"Okay, everybody, calm down! Silence I say! This meeting of the Captain Tootsie Revenge Squad is hereby called to order! There's no old business to attend to, so let's move on to inducting our latest member! I believe that we should begin by introducing ourselves, and as chairman I shall go first!"
"I am the feared Dr Narsty! I love make small children unhappy! I would venture to say that I am Captain Tootsie's arch nemesis, having come closest to defeating him by depriving him of his precious Tootsie Rolls! Oh, if only those rotten, meddling children hadn't been around to pull the cork out by it's string! Curses!"
"I also shouldn't have included a string in the first place! Augh! I'm too angry to go on... Spies! Take over!"
"Guten tag. Ve are Hans and Schmanz, Cherman schpies from ze Vorld Var II."
"Ja, ve ver azzined to make schure zat Amerika vas not hidink zecret veapons in der schmall towns!"
"Zadly, der Kaptain Tootsie schowed opp und kecked our Ärsche!"
"Ja, he schtomped us into schnitzel!"
"Me, I'm Red, Red the Terror. I never even knew I was up against Captain Tootsie 'til it was too late."
"See, I'd just busted out of the clink and I figgered I'd follow the standard pattern: tie up a fat kid and live in his house for a while. Things were going great - I found a fat kid in record time and the house was real nice - pink walls, yellow polka-dot coitains, the woiks."
"Next thing I know... Whammo! I didn't even get a chance to dress up in the kid's mudder's clothes!"
"Monster Man is next! Monster Man tell you all about time me met Captin Tooty."
"Monster Man still not know what happen. See, me have perfect plan:"
"Me spend week and week planning. Push child, open bank! Then me take monies to store for soft fruit and trail mix!"
"Monster Man still wonder how went wrong."
"Favourite theory involve sun spots, weather balloon. Too complex get into right now - Monster Man send you Powerpoint him work up."
"Worst part whole thing always having listen to candy talk all time."
"Serious, it like him have man from Marketing in him ass. Kid not know about balance diet? Him have question authority some day."
"Yes, well put, Monster Man. Just another reason that all children should be locked in a small room filled with bees."
"So now you know our stories and our reasons for hating Captain Tootsie as much as you do. We'll go through things like membership fees and the weekly 50/50 draw to pay for the water cooler later. For now, I'd like to fomally welcome you to the Captain Tootsie Revenge Squad..."