Everyone thinks that they know a lot about dinosaurs, but recent spot checks of citizens’ dino-knowledge has revealed a shocking lack of basic information. More troubling still is the prevalence of dino-untruths. That’s why Task Force X, the government’s Top Secret last line of defence and general-purpose four-person suicide squad, want to educate you, today.
Here’s a commonly-held belief:
Makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, too bad, because it’s totally wrong.
Thanks to recently-unearthed spaceships, we now know that dinosaurs [love] robots. When given its choice of toy, a dinosaur will choose a robot over a brightly-coloured ball or piece of string eight times out of ten.
Another bit of dino-folk-wisdom that rings false when exposed to the cold hard light of fact is that any dinosaur introduced into our world would be without natural predators and thus be unstoppable. The pterodactyl, below, has gone mad with power and is preparing to devour a whale:
In reality, the grand old dame that is Mother Nature would quickly provide a foil to the dinosaurs’ hubris – new species would soon step forward to keep the thunder lizard population in check. In the case of the pterodactyl, scientific projections have determined that their natural predator would be:
…the stately and majestic jet plane.
Still other problems can be caused by too-dogged adherence to seemingly established dino-theories. Such theories are far too numerous to refute individually, but can include:
The belief that dinosaurs died out and did not at all move underground and evolve into nigh-invulnerable giant snakes.
That some dinosaurs were not in fact capable of interstellar flight.
That no dinosaur actually resembled a larger version of a contemporary lizard, despite the claims of B movie directors.
That dinosaurs do not want our women.
Finally, Task Force X wants to let everyone know that there is a simple and effective way to combat dinosaurs.
Grenades, grenades, grenades! When it comes to dinosaurs, grenade first, ask questions later.
Next time: Task Force X teaches you about Workplace Gender Relations!