Rating the Super Hunks #20: Namor the Sub-Mariner

Time for another super hunk!!! This time we dive beneath the waves to get a closer look at Marvel's aquatic hottie,

PRINCE NAMOR, AKA THE SAVAGE SUB-MARINER

 Namor does not care about this woman.

Namor does not care about this woman.

Costume/Appearance:

Namor's costume is, in a word, minimal.

 "If I could wear less, I would."

"If I could wear less, I would."

It's easy to point out the skimpy outfits that female comic characters wear, but in truth the most revealing outfit is actually donned by a dude who was created in 1939. Namor usually only wears a speedo when he fights. And because this isn't quite flamboyant enough, he has little white wings on his ankles.

 BKAK!

BKAK!

Lately he's been wearing a more conservative black costume, which retains the best elements of his embarassing 1970s suit with the little yellow wings. Lord.

 I'd be mad too.

I'd be mad too.

And let's talk about those Greta Garbo eyebrows. They are awesome.

 The trick is to draw a white line around the brow before you pluck.

The trick is to draw a white line around the brow before you pluck.

The whole package is pretty fabulous, if not a little, y'know...homo mermanus.

8/10

 Straight!

Straight!

Personality:

I'm not going to pretend that Namor isn't a giant asshole. He really is. But heavy is the head that wears the crown, and maybe we'd all be cranky if we were the crown prince of an advanced underwater society. Or maybe he's just a douche.

 He is using his wristband as a brass knuckle.

He is using his wristband as a brass knuckle.

I wouldn't change a thing about Namor though. It's all about confidence, which our Sub-Mariner has in spades. When he looks at you from under those pointy eyebrows and that widow's peak and asks if you'd like to see the royal scepter, you say YES. Just ask Sue Storm. She knows what I'm talking about.

 Mr Fantastic: Consider your wife banged.

Mr Fantastic: Consider your wife banged.

Frankly, whenever Namor says anything you say "yes" because the way he talks is awesome.

 Yes.

Yes.

I would love to hear a debate between Namor and Thor.

 "Is your refrigerator running, you disgusting land mammal?"

"Is your refrigerator running, you disgusting land mammal?"

On the negative side...he has a bit of a temper.

 It's true, though, that guy was lying.

It's true, though, that guy was lying.

 Those soldiers were just minding their own business.

Those soldiers were just minding their own business.

Yes, he's a dick. But he's got an exotic David Bowie quality that captures our hearts.

 Namor found this girl.

Namor found this girl.

7/10

 This lady has no idea what she's getting herself into.

This lady has no idea what she's getting herself into.

Day Job:

He is the monarch of Atlantis. It looks pretty good on the ol' resume.

10/10

 Splish splash!

Splish splash!

Sexiness of Super Powers:

You wouldn't think that flight would be a included in the underwater superhero package, but it is for Namor! Depending on what era of Namor we're talking about, he can also either just be really strong and invulnerable, or he can call of the abilities of any underwater creature (ie - electric eel).

 He's not really trying.

He's not really trying.

His powers, for the most part, are only operating when he is wet. This is funny. I like any hero who needs to be wet and shirtless at all times.

 He really likes water.

He really likes water.

I would also like to mention that Namor's entry contains what is possibly the greatest sentence on Wikipedia:

Later, Namor lost his ankle-wings when he released a mutagenic scrambler within the animated garbage-monster Sluj.

Incidentally, an almost identical sentence can be found in the Wikipedia entry for Harry Truman.

8/10

 Who is he talking to?

Who is he talking to?

Cons:

Namor's past love interests include an evil chick, his own cousin, and Mr Fantastic's wife.

- 3

 "Well, fish. It's just you and me, buddy."

"Well, fish. It's just you and me, buddy."

FINAL SCORE: 30/40

 Such a drama queen.

Such a drama queen.

Oh, suck it up, Subby! That's not a bad score at all...considering your pointy...everything.