Archie Sunday: Wherein Archie Fails To Hold It Together.

I think we can all agree by this point that the currently-running Archie Gets Married storyline has been a bit of a let-down. Certainly not from a sales point of view--unlike Marvel and DC, Archie Comics wisely printed up a gajillion copies of each issue, and they continue to sell no matter how many we times re-order it--but, let's face it, the whole thing has been a bit of a rip-off. Firstly, he doesn't actually marry Veronica (a possibility that seemed to get more people riled up than the whole health care debate south of the border), but is treated to an imaginary future scenario where he does for three issues. Furthermore, he is next treated to another possible outcome where he marries Betty instead. Once again, an imaginary one, for three more issues. Not that I ever expected the kind folks at Archie Comics to ever play it anything but safe, but it's enough to make one wistful for the days when possible futures always featured killer robots and postnuclear wastelands.

All of this is academic to me--I don't actually read Archie, and I never really have. However, flipping through Archie #604, I was inspired to do my very first Archie Sunday post when I saw how Archie reacted to Betty's big news (delivered a modest sum of time after their nuptials--this is Archie, after all): 

Wow, I can see why Betty and Veronica fought over this guy for so many decades. Was Jerry Lewis unavailable? I can't tell if he's supposed to be spitting out his shake, spilling it all over himself, or having an epileptic fit. Possibly all three at once? It did get me thinking, though. What else might Betty have said that would actually warrant a reaction of this sort--one that would make even an Ace Ventura-era Jim Carrey go, "Wow, tone it down a bit, buddy"? Let's see:

That's more like it. Save your big reactions for something meaningful, Archie. Don't give that stuff away for free.