Archie Sunday: Archie's Choice

In case you haven't heard, Archie is going to be popping the question to Veronica this week in Archie #600.

To celebrate the momentous occassion, I have decided to take a look at all the Riverdale women that Archie has chosen Veronica over.

Betty Cooper

Obviously Betty is everyone's first choice for Archie. She's sweet, she's talented, and she's pretty. She does, however, have an unfortunate obsession with Archie that makes her seem deranged. Especially since she is clearly too good for him. She tries too hard, and that is why she loses. It's an unfortunate situation where she tries to win Archie by being the better person than Veronica, but Archie isn't interested because Betty is too easy a catch. Archie is a douche.

Cheryl Blossom

Cheryl makes Veronica Lodge look like Ma Kent. Cheryl is the Queen Bitch of Riverdale, and she also comes off as a stone slut. I am sure that Archie will be cheating on Veronica with Cheryl during their marriage many times.

Midge Klump

Midge is the ultimate "look but don't touch" girl in Riverdale. In fact, don't even look. Because Moose will pound your face in if he catches you. So I don't blame Archie for passing on Midge. I like Midge but I never understood why she would allow her boyfriend to beat the hell out of every boy she talked to. And poor Reggie. He was a pawn in Midge and Moose's sick game that involved Midge leading Reggie into seductive traps just so Moose could beat him to near death. In fact, I would run the hell away from Midge if I were Archie. I'll bet she's into some weird stuff.

Ethel Muggs

Aw poor Ethel. Awkward in both appearance and personality, Ethel isn't getting second glances from any boys. I like Ethel, but that girl needs to find some self respect, even more than Betty does. But it would help if everyone wasn't so damn mean to her.

Nancy Woods

Nancy seems nice, and is certainly attractive, but her defining characteristic seems to be that she is very hard on her boyfriend, Chuck. And I think is one of the better men in Riverdale. I was also always glad that the only two black students at Riverdale High found each other. How convenient. I always thought Chuck and Nancy would be the first to get married. Because Nancy would demand it.

Brigitte Reilly

Brigitte is a lesser-known "fat girl" who started appearing around Riverdale in the 90s. Frankly, I think she is one of the greatest catches in Archie comics. She's pretty, fashionable, very nice, and she is on her way to being a famous singer. PLUS she dated Dilton Doiley! Basically Brigitte represents me in the Archie world. I am sure the writers paired her up with Dilton because they figure the only guy who is gonna date a fatty is a total loser nerd, but the joke is on them because those two are destined to be a very rich and successful power couple. has this to say about Brigitte: "She is a bit overweight but is popular because of her great singing voice." I love how that is worded. It's like "despite being disgusting to look at, she has won friends because she is nice to listen to." And Wikipedia notes that she "has been made as attractive as possible." Y'know, for a hippo.

Sabrina Spellman

Now obviously there are countless reasons why it's a good idea to hook up with Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Or at least one really good one: She is magic. She can do or make anything! I mean, that's the kind of power that's good to associate yourself with. She is also very cute and perfectly nice, by Riverdale standards (she has only intentionally injured a few people). Weird in-laws, though.

Josie and the Pussycats: Josie McCoy, Melody Valentine, Valerie Brown

Josie and Valerie are awesome and Melody is stupid. I think both Josie and Valerie are great all-around ladies and either would be a much better girlfriend or wife than Veronica Lodge. But the Pussycats can't be tied down like that, yo. Plus, Josie's got Alan M, and that dude is a total dreamboat.


So I guess that Archie's choice to marry Veronica is ok. They really do deserve each other, and I am hopeful that Betty will find a much better guy. She just needs to move the hell out of Riverdale.