Rating the Super Hunks #12: Superman

Time to raise the super hunk bar again. This week I'm bringing out the big guns...the really big guns.

Superman, aka Clark Kent

 "Please stop that."

"Please stop that."

Costume/Appearance: There is absolutely no reason why Superman's costume would be sexy, other than the fact that it's tight. Cape, primary colours, shorts outside of pants...these are not things that should go together. Maybe it's the perfect physique of the man wearing the tights, or maybe it's just the respect that the uniform commands, but Superman is totally dreamy.

 He'll never forget that summer.

He'll never forget that summer.

Uh, even when his boots are the wrong colour.

First of all, there's the fact that Superman's biggest identity problem is that he is so good-looking, he needs to go out of his way to make himself unattractive when he's Clark Kent. And, truthfully, he often fails because even as Clark, he is rarely able to conceal the hotness. Hot with glasses is still hot.

 I'm waiting in that supply closet.

I'm waiting in that supply closet.

Even on film the costume looks hot. That, I think, is the real test.

Just like Wonder Woman is supposed to be the perfect woman, Superman sets the standard for male beauty. You can argue that he's too wholesome or good, but in a way, doesn't that just make him sexier? Or am I just dirty?

 CK Fragrance for Men.

CK Fragrance for Men.

You notice how, when people meet him for the first time, they turn into idiots and stumble over their words? It's because he's so good-looking.

10/10

Personality: Silver Age dickery aside, Superman is a total sweetheart. He's been portrayed as pompous, self-righteous, and ill-tempered, but this is by writers who are jealous. I do kind of enjoy when he has a bit of an attitude, because it makes him a more rounded character, but overall Superman is best when he is written as the selfless guy who will put everyone else's safety before his own. He's the guy who takes the time to sit and talk with new, young heroes. He leads by example, and everyone respects him, but he also wants them to like him.

 Batman, on the other hand, looks a little dirty.

Batman, on the other hand, looks a little dirty.

For a very long time, Superman wouldn't get too involved with Lois Lane because he feared for her safety. Plus, as long as he was single, he could still score some hot mermaid action on the side:

 She's one of those mermaids that wears a blouse.

She's one of those mermaids that wears a blouse.

Lois is a tough-talking career gal, but she absolutely melts when it comes to Superman. And who can blame her?

 That's a pretty sexy Lois.

That's a pretty sexy Lois.

Perhaps even more charming is how bad Superman has it for Lois. The guy is romantic and old fashioned, falling hard for the smart, courageous city girl who isn't afraid to give Superman a piece of her mind. He knows he doesn't have a lot of time to spare for her, but he does his best. And Superman's best is pretty damn awesome.

 Not bad, Superman. Not bad.

Not bad, Superman. Not bad.

Everyone wants a piece of Superman. The guy is in control of every situation, and he makes everyone feel more confident. It isn't just because of all the super powers, it's because he's a great guy and a great leader. Despite everything he's seen and been through, and it's a lot, he is still scandalized by common, everyday human hatred.

Lois hit the jackpot with this guy.

 He calls their relationship a team-up!

He calls their relationship a team-up!

10/10

Day Job: Mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet. Although it doesn't get mentioned a lot, I get the impression that Clark Kent is an outstanding reporter, and has done very well for himself. He married an even bigger star reporter, making him one half of a Metropolis power couple...and this is the boring half of his life.

 "All right, Clarkie, time to knock 'em dead!"

"All right, Clarkie, time to knock 'em dead!"

9/10

Sexiness of Powers:Dude, are you kidding?

 Hot.

Hot.

Superman has all the powers. He's just a big bunch of powers, nicely packaged.

 I'll take your word for it.

I'll take your word for it.

Yeah. Superman's powers are definitely sexy.

10/10

 What's he holding that guy by?

What's he holding that guy by?

Cons: Superman has weird hobbies:

 Something tells me that, whatever this is, there was a simpler solution.

Something tells me that, whatever this is, there was a simpler solution.

Superman makes really bad jokes:

And sometimes he comes on a little strong:

 Personal space, Superman.

Personal space, Superman.

But overall, you can't say a lot that's bad about him. At least, not since the Silver Age.

- 3

Final Score: 36/40

The Man of Steel takes his rightful place near the top of the Super Hunk ratings. I'll leave you with some Super Bondage.

 You're welcome.

You're welcome.