High-Tech Tomorrow: Review of 3-D TV, By Johnathan

Action Comics No. 287: The Legion of Super-Heroes put on a show for the folks at home, who're watching on their fabulous 3-D TVs.

Now, the first thing that I have to say about this is that the 3-D TV isn't that great. For one thing, it's huge. I mean, we could probably make a 3-D TV smaller than that right now, let alone a thousand years from now. TV technology is advancing faster than, say research into anti-Alzheimer's treatments, so we can reasonably expect that our 50-times great-grandchildren won't be watching their stories on something the size of a Baby Grand piano. Also, and this is assuming that a fad for hyper-minimalism doesn't set in around 2962, there should be a background or something. I mean, come on. Little men in a box do not entertainment make. Unless they're leprechauns.

Beyond this, though, is something much more troubling. Judging by this family, the people of the future have lost all trace of our current media-savvy, hyper-aware jadedness. Look at them, drooling and believing what they see - it almost turns your stomach, doesn't it? How can they be so content with such a meager plot? How can they offer up such non-irony-laden TV-related conversation? It just ain't natural. I can just hear them on the commercial break:

Futureman: I say, Mother. It seems that Pepsi is the drink of a new generation.

Futurewife: It's been said that it's the right one, baby.

Futurechild: Uh-huh!

These people are going to get taken to the cleaners.