Rating the Super Hunks #3: Batman

I was going to hold off on this one, but I've decided that now was as good a time as any to rate Batman. Why not raise the bar a little? Hal could stand to be taken down a peg.

So here we go with this week's super hunk:

Batman, aka Bruce Wayne

 Slippery guys are hard to nail.

Slippery guys are hard to nail.

Costume/Appearance:

It's hard to say that Batman's costume is sexy, exactly. If he's going to lose points, it's going to be here. I mean...it's got pointy ears. But he makes it work somehow. It's all about confidence. He believes he looks awesome, and therefore we believe he looks awesome. And confidence is the sexiest thing a man can wear (I think I read that in GQ).

 He knows he looks good.

He knows he looks good.

There have been a whole lot of variations on the Batsuit over the years. Is there one that is sexiest? As much as I love the grey and blues, the black and grey really is the more attractive suit. But I'm not here to get into a whole debate about what Batman's best outfit is. I'm here to rate him on a scale of one to forty based on how hunky he is.

 He's swinging from a star.

He's swinging from a star.

Batman is in excellent shape. There aren't a lot of men who can pull off that look, but he works it with his hot body. Shame the mask covers his ruggedly handsome face. I think extra points should be awarded for the fact that he makes his own costumes and accessories.

And I do like those gloves.

 And by 'ridiculous' he means 'amazing.

And by 'ridiculous' he means 'amazing.

8/10

Alter-ego:

The only thing hotter than Batman is Bruce Wayne. You want to argue with me on that, you will lose. First of all, he's a billionaire. Secondly, he's sad inside. Thirdly, he's, like, the smartest person on Earth. And fourthly, he's, like, the hottest guy on Earth (not mentioned nearly enough in JLA profiles).

 Patron of the arts.

Patron of the arts.

Dark hair and blue eyes: always a solid combination. Add a square jaw and a perfect body, and you've got yourself a damn good-looking man.

Bruce Wayne has proven himself to be good with children, and makes a good father figure to younger heroes as well. Sure, there's that whole Jason Todd fiasco, but at least Bruce took a chance on the kid that was stealing his hubcaps. He's nice like that.

Bruce is a good actor. He has an array of costumes and can fool anyone. I admire that.

Now, personality-wise, yeah. Bruce is kind of...withdrawn. A little cranky. He's got some guilt issues to work out. He may walk the thin line between sane and totally nuts (though I believe he's closer to the sane side). One could even argue that he's taken the whole Batman thing a little far, but you're not gonna hear that argument from me.

I mean, look at how Bruce Wayne asks ladies out on dates:

 "You'll have to speak up. I'm doing handstand push-ups."

"You'll have to speak up. I'm doing handstand push-ups."

And speaking of which, Bruce Wayne is a hit with the ladies across the globe. I like a superhero who takes time to get a little sugar.

 Oui, oui.

Oui, oui.

Also: he can kick your ass. While drinking a mug of coffee. And he will not spill a drop.

10/10

Sexiness of Superpowers:

According to my packet of Batman Hot Chocolate, Batman's super power is that he has trained himself to the peak of human physical and mental perfection. I have no choice but to award that a...

10/10

 "Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting company."

"Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting company."

Day Job:

Bruce Wayne is a jet-setting billionaire industrialist and philanthropist. Sure, sometimes he goes a little crazy and uses his limitless funds to build things like, say, scary satellites that can kill people from space. And maybe sometimes those satellites turn against him. But when he's not doing that, he's just a sexy man who dresses well and has a big pile of money.

10/10

 He's got ten more just like it.

He's got ten more just like it.

Cons:

What? There is nothing wrong with Batman or Bruce Wayne at all. Not one single flaw.

Alright, he doesn't have a great track record with relationships, and he tends to be attracted to sexy female career criminals.

 The fire started when they kissed.

The fire started when they kissed.

And he has been known to make...unfortunate mistakes...that sometimes lead to mass destruction. And he has a hard time admitting these mistakes.

And he has a bit of a temper.

And he...kinda...dresses like a giant bat and throws bat-shaped objects at people. And drives around in a bat-shaped car. And flies a bat-shaped plane. And pilots a bat-shaped boat. And has bat-shaped tracking devices. That doesn't mean he's...like, crazy or anything.

 "Hmmm...you're not how the agency described you, but you'll do."

"Hmmm...you're not how the agency described you, but you'll do."

Did I mention he has nice hair?

Alright fine. I'll knock a point off.

- 1

 Two more trophies for the Batcave!

Two more trophies for the Batcave!

Final Score: 37/40

Ladies and gentlemen we have a new champion! (Was there really any doubt?)