up for Our Heroes?
Yes, Hugo is on top of the world. He even has a plan to... make another moon? Yes, I appear to have read that correctly: Professor Hugo plans to make a second moon so that everyone will remember who he is, The Guy Who Made the Tides Way Too High To Go To The Beach.
Don't worry though. He made the mistake of leaving Batman alone with a ball-point pen, so this happened:
What are his chances today? Despite the existence of Oolong Island, the DCU doesn't have nearly enough of the kind of mad science that unleashes invisible flying robots and glorious second moons on the world. Professor Hugo would be a perfect foil to the Cry for Justice-style, taking themselves way too seriously comics that crop up far too often nowadays.
What does the Internet say? Why, it turns out thatt he returned four times to fight the Martian Manhunter! How nice! Wouldn't it be great if he had shown up in an early issue of Run! to give the Human Flame a hard time for killing J'onn first?
So, three more existences, three justifications. I reckon that Khalis and Prof. Hugo can get away with what they do due to being completely bug-nuts, but the Master of Weapons is going to have to settle for a copy of out home game (our home game consists of a copy of Showcase Presents: Batman and access to the Internet).
Good afternoon, everyone!
