A Public Service Announcement From Task Force X

Summer in Paris! Task Force X, the celebrated Suicide Squad, are enjoying their first vacation in months, when suddenly:

An assignment! Children, it seems are unaware of the dangers inherent in common grocery-style plastic bags! Our heroes spring into action!

Demonstrating the quick thinking that has made them the toast of the civilized nations, the Squad quickly commandeered a gigantic helicopter and headed toward the nearby and snake-infested Eiffel Tower.

And then: deployment! Jess Bright, Dr. Hugh Evans and Squad leader Rick Flag manage to hold their love for teammate Karin Grace in check long enough to guide a gigantic plastic bag over the head of the similarly gigantic snake! But will it hold long enough to teach the children of the world a lesson?

Yes, desperation lends strength to their hands as they cling to sweat-slickened ropes! Will it hold? Will it?

Every television camera in the city is focused on this dramatic scene! Across the planet, millions of children pause, their heads mere inches from plunging into the depths of smothering, petroleum-derived funeral shrouds, their very future hinging on the outcome of this titanic battle between the forces of Man and Nature!

Finally, incredibly, the beast falls! Pudgy hands the around the globe lift plastic sacks from about their ears and dash off for a celebratory snack of paint chips! Task Force X has done it again! Yet more laurels are heaped upon their brows, until they can scarcely lift their heads!

Truly, this is a Golden Age, when such men and women are so dedicated to public service.

NEXT WEEK: The importance of not playing with matches.