Rating the Super Hunks #10: Cyclops

Time to rate another super hunk. I'm shopping in the Marvel universe this week and have chosen the fearless, somewhat weinerish leader of the X-Men...

Cyclops, aka Scott Summers

 "Would you like it to be?"

"Would you like it to be?"

Costume/Appearance:

The question that we have to ask ourselves when rating Cyclops' costume is: which one? This guy has worn a lot of costumes over the years, rivaling even the number of women that he's bedded.

I think we'll dismiss the original costume for the sake of rating his hunkiness, because it was a standard issue X-Men uniform that he shared with his teammates. I'm also ignoring Ultimate Cyclops, because that's just how I roll. When I was a kid I thought the very bright blue and yellow 90s suit was very cool. Though, now that I am older and it is no longer the nineties. I think the straps all over his chest and shoulders are pretty ugly.

 He can yell stuff while tongue kissing.

He can yell stuff while tongue kissing.

It was similar to the eighties suit, but didn't have the swashbuckling boots that I find so silly-looking. Basically I like the boots and hair-revealing of the nineties, plus the simplicity of the eighties. If we could combine all that, we'd have a nice costume.

 I know it's not the focal point here, but his boot kinda looks like a big ol' mushroom.

I know it's not the focal point here, but his boot kinda looks like a big ol' mushroom.

The Morrison run on New X-Men had him in a pretty stylish leather get-up, with a big yellow X on the jacket.

 Those are the loosest cuffs i have ever seen on a bomber jacket.

Those are the loosest cuffs i have ever seen on a bomber jacket.

And in the new Astonishing X-Men series, he's lookin' superfly in his mostly black skin-tight wetsuit thing:

 wasn't the point of this costume change to look less menacing?

wasn't the point of this costume change to look less menacing?

Except I don't approve of the skullcap. I like hair being tossed around in battle.

The consistent factor here is the red visor, which is very cool. Always. Also cool: when not in costume, Scott always has to wear stylish red sunglasses. Or the visor. Either way: cool.

 these are my beach jeans.

these are my beach jeans.

 "i think they'll respond a lot better to a black wetsuit."

"i think they'll respond a lot better to a black wetsuit."

Scott generally is, and always has been, a very attractive man. I've especially enjoyed him lately in Astonishing with his constant stubble. It shows that he's loosening up a bit. Or going crazy. Either way, it looks good.

Unfortunately for Scott, he is usually standing next to an X-Men teammate who is a little dreamier than himself (Angel, Colossus...some would argue Wolverine. I wouldn't).

 "And i know a thing or two about eyes popping!"

"And i know a thing or two about eyes popping!"

He's got your basic, rugged, all-American good looks. And a nice messy hairdo.

 What percentage of this meal was cooked with his eyes?

What percentage of this meal was cooked with his eyes?

8/10

Personality:

The thing about Cyclops is that he has grown on me as I have aged. When I was young, Cyclops was always the lame X-Man. And he was supposed to be. He's like Leonardo: the stick-in-the-mud, responsible leader type who frowns on everyone else's fun. He has almost no personality. But as an adult I now have a growing respect for Scott Summers. He really did have to lead team after team of annoying weirdos.

 Where is that current one going?

Where is that current one going?

But it's not like he did it without complaining. Dude is emo to the max. To the point that, even though he certainly will sleep with you, you're better off not doing it because you're just going to feel like you're taking advantage. He is perpetually on the re-bound for a woman who is perpetually turning into the Phoenix and dying.

 "Uh...no. It's hank."

"Uh...no. It's hank."

But the dude gets around. He's your classic can't-ever-be-alone-for-one-second guy, jumping from one relationship to the next and falling deeply in love until he sees another girl.

 emma wears more to bed than to work.

emma wears more to bed than to work.

Is any of this sexy? Not really. Add to it the fact that there is kind of an ominous borderline psychoticness that I feel lurks just below Scott's deceivingly dull surface, and you're looking at a guy who is getting points deducted.

6/10

 i think he's gonna be ok.

i think he's gonna be ok.

Day Job:

He's currently the headmaster of the Xavier Academy, along with being the leader of the X-Men. Aside from this, he is also an expert pilot, which is always sexy.

 It looks kinda like they are watching themselves on a movie screen.

It looks kinda like they are watching themselves on a movie screen.

9/10

Sexiness of Powers:

There is nothing particularly sexy about having uncontrollable deadly blasts shoot out of your eyes. But it does look cool.

 Bobby left ten minutes ago.

Bobby left ten minutes ago.

The main reason why Cyclops' power isn't sexy is because he loathes it so much. Superpowers are only sexy if you enjoy them.

Although...

 at this point you may as well just take the shorts off.

at this point you may as well just take the shorts off.

6/10

 Tentacle porn.

Tentacle porn.

Cons:

Beyond the already mentioned facts that Scott is kinda boring, very needy, very emo, and perhaps more than a little crazy, Scott doesn't have too many glaring flaws. He's a good leader who is usually respected by his teammates. Even the ones he doesn't sleep with. I'm still deleting points for all of the above, though.

- 4

 i'm 100% on board with what's happening here.

i'm 100% on board with what's happening here.

Final Score: 25/40

Sorry, Scott. I tried to defend you, but you have so many glaring faults it's difficult. There's no shame in 25. It's a passing grade.

 God, don't mention warren when you're trying to win a girl, doofus. you'll lose!

God, don't mention warren when you're trying to win a girl, doofus. you'll lose!