Rating the Super Hunks #21: Winter Soldier

I'm in the mood for super hunks, and it's long past due that I rate the sexiest one-armed octogenarian around:

James "Bucky" Barnes aka Winter Soldier aka Captain America

 Those soldiers are so lucky.

Those soldiers are so lucky.

Costume/Appearance:

Oh, Bucky. Where Do I begin?

Even as Captain America's teenage sidekick in WWII, you were a snappy dresser. And having your arm blown off, being frozen, and then being captured and reprogrammed by the Russian military only made you hotter.

 In my fantasies, I'm the gun.

In my fantasies, I'm the gun.

As Winter Soldier, Bucky had this really fantastic outfit. Dark blue jacket with the front bib, tight pants, domino mask, bionic arm...really great. Plus, clean-shaven but with long, dark, sexy hair.

 You should grow your hair out again, Bucky.

You should grow your hair out again, Bucky.

Even after his haircut he still looks hot.

 That bad guy has an excellent view.

That bad guy has an excellent view.

Now, I'm not crazy about the new Captain America outfit, but you'll recall that I wasn't crazy about the old one either. I mean, I loved the old one as a super hero costume, it just wasn't particularly sexy. The new costume is not really any sexier, and it is less cool as a costume design. So it just loses. However, the man filling the suit continues to be very sexy, so that helps. And I do like that the new costume points directly at his crotch (oh, Alex Ross).

 USA! USA!

USA! USA!

9/10

Personality:

I am in love with Winter Solider and yet I would not want to have to hang out with him at all. Dude is depressing. So the best strategy is to keep talking to a minimum with this guy. When in his presence, you should either be fighting or smooching. I prefer the latter, but I don't mind watching the former.

 Bitch.

Bitch.

 Not the worst way to die.

Not the worst way to die.

But it's not like Bucky is an asshole. He's a good guy. He wouldn't be wearing the Captain America uniform if he wasn't. He's brave and selfless and all that sexy stuff.

 This is what I wanted for my grad photo.

This is what I wanted for my grad photo.

He's just very serious and broody and maybe needs a little more time coping with the fact that he's been belived to be dead for the past 60 years, but has actually been a Soviet human weapon. And before that he was frozen. And the only guy who can really relate to any of that was his old WWII partner, Captain America, who died pretty much as soon as they reunited. It's all very sad. And sexy.

 Winter Soldier sweats beads of pure cocoa.

Winter Soldier sweats beads of pure cocoa.

8/10

Day Job:

When he's not being James Barnes, highly-skilled fighter and lover of Black Widow, he's being Captain America. Not bad, Bucky. Not bad.

 He's gonna run to you.

He's gonna run to you.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers:

Oh, Bucky doesn't have Steve Rogers' precious Super Soldier Serum in his veins. He's awesome all by himself.

 He's not paying for that, either.

He's not paying for that, either.

Um...and with the help of some guns...which he uses to shoot bad guys. Now I know that shooting people isn't really what super heroes are supposed to do, but Bucky looks so good doing it that I can't complain.

 That guy loves to shoot things.

That guy loves to shoot things.

9/10

Cons:

I don't want to use the word 'crazy' here to describe Bucky. A lot of perfectly sane people have a lot of faith in him. Sane people like, um...Tony Stark...

Bucky isn't crazy. But he might be. I feel that, like many Marvel heroes, he could just snap at any minute. But considering everything he's been through, I'd say he handles himself very well.

 Bucky, no.

Bucky, no.

-1

Final Score:35/40

The sexy student surpasses his reasonably sexy teacher.

 I'll find a way, Bucky.

I'll find a way, Bucky.

Yes, yes, Bucky. A thousand times, yes.